


Teaspoon :: The Scavenger Hunt. by cheri

by Cheriluvs10



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-07
Updated: 2014-08-07
Packaged: 2018-02-12 05:09:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 38
Words: 81,587
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2096952
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cheriluvs10/pseuds/Cheriluvs10
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>10/Rose with Martha and Donna. The Doctor and Rose along with Martha and Donna are in a race to finish first in a scavenger hunt aboard the TARDIS. Thrills, chills, laughter and adventure await all of them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

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**The Scavenger Hunt.** by [cheri](http://www.whofic.com/viewuser.php?uid=1862) [[Reviews](http://www.whofic.com/reviews.php?sid=22661&chapid=49389) \- [81](http://www.whofic.com/reviews.php?sid=22661&chapid=49389)] [Chapter](http://www.whofic.com/viewstory.php?action=printable&textsize=0&sid=22661&chapter=1) **or** [Story](http://www.whofic.com/viewstory.php?action=printable&textsize=0&sid=22661&chapter=all)   
  
  
1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 56. Chapter 67. Chapter 78. Chapter 89. Chapter 910. Chapter 1011. Chapter 1112. Chapter 1213. Chapter 1314. Chapter 1415. Chapter 1516. Chapter 1617. Chapter 1718. Chapter 1819. Chapter 1920. Chapter 2021. Chapter 2122. Chapter 2223. Chapter 2324. Chapter 2425. Chapter 2526. Chapter 2627. Chapter 2728. Chapter 2829. Chapter 2930. Chapter 3031. Chapter 3132. Chapter 3233. Chapter 3334. Chapter 3435. Chapter 3536. Chapter 3637. Chapter 37

  
  
Chapter One  
  
Rose walked down the corridor carrying a small clipboard while she headed towards the console room. It had been a slow day and to pass the time the TARDIS had helped her and Donna and Martha organize a scavenger hunt. The TARDIS had patched in to the computer, made up three separate lists of items to find and printed them out. Each girl took a list and now all of them were trying to be the first to finish.  
  
The problem was some of the items were unfamiliar to Rose. Most of the things on the list she had never heard of before and had no clue where to find them. But then again, that was part of the fun and a great excuse to do some more exploring of the TARDIS.  
  
She entered the console room and smiled when she saw the Doctor. One of her items was the Doctor’s freckle and as usual, the Doctor was right where he always was. Smiling, she walked over to him.  
  
She paused when she got around the railing and saw what he was doing. He had his trench coat on and had his arm in his coat pocket clear up to his elbow. Assorted objects were lying next to him in a pile while he cursed softly to himself and rummaged around inside his coat. Not wanting to disturb him, Rose walked up, took a long look at his freckly face, grabbed her pen and with a flourish, checked off the item on her list.  
  
“Check,” she said to herself.  
  
She turned to go.  
  
“Check what?”  
  
She turned back. The Doctor had paused and was staring at her, confused.  
  
“Oh, I’m…uh…in the middle of a scavenger hunt,” she said, sheepishly.  
  
The Doctor was even more confused.  
  
“And what were you just checking off?” he asked.  
  
She grinned.  
  
“Your cute little freckle.”  
  
The Doctor raised his eyebrow.  
  
“That’s one of the things on your list? One of my freckles?”  
  
“Yup, the TARDIS made up these lists for me and Donna and Martha and she listed one of your freckles on mine.”  
  
The Doctor glanced up at the ceiling when the TARDIS rumbled out a laugh. Rose came closer.  
  
“What are you doing?” she asked.  
  
The Doctor sighed.  
  
“My psychic paper fell down deep into my pocket and I’m trying to find it,” he said angrily.  
  
Rose stared at the objects on the seat.  
  
“Um, do you mind if I look through these in case you have something here that’s on my list?” she asked hesitantly.  
  
The Doctor shrugged.  
  
“Go ahead.”  
  
Rose held the clipboard to her chest and began to sift through the Doctor’s belongings while he went back to finding his psychic paper. There was an assortment of stuff; everything from paper clips to kid’s toys. Rose picked up a rubber duck and stared at it.  
  
“Um…why is there a rubber duck in your pocket?” she asked.  
  
The Doctor glanced at it.  
  
“That’s my bath toy. I like to have it along when we stay overnight at inns. Reginald comforts me when I’m in a strange bathtub.”  
  
Rose stared at him and then slowly put the duck down. She went back to sifting. She paused when she noticed a huge purple puffball. She began to stroke it and gasped when the puffball popped out into a tiny purple hedgehog-like creature.  
  
“Hi!” it said in a high pitched voice. “I’m Wubby the Wondrous Wub! Would you play with me?”  
  
The Doctor groaned.  
  
“Ugh, you had to go and wake Wubby up, didn’t you?”  
  
“What is it?”  
  
“It’s an annoying little toy kinda like a Furby. You teach it to talk and it sings and dances and tells stories. I got it from some alien marketplace awhile back thinking it would be fun to have, but it’s just become an annoying nuisance. Unfortunately, I stuck Wubby in my pocket when he wouldn’t shut up and forgot all about him till now.”  
  
“What’s your name?” Wubby asked Rose.  
  
“Um…Rose,” she said hesitantly.  
  
“Nice to meet you, Rose. Say, would you like me to sing and dance for you?”  
  
Rose glanced at the Doctor and noticed he was concentrating on finding his psychic paper. She looked at Wubby.  
  
“Um…okay,” she said.  
  
“Great! Just watch me go!”  
  
Wubby reached into a huge pouch on his belly and brought out a tiny straw hat and a wooden cane. He put the hat on his head, held the cane in his paws and began to tap dance while he sang in a high pitched voice. Rose smiled. She had to admit, the thing was cute. It danced and sang for a couple of minutes and then with a flourish, took the hat off its head.  
  
“TA-DA!” it squeaked out.  
  
Rose clapped.  
  
“Oh God, don’t encourage the thing, please,” the Doctor said. “You do that and it’ll go all night long.”  
  
“Sorry,” Rose said. “I’ll stop now.”  
  
Wubby turned and stared at the Doctor for a moment and then turned back to Rose.  
  
“That is the great and glorious Doctor,” he told her. “He is the most magnificent creature in the universe.”  
  
Rose glanced at the Doctor who was giving the toy a look of death. To her amusement, Wubby turned and saluted the Doctor.  
  
“Oh, hail, the wonderfully magnanimous Oncoming Storm!”  
  
The Doctor turned beet red when Wubby fell to his furry knees and began to worship him.  
  
“What’s this?” Rose said with a grin.  
  
“Um…that is…a mistake. See, I told you that you teach Wubby to talk and well, I was kinda playing around with him and getting him to say stuff that now I really, really regret ever teaching him.”  
  
“Oh, Doctor,” Wubby said, prostrating. “I am scum next to you. You are the greatest thing since sliced bread. How can I ever compare to your all-encompassing awesomeness?”  
  
Rose bent over laughing as the Doctor put his head in his hands.  
  
“Shall I find a virgin to sacrifice to your greatness?” Wubby asked him.  
  
“No!” the Doctor said, grabbing him, squeezing him back into a ball and stuffing him in his pocket as Rose gripped the railing and roared with laughter. “And rest assured, you purple menace, once I get through looking for my psychic paper, you are going to be jettisoned into deep space.”  
  
“Aw, it’s not little Wubby’s fault, he’s only doing what someone who shall remain nameless taught him to do, you know,” she said.  
  
“Yes, well, Wubby has worn out his wondrous Wub welcome, rest assured of that.”  
  
“He went back to searching his pockets while Rose picked through the rest of the objects. There was a yo-yo, paper clips, chewing gum, pens and pencils, a calculator, an orange gem, the sonic screwdriver, a comb, some coins, a credit stick, a photo of him and Rose, a clear plastic ball filled with green goo, an IPod, a Game Boy, and several wadded up pieces of paper.  
  
“Nuts.”  
  
The Doctor looked at her.  
  
“What’s wrong?”  
  
“Nothing else here is on my list,” she said.  
  
“Oh, well, sorry. I guess the TARDIS didn’t want to make it too easy for you.”  
  
“I’ll say…what the heck is a Babzorian root anyway?”  
  
“It’s a medicinal herb that’s used to treat seizures. It’s in the huge white cabinet in the med bay.”  
  
“Oh, good, thanks.”  
  
The Doctor paused.  
  
“Let me see that,” he said, taking the clipboard from her hands.  
  
He studied it with interest.  
  
“My, my, you certainly have a range of objects here,” he said to himself. “And they’re all over the TARDIS; you are going to have quite a search.”  
  
“That’s what I was afraid of.”  
  
The Doctor thought for a moment.  
  
“Am I excluded from this scavenger hunt?”  
  
Rose frowned.  
  
“I…don’t think so.”  
  
The Doctor gave her a mischievous look.  
  
“Well then, how would you like me to accompany you on your great search? Give you a little advantage over the competition?”  
  
“Um…I don’t know, I mean, you probably know where everything is, so there really wouldn’t be any point in--“  
  
“That’s just it. I don’t remember where a lot of this stuff is,” the Doctor said. “Most of the items on this list are things I collected over my nine hundred years, put away and forgot about. I know what everything is, mind you. But, apart from three or four things, I can’t think where they are in the TARDIS. So, you see, I can assist you in letting you know what these items look like, but that’s as far as it goes. Personally, I’m bored up here and the whole idea of a scavenger hunt is intriguing. Never done it myself and who knows what we might find. So, after I find this Rassilon-forsaken psychic paper of mine, do you mind if I come with you?”  
  
“No, I’d love you to come,” Rose said, overjoyed.  
  
“Great! Just let me take one more dive into the old pocket here…”  
  
He hitched up his coat, plunged his arm into his pocket and went in almost up to his shoulder. Rose watched while he scrunched up his face and cursed to himself. Then, suddenly, he beamed.  
  
“AH-HA! Found it, at last! Sitting on a ledge right near the bottom!”  
  
He slowly brought his arm up until his wrist was showing. He paused a moment and smiled.  
  
“There, put it back safe and sound on the correct ledge,” he said. “And this time, I made sure it was secure so it doesn’t fall away again.”  
  
He took his hand out and looked at the pile of junk.  
  
“Okay, so now, I’ll get the rest of this stuff back in my pocket and then you and I can go off looking for all the items on your list and beat Donna and Martha at the scavenger hunt.”  
  


1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 56. Chapter 67. Chapter 78. Chapter 89. Chapter 910. Chapter 1011. Chapter 1112. Chapter 1213. Chapter 1314. Chapter 1415. Chapter 1516. Chapter 1617. Chapter 1718. Chapter 1819. Chapter 1920. Chapter 2021. Chapter 2122. Chapter 2223. Chapter 2324. Chapter 2425. Chapter 2526. Chapter 2627. Chapter 2728. Chapter 2829. Chapter 2930. Chapter 3031. Chapter 3132. Chapter 3233. Chapter 3334. Chapter 3435. Chapter 3536. Chapter 3637. Chapter 37  
  
Doctor Who and its accoutrements are the property of the BBC, and we obviously don't have any right to them. Any and all crossover characters belong to their respective creators. Alas no one makes any money from this site, and it's all done out of love for a cheap-looking sci-fi show. All fics are property of their individual authors. Archival at this site should not be taken to constitute automatic archive rights elsewhere, and authors should be contacted individually to arrange further archiving. Despite occasional claims otherwise, The Blessed St Lalla Ward is not officially recognised by the Catholic Church. Yet.   
  
Script for this archive provided by [eFiction](http://efiction.sourceforge.net/). Contact our archivists at [help@whofic.com](mailto:help@whofic.com). Please read our [Terms of Service](http://www.whofic.com/tos.php) and [Submission Guidelines](http://www.whofic.com/guidelines.php). 


	2. Chapter 2

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[Tenth Doctor](http://www.whofic.com/categories.php?catid=15)  
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**The Scavenger Hunt.** by [cheri](http://www.whofic.com/viewuser.php?uid=1862) [[Reviews](http://www.whofic.com/reviews.php?sid=22661&chapid=49648) \- [81](http://www.whofic.com/reviews.php?sid=22661&chapid=49648)] [Chapter](http://www.whofic.com/viewstory.php?action=printable&textsize=0&sid=22661&chapter=2) **or** [Story](http://www.whofic.com/viewstory.php?action=printable&textsize=0&sid=22661&chapter=all)   


Author's Notes:

A/N: Tiny reference to The Doctors Daughter.  
  
1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 56. Chapter 67. Chapter 78. Chapter 89. Chapter 910. Chapter 1011. Chapter 1112. Chapter 1213. Chapter 1314. Chapter 1415. Chapter 1516. Chapter 1617. Chapter 1718. Chapter 1819. Chapter 1920. Chapter 2021. Chapter 2122. Chapter 2223. Chapter 2324. Chapter 2425. Chapter 2526. Chapter 2627. Chapter 2728. Chapter 2829. Chapter 2930. Chapter 3031. Chapter 3132. Chapter 3233. Chapter 3334. Chapter 3435. Chapter 3536. Chapter 3637. Chapter 37

  
  
Chapter Two  
  
Rose and the Doctor walked down the corridor towards the med bay. She was so happy that the Doctor had decided to join her. Martha and Donna were like big sisters to her and she loved them dearly, but she jumped at any excuse to have some alone time with the man she loved. The Doctor had the clipboard in his hands and was talking quietly to himself.  
  
“Right, we’ll get the Babzorian root first and then we’ll move onto the Rubik’s Cube since I know where that is and then…”  
  
“Doctor, we’re at the med bay.”  
  
He looked up.  
  
“Oh! Already? That was fast. Okay, let’s go check off the Babzorian root then.”  
  
They entered, walked over to the huge white cabinet in the corner and the Doctor opened the door. He started to point it out when he noticed that the white bulbous root was glowing with a golden glow and there was a tag hanging off it with Babzorian root written on it in big black letters.  
  
“Oh, I wondered how you lot would know what you were looking for. How clever is this. My TARDIS is absolutely brilliant, isn’t she?”  
  
“Yup!” Rose said, nodding.  
  
He pulled a pencil out of his pocket, checked off the item and closed the door. He paused a moment.  
  
“Wait, I wasn’t glowing and there’s no tag hanging off of me,” he said.  
  
“Well, that’s because we know who you are,” Rose said.  
  
“Makes sense. Okay, follow me and I’ll take you to the Rubik’s Cube.”  
  
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX  
  
The Doctor led her down several hallways before they came to one that was filled with doors. The Doctor led her almost to the end of the hall and then stopped.  
  
“Welcome, Rose Tyler, to my ‘80’s memorabilia room,” he said, opening the door.  
  
They stepped inside and Rose looked around. The whole room from floor to ceiling was crammed with 1980’s clothes, toys, and knick-knacks. There was even a huge cabinet loaded with vinyl records.  
  
“This is incredible. When did you collect all this?” Rose asked.  
  
“Oh, over the years. Actually, I have several rooms like this. I have a ‘60’s memorabilia room, a ‘50’s one, a ‘70’s, a 5040’s one and others. If I get an object, I just store it in the room that corresponds to the era I got it from. This is all my 1980’s stuff and this,” he said, walking over to a bookcase, “is my Rubik’s Cube.”  
  
He held it up and showed it to Rose.  
  
“So,” he said, setting it down and pulling out his pencil, “now you have three items ticked off.”  
  
He paused a moment and then handed the clipboard to Rose.  
  
“Watch this,” he said, picking up the cube.  
  
Rose stared, amazed, as the Doctor twisted and turned the cube at lightning speed. After thirty seconds, he was done and gave her a proud smile while he held it out.  
  
“Thank you,” he said, when Rose clapped. “Not my best time, but pretty close. Actually, to be frank, I really don’t like it because of that reason. It’s far too easy for me. But, for humans, it’s a very clever novelty.”  
  
He put it back on the shelf.  
  
“Oh! And look at this!” he said, grabbing the Cabbage Patch Doll next to it. “Gotta show you this. This is my daughter. I adopted her a long time ago. Isn’t she adorable?”  
  
Rose giggled. The doll had blonde braided hair, pink horn-rimmed glasses and a buck tooth.  
  
“Oh yeah, I can see the resemblance to ya!” she teased.  
  
“Well, I saw her and fell in love with her instantly. However, I had to make a slight change when I got her. You see, she came with this really goofy, unflattering name. Henrietta Amelia or something like that. I thought that was undignified for the daughter of a Time Lord, so I used the name change form and sent away for a new adoption certificate.”  
  
He handed her a laminated piece of paper.  
  
“Here is my daughter’s true name,” he said.  
  
Rose raised her eyebrow.  
  
“Supernova Rassilon?” she said.  
  
“That’s right, Supernova Rassilon, my daughter,” he said, hugging it to his body as Rose laughed.  
  
“Does Jenny know about Supernova?” Rose asked.  
  
“Well, no, but I’m sure they’d get along fine, after all, they’re both very intelligent, beautiful women,” he said. “I’m proud to have both of them as my daughters.”  
  
“You are such a nutter sometimes, you know that?” Rose said.  
  
“What? You don’t like Supernova? You’re jealous of my adopted daughter? Well, fine, I’ll be sure to keep the two of you separated from now on.”  
  
“Oh no, don’t do that. I won’t cause a rift between you and your daughter, I promise,” Rose said as the Doctor snickered.  
  
“Well, I’m glad to hear that. Supernova is shy and self-conscious about her appearance and the last thing I want is for her to be shunned.”  
  
He gave Supernova one more hug before setting it back on the shelf. He turned to leave when suddenly Rose let out a huge gasp. He spun back around in shock.  
  
“What? Did a black hole suddenly appear and start sucking out my collection?” he said.  
  
“E.T.!” Rose squealed as she grabbed a tiny stuffed E.T. off the shelf. “Oh my God, I love E.T.!”  
  
The Doctor smiled.  
  
“Well, yes, he is cute in a pruny, took a bath way too long kind of way, but…”  
  
“Oh, Doctor, please can I have him? Please, please, please?”  
  
“You want my stuffed E.T.?”  
  
“Yes, oh please, please, please, let me have him! I promise I’ll take good care of him, please?”  
  
The Doctor’s eyes widened as Rose came right up to his shoulder and gave him the look.  
  
“Puh-leeeeze, let me have E.T.,” she said, sweetly.  
  
The Doctor took one look at her and felt his hearts begin to melt. She looked so cute with her huge, pleading doe eyes. He knew this was exactly why she was making the face, but damn it, he just couldn’t resist it.  
  
“Oh alright, you can have E.T.”  
  
“Yes, thank you, Doctor!” she said, kissing his cheek.  
  
“But, this is a collector’s item. I want it looked after.”  
  
“I promise, nothing will happen to it!”  
  
“Cross your heart?”  
  
“Cross my heart,” she said, making an x over her chest with her finger.  
  
“Okay then, he’s yours.”  
  
He sighed when Rose kissed his cheek again. He lips felt so good against his skin. He knew that if Rose asked him to rip out one of his hearts and give it to her; he would do it just for another kiss. He pocketed E.T. in his coat pocket for safe keeping and taking the clipboard from her; he led her out of the room and shut the door behind him.  


1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 56. Chapter 67. Chapter 78. Chapter 89. Chapter 910. Chapter 1011. Chapter 1112. Chapter 1213. Chapter 1314. Chapter 1415. Chapter 1516. Chapter 1617. Chapter 1718. Chapter 1819. Chapter 1920. Chapter 2021. Chapter 2122. Chapter 2223. Chapter 2324. Chapter 2425. Chapter 2526. Chapter 2627. Chapter 2728. Chapter 2829. Chapter 2930. Chapter 3031. Chapter 3132. Chapter 3233. Chapter 3334. Chapter 3435. Chapter 3536. Chapter 3637. Chapter 37  
  
Doctor Who and its accoutrements are the property of the BBC, and we obviously don't have any right to them. Any and all crossover characters belong to their respective creators. Alas no one makes any money from this site, and it's all done out of love for a cheap-looking sci-fi show. All fics are property of their individual authors. Archival at this site should not be taken to constitute automatic archive rights elsewhere, and authors should be contacted individually to arrange further archiving. Despite occasional claims otherwise, The Blessed St Lalla Ward is not officially recognised by the Catholic Church. Yet.   
  
Script for this archive provided by [eFiction](http://efiction.sourceforge.net/). Contact our archivists at [help@whofic.com](mailto:help@whofic.com). Please read our [Terms of Service](http://www.whofic.com/tos.php) and [Submission Guidelines](http://www.whofic.com/guidelines.php). 


	3. Teaspoon :: The Scavenger Hunt. by cheri

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**The Scavenger Hunt.** by [cheri](http://www.whofic.com/viewuser.php?uid=1862) [[Reviews](http://www.whofic.com/reviews.php?sid=22661&chapid=49766) \- [81](http://www.whofic.com/reviews.php?sid=22661&chapid=49766)] [Chapter](http://www.whofic.com/viewstory.php?action=printable&textsize=0&sid=22661&chapter=3) **or** [Story](http://www.whofic.com/viewstory.php?action=printable&textsize=0&sid=22661&chapter=all)   
  
  
1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 56. Chapter 67. Chapter 78. Chapter 89. Chapter 910. Chapter 1011. Chapter 1112. Chapter 1213. Chapter 1314. Chapter 1415. Chapter 1516. Chapter 1617. Chapter 1718. Chapter 1819. Chapter 1920. Chapter 2021. Chapter 2122. Chapter 2223. Chapter 2324. Chapter 2425. Chapter 2526. Chapter 2627. Chapter 2728. Chapter 2829. Chapter 2930. Chapter 3031. Chapter 3132. Chapter 3233. Chapter 3334. Chapter 3435. Chapter 3536. Chapter 3637. Chapter 37

  
  
Chapter Three  
  
Martha studied her clipboard while she walked down an unfamiliar corridor. So far, she had only managed to check off one thing on her list, one of the roundels. Other than that, she had no clue where anything else was. She had wandered up and down the passageways peeking into various rooms, most of which had been empty. She hadn’t seen Rose or Donna so far and had no idea where they had gotten to. She had never been this far and the silence was beginning to creep her out. She wondered how far back the TARDIS went, but at the same time was afraid to find out the answer.  
  
“I just hope the TARDIS can lead me back once this hunt finishes,” she muttered to herself. “I hope there’s another kitchen around here too. I’m starting to get hungry.”  
  
She turned the corner and went to the first door on her right. She opened it, stepped inside and froze when she noticed she was in an ice cream shop. The room was large and there were several table and chairs positioned near the door. On the other side of the room was a huge freezer filled with ice cream and a long counter that had several jars of sweets sitting on top. To Martha’s surprise, a man with slicked back black hair and a handlebar mustache was standing behind the counter drying a parfait glass with a cloth.  
  
“Can I help you, miss?” he said cheerfully.  
  
Martha stared at him.  
  
“Who are you?” she asked.  
  
“I am android twenty three. I run the TARDIS ice cream shop. Is there something I can get you?”  
  
“Um…chocolate ice cream?” Martha said, hesitantly.  
  
“Bowl or cone?”  
  
“Um…cone, please.”  
  
“One scoop or two?”  
  
“Just one.”  
  
The android set the glass down and went to the freezer to make Martha her ice cream cone. While he was doing that, Martha glanced around. To her right, she noticed a huge portrait-sized photo of the Doctor. He was standing in front of the counter holding a banana split in one hand and a plastic spoon in the other, a huge grin on his face. Above him was a wooden plaque that said, WELCOME TO DOCTOR’S DELECTIBLE DELIGHTS ICE CREAM EMPORIUM and underneath the picture was a little gold plaque that read, OUR FOUNDER.  
  
“Here you are, miss.”  
  
Martha turned to the android. He was holding out the ice cream cone. She took it from him.  
  
“Um…what do I owe you?”  
  
The android smiled.  
  
“Everything in this shop is free of charge for the Doctor’s companions. It’s one of the privileges of traveling with him.”  
  
Martha grinned. She thanked the android, settled down in one of the chairs and relaxed as she licked her ice cream.  
  
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX  
  
Donna slowly opened a door and peeked in. She took a look around and noticed that there seemed to be a large forest inside.  
  
“Wow, what haven’t you got, Doctor?” she said, stepping inside.  
  
She also had only checked off one item. A spoon from the TARDIS kitchen. Like Martha, she had been wandering around, looking in various rooms. At first, she had only gone to familiar places like the den or the kitchen or the sleeping quarters, but eventually she got up enough nerve to leave the familiar corridors and see what was in the rest of the ship.  
  
She closed the door behind her and assessed her surroundings. In front of her was a little dirt path through the woods and beside that was a little sign on a pole. Donna read it.  
  
SERENITY WOODS.  
  
Donna looked down the path. To her amazement, she could hear birdsong coming from the trees along with the distant sound of a waterfall.  
  
“You have actual real birds in here, Doctor?” she muttered to herself.  
  
Curiosity got the better of her and she followed the path. At first, she glanced around nervously, her acquired fear of monsters hiding behind bushes taking hold of her. But, once she realized that Serenity Woods meant exactly that, she relaxed and slowed her pace. Birds were singing overhead, but Donna couldn’t see them, so she wasn’t sure if it were real birds she was hearing or just a recording. In the end, it didn’t matter because the woods lived up to their name. Being in the tranquil woods filled her with peace and happiness and she let out a contented sigh as she headed towards the waterfall.  
  
“I’ll have to remember this place. This is nice,” she said to herself.  
  
She paused when she noticed several monarch butterflies flitting among the flowers on the forest floor.  
  
“I’ll be damned, he really does have live animals in here,” she said. “I wonder how he takes care of them. I’ve barely seen him leave the console room, let alone come back here.”  
  
She continued on.  
  
“Then again,” she said. “I’ve never seen him sleep much, so maybe he takes care of them when we’re all asleep or maybe the TARDIS does it for him. Ah well, doesn’t really matter. They’re beautiful and that’s what counts.”  
  
She rounded a bend and smiled when she saw the waterfall through the trees. She walked towards it and stepped into a clearing. There was a green wooden bench directly in front of it that had bushes on either side. Donna stared at the tiny pink flowers on the bushes and smiled.  
  
“Yup, definitely gotta remember this place,” she said.  
  
She walked around the bench and noticed a large leather-bound book resting at one end of it. She sat down on the other end, picked it up and opened it. Her eyes widened when she read…  
  
500 YEAR DIARY.  
  
“Oh my God, is this the Doctor’s diary? I had no idea he even kept one,” she said.  
  
She hesitated a moment wondering if she should read it. Curiosity got the better of her and she turned towards the back searching for the last entry. She finally found it and began to read.  
  
It’s been awhile since I’ve written in my diary. There’s so much that has happened to me in the past couple of years. My regeneration. The loss of Rose and now, Martha coming on board. It’s been so hectic that I haven’t had time to come to my thinking spot until now. Serenity Woods has always been one of my favorite places to go to sort things out and be alone for awhile. That’s why I haven’t told any of my companions about it, not even Rose. Oh, I’ve wanted to many times, but somehow I’m afraid if I do then this place will lose its specialness. There are times I just need to get away and I don’t want to come back here and have to shoo someone out, so I can think. Sitting in front of this beautiful waterfall fills me with peace that I rarely find nowadays.  
  
Martha and I have just returned from a spaceship that was on a collision course with a living sun. Everything was resolved and the ship was saved. Unfortunately, lives were lost again. Not many, but one is always one too many for me. Such a senseless waste of life and all because of human greed. I love humans but they can be the thickest species in the universe. Sometimes even I’m amazed they’ve survived this long.  
  
And then there’s the fact that I ended up possessed by the sun and nearly killed everyone on the ship, including Martha. The thought that I could be forced by another being to turn on my friend and destroy her terrified me to the very core of my being. But, I have to confess that what terrified me even more was she wasn’t Rose. I haven’t been traveling with Martha for very long and even though we’ve become friends, I’m still not used to the way she does things. Rose and I were a team and if I was in a pinch, I could always count on her to do the right thing. I don’t have that same faith in Martha. Oh sure, she’s proven herself several times and I know I could trust her with my life, but still, it’s odd looking over and not seeing Rose there. I know that I scared Martha to death especially when I blurted out how scared I was, but it was the truth. I could feel my insides burning as the sun spread within me and became stronger and my mind was being overwhelmed with thoughts of killing everyone on the ship. I have never felt so out of control and for the first time, I was terrified I wouldn’t walk away unscathed. In my agony, I vaguely remember Martha pleading with me to have faith in her while she prepared to put me in the stasis chamber and I tried, I really tried to believe in her the way I believed in Rose, but…  
  
Rose, Rose, Rose…why does everything lately revolve around her? Why am I judging others based on what she did or said or thought? Why, even now, is she reaching across the void and affecting my life? How could one little girl have so much power over me? Martha is not Rose, will never be Rose and yet I’m expecting her to act like Rose and talk like Rose and assist me the same way Rose did. God, it’s been nearly seven months now and I still haven’t let go of her. I got over every other companion who left me and went on with my life, but not her. Why? What is so special about her that I desperately need her in my life? Is this why I went back for her when she refused my offer to travel with me? Because deep down inside, I knew she was meant to be with me? But if that’s true, why did the universe take her from me? So many questions and I doubt now if I’ll ever find the answers. One thing I’m sure of, I will never find another person like Rose Tyler. She was and is one of the most special people the universe has ever created. And even though her ghost is haunting me and will probably haunt me for the rest of my lives, I’m so glad I met her and was with her for a time.  
  
Donna finished reading the passage. She sat quietly for a moment with the diary in her lap and then slowly closed it and set it back in its place. She leaned back and stared at the waterfall, listening quietly to the rushing of the water, but after reading the part about how this was a private sanctuary for the Doctor, she suddenly felt ill at ease being there, as if she were somehow violating the place with her presence. She lingered for a few minutes and then with a sigh stood up and walked back the way she came.  
  


1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 56. Chapter 67. Chapter 78. Chapter 89. Chapter 910. Chapter 1011. Chapter 1112. Chapter 1213. Chapter 1314. Chapter 1415. Chapter 1516. Chapter 1617. Chapter 1718. Chapter 1819. Chapter 1920. Chapter 2021. Chapter 2122. Chapter 2223. Chapter 2324. Chapter 2425. Chapter 2526. Chapter 2627. Chapter 2728. Chapter 2829. Chapter 2930. Chapter 3031. Chapter 3132. Chapter 3233. Chapter 3334. Chapter 3435. Chapter 3536. Chapter 3637. Chapter 37  
  
Doctor Who and its accoutrements are the property of the BBC, and we obviously don't have any right to them. Any and all crossover characters belong to their respective creators. Alas no one makes any money from this site, and it's all done out of love for a cheap-looking sci-fi show. All fics are property of their individual authors. Archival at this site should not be taken to constitute automatic archive rights elsewhere, and authors should be contacted individually to arrange further archiving. Despite occasional claims otherwise, The Blessed St Lalla Ward is not officially recognised by the Catholic Church. Yet.   
  
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	4. Teaspoon :: The Scavenger Hunt. by cheri

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**The Scavenger Hunt.** by [cheri](http://www.whofic.com/viewuser.php?uid=1862) [[Reviews](http://www.whofic.com/reviews.php?sid=22661&chapid=49774) \- [81](http://www.whofic.com/reviews.php?sid=22661&chapid=49774)] [Chapter](http://www.whofic.com/viewstory.php?action=printable&textsize=0&sid=22661&chapter=4) **or** [Story](http://www.whofic.com/viewstory.php?action=printable&textsize=0&sid=22661&chapter=all)   
  
  
1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 56. Chapter 67. Chapter 78. Chapter 89. Chapter 910. Chapter 1011. Chapter 1112. Chapter 1213. Chapter 1314. Chapter 1415. Chapter 1516. Chapter 1617. Chapter 1718. Chapter 1819. Chapter 1920. Chapter 2021. Chapter 2122. Chapter 2223. Chapter 2324. Chapter 2425. Chapter 2526. Chapter 2627. Chapter 2728. Chapter 2829. Chapter 2930. Chapter 3031. Chapter 3132. Chapter 3233. Chapter 3334. Chapter 3435. Chapter 3536. Chapter 3637. Chapter 37

  
  
Chapter Four  
  
“Here we are,” the Doctor said, stepping through a doorway, “my secondary console room.”  
  
Rose followed him inside and looked around.  
  
“You have another console room?” she said.  
  
“Sure do. Actually, this was the original console room when my TARDIS was much, much smaller.”  
  
“So, the TARDIS is still growing?”  
  
“Well, yes, she is a living thing, you know. That’s why I have no idea what’s in all the rooms or even how many rooms my ship has. It adds new ones all the time. But, that’s part of the fun of having her, discovering a new room you’ve never seen before. Anyway, hundreds of years ago, back when me and my TARDIS were just starting to travel together, this was where I piloted her from. Ah, memories.”  
  
Rose looked around. The interior was Victorian looking with various furniture and statues scattered about the room. The console was metal and unlike the other one, didn’t have a bunch of odds and ends as the controls, nor did the rotor extend all the way up to the ceiling. Around the console were four metal support posts. Near it was a table and leather chair. She walked over to it and noticed a copy of The Time Machine was resting on the table underneath a Tiffany lamp. She turned and looked across the room at a dresser and mirror. On top of the dresser were several unlit candle stubs and above the mirror was a stone gargoyle. On a nearby table there was an old victrola quietly gathering dust. Rose looked at the Doctor who was on the other side of the room. He was standing in front of a wall that had little drawers in it. He was opening the drawers and feeling around inside them.  
  
“How come you don’t decorate the other console room like this, I mean with all the furniture and stuff?” Rose asked, walking over to him.  
  
“Too cluttered. It’s nice for back here but when I’m running in the door I don’t want to trip over a table and injure myself….AH-HA! Here it is!”  
  
He pulled a glowing red velvet bag out of one of the drawers and gave it to Rose.  
  
“There you are, bag of gold dust,” he said.  
  
He grinned as he held up the little tag.  
  
“See, it even says, bag of gold dust, right here.”  
  
“Why do you have gold dust?”  
  
“Why not have gold dust? It’s very useful, especially when you’re fighting Cybermen. Too bad I didn’t know we were going to be running into them in Pete’s World; otherwise I would have brought some with me, although being parallel who knows if it would have worked there, but anyway, for our universe, what you do is you get the gold dust on the Cybermen’s chest and it gets inside and clogs up their metabolic systems and kills them. Messy death too. You need to stand back when it happens so you don’t end up covered in green ooze. Other than that, it’s a useful source of money in some places and it’s also great fun to go to California in the 1850’s and walk around town with it in your hand while you scream out loud that you struck gold in them thar hills. You won’t believe the stampede that happens. The humans all rush to the river like a bunch of lemmings and I just sit on a hill and have a giggle while I watch them pan like mad for nonexistent gold. Course you have to leave well before they wise up and start shooting at you, but until then, it’s great fun to watch. I oughta do that with you guys sometime.”  
  
“Um…no, I’ll pass and I have a feeling Martha and Donna will too,” Rose said.  
  
“Ah well, to each his own, I suppose,” the Doctor said, putting the gold dust back.  
  
He took the clipboard from Rose, checked off the item and gave it back to her.  
  
“Now, we have one more object that I know the whereabouts of and then, we will both be in the dark for the rest of the hunt. But, follow me and I’ll show you the location of the last item.”  
  
They walked to the back of the console room and went through a doorway. Rose froze in her tracks the minute she got through. The room was enormous and it looked like a gothic cathedral.  
  
“Um…Doctor, where the hell are we?”  
  
The Doctor paused halfway down the stone stairs and looked up at her.  
  
“This is the Cloister Room.”  
  
“What’s it for?”  
  
“Well, it used to contain the Eye of Harmony, which used to be the power source for the TARDIS until Gallifrey was destroyed and the link between my home world and it was severed, which is why I now have to power up at the rift on occasion. Unfortunately, in my eighth life, the Master got in here and used it against me and after that, the TARDIS moved it to an undisclosed location inside the ship and has kept it hidden, so no one else can get to it. Come on,” he said, holding out his hand to her.  
  
Looking around, Rose slowly walked down the steps and took his hand. As they went downstairs, Rose heard a squeaking sound. She looked up at the ceiling and her mouth dropped open when she noticed a bunch of bats flying overhead.  
  
“Are those real?” she said, pointing at them.  
  
The Doctor stopped and looked where she was pointing.  
  
“Yup.”  
  
He grinned and gave her a maniacal look.  
  
“You see, it’s true. I do have bats in my belfry, bwhahahahahahahaaaaaaaa. Come on.”  
  
“No way.”  
  
The Doctor frowned.  
  
“Why?”  
  
“I’m not going through there with a bunch of bleedin’ bats flapping over my head.”  
  
The Doctor rolled his eyes.  
  
“Rose, they aren’t going to hurt you. That whole thing about bats getting in your hair isn’t true. I’ve been through here numerous times and they haven’t bothered me once. Now, come with me and I promise I won’t let the bats kill you.”  
  
He put his hand on her back and urged her to go on. Rose went down the steps with the Doctor following her. They nearly reached the bottom when suddenly Rose heard the Doctor squeak and felt his fingers in her hair.  
  
“That’s not funny, Doctor.”  
  
“I’m not doing anything, it’s the bats, they’re nesting.”  
  
“Get your fingers out of my hair, Doctor, before I break them off.”  
  
“I don’t have my fingers in your hair. I haven’t moved yet, it’s the bats. They’re attracted to your cucumber melon shampoo and have decided to raise their babies on top of your head. I…”  
  
He trailed off when Rose spun around, put her hands on her hips and gave him a look of death.  
  
“Oh, thank God, I got here just in time to prevent them burrowing into your skull and feasting on your brain,” the Doctor said. “It was quite a jump, but I managed to get behind you just before you turned and seized the flying menaces with my bare hands. Thank heavens, you aren’t injured, Tyler and thank all that is sacred that there’s no bat dung in your doo. It would have been really unpleasant for you to walk around all day with droppings sticking in your hair, not to mention the smell and--“  
  
“Are you finished?”  
  
“Finished with what?”  
  
“Finished being an idiot?”  
  
The Doctor’s mouth dropped open.  
  
“A what? I’m a what, now?” he said, as Rose giggled. “An idiot? Is that what I am? Okay then, just for that…HEY! LOOKIE! DOWN HERE! COME AND GET HER! COME AND AVENGE ME, MY WINGED COMPANIONS!”  
  
“Geez,” Rose said, walking away.  
  
The Doctor looked up while he followed behind her and pointed at her head.  
  
“LOOK! NICE AND SOFT AND SILKY AND JUST RIGHT FOR A SUMMER HOME! COME AND GET HER BEFORE SHE’S GONE!”  
  
Rose sped up while the Doctor continued to point at her hair.  
  
“HURRY, SHE’S GOING, SHE’S GOING, LAST CHANCE FOR A HOLIDAY RETREAT IS GOING OUT THE DOOR! STOP HER!”  
  
Rose laughed and sprinted towards the door while the Doctor gave chase. She burst through the door and laughed when the Doctor seized her from behind.  
  
“Oh, no you don’t. I’m not letting you get away with calling me an idiot. Back into the bat cave you go!”  
  
Rose screamed with delight when he picked her up and swung her body back towards the door.  
  
“In, in! Feed my winged legion!” he said, as Rose struggled to get away from him. “You will provide sustenance for my Chiropteran children and soon we will unleash them on an unsuspecting world! Prove you are my faithful companion and sacrifice yourself for me!”  
  
He snickered when Rose howled with laughter. Setting her down, he held her against him as she gave him a playful smack on the side of the head.  
  
“You know sometimes it’s hard to believe you’re over nine hundred years old, the way you act,” she said as she took his hand and they walked down the corridor.  
  
“Well, you’re only as old as you feel, you know. I may be over nine hundred, but it doesn’t mean I have to act like it,” he said. “After all, this body is in its late thirties, so why not be youthful and have fun with your plus one? Besides, I already know what it’s like to feel nine hundred, thanks to the Master.”  
  
“Yeah, Martha told me all about that,” she said. “Wish I could have been there to see little you in the birdcage. I bet you looked cute.”  
  
“Cute wouldn’t be my word for it.”  
  
“Martha told me she wished she had brought a camera with her so she could have snapped a few pictures for blackmailing purposes.”  
  
“Yes, well Martha would say that,” he said, as she laughed. “And if I were her, I wouldn’t talk. There was that time we went to Rodentia and she ended up being turned into a giant rat. Now, if ever there was a picture that could be used to blackmail, it was Martha running around on all fours chittering away with a huge rat tail dragging the floor behind her. She ever tell you about that?”  
  
“Um…no, actually, she hasn’t.”  
  
“Uh-huh, well you should ask her about it. I’m sure she’ll go into great detail about how her mind was controlled by an evil alien rat dictator and he made her try to kill me after they covered me in cheese sauce and dumped me into an arena. You haven’t lived, Rose, until you’re running around an arena being chased by a human/rat hybrid while cheddar cheese sauce drips repeatedly into your eyes. The whole thing was so bizarre I expected the Benny Hill theme to start playing while it was happening.”  
  
“So, how did you escape Martha the rat?” Rose said.  
  
“Well, first I took a bunch of the sauce and threw it into her face. Then, unfortunately, I had to knock her out because Martha was temporarily insane and wouldn’t listen to reason. Then, I had to run out of the arena carrying Martha the rat in my arms. So…there I was running down the hall, my ratty companion in my arms with a bunch of humanoid rats pursuing me, hell bent for leather. Luckily, they were slipping and sliding on the cheese sauce that was flying off my body, which gave me time to find the laboratory and locate the antidote. I managed to turn Martha back to normal and used the sonic screwdriver to get past the rats since they have sensitive hearing. I then ran like hell back to the TARDIS, jumped inside, slammed the doors and got us away from there. After that, Martha woke up with an enormous black eye and I took several long, long showers to get cheddar cheese out of every orifice in my body. The end.”  
  
“Wow, I missed a lot being in the other universe,” Rose said.  
  
“That you did. Mind you, it’s not the first time I’ve dealt with one of my companions being changed into an animal. I had a companion, Peri, who almost became a bird. But, unlike Martha the Mouse, they didn’t throw birdseed on my head and sic her on me. Plus, she was changed back before the transformation was complete. But, you know, anytime you want to become an animal/human hybrid, just let me know and I’ll certainly try to accommodate you.”  
  
“No thanks, I think I’ll pass on that also.”  
  
“Sure? You don’t wanna be Rose the Reindeer?”  
  
“No, that’s quite alright. I like me as I am.”  
  
“Not even Rose the Red Nosed Reindeer?”  
  
“No thanks.”  
  
“How about Rosie the Rambunctious Rabbit?”  
  
“No.”  
  
“Rose the Really Repulsive Reptile?”  
  
“No thanks.”  
  
“Rose the Rampaging Rhinoceros? Rose the Raucous Rooster? Rose the Resourceful Raccoon.”  
  
“How about Rose the one hundred percent human being?”  
  
“Nah, that’s boring. I know! Rose the Rock-n-rolling Rhesus Monkey!”  
  
Rose shook her head and laughed.  
  
“Okay,” she said. “If I’m that, then you have to be Doctor the Devoted Doggie, faithful pet of Rose the Rock-n-rolling Rhesus Monkey. And then, I’ll get to bathe you and walk you and put cute pink dog bows in your fur.”  
  
The Doctor made a face.  
  
“Um, no, let’s not go that far.”  
  
“Okay, then you can be Doctor the Doe-eyed Deer.”  
  
“No.”  
  
“Okay, how about this since you already act like one. Doctor the Daft Dodo.”  
  
She laughed when the Doctor seized her from behind and turned around.  
  
“That’s it. Back to the bats!” he said, as she slapped at his arm playfully.  
  
He grinned, gave her a huge bear hug and with a sigh, took her hand and led her down the corridor.  
  


1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 56. Chapter 67. Chapter 78. Chapter 89. Chapter 910. Chapter 1011. Chapter 1112. Chapter 1213. Chapter 1314. Chapter 1415. Chapter 1516. Chapter 1617. Chapter 1718. Chapter 1819. Chapter 1920. Chapter 2021. Chapter 2122. Chapter 2223. Chapter 2324. Chapter 2425. Chapter 2526. Chapter 2627. Chapter 2728. Chapter 2829. Chapter 2930. Chapter 3031. Chapter 3132. Chapter 3233. Chapter 3334. Chapter 3435. Chapter 3536. Chapter 3637. Chapter 37  
  
Doctor Who and its accoutrements are the property of the BBC, and we obviously don't have any right to them. Any and all crossover characters belong to their respective creators. Alas no one makes any money from this site, and it's all done out of love for a cheap-looking sci-fi show. All fics are property of their individual authors. Archival at this site should not be taken to constitute automatic archive rights elsewhere, and authors should be contacted individually to arrange further archiving. Despite occasional claims otherwise, The Blessed St Lalla Ward is not officially recognised by the Catholic Church. Yet.   
  
Script for this archive provided by [eFiction](http://efiction.sourceforge.net/). Contact our archivists at [help@whofic.com](mailto:help@whofic.com). Please read our [Terms of Service](http://www.whofic.com/tos.php) and [Submission Guidelines](http://www.whofic.com/guidelines.php). 


	5. Teaspoon :: The Scavenger Hunt. by cheri

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**The Scavenger Hunt.** by [cheri](http://www.whofic.com/viewuser.php?uid=1862) [[Reviews](http://www.whofic.com/reviews.php?sid=22661&chapid=49864) \- [81](http://www.whofic.com/reviews.php?sid=22661&chapid=49864)] [Chapter](http://www.whofic.com/viewstory.php?action=printable&textsize=0&sid=22661&chapter=5) **or** [Story](http://www.whofic.com/viewstory.php?action=printable&textsize=0&sid=22661&chapter=all)   
  
  
1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 56. Chapter 67. Chapter 78. Chapter 89. Chapter 910. Chapter 1011. Chapter 1112. Chapter 1213. Chapter 1314. Chapter 1415. Chapter 1516. Chapter 1617. Chapter 1718. Chapter 1819. Chapter 1920. Chapter 2021. Chapter 2122. Chapter 2223. Chapter 2324. Chapter 2425. Chapter 2526. Chapter 2627. Chapter 2728. Chapter 2829. Chapter 2930. Chapter 3031. Chapter 3132. Chapter 3233. Chapter 3334. Chapter 3435. Chapter 3536. Chapter 3637. Chapter 37

  
  
Chapter Five  
  
After finishing her ice cream cone, Martha headed back down the corridor. She stopped at the door beside the one leading to the ice cream shop and opened it. To her surprise, she saw an enormous park. Curious, she ventured inside and shut the door. Looking around, she noticed that everything looked realistic even down to the fluffy clouds in the sky. There were little kids running around, playing and laughing, which Martha figured were more androids. They were playing catch with a ball, playing tag, and flying several multicolored kites. Martha stood there for a moment taking it all in before she headed down the cobblestone path in front of her.  
  
As she walked towards a steep hill, she suddenly heard organ music drifting up from the other side. Intrigued, she climbed the hill as fast as she could and when she reached the top, she stopped and stared at a beautiful carousel below her. As she watched, she suddenly noticed one of the carousel giraffes was glowing. She wondered why and then she had a thought. She checked her clipboard and near the bottom she saw carousel giraffe listed. Squealing with delight, she pulled the pencil from her pocket and checked it off.  
  
“Yes! I’m so glad I came in her now!” she said, putting the pencil away.  
  
She watched as the carousel began to slow down. With a smile, she quickly hurried down the hill and got on it when it came to a stop. She laid the clipboard on the metal floor and climbed up onto a brown horse with a tan mane and red bridle and saddle. She held on to the pole and a few minutes later, the organ music started up and the horse began to go up and down while the carousel turned. As the wind rushed through her hair, she looked around at the scenery. Beyond the carousel, there was another hill with a huge maple tree on top of it. She looked over at the kites swooping and diving in the sky and the birds flying high above them. The whole scene was idyllic and she felt herself being soothed. After everything that had happened recently, any chance to relax and find some peace was welcomed by her.  
  
She let out a disappointed groan when the carousel began to slow down. She considered staying on for another ride, but decided that she’d rather explore the rest of the park. Getting down off the horse, she picked up her clipboard, jumped off the ride and made her way up the hill towards the tree. Reaching the top, she looked out and saw a huge lake in the distance. Her mouth dropped open when she looked beyond that and didn’t see anything to indicate there was any wall or barrier. If she wasn’t standing inside the TARDIS, she would have sworn she was actually outdoors on a nice sunny day. She sat down against the tree and watched as ducks swam lazily on the lake and androids boated across its surface. She leaned her head back against the tree trunk and took in the sights, sounds and smells around her. She breathed deeply while she brought her legs up near her chest. It was so peaceful here, she felt like she could just sit here forever. She wondered if the Doctor came here for the same purpose. She imagined him sitting exactly where she was, just watching the ducks and the boaters and letting all his cares just evaporate into the breeze. Being here made her miss Tom terribly and she wished that he was right beside her.  
  
After she had helped defeat the Daleks and save the Earth, she and Rose and Donna had been severely traumatized and the Doctor had suggested taking them all to a pleasure planet to relax and recover. At first, Martha had her doubts about going. Unlike Donna, she had moved on, had her fill of time travel and wanted to return to a normal life. But, after all that had happened, she realized that she wanted more than anything to be with her friends and that she really did need the time to sort out what had happened, so she agreed on the condition that the Doctor return her after they were done. He agreed and Martha left with him and Rose and Donna for the Eden Planet. It was a bit awkward at first especially since Rose was there, but she extended the hand of friendship and found that Rose was nothing like she imagined her to be. And since she was no longer fixated on the Doctor, she was happy to see her friend reunited with her at last.  
  
They reached the Eden Planet, booked into a posh resort and relaxed. The first day they were there, Martha and Donna played racquetball while the Doctor and Rose took a stroll on the beach and got reacquainted with each other. Both women respected their privacy and let them have time to talk and bond again while they got to know each other a little better. For most of the day they kept to that pairing until the suns started to set and they joined up for supper in the hotel’s restaurant. There the four of them talked and got acquainted with each other as a whole. Rose’s stories about her time at Torchwood were extremely fascinating and it boggled her mind that this woman who was barely out of her teens would be running around fighting aliens. Then they all made the mistake of letting the Doctor order for them and of course, he ordered the most bizarre thing on the menu and dared them all to eat it. She and Donna took one look at the slimy green squid-like thing on the platter and nearly threw up at the sight of it. But Rose dove into it with gusto chewing on a tentacle and giving the Doctor a defiant look while he snickered. The Doctor then seized a tentacle of his own and both she and Donna laughed as they chewed with open mouths and stared each other down. Then, just when things couldn’t get any more embarrassing, the Doctor began to make loud moaning noises and closed his eyes in mock ecstasy while he chewed loudly. Both women nearly dove under the table when everyone around them looked at the Doctor in shock. But, that was the point of it all and the Doctor let out a gleeful laugh when Rose slapped him on the back of the head.  
  
After that, they went up to their rooms. She and Donna shared a room while the Doctor and Rose occupied the one next door. The Doctor insisted on keeping the doors opened between the rooms, however, which puzzled Martha until everyone went to bed. Then it became clear that the Doctor kept the doors open to keep an eye on them because as she was drifting off, she would see him glance into their room periodically. It was this protective gesture that made Martha realize why she wanted to come with him so badly. After all that happened, she was a bit on edge and she knew that if she had tried to go to sleep without his watchful eye, she would never make it through the night. After watching him check on her and Donna two more times, her eyes finally closed and she drifted off to sleep.  
  
Then…it happened. The nightmare came. She started to relive everything that had happened during the battle. The horror and terror of fighting Davros and the Daleks came back to her and she began to toss and turn in her sleep. Then, her memories began to warp and twist into even more horrifying scenarios. She saw herself kneeling in front of Davros while he gloated and jeered at her and then a Dalek came up, opened up its casing and the creature engulfed her, turning her into another Dalek/human hybrid. Martha felt herself being swallowed alive by the Dalek, felt the slimy insides slowly going down her body, felt her oxygen running out while she slowly suffocated. Then, suddenly, she found the will to scream. First she screamed in her dream and then the scream carried over into the waking world and the next thing she knew she was thrashing around in the Doctor’s arms.  
  
“It’s alright, it’s alright, Martha. It’s me. It’s the Doctor,” he said.  
  
Martha calmed down enough to realize where she was and then she began to cry uncontrollably while the Doctor held her.  
  
“I knew this would happen,” he said to her. “That’s why I wanted you to come with us.”  
  
Martha held onto him, embarrassed and angry that she had been scared out of her mind by a simple dream and had screamed out loud. Now, she had woken both Rose and Donna up and they were standing in the room watching her with concerned expressions. She felt like an idiot, but the Doctor, sensing this, reassured her that everything was alright and it was okay for her to be scared and to cry if she needed to. His gentle voice and soothing touch calmed her down and she felt her fear draining away as her tears dried up. The Doctor stayed with her a moment more and then picked her up into his arms.  
  
“Donna, come with me. I want you two in here where I can keep an eye on all of you,” he said, as he carried her into the other room.  
  
So for the rest of the night, Donna and Martha shared the bed closest to the door while Rose and the Doctor laid in the other one. For the longest time, no one slept, everyone terrified that if they closed their eyes the nightmares would come. The Doctor sat up in bed resting his back against the headboard while he stroked Rose’s back. He smiled at the two women in the other bed and talked to all of them, telling them stories and jokes and giving them reassurance that he was near and watching over them. After an hour, they were still awake and the Doctor decided to order some room service in case they felt like eating. This time he ordered chips and burgers and sodas, explaining that since people came from all over the universe to stay here, the restaurant made sure that a wide variety of foods from different planets was available. At first, no one felt like eating except the Doctor who wolfed down a couple of burgers and a plateful of chips, but the pleasant aroma of comfort food became impossible to ignore and the sight of the Doctor munching on a burger made them all salivate, so they got up and fixed plates for themselves. So, the four friends spent half the night eating and talking and taking comfort in the fact that they were all together and safe from harm. And finally, after several hours, all three women couldn’t keep their eyes open any longer and with the Doctor’s reassurance that he would watch over them, they fell back to sleep and had peaceful dreams for the rest of the night.  
  
They ended up spending a week at the resort, talking, laughing, playing, eating and crying. Martha bonded with Donna and Rose and the three of them spent time together as well as apart. Each night, the Doctor and Rose went off by themselves and she and Donna would find something to do while they were gone. Even though she had been reluctant to come in the first place, she soon realized that this holiday was exactly what she and the others needed and when the week passed and it was time to go, she found herself feeling sick to her stomach at the thought of going back to Earth. It wasn’t just the fact that she had made two new friends, but also the nagging fear that once she left the Doctor, she would never see him again. It was why she gave him the mobile and let him keep it. The Doctor was now such a big part of her life that it filled her with fear that one day she would go home and that would be the last time she would lay eyes on him. Knowing that Tom was still in Africa, she asked the Doctor if she could come with him for one more trip. He teased her about starting that pattern up again, but he welcomed her back without a moment’s hesitation. Martha figured that secretly he also harbored a fear of never seeing her again and jumped at any chance to have her travel with him. One trip became two, then three, which prompted more teasing and then Martha decided that perhaps for the time being she would stay with him and go home to see her family on occasion like Rose and Donna did.  
  
And now here she was, sitting in the TARDIS feeling completely at peace knowing that this wondrous ship was her second home and always would be for as long as she lived. She stared at the ducks swimming on the lake and thanked God that the Doctor existed and she had been lucky enough to meet him. Then, with a contented sigh, she stood up, grabbed the clipboard and went off in search of more awe-inspiring rooms.  
  


1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 56. Chapter 67. Chapter 78. Chapter 89. Chapter 910. Chapter 1011. Chapter 1112. Chapter 1213. Chapter 1314. Chapter 1415. Chapter 1516. Chapter 1617. Chapter 1718. Chapter 1819. Chapter 1920. Chapter 2021. Chapter 2122. Chapter 2223. Chapter 2324. Chapter 2425. Chapter 2526. Chapter 2627. Chapter 2728. Chapter 2829. Chapter 2930. Chapter 3031. Chapter 3132. Chapter 3233. Chapter 3334. Chapter 3435. Chapter 3536. Chapter 3637. Chapter 37  
  
Doctor Who and its accoutrements are the property of the BBC, and we obviously don't have any right to them. Any and all crossover characters belong to their respective creators. Alas no one makes any money from this site, and it's all done out of love for a cheap-looking sci-fi show. All fics are property of their individual authors. Archival at this site should not be taken to constitute automatic archive rights elsewhere, and authors should be contacted individually to arrange further archiving. Despite occasional claims otherwise, The Blessed St Lalla Ward is not officially recognised by the Catholic Church. Yet.   
  
Script for this archive provided by [eFiction](http://efiction.sourceforge.net/). Contact our archivists at [help@whofic.com](mailto:help@whofic.com). Please read our [Terms of Service](http://www.whofic.com/tos.php) and [Submission Guidelines](http://www.whofic.com/guidelines.php). 


	6. Teaspoon :: The Scavenger Hunt. by cheri

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**The Scavenger Hunt.** by [cheri](http://www.whofic.com/viewuser.php?uid=1862) [[Reviews](http://www.whofic.com/reviews.php?sid=22661&chapid=50004) \- [81](http://www.whofic.com/reviews.php?sid=22661&chapid=50004)] [Chapter](http://www.whofic.com/viewstory.php?action=printable&textsize=0&sid=22661&chapter=6) **or** [Story](http://www.whofic.com/viewstory.php?action=printable&textsize=0&sid=22661&chapter=all)   
  
  
1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 56. Chapter 67. Chapter 78. Chapter 89. Chapter 910. Chapter 1011. Chapter 1112. Chapter 1213. Chapter 1314. Chapter 1415. Chapter 1516. Chapter 1617. Chapter 1718. Chapter 1819. Chapter 1920. Chapter 2021. Chapter 2122. Chapter 2223. Chapter 2324. Chapter 2425. Chapter 2526. Chapter 2627. Chapter 2728. Chapter 2829. Chapter 2930. Chapter 3031. Chapter 3132. Chapter 3233. Chapter 3334. Chapter 3435. Chapter 3536. Chapter 3637. Chapter 37

  
  
Chapter Six  
  
“Hmmm, where to next?” Donna muttered as she walked down the corridor.  
  
She was so absorbed in studying her list that she almost failed to see the little sign mounted beside one of the doors. She stopped short, backed up and read it.  
  
THE I LIKE A LITTLE SHOP SHOP.  
  
Donna rolled her eyes.  
  
“Figures the TARDIS would have a little shop on it somewhere,” she muttered.  
  
She opened the door and stepped inside. She was surprised to see a young man with sandy blonde hair standing behind the counter.  
  
“Welcome to The I Like A Little Shop Shop, Miss Noble,” he said.  
  
“Who are you?”  
  
“I am android seventeen. I run the shop.”  
  
“Okay, had no idea he even had androids on this ship, but okay, I’ll play along,” Donna muttered.  
  
She walked over to him and handed him the clipboard.  
  
“Please tell me you have any of these items or know where I can find them?” she said, hopefully.  
  
The android studied the list and shook his head.  
  
“I’m sorry, Miss Noble. There is nothing in here that’s on this list and I can’t help you find anything since I’m only programmed to manage the shop.”  
  
“Wonderful.”  
  
“But, you are welcome to look around and see if there’s anything you like. All items are free for the Doctor’s companions.”  
  
Donna gave him a wry look.  
  
“Oh, so you mean I can just cart off everything and take it back to my room then?”  
  
“You could, but then we would have to set up the shop in your room.”  
  
“Oh, well, never mind then.”  
  
She laid the clipboard on the counter and turned to look at the shop. To her surprise, there was a wide variety of Doctor and TARDIS related merchandise. Intrigued, she walked over to a display on the right side of the room. There were several bumper stickers in a metal rack. She looked at the top bumper sticker. It said…  
  
LIFE’S A BITCH AND THEN YOU DIE AND REGENERATE AND DIE AND REGENERATE AND DIE AND REGENERATE.  
  
Donna rolled her eyes. She looked at the next one.  
  
MY OTHER TARDIS IS A POLICE BOX.  
  
She looked at the next one. It said…  
  
HOW AM I FLYING? DIAL 0808-TIME LORD.  
  
Donna shook her head and moved on to the t-shirts next to them. She took a look at the first one.  
  
I TRAVELED THROUGH TIME AND SPACE WITH THE DOCTOR AND ALL I GOT WAS THIS LOUSY T-SHIRT!  
  
“Yeah, how very original,” she said, rolling her eyes.  
  
She looked at the next one.  
  
TENTH DOCTOR RULES, ALL OTHER SELVES DROOL.  
  
Donna snorted and moved to the next one. It was a picture of a Greek goddess statue’s head with a photo of Rose beside it. The caption underneath read…  
  
FORTUNA IN THE FLESH.  
  
“Okay, have no idea what that means. I suppose Rose would know though,” she said, looking at the next one. She raised her eyebrow when she saw it. It was a picture of the Doctor from the neck up. He had bulging eyes and was making a fish face. The caption underneath read…  
  
CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT THERE ARE SOME PEOPLE WHO ARE CRAZY ENOUGH TO TRAVEL WITH ME?  
  
Donna laughed at that one.  
  
“Okay, I gotta have this one,” she said.  
  
She looked through the different sizes and finally found a purple one that would fit her. Grinning, she walked over to the counter.  
  
“Um, I’m on a scavenger hunt at the moment. Can I leave this here and come get it when I’m done?”  
  
“You can, or the TARDIS can simply teleport it back to your room.”  
  
“Oh, she can? Oh, okay, have her do that then.”  
  
“As you wish, Donna Noble. Is this all you want?”  
  
Donna looked around.  
  
“No, hold on. Let me look a bit more.”  
  
“Take your time.”  
  
Donna walked back over to the wall. Beside the t-shirts was a huge lighted display case. There were several porcelain statues inside. Donna looked at them. The first statue showed the Doctor with his left leg bent back ready to kick a Dalek in the bum. The second one showed the Doctor standing on a fallen Cyberman raising his arms in triumph while he yelled. The third one was the TARDIS with the Doctor and Rose peeking outside the door and pointing out at something while they both yelled. The fourth one took her by surprise. It was the Doctor and Rose holding each other and snogging while a Dalek and Cyberman stood on either side of them exchanging fire. Donna looked at the android.  
  
“What are these?”  
  
“Those are limited edition figurines that the Doctor came up with. The whole series is called The Doctor and His Adventures. These figurines are part of series one.”  
  
“Really? Okay, who in the world would want them since nobody is in here except the Doctor and his companions.”  
  
The android shrugged.  
  
“The Doctor was in charge of the merchandise for this shop and that was one of the ideas he came up with. Each figurine was lovingly handcrafted by the TARDIS and was personally named by the Doctor.”  
  
“Oh really, okay what’s the name of this one?” Donna asked, pointing to the Doctor kicking the Dalek.  
  
“That one is entitled, Get The Hell Out Of My Way, You Poor Excuse For A Rubbish Bin.”  
  
Donna laughed.  
  
“Okay, what’s the name of this one?” she said, pointing to the Doctor on top of the Cyberman.  
  
“That one is entitled, Woo-hoo, I Am The Man! The one next to it is, Oh My God, It’s A Monster and the one you were just looking at is entitled, We Only Have A Few Seconds Left To Live, My Darling, Let’s Make It Count!”  
  
“Oh, please,” Donna said, rolling her eyes.  
  
She looked at the next one. The Doctor was bouncing on a tiny trampoline with a gleeful look on his face. When she looked closer, she noticed the tan colored trampoline had eyes and a mouth. She looked at the android who smiled.  
  
“That one is entitled, Other Uses For Cassandra,” he said.  
  
“Who?” Donna said.  
  
She shook her head.  
  
“Never mind, I’m afraid to find out the answer,” she said, waving her hand.  
  
She looked at the next one. It was Martha and the Doctor. The Doctor had taken his tie off and was holding it out to her. Donna looked at the android.  
  
“That one is entitled, Like So, You See?”  
  
“Okay, I think I’m done with the figurine section. I’ll move on to something else,” she said, walking away.  
  
She walked over to the other side of the room. Several shelves held assorted plushies of the Doctor and various monsters. Donna picked up a stuffed Dalek, gave it a squeeze and put it back. Next to it was a stuffed elephant with a tiny Doctor riding on its back. A little sticker on the side of it said, squeeze me. Donna squeezed it and heard the Doctor say in a small, tinny voice…  
  
“Onward, Jumbo, towards adventure!”  
  
This was followed by the elephant trumpeting loudly. Donna giggled and put it back.  
  
She looked at the rest of the plushies. There were different sizes of the Doctor, each one wearing a huge smile on its face. There was a Cyberman, a Judoon, plushies of Rose and Martha and to her delight, little stuffed Adipose. She looked through all of them and frowned.  
  
“Hey,” she said, looking back at the android. “How come there’s stuffed Roses and Marthas, but none of me?”  
  
“We’re still working on items that feature you,” the android explained. “You’re relatively new, so the Doctor still has to come up with ideas for products. However, he has come up with one item; it’s over here in the poster section if you want to take a look at it.”  
  
Donna walked over to the poster display beside the door. She paused and her mouth dropped open when she saw what the android was pointing at. Mounted on the wall was a copy of Edvard Munch’s The Scream. The only difference between it and the original painting was there was a distorted image of herself in place of the screaming man.  
  
“Oh, I am gonna kill him when I see him!” she snarled.  
  
She took a deep breath.  
  
“I’ll kill him later, for now I’ll just relax and continue with the scavenger hunt.”  
  
She turned to go, but one of the posters caught her eye. She walked over, lifted it out of the rack and turned it to one side. The picture was painted to look like an Egyptian tomb painting with Rose and the Doctor in stylized Egyptian poses. Rose was kneeling in front of someone sitting on a throne. She was holding her hands up to him with a beseeching look on her face while the man laughed. Behind her stood the Doctor facing an army of Egyptian archers and spear wielding men riding in chariots. His right arm was behind him and his left arm was extended out towards the army. He was pointing his sonic screwdriver at them with a determined look on his face. Donna looked at the android.  
  
“Very imaginative,” she said.  
  
“Oh, that was actually a real event. The Doctor took things that happened from his adventures and had them made into posters. That one there was an early adventure with him and Rose. They went to ancient Egypt and were captured by the pharaoh’s adviser. He had been possessed by an alien who was trying to kill the pharaoh and take over his throne, so he could rule the world. The advisor held Rose captive while he commanded the Pharaoh’s army to kill the Doctor.”  
  
Donna looked back at the poster.  
  
“I like it,” she said. “I like how it looks like something you would find on a tomb wall.”  
  
“The Doctor thought it would be a unique and fun way of depicting the event.”  
  
Donna nodded. She put the poster back, pulled out another one and turned it on its side. This one was an underwater scene. Rose was a mermaid with a beautiful teal colored fish body. She had a huge metal collar around her neck that was chained on either side to two posts. She was watching with a worried expression on her face while two mermen swam up towards the Doctor with long silver tridents in their hands. The Doctor had on scuba gear and was swimming towards them with the same determined expression he had in the last picture. Donna looked at the android.  
  
“Rose was a mermaid at some point?”  
  
“Yes, they went to Aqualania, a water planet, and were doing some underwater exploring when the emperor of the merpeople saw Rose, fell in love with her and kidnapped her. He changed her into a mermaid before the Doctor could reach her, but he managed to defeat the emperor and change her back.  
  
“Wow, she’s never said anything about this,” Donna said.  
  
She put it back and picked up the next one. She turned it on its side and raised her eyebrow. The Doctor was running for his life while yellow goo flew off him. Even more astonishing, he was being pursued by something that looked like a mix of Martha and a mouse. The Martha/mouse creature was roaring at him and trying to catch him with her huge clawed hands. Donna showed it to the android.  
  
“This is not Martha, is it?” she said.  
  
“Yes, it is.”  
  
“Martha was turned into a big bleedin’ mouse?”  
  
“Actually, I think she was a rat, but yes, she was turned into a rat and they poured cheddar cheese sauce on the Doctor and threw him into an arena, in the hope that she would kill him.”  
  
Donna stared at him.  
  
“Okay, so Rose has been a fish, Martha’s been a rat, what am I gonna be, a dog?” she said, putting it back.  
  
She pulled out the next one and stared at it, awestruck. The Doctor and Rose were in a dark dungeon somewhere. The moon was visible beyond the barred window and its light flooded into the room, illuminating the pair. Rose was lying on the floor, asleep or unconscious, with bruises and cuts all over her face and body. The Doctor knelt over her with a look of silent suffering that Donna knew all too well. She stared at it silently, admiring its simple beauty. She showed it to the android.  
  
“When did this happen?”  
  
“Actually, I think that’s one of the few pictures that’s not based on an actual event, although I’m sure something like it has happened to them at some point. The Doctor came up with the idea and called it, Here At Last.”  
  
“It’s beautiful,” Donna said, staring at it.  
  
She had a thought and looked at the android.  
  
“Has Rose ever been in here? Does she know about these posters?”  
  
“I’ve never seen Miss Tyler in here and I have no idea if the Doctor’s ever told her about them.”  
  
“I have to get these for Rose, then,” she said, grabbed the Egyptian and mermaid one. “I know she’ll love them all, especially this dungeon one.”  
  
She took them up to the counter.  
  
“I believe that’s it, then. I’ve wasted enough time shopping.”  
  
“And you would like all these sent to your room, Miss Noble?”  
  
“Yeah….wait, not the t-shirt. I wanna wear that just in case I run into alien boy. But, yeah, please send the posters to my room.”  
  
“If you wish to change into the t-shirt, we have a small changing room behind the counter and I can send the shirt you’re wearing back to your room along with the posters.”  
  
“Great, I’ll do that.”  
  
Donna grabbed the t-shirt, went behind the counter to the changing room and changed shirts. She then gave her shirt to the android, grabbed the clipboard and with a wave, left the shop.  
  


1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 56. Chapter 67. Chapter 78. Chapter 89. Chapter 910. Chapter 1011. Chapter 1112. Chapter 1213. Chapter 1314. Chapter 1415. Chapter 1516. Chapter 1617. Chapter 1718. Chapter 1819. Chapter 1920. Chapter 2021. Chapter 2122. Chapter 2223. Chapter 2324. Chapter 2425. Chapter 2526. Chapter 2627. Chapter 2728. Chapter 2829. Chapter 2930. Chapter 3031. Chapter 3132. Chapter 3233. Chapter 3334. Chapter 3435. Chapter 3536. Chapter 3637. Chapter 37  
  
Doctor Who and its accoutrements are the property of the BBC, and we obviously don't have any right to them. Any and all crossover characters belong to their respective creators. Alas no one makes any money from this site, and it's all done out of love for a cheap-looking sci-fi show. All fics are property of their individual authors. Archival at this site should not be taken to constitute automatic archive rights elsewhere, and authors should be contacted individually to arrange further archiving. Despite occasional claims otherwise, The Blessed St Lalla Ward is not officially recognised by the Catholic Church. Yet.   
  
Script for this archive provided by [eFiction](http://efiction.sourceforge.net/). Contact our archivists at [help@whofic.com](mailto:help@whofic.com). Please read our [Terms of Service](http://www.whofic.com/tos.php) and [Submission Guidelines](http://www.whofic.com/guidelines.php). 


	7. Teaspoon :: The Scavenger Hunt. by cheri

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**The Scavenger Hunt.** by [cheri](http://www.whofic.com/viewuser.php?uid=1862) [[Reviews](http://www.whofic.com/reviews.php?sid=22661&chapid=50047) \- [81](http://www.whofic.com/reviews.php?sid=22661&chapid=50047)] [Chapter](http://www.whofic.com/viewstory.php?action=printable&textsize=0&sid=22661&chapter=7) **or** [Story](http://www.whofic.com/viewstory.php?action=printable&textsize=0&sid=22661&chapter=all)   
  
  
1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 56. Chapter 67. Chapter 78. Chapter 89. Chapter 910. Chapter 1011. Chapter 1112. Chapter 1213. Chapter 1314. Chapter 1415. Chapter 1516. Chapter 1617. Chapter 1718. Chapter 1819. Chapter 1920. Chapter 2021. Chapter 2122. Chapter 2223. Chapter 2324. Chapter 2425. Chapter 2526. Chapter 2627. Chapter 2728. Chapter 2829. Chapter 2930. Chapter 3031. Chapter 3132. Chapter 3233. Chapter 3334. Chapter 3435. Chapter 3536. Chapter 3637. Chapter 37

  
  
Chapter Seven  
  
“Ah, here we are,” the Doctor said, opening the heavy wooden door. “My torture chamber collection.”  
  
Rose stepped into the room and froze. All around her were various torture chamber and execution devices. She looked at the Doctor.  
  
“You…use this stuff on people?” she asked, worried.  
  
“Nah, I would never be that cruel. This is more like a chamber of horrors type thing. Everything in here is a reproduction.”  
  
He noticed that Rose let out a sigh of relief.  
  
“Why? You think I drag people in here and torture them?” he said in disbelief.  
  
“Sometimes, Doctor, I’m not sure what you’re really capable of.”  
  
The Doctor gave her a hurt look.  
  
“I may be capable of many things, but torture isn’t one of them,” he said. “I fancy myself a lot more merciful than that. No, this is another kind of collection I have. Mind you, everything does have working parts and I could use it if I wanted to, but I’m not going to.”  
  
Rose nodded. The Doctor looked over to his left and looked at her with a gleam in his eye.  
  
“Although, if you are brave enough, I can demonstrate one torture device.”  
  
“On me?”  
  
“Yes, but it’s not going to cripple you in any way and I promise I’ll let you up when you’ve had enough.”  
  
“What is it?”  
  
He smiled.  
  
“The Chinese Water Torture. Care to try it out? After all, it’s only a simple drop of water to the forehead. Only a simple drop, how bad could that be?”  
  
Rose looked where he was pointing. In the corner there was a long wooden table with leather straps on it. Positioned above the head was a large copper bowl. Rose looked at the Doctor.  
  
“All it does is drip water on ya?”  
  
He nodded.  
  
“Yes, but that’s the beauty of it. It’s so innocent looking and yet so fiendishly clever. But, if you’re scared of a little drop of water and don’t want to test it, that’s perfectly fine.”  
  
“And you don’t ever get the urge to do this to people, eh?”  
  
“Well, only to you,” he said, winking, “and I’m only doing it because I know you’re not gonna end up crippled or dead. Now, you might go insane, but since you’re loony enough to travel with me, it won’t be a big adjustment for you when you go completely crackers.”  
  
“And you promise you’ll stop when I tell ya to.”  
  
“No, Rose, I’m just gonna keep on going until you’re foaming at the mouth and running naked through the TARDIS,” the Doctor said, incensed.  
  
“Just making sure,” Rose said as the Doctor rolled his eyes.  
  
He led her over to the table and helped her lie down so that her head was positioned directly under the bowl. Rose looked at it and noticed a tiny hole was drilled into the bottom.  
  
“Now, first off, we have to secure you with leather straps, so you can’t run away,” the Doctor said.  
  
He fastened the straps around her ankles, wrist and neck. Rose gasped when he pulled the strap tight on her neck and fastened it.  
  
“Do you have to fasten this one?” Rose asked him.  
  
“Which one?”  
  
“The one around my neck.  
  
“Well, yeah, that’s what keeps your head immobile.”  
  
“It’s uncomfortable.”  
  
The Doctor gave her a patronizing look.  
  
“Yes, Rose, that’s why it’s called a torture device and not a lay here and have a jolly good time device. If I left the neck strap undone, you could move your head around which defeats the whole purpose. The object is to have the water drip on your forehead in one place. It won’t kill you to have your head immobile for a short time. Just relax.”  
  
He reached down beside the device, grabbed a metal bucket and went behind to a spigot. He filled the bucket halfway with water, turned it off and poured the contents into the copper bowl.  
  
“Now,” he said, setting the bucket back down. “Since I have you in my complete power, I will reveal my true purpose for getting you to test this device. See, I want information from you. I have this odd feeling that when you worked at the parallel Torchwood, you told them all about me and I want to know what you said.”  
  
“I didn’t say anything.”  
  
He leaned over.  
  
“Lies. You will tell me everything I want to know, or I will leave you here until you are stark, raving mad!”  
  
“You better not or I’ll shove your head in the guillotine over there and chop it off.”  
  
“Oho, but how will you do that if you’re confined to this table?”  
  
Just then, a single drop of water fell onto her forehead.  
  
“And so, the torment begins,” the Doctor said, melodramatically.  
  
He leaned back up.  
  
“In the meantime, I will continue talking and let the water do its work until you are ready to confess all to me.”  
  
Another drop of water fell on her forehead.  
  
“How does that feel?”  
  
“Not bad, it’s kinda soothing actually.”  
  
“Yes, well, that’s also the beauty of it. It is actually very peaceful in the beginning. In fact, in India, they have a similar device to this, except it drips out mineral oil. They use it as kind of a spa treatment. But…just wait, because soon you’ll go from feeling pleasant to panicky. Mwahahahahahahaaaaaaa!”  
  
Rose rolled her eyes when he giggled.  
  
“Now, interesting fact for you before I go fetch the item on the list. Although this is called the Chinese Water Torture, it wasn’t invented in China. It was invented in Italy. The reason it’s called the Chinese Water Torture is because the Italians thought associating it with the orient would give it a sense of mystery.”  
  
“Hmmm, very interesting.”  
  
“Yes, it is. See, you learn all sorts of things when you travel with me.”  
  
“Yup, I do.”  
  
She blinked her eyes when another drop of water hit her forehead.  
  
“Ready to confess now?”  
  
“Nope.”  
  
“Okay, well, I can wait as long as you can,” he said, shrugging. “In the meantime, I will show you the item on the list. Luckily, it’s portable, so I don’t have to set you free. It’s right over here.”  
  
He walked over to a large metal cupboard, opened it and brought out a glowing metal object that resembled an enormous boot. He brought it over to her.  
  
“This is known as The Iron Boot. See, the tag even says so. This is actually another fiendish device. You see, the boot is large because both legs were put into it and tightened until the knees were together. Then, they took little wooden wedges and drove them between the knees with a mallet. And, they kept on driving wedges in until the pressure caused the leg bones to snap in two.”  
  
“Ugh!”  
  
The Doctor nodded.  
  
“Not a very pleasant thing to endure. Sometimes, they also left all the metal casing off the boot and just used the frame, so they could pour hot lead or boiling oil on the tootsies for extra torment.”  
  
Rose stared at it.  
  
“Sometimes it’s hard to believe human beings are capable of doing that to other people,” she said, softly. “We’re supposed to be so civilized, but in a lot of ways we’re worse than animals.”  
  
“Yes, but you have to realize that there are some species who are even worse. Human beings are capable of cruelty, but they also can be compassionate and merciful and giving and loving towards others. This stuff here wasn’t used by the majority of people, Rose, you have to remember that. The majority of human beings go about their daily lives trying to do good deeds and care for others. It’s the sick, twisted minority that used this stuff. Trust me, if you were all a bunch of slobbering sadistic maniacs, I wouldn’t care about you like I do.”  
  
He leaned over.  
  
“And speaking of slobbering maniac, how’s the torment coming?”  
  
Rose gasped when another drop of water hit her head.  
  
“It’s annoying now and I’m starting to lose feeling in my body from the neck down.”  
  
“Mm-hmm, well, that’s the second stage of it. I told you the good feelings wouldn’t last forever. See, like I said, that’s the savage beauty of this device. You’d never think in a million years that a drop of water would do so much mental damage to a person, but if you’re strapped in tight and can’t get away from it, then panic and fear sets in and after awhile, you’ll do or say anything to get away from it.”  
  
“Yeah, I can see that now. I’ve had enough. You can let me up.”  
  
“Are you ready to confess?”  
  
“No, but I’m ready to kill ya if you don’t undo the straps and get me out of here.”  
  
He sighed.  
  
“Oh, alright, but I expect a full confession from you after we get done with the hunt,” he said, undoing the straps.  
  
Rose let out a sigh of relief and quickly sat up when he undid the neck and wrist straps.  
  
“I hope I never go through that again,” she said, as he finished with her ankles. “I understand now how a plate feels under a leaky faucet. That drop of water started to feel like a sledgehammer hitting me.”  
  
“Yes and think about this. You were only strapped down for a few minutes, try laying there 5, 6, 10, 12 hours with the water dripping relentlessly on your head.”  
  
“Ugh, yeah, I can understand now how some people went crazy from this,” she said.  
  
The Doctor took her hand and led her to the cabinet.  
  
“I want to show you this too,” he said, reaching inside. “You see, not only do I have Earth torture devices, I have some from other planets as well.”  
  
He held up a small silver ring.  
  
“Care to try this one?” he asked, waggling his eyebrows.  
  
“Will it hurt?”  
  
“Um…well, it would if I left it on long enough, but I won’t go that far.”  
  
Rose held out her hand.  
  
“You’re a very brave woman, you know that?” he said, slipping it on her ring finger.  
  
Rose stared at the ring.  
  
“So, what is it?”  
  
“It is known as the Ring of Fire and Ice. It was originally used by the inhabitants of Pluto eons ago.”  
  
Rose shrugged.  
  
“It’s not doing anything to me,” she said.  
  
“That’s because I haven’t turned it on yet.”  
  
He took her hand. Rose watched as he turned a tiny dial inside the ring. He finished turning it and watched her intently.  
  
“Tell me if you feel any different,” he said.  
  
Rose shrugged.  
  
“I don’t feel anything…wait, I feel hotter. The room’s suddenly warmed up. Does this ring change the room temperature?”  
  
“It changes the temperature, but not for the room,” he said.  
  
He turned the dial the other way.  
  
“Not how do you feel?”  
  
Rose paused a moment and then she began to shiver.  
  
“Cold, really cold. I feel like I’m chilled to the bone now.”  
  
That’s because you are,” he said, slipping the ring off her finger. “This ring manipulates your body temperature and causes it to go way up or way down. Leave it on long enough and your insides will either bake or freeze into solid ice.”  
  
“And this was used on Pluto?”  
  
“Yup, long ago, the Plutonians were involved in a bloody, civil war that completely devastated the planet and turned it into the barren rock it is now. This ring was used by both sides for extracting information or execution.”  
  
He put the ring back in the cabinet and pulled out a small metal box.  
  
“Now, this one I won’t ask you to try out because it can cripple you. It’s called The Etcher. It’s used by members of a totalitarian government on Gelfax Sixteen. You see this large hole in the front. They put your hands in there and a low intensity laser runs all over them and cuts patterns into the back of your hands. Sometimes they would increase the intensity, run it along your wrists and cut both your hands off. That’s why it’s called The Etcher.”  
  
Rose made a face when he put it back in the cabinet.  
  
“Other than that, I have mainly Earth devices. I have the Rack, the Iron Maiden, the Guillotine, the Pretzel, which was used in the Far East. They would tie you onto a wooden pole in weird positions and leave you hanging there between those two poles for hours or days on end or they would tie one arm and leg to the pole and leave you hanging like that with heavy weights tied to your other limbs. Very nasty and painful. Oh, and this…” he said, ushering Rose over to a wooden structure, “is the cousin of the Guillotine. It’s called the Halifax Gibbet. Heard of it before?”  
  
Rose shook her head.  
  
“It was used in Halifax, Nova Scotia from 1286 to 1650. Same concept as the Guillotine except that instead of facing down, they made you face up, so the last thing you saw was the blade coming towards your neck.”  
  
Rose flinched at that.  
  
“There was one way you could escape execution though. If you were lucky enough to wriggle your head out of the hole and leg it out of the city, they let you go free. However, you were banished forever and if you so much as put a toe back inside the town, they would grab you and execute you again.”  
  
“Did anyone ever do that?” Rose asked.  
  
“Yes, there actually was one fellow named John Lacy. He was the only one who did it. But, after seven years, for reasons known only to himself, he strolled back into town, they caught him and…”  
  
He made a slashing motion across his neck.  
  
“Why would he be dumb enough to do that?” Rose said.  
  
“Why does any human do dumb things? Because they think they can get away with it. After seven years, he figured that if he went back, everyone would forgive him because he had done the impossible. Unfortunately, he was proved wrong. It’s that old human urge to press your luck, you know.”  
  
“Well, if I was risking being put into a thing where you had to watch the blade come down on your neck, I think I would resist the urge to press my luck.”  
  
“This coming from a woman who strolled into Magpie’s shop by herself and got her face sucked off her body.”  
  
“Now, wait a minute, I didn’t know that was going to happen--”  
  
“This coming from a woman who just stood there in a hallway while a werewolf ran towards her.”  
  
“I was in shock--“  
  
“This coming from a woman who actually followed a creepy tattooed clone who called her by her full name when she had never set foot inside the building before.”  
  
“I was investigating--“  
  
“This coming from a woman who actually went up and touched a Dalek when she didn’t know what it was or what it was capable of.”  
  
“It was in pain and I was trying to help--“  
  
“This coming from a woman who risked being consumed by the power of the vortex because she couldn’t follow orders and just stay put.”  
  
“This coming from a man whose butt I’ve had to save numerous times including the incident where I did take the vortex into my body. This coming from the man who has made a whole freakin’ career out of pressing his luck!”  
  
The Doctor fell silent when she put her hands on her hips and gave him a pointed look. He cleared his throat.  
  
“Anyway, I believe we’ve lingered here long enough. There are other items on the checklist and from here on out, I’ll be just as clueless as you are as to their whereabouts. So, come on, Tyler. Time’s a wastin’”  
  
Rose snorted and rolled her eyes.  
  
“Always an excuse whenever someone’s about to prove him wrong,” she muttered as he grabbed the clipboard.  
  
She grabbed his hand and walked with him out of the room.  
  


1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 56. Chapter 67. Chapter 78. Chapter 89. Chapter 910. Chapter 1011. Chapter 1112. Chapter 1213. Chapter 1314. Chapter 1415. Chapter 1516. Chapter 1617. Chapter 1718. Chapter 1819. Chapter 1920. Chapter 2021. Chapter 2122. Chapter 2223. Chapter 2324. Chapter 2425. Chapter 2526. Chapter 2627. Chapter 2728. Chapter 2829. Chapter 2930. Chapter 3031. Chapter 3132. Chapter 3233. Chapter 3334. Chapter 3435. Chapter 3536. Chapter 3637. Chapter 37  
  
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	8. Teaspoon :: The Scavenger Hunt. by cheri

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**The Scavenger Hunt.** by [cheri](http://www.whofic.com/viewuser.php?uid=1862) [[Reviews](http://www.whofic.com/reviews.php?sid=22661&chapid=50105) \- [81](http://www.whofic.com/reviews.php?sid=22661&chapid=50105)] [Chapter](http://www.whofic.com/viewstory.php?action=printable&textsize=0&sid=22661&chapter=8) **or** [Story](http://www.whofic.com/viewstory.php?action=printable&textsize=0&sid=22661&chapter=all)   
  
  
1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 56. Chapter 67. Chapter 78. Chapter 89. Chapter 910. Chapter 1011. Chapter 1112. Chapter 1213. Chapter 1314. Chapter 1415. Chapter 1516. Chapter 1617. Chapter 1718. Chapter 1819. Chapter 1920. Chapter 2021. Chapter 2122. Chapter 2223. Chapter 2324. Chapter 2425. Chapter 2526. Chapter 2627. Chapter 2728. Chapter 2829. Chapter 2930. Chapter 3031. Chapter 3132. Chapter 3233. Chapter 3334. Chapter 3435. Chapter 3536. Chapter 3637. Chapter 37

  
  
Chapter Eight  
  
Martha turned a corner and headed into another corridor. After eating the ice cream and relaxing in the park, she felt energized and ready to find more items. She came to the first door and looked up at a large wooden sign above it.  
  
FAIRY TALE LAND.  
  
“Hmmm, wonder what this could be?” she said to herself.  
  
She opened the door and walked into a room with several more doors in it. Each door had a small sign to the left of it. She walked over to the first door on her left and read the sign.  
  
LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD.  
  
She walked to the next door and read the sign for it.  
  
GOLDILOCKS AND THE THREE BEARS.  
  
She walked to the next door.  
  
CINDERELLA.  
  
Then, finally, to the last door..  
  
RAPUNZEL  
  
Martha walked back over to the first door. She opened it and saw a red cloak and a wooden basket hanging on wooden pegs on the other side. She looked further inside the room. A forest was in front of her with a little dirt path that led from the door into the center of it. She looked at the cloak and basket for a moment and then took them off the pegs. She put the cloak on and looked inside the basket. There was nothing inside, so she put the clipboard in it and closed the top. Taking the basket, she started off down the path.  
  
She strolled along, taking in the sights and sounds of the lush forest around her. She’d been walking for about five minutes when she suddenly heard a sinister chuckle coming from behind her. Instinctually, she spun around ready to face the threat, but to her surprise, she saw a wolf leaning casually against a tree.  
  
“Hello, pretty one, what’s your name?” he said, sweetly.  
  
Martha hesitated a moment.  
  
“Um…Mar…Little Red Riding Hood,” she said, playing a hunch.  
  
The wolf smiled.  
  
“Nice to meet you, Little Red Riding Hood. Where are you headed this fine day?”  
  
Martha stared at the wolf. It looked realistic, but then again, so did the guy in the ice cream shop and the children by the lake. Guessing this was some kind of fairy tale simulation, she smiled back at him.  
  
“I’m on my way to my sick grandmother’s house with a basket of goodies,” she said, reciting what she remembered from the story.  
  
The wolf gave her a toothy grin.  
  
“Are you now? Well, that’s very kind of you, little one. I won’t keep you waiting then. Hurry along to your grandmother’s cottage.”  
  
Martha nodded. She turned, walked a few steps and then looked back. The wolf was gone. Smiling, she hurried through the woods towards the cottage.  
  
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX  
  
“Okay, should I go in or not?” Martha muttered as she stood outside the quaint little cottage.  
  
She knew from the story that the wolf would be inside waiting to devour her. That was why she was hesitating. She wasn’t sure if it was safe to go inside and face a hungry wolf.  
  
“Although,” she muttered to herself, “this is the TARDIS and the TARDIS wouldn’t have anything that would hurt or kill us. If the wolf is an android, it’s probably just programmed to give chase and stop after a few seconds.”  
  
With that in mind, she decided to go ahead and play along. Squaring her shoulders, she marched up to the door and knocked on it.  
  
“Who is it?”  
  
Martha giggled when she heard the wolf calling out in a falsetto voice.  
  
“Um…it’s me, grandmother. It’s Little Red Riding Hood,” she called out.  
  
“Oooooh, come in, my child. I’m so happy you’ve come.”  
  
“Here goes nothing,” Martha muttered.  
  
She opened the door and peeked inside. She bit her lip when she saw the wolf lying in the bed. It had a nightcap on its head and had the covers up to its eyeballs. She smiled thinking that the whole thing was like a storybook illustration come to life. She stepped inside and left the door open for a quick escape.  
  
“I’m so happy to see you, my child,” the wolf said in the falsetto voice. “Come closer, so I can see you better.”  
  
Martha slowly walked over to the bed. She paused and stared at the wolf who was looking at her with his big brown eyes. She hesitated a moment trying to remember the exact sequence of events since it had been years since she had read the story. She looked at his eyes.  
  
“Think eyes are first,” she muttered under her breath.  
  
In a loud voice she said…  
  
“Grandmother, what big eyes you have!”  
  
“The better to see you with, my dear,” the wolf replied sweetly.  
  
“Okay, what’s next?” she muttered.  
  
The wolf still had the covers up to his eyes, obscuring his snout. Martha waited for him to pull the covers down, but he just stared at her, waiting for her to go on. Martha looked at the hairy hands holding the edge of the covers.  
  
“Okay, did she mention the hands in the story?” she muttered to herself. “I think she did.”  
  
She cleared her throat.  
  
“Grandmother, what big hands you have!”  
  
“The better to hold you with, my dear.”  
  
Now the wolf lowered the blanket showing his huge hairy snout. Martha smiled.  
  
“Grandmother, what a big nose you have!”  
  
“The better to smell the goodies with, my dear.”  
  
Now the wolf opened his mouth. Martha gulped when she saw the sharp teeth and backed up slightly towards the door.  
  
“Grandmother,” she said, tensing her body. “What big teeth you have!”  
  
The wolf’s expression became maniacal.  
  
“THE BETTER TO EAT YOU WITH, MY DEAR!” he roared.  
  
Martha sped towards the door, but to her surprise, the wolf leapt up and lunged at the door, slamming it shut before she could get out. Martha gasped and ran over to a window with the wolf in hot pursuit. She tried to open it and cursed when it wouldn’t budge. She turned, saw the wolf advancing and prayed that the android would stop before it ate her.  
  
Suddenly, the closet door by the bed flew open and to Martha’s utter astonishment, the Doctor ran out into the room.  
  
“Not so fast, Wolfie!” he said, running towards him.  
  
The wolf roared and lunged at him, but the Doctor knocked him unconscious with an uppercut to the jaw. Then, grabbing the wolf by the shoulders, he dragged him over to the closet, dumped him inside and locked the door with the sonic screwdriver.  
  
“There we go, the thick little git is safely contained,” he said, putting the screwdriver back in his pocket.  
  
“Doctor?”  
  
The Doctor looked at Martha who was still standing by the window, completely in shock.  
  
“How did you find me?” she said, walking towards him.  
  
The Doctor smiled at her. Martha stopped and stared at him.  
  
“Doctor? Is that you?”  
  
“No…not exactly. I am Doctor Replicant number four.”  
  
“Oh, another android, then,” Martha muttered. “I was gonna say, how did you know I came in here.”  
  
She smiled at him.  
  
“Well, thanks for rescuing me from the wolf,” she said.  
  
“My pleasure, I always enjoy saving my companions from nasty flea-bitten, cross-dressing wolves. Now I suggest you run along before Wolfie breaks down the door. I’ll keep an eye on things, so you can get a head start.”  
  
Martha nodded. She picked up the basket, waved to the android and hurried back down the path to the door.  
  
Once she reached it, she put the basket and cloak back on the pegs, took the clipboard out of the basket and went back into the main room. She went to the next door, stopped and stared at it.  
  
“Goldilocks and the Three Bears,” she muttered. “Hmmm, should I try this one out?”  
  
She smiled.  
  
“And if I did, would the “Doctor” come and rescue me from the bears?”  
  
After a moment’s thought, she decided it was worth the risk to see what would happen. She opened the door and saw another forest. Smiling, she walked through, closed the door behind her and followed the little path.  
  
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX  
  
“Hello?” Martha said as she opened the cottage door and peeked inside. “Anyone home?”  
  
She waited a moment and when no one answered, she stepped inside.  
  
“Doctor? You here?” she called out.  
  
There was still no answer, so Martha walked over to the table in the kitchen. True to form, there were three chairs of various sizes with bowls of porridge in front of them. Martha went to the biggest chair first and sat down.  
  
“This chair is too hard,” she announced.  
  
She went to the next one, which had a pink cushion on it. She sat down and gasped when she sank down almost to the ground. She quickly pushed herself up.  
  
“Too right, this one is too soft,” she said. “I about ended up on the floor.”  
  
She moved to the littlest one and gingerly sat down.  
  
“This one is just right,” she declared.  
  
She stared at the small bowl of porridge.  
  
“Sorry, I’m not about to eat a bowl of gunk for the sake of the story,” she said, standing up. “They’ll just have to assume I did.”  
  
She walked over to the stairs, prepared to go up and paused.  
  
“Wait, there’s something else she did before she went to the beds.”  
  
She thought a moment and then smiled.  
  
“Oh yeah, she goes to the chairs in the living room next.”  
  
She turned and headed into the next room. Once again, there were three chairs all in a row. Martha sat down on the largest one.  
  
“Too hard,” she said, getting up.  
  
She paused at the second chair and raised her eyebrow.  
  
“After what happened in the kitchen, I’m not about to risk sitting in this one.”  
  
She paused a moment and then put her hand on the pink cushion.  
  
“Too soft and if they don’t like the way I do it, too bad,” she said, moving on.  
  
She went to the third chair and stared at it. It was a child sized rocking chair.  
  
“Okay, if I sit in this, I will definitely break it,” she said. “Um…better not risk doing that.”  
  
She put her foot on the seat and rocked it a couple of times.  
  
“Okay, now on to the bedroom,” she said, walking out.  
  
She paused at the foot of the stairs.  
  
“I hope to God a Doctor bot is up here hiding somewhere,” she muttered.  
  
She climbed the stairs into the dimly lit musty bedroom. She wrinkled her nose.  
  
“Ugh, I think the three bears need to shower more often,” she said.  
  
She looked around.  
  
“Doctor?”  
  
She sighed when there was no answer.  
  
“I hope I’m not making a big mistake doing this. The last thing I want is to be mauled by three angry bears.”  
  
She walked over to the first bed, sat on it, declared it too hard and moved on. She laid her hand on the second bed, declared it too soft and moved on. She went to the tiny bed at the end and sat down on it.  
  
“This bed is just right. Yawn, I’m so sleepy, I think I’ll take a nap.”  
  
She looked around while she made snoring sounds. Just then, she heard the front door bang open and the deep voice of Papa Bear talking about what a lovely walk they just had and how their porridge was ready to eat. Frantically, she looked around the room for any sign of the Doctor android.  
  
“SOMEONE’S BEEN SITTING IN MY CHAIR!” Papa Bear roared.  
  
Martha winced.  
  
“Someone’s been sitting in my chair.” Mama bear said.  
  
“Someone’s been sitting in my chair and look, they ate all my porridge.”  
  
Martha raised her eyebrow.  
  
“Okay, I guess they’re programmed to say that whether or not you actually eat the stuff,” she muttered.  
  
She listened with growing dread as they moved into the living room and went through the same routine. Then, finally, she heard them coming upstairs. Martha tensed her muscles when she saw Papa Bear coming up the steps. She gulped when she saw how large he was and once again said a silent prayer that the Doctor android was nearby. All three bears walked into the bedroom and went over to the beds.  
  
“Someone’s been sleeping in my bed!” Papa Bear said.  
  
They moved on.  
  
“Someone’s been sleeping in my bed!” Mama Bear said.  
  
They walked over and stood at the foot of the bed staring down at her.  
  
“Someone’s been sleeping in my bed and look there she is!” Baby Bear said, pointing.  
  
“Um, hi…um….sorry, I was tired and just came in here for a nap,” Martha said, sheepishly.  
  
She gulped when the bears growled and walked towards her, clawed hands outstretched.  
  
“Look, just let me go and I’ll go back out the way I came, I promise,” Martha said.  
  
She closed her eyes when the Papa Bear reached for her neck.  
  
“YOOOOOOOOOO-HOOOOOOOOOO!”  
  
Martha opened her eyes and breathed a sigh of relief when she saw the Doctor standing at the top of the stairs with a big clay pot in his hands.  
  
“Lookie what I got, Pooh Bear, honey!” he said, showing it to Papa Bear. “Want some nice honey to pour on your porridge?”  
  
The three bears roared and ran towards him.  
  
“No, then?” the Doctor said, innocently.  
  
He stood there smiling at them while they ran towards him. Then, at the last moment, he jumped out of the way and the three bears went tumbling down the stairs.  
  
“Ooops, sorry, I guess you weren’t expecting me to move just then,” the Doctor called down to them. “I’m rubbish when it comes to giving advanced warnings. Hope you three enjoy your nap though.”  
  
Martha put her hand over her heart, feeling it return to normal as the Doctor sat the honey pot down and walked over to her.  
  
“Thank you, Doctor, I’ve never been so happy to see you in my whole--“  
  
“Martha Jones!” the Doctor said, sternly.  
  
Martha stared at him while he stood at the foot of the bed with his hands on his hips.  
  
“Yes?” she said.  
  
“You know better than to go into strange houses without backup. You would have been killed just now if it hadn’t been for me. For shame, Martha Jones, for shame.”  
  
Martha was stunned. All she could manage to do was mumble out an apology. The Doctor bot grinned.  
  
“Only pulling your leg, I would have done the same. But, just the same, I think you better leave before Yogi recovers from his boo boo.”  
  
Martha nodded. She stood up and gave the Doctor bot an affectionate peck on the cheek. He blushed and walked her to the stairs.  
  
“Take care now, Martha Jones.”  
  
“You too, Doctor.”  
  
She walked down the stairs, stepped around the unconscious bears and went out the door.  
  


1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 56. Chapter 67. Chapter 78. Chapter 89. Chapter 910. Chapter 1011. Chapter 1112. Chapter 1213. Chapter 1314. Chapter 1415. Chapter 1516. Chapter 1617. Chapter 1718. Chapter 1819. Chapter 1920. Chapter 2021. Chapter 2122. Chapter 2223. Chapter 2324. Chapter 2425. Chapter 2526. Chapter 2627. Chapter 2728. Chapter 2829. Chapter 2930. Chapter 3031. Chapter 3132. Chapter 3233. Chapter 3334. Chapter 3435. Chapter 3536. Chapter 3637. Chapter 37  
  
Doctor Who and its accoutrements are the property of the BBC, and we obviously don't have any right to them. Any and all crossover characters belong to their respective creators. Alas no one makes any money from this site, and it's all done out of love for a cheap-looking sci-fi show. All fics are property of their individual authors. Archival at this site should not be taken to constitute automatic archive rights elsewhere, and authors should be contacted individually to arrange further archiving. Despite occasional claims otherwise, The Blessed St Lalla Ward is not officially recognised by the Catholic Church. Yet.   
  
Script for this archive provided by [eFiction](http://efiction.sourceforge.net/). Contact our archivists at [help@whofic.com](mailto:help@whofic.com). Please read our [Terms of Service](http://www.whofic.com/tos.php) and [Submission Guidelines](http://www.whofic.com/guidelines.php). 


	9. Teaspoon :: The Scavenger Hunt. by cheri

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**The Scavenger Hunt.** by [cheri](http://www.whofic.com/viewuser.php?uid=1862) [[Reviews](http://www.whofic.com/reviews.php?sid=22661&chapid=50111) \- [81](http://www.whofic.com/reviews.php?sid=22661&chapid=50111)] [Chapter](http://www.whofic.com/viewstory.php?action=printable&textsize=0&sid=22661&chapter=9) **or** [Story](http://www.whofic.com/viewstory.php?action=printable&textsize=0&sid=22661&chapter=all)   
  
  
1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 56. Chapter 67. Chapter 78. Chapter 89. Chapter 910. Chapter 1011. Chapter 1112. Chapter 1213. Chapter 1314. Chapter 1415. Chapter 1516. Chapter 1617. Chapter 1718. Chapter 1819. Chapter 1920. Chapter 2021. Chapter 2122. Chapter 2223. Chapter 2324. Chapter 2425. Chapter 2526. Chapter 2627. Chapter 2728. Chapter 2829. Chapter 2930. Chapter 3031. Chapter 3132. Chapter 3233. Chapter 3334. Chapter 3435. Chapter 3536. Chapter 3637. Chapter 37

  
  
Chapter Nine  
  
Martha closed the door and went to the next one.  
  
“Hmmm, Cinderella. Well, at least Cinderella doesn’t have bears or wolves in it,” she muttered.  
  
She opened the door and noticed an empty bucket hanging on a peg. She took it and walked into an old dusty cottage. She closed the door, reached inside the bucket, grabbed a scrub brush and went to look for some water.  
  
“There you are!”  
  
Martha gasped when she heard a screechy voice behind her. She turned and saw two middle-aged women clad in gaudy dresses staring at her with utter hate. She stared at them thinking she had seen the somewhere before and then it came to her. It was Rose’s mother, Jackie and Donna’s mother, Sylvia. Martha raised her eyebrow.  
  
“I’m assuming this is the Doctor’s idea of wicked stepsisters,” she muttered under her breath. “If it is, he better not have made my mum the wicked stepmother or I’ll kill him and then kill him again.”  
  
“Well, don’t just stand there gawping like an idiot,” Jackie said. “We need our dresses mended, so we can go to the ball tonight!”  
  
“Yeah, we’re gonna dance with the prince while you get to stay here and clean up the whole house,” Sylvia sneered.  
  
Martha rolled her eyes when both women laughed cheesy laughs.  
  
“Well, get to it, you little slack jawed waste of space!” Jackie said. “I need my dress and I need it now!”  
  
“And if you don’t have it done in the next hour, we’ll throw you in the well and watch you drown!” Sylvia added.  
  
Both women turned and pranced out of the room.  
  
“Hmmm, I wonder if I should inform Rose and Donna about all this,” she said to herself.  
  
She sat the bucket down.  
  
“Well, guess I better go find the dresses,” she added.  
  
Suddenly, there was a bright flash of light and Martha gasped as she covered her eyes. She took her hand away and was shocked when she saw Jack standing in front of her with a wand in his hand.  
  
“Hello, Martharella, I’m your fairy godfather.”  
  
Martha held her hand up to her mouth, trying to hold back the laughter.  
  
“You are a kind and virtuous woman, Martharella, so I’m going to grant you your heart’s desire. I will make it so you can attend the ball and dance with the prince tonight.”  
  
“Oh thank you, fairy godfather,” Martha said, trying to keep a straight face.  
  
She smiled when Jack touched his wand to the top of her head.  
  
“There, you are now ready to go, just step through this door and you’ll be at the ball.”  
  
“What? No pumpkin and mice horses and stuff?” Martha said.  
  
“Eh, I don’t feel like going out and gathering all that stuff, it’s easier just to zap you to the palace and get it over with,” Jack said, waving his hand.  
  
Martha laughed.  
  
“Okay, well, thank you, fairy godfather.”  
  
“Not at all, but remember, you must be back here…”he pulled a stopwatch out of his pocket and clicked it, “by the stroke of midnight or nasty things will happen that will cause you great embarrassment and make you the laughing stock of the whole kingdom. And now…if you’ll excuse me, I have to go give a “tonsillectomy” to my fairy godpartner, Ianto. Have fun.”  
  
There was another bright flash of light and Jack was gone. There was now a door in the wall that had not been there before and Martha quickly opened it and stepped through it. Inside was an enormous polished, posh marble ballroom. Martha looked around at all the women who were waiting expectantly and staring up at the throne on a dais in front of them. Martha followed their gaze and grinned when she saw the Doctor android lounging in the throne with one leg dangling over the armrest. He was watching a servant who was walking by him carrying a tray filled with sandwiches and cheese.  
  
“Hey!” he called out, clicking his fingers. “Up here. I want some nibbles! I love nibbles!”  
  
The servant obeyed. The Doctor took the tray from him and shooed him away. He shoveled the food into his mouth with both hands while he looked around. Suddenly, his eyes fell on Martha and he paused, mid-chew while he stared at her with wide eyes. Martha giggled when he reached down, grabbed a telescope, opened it up and stared at her through it. She snickered when his mouth formed a silent, oooo, and he put down the telescope and tray of food. Getting up, he walked off the dais. Immediately, every android fell to its knees.  
  
“OUR GOD!” they said, prostrating themselves.  
  
“Geez, figures the Doctor would make the androids say that,” she muttered.  
  
The Doctor walked over and stopped a foot away from her. Reaching into his pocket, he brought out a pair of opera glasses and looked at her through them. Martha laughed while he examined her for a moment before putting them back in his pocket.  
  
“I have not seen you here before,” he said. “Pray tell me, what is your name?”  
  
“Marth…um…Martharella.”  
  
“Martharella, how lovely. Is that Italian?”  
  
Martha was thrown for a loop.  
  
“Um, how should I know?” she said.  
  
“Ah well, doesn’t matter. What matters is you are an enchanting creature and I would like to get to know you better. Would you care to dance with me?”  
  
Martha smiled.  
  
“I’d love to, your highness,” she said.  
  
“Oh, you don’t have to call me that. God will do just fine.”  
  
Martha rolled her eyes.  
  
“Yeah, I’d rather not call you that,” she muttered.  
  
She took the Doctor’s hand and he led her to the center of the ballroom. They turned and stared at the crowd. Martha smiled when all eyes focused on her and she giggled when she saw Jackie and Sylvia near the back frantically pointing at her and whispering to each other. The Doctor looked at her and smiled.  
  
“And now, we dance,” he said.  
  
Martha turned to grab his other hand when she heard a sound coming from above. She looked up and noticed a panel in the ceiling was sliding back and a disco ball was dropping down. Martha stared at it, perplexed, while the room dimmed and it began to spin around throwing little circles of light all over the room. Suddenly, she heard someone shout…  
  
DO THE HUSTLE!  
  
She stood there in shock as the disco song, Do The Hustle played and the Doctor did the Hustle beside her. He smiled at her.  
  
“Come on, do the Hustle with me!” he said.  
  
Martha laughed out loud and mimicked the Doctor’s moves. The two of them disco danced while the rest of the crowd watched.  
  
“Yeah, I can definitely tell the Doctor had a hand in this simulation,” she said to herself.  
  
The two of them did the Hustle until the song ended and everyone applauded them. The Doctor turned to her.  
  
“That was marvelous. You dance divinely, Martharella,” he said.  
  
“Thanks, you’re not so bad yourself.”  
  
“Care to join me in another dance to celebrate the fact that it is nearing midnight?”  
  
Martha frowned.  
  
“Huh?”  
  
The Doctor pointed to the wall. Martha looked up and noticed it was now five minutes to twelve.  
  
“Blimey, that was fast,” she said.  
  
“Yes, time goes by fast when you’re disco dancing. But, never mind that, the night is still young and I’m sure you have all the time in the world to spend with me.”  
  
Martha stared at him. The Doctor stared back.  
  
“Is something wrong?” he finally asked.  
  
“Well…I…uh…”  
  
“Cause it looks as if you want to leave, but surely, that’s not it, because if you leave, I’ll have to search the entire kingdom for you and waste valuable time that would be better spent on disco dancing and nibbles.”  
  
The Doctor gave her a pointed look. Martha hesitated a moment and then sped towards the door.  
  
“WAIT! WHERE ARE YOU GOING?” the Doctor yelled. “COME BACK, MARTHARELLA, WE WERE JUST GOING TO DO GROUP MACARENA! COME BACK!”  
  
Martha rolled her eyes. She hurried though the door and slammed it shut.  
  
“Okay, so now I wait for the Doctor to come with the shoe, I guess,” Martha said, looking at the door.  
  
“Actually, no, this is the end of the simulation.”  
  
Martha turned and saw Jack standing on the other side of the room.  
  
“Thank you for participating though,” he added.  
  
“Well, wait, what about the scene with the glass slipper?”  
  
“What glass slipper, you had your plimsols on the entire time,” Jack said, pointing to her feet.  
  
Martha put her hands on her hips.  
  
“You mean we’re not gonna finish the story?” she said.  
  
“No, the Doctor was never a fan of Cinderella. Too girly and no action apart from Cinderella running away from the palace. He decided to cut it short and move on to other things. The man does have a short attention span, you know.”  
  
Martha snorted.  
  
“Yeah, tell me about it. But…um…why are you here instead of a proper fairy godmother.”  
  
“Oh, I’m comic relief. You know, the Doctor thought it would be fun to add a comic twist and have an android of me appear and grant you your wish.”  
  
“Comic twist….like using Rose and Donna’s mums as the wicked stepsisters?”  
  
“Yeah, something like that. Anyway, like I said, thank you for participating. Now, if you don’t mind, I have to get back to Ianto bot. he’s waiting in bed for me with a hockey stick and…”  
  
“Don’t…I don’t wanna know the details,” she replied, holding up her hand. “I’ll just go and try out the Rapunzel one now. Are you in that one too?”  
  
“Um, no, I’m not, sadly. But have fun anyway.”  
  
Martha nodded. She grabbed the bucket, put it back on the peg and went out the door.  
  


1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 56. Chapter 67. Chapter 78. Chapter 89. Chapter 910. Chapter 1011. Chapter 1112. Chapter 1213. Chapter 1314. Chapter 1415. Chapter 1516. Chapter 1617. Chapter 1718. Chapter 1819. Chapter 1920. Chapter 2021. Chapter 2122. Chapter 2223. Chapter 2324. Chapter 2425. Chapter 2526. Chapter 2627. Chapter 2728. Chapter 2829. Chapter 2930. Chapter 3031. Chapter 3132. Chapter 3233. Chapter 3334. Chapter 3435. Chapter 3536. Chapter 3637. Chapter 37  
  
Doctor Who and its accoutrements are the property of the BBC, and we obviously don't have any right to them. Any and all crossover characters belong to their respective creators. Alas no one makes any money from this site, and it's all done out of love for a cheap-looking sci-fi show. All fics are property of their individual authors. Archival at this site should not be taken to constitute automatic archive rights elsewhere, and authors should be contacted individually to arrange further archiving. Despite occasional claims otherwise, The Blessed St Lalla Ward is not officially recognised by the Catholic Church. Yet.   
  
Script for this archive provided by [eFiction](http://efiction.sourceforge.net/). Contact our archivists at [help@whofic.com](mailto:help@whofic.com). Please read our [Terms of Service](http://www.whofic.com/tos.php) and [Submission Guidelines](http://www.whofic.com/guidelines.php). 


	10. Teaspoon :: The Scavenger Hunt. by cheri

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**The Scavenger Hunt.** by [cheri](http://www.whofic.com/viewuser.php?uid=1862) [[Reviews](http://www.whofic.com/reviews.php?sid=22661&chapid=50221) \- [81](http://www.whofic.com/reviews.php?sid=22661&chapid=50221)] [Chapter](http://www.whofic.com/viewstory.php?action=printable&textsize=0&sid=22661&chapter=10) **or** [Story](http://www.whofic.com/viewstory.php?action=printable&textsize=0&sid=22661&chapter=all)   
  
  
1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 56. Chapter 67. Chapter 78. Chapter 89. Chapter 910. Chapter 1011. Chapter 1112. Chapter 1213. Chapter 1314. Chapter 1415. Chapter 1516. Chapter 1617. Chapter 1718. Chapter 1819. Chapter 1920. Chapter 2021. Chapter 2122. Chapter 2223. Chapter 2324. Chapter 2425. Chapter 2526. Chapter 2627. Chapter 2728. Chapter 2829. Chapter 2930. Chapter 3031. Chapter 3132. Chapter 3233. Chapter 3334. Chapter 3435. Chapter 3536. Chapter 3637. Chapter 37

  
  
Chapter Ten  
  
“Okay,” Martha said, opening the Rapunzel door, “wonder what unique touches the Doctor added to this one?”  
  
She stepped inside and closed the door. She was in a circular stone room with one huge window off to her left. Against the wall was a tiny bed, a nightstand with a washbasin, a bookcase with several books in it and an old battered chair. In the center of a room was an enormous braided hairpiece that was coiled around and around like a giant black snake. Martha walked over to it, found the end and picked it up. Affixed to the end was a huge black banana clip. Martha smoothed back her hair and clipped on the braid. She walked to the window, turned and noticed that part of the braid was now snaking along behind her.  
  
“Well, at least it’s not too heavy,” she said to herself.  
  
She leaned out the window and looked down. Sure enough, she was at the top of a tall stone tower with no windows or doors in it other than the one she was using. At the bottom, she could see thorn bushes scattered around the base. All around the tower was a huge clearing and beyond that was an enormous forest. Martha looked around for any sign of the Doctor android, but he was nowhere to be seen.  
  
Suddenly, she heard a cackle coming from above. She looked up and saw a woman flying towards the tower on a broomstick. She quickly stepped back as Jackie flew into the window and stopped right in front of her.  
  
“Good morning, Marpunzel, I’ve brought you your dinner for today!” she said, holding up a small brown sack from McDonalds.  
  
Martha raised her eyebrow.  
  
“Yup, now I’m definitely going to tell Rose about him using her mum as the villain.”  
  
“What’s that, Marpunzel?”  
  
“Nothing, I was just thinking aloud,” Martha said. “I don’t have much to do being stuck up here all the time, so I think to myself.”  
  
Jackie flew over to the bed and dropped the sack onto it.  
  
“Well, I would let you out, but you’re so beautiful, I just can’t take the risk. Anyone could just come along and carry you off and then I’d be out of work. Times are tough and a face-slapping, screeching, harpy like me can’t afford to be unemployed.”  
  
“Face-slapping, screeching harpy, eh? Yup, definitely gotta tell Rose,” Martha muttered.  
  
Jackie flew over to the window.  
  
“Well, I’ll be going now. Gotta get back to my boring chav life and do boring, superficial chav things. Have fun and don’t let any strange men up in here. I don’t run a brothel, you know!”  
  
Martha rolled her eyes when Jackie flew out the window cackling at the top of her lungs. She turned, looked at the sack on the bed and opened it up.  
  
“Bollocks,” she said when she pulled out a wad of tissue paper. “I was hoping there’d be food in here. Ah well.”  
  
She walked back over to the window and looked out. For a moment, nothing happened and then suddenly she heard hoof beats in the distance.  
  
“Three guesses who that is,” she muttered.  
  
Sure enough, a moment later, the Doctor rode out of the woods on a white horse.  
  
“Whoa!” she heard him say as he stopped the horse.  
  
She stared at him while he stared back. Then, he reached into a pouch on his belt, brought out another telescope and opened it up.  
  
“AT LAST, I HAVE FOUND HER!” she heard him exclaim as he eyed her through the telescope.  
  
He rode towards the tower, stopped the horse several feet from it and jumped off. He quickly ran to the base of the tower, got down on his knee and spread his arms out.  
  
“O, beautiful one, are you Marpunzel?”  
  
“Yes, I am.”  
  
“Oh, thank the heavens above, I have heard legends of a lovely lady who resides in a tall and impenetrable tower and so I put down my Sudoku book and rode out to find you. Tell me, dear Marpunzel, where is the door, so I might climb up and carry you away from this miserable existence.”  
  
“There is no door. Just this window.”  
  
The Doctor paused.  
  
“No door?”  
  
“Nope.”  
  
“Then, how the hell did you get up there?”  
  
“Um…let’s see, gotta think how the story goes…um, I think I was kidnapped as a baby and brought here by an evil witch and she has kept me here ever since.”  
  
“Oh, you mean the screechy, wrinkly hag that flies around and scares small children and animals?”  
  
“Um…yeah….her,” Martha muttered.  
  
“That fiendish hellcat. How dare she imprison one such as you? Someone needs to burn her at the stake for her foul deeds.”  
  
“Hey, I have a question for you.”  
  
“Yes?”  
  
“You ever have a woman in here by the name of Rose or Rosepunzel.”  
  
The Doctor stared at her.  
  
“No, I don’t believe we’ve ever had anyone by that name.”  
  
“Well, it’s a good thing because if she knew what the Doctor was doing and saying about her mum, she would slap him from the front of the TARDIS to the back and back again.”  
  
The Doctor looked confused.  
  
“I do not understand you, pretty one. Being in this tall tower has isolated you from civilization and caused you to speak in tongues. But, never fear, I will carry you away and make you my bride and together we will spend all day eating nibbles and doing Sudoku.”  
  
“And disco dancing?”  
  
The Doctor paused.  
  
“I wasn’t planning on it, but now that you mention it, that does sound fun. Yes, we will eat and do puzzle books and dance all day long. Now, if you’ll just point out a way to get up to you, I’d be much obliged.”  
  
“I guess you’ll have to climb up my hair.”  
  
The Doctor smiled.  
  
“Ah, yes, the legendary impossibly long hair you possess. How brilliant is that? I climb up your hair and rescue you. Okay…um…Marpunzel, Marpunzel, let down your hair and I will climb the ebony stair.”  
  
“Hold on, I gotta shove the whole thing out the window.”  
  
“Okey-dokey.”  
  
Martha walked over, grabbed the huge mass of hair and grunting, pulled it over to the window. Gasping and panting, she got behind it and pushed the entire thing out.  
  
“OOF!”  
  
Martha looked out the window. The Doctor was now sprawled out on the ground, buried under the mass of hair.  
  
“You couldn’t have just lowered it out slowly?” he grunted out.  
  
“Oops, sorry, Doctor,” she said, sheepishly.  
  
“No worries,” he said, pushing it off his body.  
  
He got up and dusted himself off. He grabbed a hold of the braid and put his foot against the wall.  
  
“And now, dear Marpunzel, I will climb the hair and rescue you!” he yelled.  
  
Martha gasped when he started to climb up. The Doctor’s weight pulled on the braid and made it feel like her actual hair was being torn out by the roots. She planted both hands on either side of the window, so she wouldn’t tumble out.  
  
“GET OFF!” she bellowed at him.  
  
The Doctor paused halfway up.  
  
“I’m sorry?”  
  
“GET OFF THE PLAIT. YOU’RE GONNA RIP MY HAIR OUT!”  
  
‘But I’m supposed to climb…”  
  
“I DON’T CARE WHAT YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO DO! GET OFF THE PLAIT NOW!”  
  
She breathed a sigh of relief when the Doctor repelled back down and let go.  
  
“Jesus,” Martha said, holding her aching head.  
  
“Are you alright, my darling?”  
  
“No, my skull aches now.”  
  
Before the Doctor could get any ideas, she quickly pulled the braid inside.  
  
“But… how am I supposed to rescue you?”  
  
“I don’t know. Just think of a way, but you’re not climbing up my hair,” she yelled down.  
  
The Doctor looked around and disappeared from view while he walked around the tower. Martha leaned on the wall.  
  
“God, that hurt like hell,” she said to herself. “Even as a kid, I thought the whole climbing up the hair thing was odd. Whoever wrote the story obviously didn’t think things through properly. Especially since once the prince got up here, how would both of them get back down?”  
  
The Doctor came back into view.  
  
“There are no doors or windows anywhere,” he said. “How do I get up to you?”  
  
“I don’t know, but you’re not climbing up. Think of some other way.”  
  
The Doctor stood and stared at the wall. Then, with a smile, he suddenly reached into his pocket and brought out his sonic screwdriver. He aimed it at the wall in front of him.  
  
“A-HA!” he yelled triumphantly.  
  
“What? What is it?”  
  
The Doctor grinned at her.  
  
“There’s a secret lift right inside the tower.”  
  
“There is?”  
  
She watched while the Doctor pressed the screwdriver against the wall and heard a rumble when a piece of it slid open.  
  
“Success!” he crowed.  
  
He looked up at her.  
  
“Hold on, my darling, your rescue is just an up button away!”  
  
He entered the lift and the wall slid back.  
  
Martha leaned up, turned and waited. A moment later, a huge panel in the floor slid back and the lift rose up out of it. It stopped and with a small ding, the door opened.  
  
“Ah, here we are!” the Doctor said, striding out.  
  
He looked around.  
  
“Blimey, this place is tiny,” he said.  
  
He looked again.  
  
“Hey, where’s the toilet? I’ve been riding all day and my bladder is filled to the brim.”  
  
Martha stared at him.  
  
“Um…toilet?”  
  
“Yeah, I need to go, so where’s the loo at?”  
  
“I don’t know.”  
  
The Doctor gave her a puzzled look.  
  
“You don’t know. Didn’t you say you’ve lived here since you were a baby?”  
  
“Um…yeah…”  
  
“Okay, so how did you pee? You lean out the window and water the thorn bushes? You use the wash basin over there? What do you do when you need to go?”  
  
“Um…I…don’t….” Martha muttered.  
  
The Doctor stared at her with wide eyes.  
  
“You don’t pee…ever?”  
  
“Um…no. The witch cast a spell on me so I can’t pee. That way she doesn’t have to take me out of the tower.”  
  
“That fiend. That chavvy little harpy. I swear when I get my hands on her pruny little neck--“  
  
“Alright, you can stop there,” Martha said.  
  
“Well then, all the more reason for me to take you away from this place. Come my dear, into the lift and then back to my palace for nibbles and Sudoku.”  
  
Martha hesitated. She looked at the exit door behind her.  
  
“Um, I better not,” she said.  
  
The Doctor frowned.  
  
“What do you mean, you better not? I’m here to rescue you!”  
  
“Yeah, but this is all a simulation and I’d rather not go too far from the exit door.”  
  
“Exit door? What exit door?”  
  
“The one behind me.”  
  
The Doctor looked over and his eyes widened.  
  
“What? When did that appear?” he muttered.  
  
He walked over to it and opened it. Martha watched while he stuck his head outside.  
  
“What is this place?” he muttered.  
  
Martha’s eyes widened when he went outside.  
  
“Hey! Um…Doctor bot, come back, I don’t know if you’re supposed to be out there!” she said, undoing the hairpiece and throwing it down.  
  
She reached the exit door just in time to see the Little Red Riding Hood door close. She ran to it, opened it and saw the Doctor standing there with a perplexed look on his face.  
  
“Amazing, there’s another forest in here. I wonder where this path leads?” he muttered to himself.  
  
“Doctor...prince…God, whatever you call yourself,” Martha said, running up to him as he started down the path, “come back here!”  
  
The Doctor stopped and looked at her.  
  
“Why? What’s wrong?”  
  
“I don’t think you’re supposed to be in here. You’re supposed to be in the Rapunzel room. They’ve already got another Doctor android in here!”  
  
“Another me? Really? How fascinating. Where is he?”  
  
“He’s in the house at the end of this path.”  
  
She grabbed his arm when he started off.  
  
“But you can’t go there. You have to go back to your own simulation!”  
  
The Doctor turned and gave her the haughty look that Martha knew all too well.  
  
“I’m the Doctor. I can go anywhere I please,” he said, sniffing.  
  
“No, you’re not the Doctor. You’re an android that’s programmed to think like him. The Doctor put you in the Rapunzel room, so you need to go back there!”  
  
“After I finish exploring,” he said, wrenching his arm from her hand and walking away.  
  
Martha sighed.  
  
“Fine, you go where you damn well please then. It’s not like I can get the real Doctor to listen either,” she said. “I need to get going anyway. So, have fun.”  
  
She turned and walked back to the Rapunzel room, grabbed the clipboard and shut the door. She walked back to the Little Red Riding Hood, looked in and saw the Doctor chatting with the wolf. Sighing, she closed the door, turned and left the main room.  


1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 56. Chapter 67. Chapter 78. Chapter 89. Chapter 910. Chapter 1011. Chapter 1112. Chapter 1213. Chapter 1314. Chapter 1415. Chapter 1516. Chapter 1617. Chapter 1718. Chapter 1819. Chapter 1920. Chapter 2021. Chapter 2122. Chapter 2223. Chapter 2324. Chapter 2425. Chapter 2526. Chapter 2627. Chapter 2728. Chapter 2829. Chapter 2930. Chapter 3031. Chapter 3132. Chapter 3233. Chapter 3334. Chapter 3435. Chapter 3536. Chapter 3637. Chapter 37  
  
Doctor Who and its accoutrements are the property of the BBC, and we obviously don't have any right to them. Any and all crossover characters belong to their respective creators. Alas no one makes any money from this site, and it's all done out of love for a cheap-looking sci-fi show. All fics are property of their individual authors. Archival at this site should not be taken to constitute automatic archive rights elsewhere, and authors should be contacted individually to arrange further archiving. Despite occasional claims otherwise, The Blessed St Lalla Ward is not officially recognised by the Catholic Church. Yet.   
  
Script for this archive provided by [eFiction](http://efiction.sourceforge.net/). Contact our archivists at [help@whofic.com](mailto:help@whofic.com). Please read our [Terms of Service](http://www.whofic.com/tos.php) and [Submission Guidelines](http://www.whofic.com/guidelines.php). 


	11. Teaspoon :: The Scavenger Hunt. by cheri

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**The Scavenger Hunt.** by [cheri](http://www.whofic.com/viewuser.php?uid=1862) [[Reviews](http://www.whofic.com/reviews.php?sid=22661&chapid=50223) \- [81](http://www.whofic.com/reviews.php?sid=22661&chapid=50223)] [Chapter](http://www.whofic.com/viewstory.php?action=printable&textsize=0&sid=22661&chapter=11) **or** [Story](http://www.whofic.com/viewstory.php?action=printable&textsize=0&sid=22661&chapter=all)   
  
  
1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 56. Chapter 67. Chapter 78. Chapter 89. Chapter 910. Chapter 1011. Chapter 1112. Chapter 1213. Chapter 1314. Chapter 1415. Chapter 1516. Chapter 1617. Chapter 1718. Chapter 1819. Chapter 1920. Chapter 2021. Chapter 2122. Chapter 2223. Chapter 2324. Chapter 2425. Chapter 2526. Chapter 2627. Chapter 2728. Chapter 2829. Chapter 2930. Chapter 3031. Chapter 3132. Chapter 3233. Chapter 3334. Chapter 3435. Chapter 3536. Chapter 3637. Chapter 37

  
  
Chapter Eleven  
  
“Hello, any androids in here?” Donna said, as she opened a door and peeked inside.  
  
She saw a small theater inside the room. There was a stage on the other side of the wall with a heavy red curtain obscuring the back of it. Around it were scattered tables and chairs. She stepped in and closed the door.  
  
“Hmmm, wonder if they put on any shows?” she muttered.  
  
She glanced around and noticed two red buttons on the wall to her right. Both buttons had little signs above them. The sign above the left button said…  
  
MUSIC HALL.  
  
And the other sign said…  
  
LEGITIMATE THEATER.  
  
Donna pressed the music hall button and jumped when orchestra music began to play from a speaker mounted in the ceiling. She looked over at the stage as a man walked out dressed in a white shirt, black pants and black dress shoes. Donna looked around at the empty room, walked to a table at the front of the stage, set the clipboard on it and sat down.  
  
“Welcome, everyone, to the TARDIS Players vaudeville extravaganza, starring the amazing duo, The Lord and The Captain! And now without further ado, the musical and comedy stylings of The Lord and The Captain!”  
  
He walked off as the curtain went up. A jaunty tune played overhead while the Doctor and Jack tap-danced onto the stage. Both of them were dressed like members of a barbershop quartet complete with straw hat and wooden cane.  
  
“Doctor? Jack?” Donna said. “Is that really you?”  
  
They ignored her and faced each other.  
  
“Hello, Jack!” the Doctor said, cheerfully.  
  
“Hello, Doctor, you look great as usual. Not a wrinkle on your face.”  
  
“Well, of course not, Jack. I don’t age, I regenerate!”  
  
A rim shot came out of the speaker. Both the Doctor and Jack did a two-step while they did their routine.  
  
“Say, Jack,” the Doctor said. “I got a riddle for ya!”  
  
“Okay, shoot…”  
  
The Doctor pulled a small derringer out of his pocket and shot him in the side.  
  
“I didn’t mean shoot, as in shoot me, I meant, go ahead.”  
  
“Oops, my bad. It’s a good thing you’re immortal,” the Doctor said, putting the gun back in his pocket.  
  
They continued to dance.  
  
“Say, Jack, speaking of guns, what goes bang, thud, bang, thud, bang, thud, bang, thud, bang, thud, bang, thud, bang, thud, bang, thud, bang, thud, bang, thud, bang, thud, bang, thud, bang, thud?”  
  
“I don’t know, Doctor, what goes bang, thud, bang, thud, bang, thud, bang, thud, bang, thud, bang, thud, bang, thud, bang, thud, bang, thud, bang, thud, bang, thud, bang, thud, bang, thud?”  
  
“A Time Lord committing suicide!”  
  
Another rim shot as the Doctor gave the audience a cheesy grin. Donna rolled her eyes. They started to dance again.  
  
“Say, Doctor, that sure was a swell riddle. Here’s one for you. What do you say to a fifty foot demon on a ship in the middle of a storm?”  
  
“I don’t know, Jack, what do you say to a fifty foot demon on a ship in the middle of a storm?”  
  
“ABADDON DOWN THE HATCHES!”  
  
Rim shot.  
  
“Okay, that one went right over my head,” Donna muttered.  
  
The two of them stopped dancing, put their hands over their eyes and scanned the crowd.  
  
“Look at this, Jack, “they said when they saw Donna. “It looks like we’ve only got one person in the audience.”  
  
“One person, well, that’s one more than we usually have!”  
  
Donna put her head in her hands when the two of them danced around each other singing, BA DA BADA BADA BAAAAAAAAAA!”  
  
“Okay, this is officially the stupidest thing I’ve ever seen,” Donna said.  
  
“You there, little lady, what’s your name?” the Doctor said to her.  
  
“I’m Donna.”  
  
“And where are you from, Donna?”  
  
“I’m from the bleedin’ TARDIS, same as you.”  
  
“Well, it’s nice to meet you, Donna. Say, would you like to see a magic trick?”  
  
“No, but I have a feeling you’re gonna do one anyway.”  
  
The Doctor ignored her.  
  
“I need a willing volunteer from the audience!” he announced.  
  
He scanned the room again while Donna rolled her eyes. His eyes settled on her and he pointed to her.  
  
“You there, Donna, how about you?”  
  
“Gee, you picked me out of everyone in here? I’m so flattered!” Donna said, sarcastically.  
  
Sighing, she stood up and let the Doctor and Jack help her onto the stage. Jack left while the Doctor stood beside her with his hand in his pocket. He pulled out a coin and showed it to her.  
  
“Behold, an ordinary penny,” he said, with wide eyes.  
  
“Whoopie.”  
  
“And now, before your very eyes, I will make it…DISAPPEAR!”  
  
“Oh, joy, I can’t wait.”  
  
She sighed as the Doctor waggled his fingers over it. She stared at him and noticed that his skin looked artificial. Her eyes widened in realization.  
  
“Oh, you’re an android thingy. I wondered how you managed to find me. I guess Jack is a robot too?” she said to him.  
  
The Doctor ignored her. He paused a minute and then quickly threw the penny over his shoulder and closed his hand.  
  
“ALA-KAZAM!” he shouted, pointing to his closed fist.  
  
He opened his hand and gasped as he showed her his empty hand.  
  
“Behold, the power of magic!” he said, dramatically.  
  
“No, behold the power of stupidity,” Donna replied.  
  
She gasped when the Doctor slapped her hard on the back.  
  
“You’ve been a great help, Donna. Give her a hand, everyone.”  
  
Donna turned and gave the empty house a pointed look when no one clapped. She noticed Jack walking back out with several thin rods and some plates and quickly jumped down off the stage.  
  
“And now for the talent portion of our act!” the Doctor announced.  
  
“Oh, you mean there is one? For a moment, I was starting to wonder,” Donna said, as she sat back down.  
  
The Doctor reached into his pocket, pulled out three balls and began to juggle them while Jack spun the plates on the rods. Donna sighed.  
  
“Okay, I’ve seen enough. I’m gonna try the legitimate theater button now,” she said, getting up.  
  
She walked over, pressed the button and immediately, the Doctor and Jack stopped, gathered up their things and left the stage as the curtain closed. The emcee walked out as she sat back down.  
  
“You have chosen the legitimate theater button. You can choose from three dramas. Our selections are The Secret in the Shadows, Banana Republic or The Hunt for the Golden Scarab.”  
  
Donna thought.  
  
“Um…the scarab one sounds good. I’ll have that.”  
  
The man bowed and left the stage. Nothing happened for a few minutes and then the curtain came up on a living room scene. Rose was wearing a blue dress and was sitting on a red velvet sofa while she quietly read a book. The Doctor walked onstage, only this time he was dressed in a white polo shirt, tan Dockers and brown loafers. Donna raised her eyebrow, thinking how odd he looked when he wasn’t wearing his usual suit. The Doctor sat down beside what she assumed was a Rose android.  
  
“Muffy, I have bad news,” the Doctor said with a posh accent.  
  
Rose looked at him.  
  
“What is it, Aloysius?” she said with an equally posh accent.  
  
“I’m afraid I must leave the comfort and posh life of Rosewolf Manor. My father, the famous archeologist, Devon Humble-dumble-doo-da has been called away to mysterious Egypt. Seems someone has finally located the legendary Golden Scarab.”  
  
Rose let out a melodramatic gasp as she put her hand to her heart.  
  
“No, you cannot leave me here! I am your beloved! What will I do without you?”  
  
Donna rolled her eyes when the Doctor grabbed her and held her in a tight embrace.  
  
“You must try to carry on without me, my Muffin. I would love nothing more than to stay here and bury my head in your bountiful bosom, but I cannot. You see, I am an archeologist and even though I usually point and laugh at them whenever I see them, for purposes of this play, I will pretend I’m not a time traveler, but a normal British billionaire with oodles of money to spend and a hot girlfriend who I like to nuzzle and fondle from sunup to sundown. I’m afraid I must go.”  
  
Donna flinched when a jarring chord came from the speaker. Rose bot instantly fell to her knees and threw her arms around the Doctor’s legs.  
  
“No, my beloved, you must not leave me. I shall die if I’m deprived of your pretty boy face and macho body! Also, I shall be alone in this house with only my faithful servant, Prissy to talk to.”  
  
Donna’s eyes widened when she suddenly appeared onstage dressed in a French maid uniform, holding a feather duster.  
  
“You called for me, madam?” the Donna bot said in a nasally voice.  
  
“No, Prissy, I was just mentioning your name to Aloysius. You are not needed.”  
  
“Very good, madam. I will go and clean the sewers then. There’s nothing I like better to get down on my hands and knees and shovel out the feces with my bare hands”  
  
Donna glared as her android went offstage.  
  
“He…is….dead!” she snarled.  
  
She sighed and put her head in her hand while she listened to the Doctor and Rose drone on and on about their love for each other and how tormented they would be if they were separated and how humongous Rose’s melons were and how the Doctor liked to squeeze them until they were red and sore.  
  
“Hey! Emcee robot, can I change to another play, preferably one that isn’t nauseating and dull?” she screamed.  
  
She sighed when she got no answer. Suddenly, porno music began to play and her mouth dropped open when the Doctor and Rose bots began to disrobe.  
  
“Oh, hell no!” she said, getting up. “I’ve seen more than enough of this. I think it’s time for me to move on!”  
  
She grabbed the clipboard and ran from the room as the moaning and groaning and panting began.  
  


1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 56. Chapter 67. Chapter 78. Chapter 89. Chapter 910. Chapter 1011. Chapter 1112. Chapter 1213. Chapter 1314. Chapter 1415. Chapter 1516. Chapter 1617. Chapter 1718. Chapter 1819. Chapter 1920. Chapter 2021. Chapter 2122. Chapter 2223. Chapter 2324. Chapter 2425. Chapter 2526. Chapter 2627. Chapter 2728. Chapter 2829. Chapter 2930. Chapter 3031. Chapter 3132. Chapter 3233. Chapter 3334. Chapter 3435. Chapter 3536. Chapter 3637. Chapter 37  
  
Doctor Who and its accoutrements are the property of the BBC, and we obviously don't have any right to them. Any and all crossover characters belong to their respective creators. Alas no one makes any money from this site, and it's all done out of love for a cheap-looking sci-fi show. All fics are property of their individual authors. Archival at this site should not be taken to constitute automatic archive rights elsewhere, and authors should be contacted individually to arrange further archiving. Despite occasional claims otherwise, The Blessed St Lalla Ward is not officially recognised by the Catholic Church. Yet.   
  
Script for this archive provided by [eFiction](http://efiction.sourceforge.net/). Contact our archivists at [help@whofic.com](mailto:help@whofic.com). Please read our [Terms of Service](http://www.whofic.com/tos.php) and [Submission Guidelines](http://www.whofic.com/guidelines.php). 


	12. Teaspoon :: The Scavenger Hunt. by cheri

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**The Scavenger Hunt.** by [cheri](http://www.whofic.com/viewuser.php?uid=1862) [[Reviews](http://www.whofic.com/reviews.php?sid=22661&chapid=50286) \- [81](http://www.whofic.com/reviews.php?sid=22661&chapid=50286)] [Chapter](http://www.whofic.com/viewstory.php?action=printable&textsize=0&sid=22661&chapter=12) **or** [Story](http://www.whofic.com/viewstory.php?action=printable&textsize=0&sid=22661&chapter=all)   


Author's Notes:

Spoilers for Silence in the Library, Forest of the Dead and the Unicorn and the Wasp.  
  
1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 56. Chapter 67. Chapter 78. Chapter 89. Chapter 910. Chapter 1011. Chapter 1112. Chapter 1213. Chapter 1314. Chapter 1415. Chapter 1516. Chapter 1617. Chapter 1718. Chapter 1819. Chapter 1920. Chapter 2021. Chapter 2122. Chapter 2223. Chapter 2324. Chapter 2425. Chapter 2526. Chapter 2627. Chapter 2728. Chapter 2829. Chapter 2930. Chapter 3031. Chapter 3132. Chapter 3233. Chapter 3334. Chapter 3435. Chapter 3536. Chapter 3637. Chapter 37

  
  
Chapter Twelve  
  
Donna walked to the next door and opened it up. She peeked inside and saw a graveyard. She went inside and closed the door. In front of her was a dirt path that led through the graveyard up to a huge hill. Beyond the hill she could see the roof of a dilapidated stereotypical Victorian haunted house. She checked her list.  
  
“Hmmm, graveyards, dead bodies, nope, nothing like that here,” she muttered. “However, there is a Ming dynasty vase and a painting of the Doctor wearing a monocle.”  
  
She looked towards the roof of the house and noticed a simulated thunderstorm was starting.  
  
“Well, I guess I’ll have to check the creepy haunted house in case this vase or this picture is in it,” she muttered. “But, there better not be any more Doctor and Rose robots having simulated sex. Just because they’re in love and randier than a couple of teenagers doesn’t mean the rest of us want to see their make out sessions.”  
  
She walked down the path, looking left and right at the gravestones. She began to notice that some of the graves had inscriptions on them. She paused and read some of them. There were tombstones made up for each of the Doctor’s past lives and one for someone named Adric. There was one for a Romana and one for a Susan, all three with a bouquet of yellow flowers in front of them. Then, she came upon one for River Song. She gulped when she saw a large bouquet of roses lying there and the sonic screwdriver that had belonged to her. Memories of her time in The Library came flooding back and she fought to hold back tears while she remembered River and Miss Evangelista and the children and husband she had shared a life with in the virtual reality world. After that, she kept her eyes straight ahead and quickened her pace, wanting to get past the graveyard as quick as she could.  
  
Reaching the top of the hill, she looked down and noticed the Doctor was sitting in a rocking chair on the porch calmly sipping something in a glass. She walked down the hill towards him.  
  
“Doctor? Are you the real Doctor or are you an android?” she called out.  
  
The Doctor didn’t answer. Donna stepped up onto the porch, walked over and looked at his skin. She saw it was artificial.  
  
“Damn, I was hoping it was really you, so I could kill you for the whole Prissy thing,” she muttered.  
  
She stood there for a moment listening to the creak, creak, creak of the Doctor’s rocking chair and then he finally looked up at her with wide eyes.  
  
“Beware!” he said melodramatically. “This house is cursed! All who enter have slowly gone mad! Beeeeeeeeeeeeewaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaare!”  
  
He paused a moment.  
  
“Mint Julep?” he said, picking up a pitcher from a table beside him.  
  
Donna was thrown for a loop at the sudden change in his demeanor.  
  
“Um…no.”  
  
“Sure? It’s freshly made. There’s nothing better than to sit on the front porch of my satanic house of doom and sip a tall glass of Mint Julep.”  
  
“Yeah, thanks, but no thanks.”  
  
“Suit yourself,” the Doctor said, shrugging. “I would offer you a…”  
  
He gave her a pointed look.  
  
“Harvey Wallbanger, but I’m right out of that.”  
  
“Yeah, very funny, n’yuk, n’yuk.”  
  
“Perhaps you’d like to hear a song instead? Mammy!” he said, waving his hands.  
  
“Can I ask you something?”  
  
“Sure.”  
  
“Does the real Doctor get his jollies from belittling other people or is the TARDIS doing all this because she thinks it’s cute?”  
  
The android gave her a blank look.  
  
“I don’t know what you mean. What do you mean “real Doctor”? I am the real Doctor and what is this TARDIS you speak of?”  
  
Donna sighed.  
  
“Never mind, forget I said anything, just stay out here and sip your Mint Julep. I’m going in.”  
  
“Beeeeeeeeeeeeeewaaaaaaaaaaaare, the house is cursed!”  
  
“Yeah, yeah,” Donna said, opening the door.  
  
She looked back and noticed the android had gone back to rocking and sipping his Mint Julep. Rolling her eyes, she slammed the door behind her.  
  
She looked around the dusty, dark interior. There was no one in the house, although there were sounds of moaning and groaning which Donna figured were coming from another speaker somewhere. She held her clipboard to her chest while she stepped from the front room into the living room. She stopped short when she noticed Rose was sitting on a settee looking forlorn.  
  
“Um, if the reason you’re sad is because you’re missing your snog partner, he’s right outside the door sipping a Mint Julep,” she said.  
  
“Help me, please, help me,” she said, piteously.  
  
Donna moved closer, deciding to play along.  
  
“What’s wrong, sweetie?” she said.  
  
“The Doctor’s gone mad.”  
  
Donna snorted.  
  
“Love, I think that happened long before you showed up,” she said.  
  
“No, the house has possessed his mind and caused him to go mad,” she said.  
  
“Yeah, he said that…”  
  
“He’s gone completely insane!”  
  
“Okay, I’ll play along…in what way has he gone insane?”  
  
Rose looked out the door and then stared at her with big, sad eyes.  
  
“In the beginning, we came to Rosewolf Manor with the hopes of starting a new life together…”  
  
“Rosewolf Manor again? He must like that name,” Donna muttered.  
  
“And we were happy, until…”  
  
There was a dramatic pause.  
  
“Until?” Donna prompted when she didn’t say anything.  
  
Rose let out a sob, took a handkerchief out of her pocket and dabbed at her eyes with it.  
  
“Until the evil in this house began to invade his sleep, fill his head with nightmares and make him question his sanity.”  
  
“And let me guess, shortly after that, snog time became a thing of the past.”  
  
Rose began to sob into the handkerchief.  
  
“He used to be so loving with me. There were nights when he’d lay in bed with me and cuddle me and touch all the secret erotic spots that only he knew about and then he’d suck my--“  
  
“I get the picture. Just get to the point!” Donna said, holding up her hand.  
  
“But now, he’s become so demanding and violent towards me. I’m little more than a sex slave now and it’s all this house’s fault!”  
  
“Okay, so why don’t you guys move away then?”  
  
“We can’t. I’ve tried to convince him to move, but the house convinces him to stay. The evil forces are controlling him now. Oh, what shall I do?”  
  
“Um…I really don’t know since you’re really not the Doctor and Rose, you’re just a couple of androids acting out some live action, cheesy, haunted house melodrama. And I’d really love to help you, but I’m on a scavenger hunt. Incidentally, you wouldn’t happen to have a Ming vase or a painting of the Doctor wearing a monocle somewhere inside this so-called demon house?”  
  
Rose gasped.  
  
“That portrait of my beloved, you must not look at it!”  
  
“Oh, so it is here. Great, I can tick off another item. Now, where is it?”  
  
“No, you must stay away from it. It’s alive! It’ll drive you insane just like it drove my Doctor insane.”  
  
“Yeah, no offense, but I’ve seen worse traveling with the real Doctor. I’ll take my chances.”  
  
She turned to go.  
  
“You must not look at the portrait! It’ll destroy your soul and turn you into a pitiful insane shell. Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeewaaaaaaaaaaaaare!”  
  
“Oh, Christ, now she’s gonna start in on that,” she muttered.  
  
Donna quickly hurried from the room while Rose shrieked out, beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeewaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaare!  


1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 56. Chapter 67. Chapter 78. Chapter 89. Chapter 910. Chapter 1011. Chapter 1112. Chapter 1213. Chapter 1314. Chapter 1415. Chapter 1516. Chapter 1617. Chapter 1718. Chapter 1819. Chapter 1920. Chapter 2021. Chapter 2122. Chapter 2223. Chapter 2324. Chapter 2425. Chapter 2526. Chapter 2627. Chapter 2728. Chapter 2829. Chapter 2930. Chapter 3031. Chapter 3132. Chapter 3233. Chapter 3334. Chapter 3435. Chapter 3536. Chapter 3637. Chapter 37  
  
Doctor Who and its accoutrements are the property of the BBC, and we obviously don't have any right to them. Any and all crossover characters belong to their respective creators. Alas no one makes any money from this site, and it's all done out of love for a cheap-looking sci-fi show. All fics are property of their individual authors. Archival at this site should not be taken to constitute automatic archive rights elsewhere, and authors should be contacted individually to arrange further archiving. Despite occasional claims otherwise, The Blessed St Lalla Ward is not officially recognised by the Catholic Church. Yet.   
  
Script for this archive provided by [eFiction](http://efiction.sourceforge.net/). Contact our archivists at [help@whofic.com](mailto:help@whofic.com). Please read our [Terms of Service](http://www.whofic.com/tos.php) and [Submission Guidelines](http://www.whofic.com/guidelines.php). 


	13. Teaspoon :: The Scavenger Hunt. by cheri

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**The Scavenger Hunt.** by [cheri](http://www.whofic.com/viewuser.php?uid=1862) [[Reviews](http://www.whofic.com/reviews.php?sid=22661&chapid=50386) \- [81](http://www.whofic.com/reviews.php?sid=22661&chapid=50386)] [Chapter](http://www.whofic.com/viewstory.php?action=printable&textsize=0&sid=22661&chapter=13) **or** [Story](http://www.whofic.com/viewstory.php?action=printable&textsize=0&sid=22661&chapter=all)   
  
  
1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 56. Chapter 67. Chapter 78. Chapter 89. Chapter 910. Chapter 1011. Chapter 1112. Chapter 1213. Chapter 1314. Chapter 1415. Chapter 1516. Chapter 1617. Chapter 1718. Chapter 1819. Chapter 1920. Chapter 2021. Chapter 2122. Chapter 2223. Chapter 2324. Chapter 2425. Chapter 2526. Chapter 2627. Chapter 2728. Chapter 2829. Chapter 2930. Chapter 3031. Chapter 3132. Chapter 3233. Chapter 3334. Chapter 3435. Chapter 3536. Chapter 3637. Chapter 37

  
  
Chapter Thirteen  
  
Donna sighed as she turned a corner and headed down a hallway. She had hoped that the Rose android would tell her where the painting was, so she could get in and out, but after hearing her whine and cry about the Doctor’s insanity, she figured it would be faster just to look for it herself.  
  
She rolled her eyes. Ever since she had left the living room the phrase, beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeewaaaaaaaaaaaaare, you’ll go insane was repeated over and over throughout the house. Finally, she stopped and put her hands on her hips.  
  
“NOW YOU LISTEN AND LISTEN GOOD! IF YOU DON’T KNOCK IT OFF, I’LL SHOW YOU HOW INSANE I REALLY AM WHEN I FIND YOU AND KICK THE LIVING SNOT OUTTA YA!”  
  
She smiled when the house fell silent.  
  
“There we go, it always pays to be assertive and put your foot down,” she said, walking on.  
  
She came to a closed door on her left side. She opened it up and saw the Doctor standing inside a kitchen with his back to her.  
  
“Oh, get tired of rockin’ and sipping your Mint Julep?” she said.  
  
The Doctor spun around with a huge grin on his face.  
  
“It’s time for everyone’s favorite cooking show, Dining With The Doctor!” he yelled.  
  
Donna stared at him.  
  
“Okay, is this what the Rose bot meant by you going insane?” she said.  
  
“And today’s delicious meal is Tarthaginian Tartar!” he said.  
  
He put his hands on the kitchen island and leaned forward to look at her.  
  
“Now, Tarthaginian Tartar is a tricky dish to make, especially since Tarthaginians need to be purchased live from the market and killed at home, so the meat will be fresh and delicious. This means that not only do you have to subdue the Tarthaginian and kill it, it also means you must avoid the poisonous barbs it shoots from its mouth while you’re doing so.”  
  
He slapped his hands together.  
  
“So, let’s get to it. First, you must take the Tarthaginian out of the refrigerator.”  
  
He walked over to the fridge, opened it and pulled out a big grey sack. Donna’ eyes widened when she saw something wriggling inside and heard hissing sounds. The Doctor slammed the sack on the counter, which caused the beast to hiss even louder.  
  
“Now,” he said, walking over to a drawer, “you get out your rolling pin and begin bashing the beast to death.”  
  
He untied the bag and Donna gasped when a slimy green squid-like creature pulled itself out with its huge tentacles.  
  
“DIE, TARTHAGINIAN!” the Doctor said, raising the rolling pin over his head.  
  
Donna yelled and dove for cover as the Tarthaginian pulled itself all over the counter, hissing and spitting poisoned barbs at the Doctor’s head while he tried to bash it repeatedly with the rolling pin. The squid leapt off onto the floor and the Doctor followed him, bashing the floor with the rolling pin while the creature eluded him and fired barbs at his head.  
  
“YOU WON’T GET AWAY FROM ME, YOU OCTOPUS FROM HELL!” the Doctor screamed as he smacked the ground with the rolling pin. “NO MONSTER MOVIE REJECT IS GONNA GET THE BEST OF ME.”  
  
Donna ran to the other side of the room when the squid turned and pulled itself in her direction. The Doctor was half insane now, yelling at the top of his lungs as he tried to hit the creature. Dishes and cups went flying when the Doctor accidentally slammed into a china cabinet. Undeterred, the Doctor finally caught up to the creature and slammed the rolling pin down onto it. It stopped, dazed, and the Doctor hit it repeatedly as hard as he could while he screamed bloody murder. Donna cowered in a corner and watched as green gooey blood began to squirt out of the dying Tarthaginian. Finally, after five minutes, the Doctor let up and breathed a sigh of relief when the creature stopped moving and lay dead in a puddle of its own green blood.  
  
“There,” he said cheerfully to the terrified Donna, “now that the creature is dispatched, we can move on to the next stage.”  
  
Whistling, he picked up the pulverized squid and dumped it back on the counter while Donna slowly came out from the corner.  
  
“Next thing we do,” he said, throwing the rolling pin on the counter, “is get a knife and chop up the squid into bite sized chunks.”  
  
Donna, fearing that if she stayed she might suffer bodily harm, slowly inched back out the door and left the Doctor to his cooking show.  
  
She quickly hurried to the next door, opened it and was shocked to see the Doctor and Rose. She stared at the Doctor.  
  
“Didn’t I just leave you in the other room?” she said.  
  
She ran back to the kitchen door and flung it open.  
  
“And now that we’ve diced up the Tarthaginian, we began putting the chunks in the pot.”  
  
Donna stared at the Doctor still narrating his cooking show. She went to the other door and saw the Doctor and Rose standing there.  
  
“Okay, so there’s more than one Doctor in here then and more than one Rose?” she asked the androids.  
  
“Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeewaaaaaaaaaaaaaaare!” the Doctor said.  
  
“Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeewaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaare!” Rose added.  
  
Donna sighed.  
  
“Yeah, I got that already, so you can stop with the whole melodramatic--“  
  
“Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeewaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaare!” the Doctor said.  
  
“Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeewaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaare!” Rose added.  
  
“Yeah, I’ll be moving along then, see ya!”  
  
The Doctor looked at Rose.  
  
“Rooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooose,” he said to her.  
  
Rose looked at him.  
  
“Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees, Dooooooooooooctooooooooooor?”  
  
“Caaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan I foooooooooooooooondle your booooooooooooooooooooooobiiiiiiiiies?”  
  
“Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees!”  
  
The Doctor smiled and reached for her breasts. Donna quickly slammed the door. Muttering under her breath, she moved on.  
  
She turned a corner and saw an open door. She looked in and saw a staircase leading up. She climbed it to the second floor.  
  
“There better not be any weird, kinky robot sex up here,” she said, stepping into a hallway.  
  
She paused when she noticed a glowing portrait on the wall. She ran to it and let out a squeal of joy. It was the portrait of the Doctor. He had on a black Victorian suit, was wearing a monocle on his left eye and was holding a pipe in his left hand. He was standing by a huge window and beside that was a bookcase filled with books. Donna folded her arms over her chest.  
  
“Okay, demon picture, make with the insanity,” she said.  
  
She stared at it, but nothing happened. Snorting, she reached into her pocket for her pencil, checked off the item on her list and walked on down the hallway. She stopped short when she saw the painting next to the Doctor one. It was Rose sitting on a chair in the same room the Doctor had been in. She was wearing a heavy black Victorian dress with an enormous black hat on her head. She had her hands placed neatly in her lap and had a Mona Lisa smile on her face.  
  
“Very nice,” Donna said.  
  
She moved on to the portrait beside it. It was the same painting of Rose, only now the Doctor was standing outside the window looking in at her with lust in his eyes. Donna sighed and moved to the next painting. Same scene, only now the Doctor was bursting through the window as a startled Rose leapt up from her chair.  
  
“Ooookay,” Donna said, moving to the next one.  
  
Now, both the Doctor and Rose were outside. The Doctor was chasing Rose, his tongue hanging out of his mouth while he sported a huge, bulging erection. Rose had her hat off and was beating him on the head with it while he pursued her.  
  
“Let me guess, the next painting will have her chained to the bed while he’s shagging the living daylights outta her,” Donna said, dryly.  
  
She forced herself to move to the last painting and rolled her eyes when she saw it. The Doctor was back in the library in the same pose as the first painting with monocle on eye and pipe in hand. However, in his left hand he was holding a heavy chain that was attached to a heavy metal collar around Rose’s neck. She was kneeling on the floor by his side, clad in a black bra and knickers with a bewildered expression on his face. She glanced up and noticed the Doctor had a triumphant smirk on his face and shook her head.  
  
“What is it with this ship? Everywhere I turn, the Doctor and Rose are getting it on or about to get it on.”  
  
Suddenly, she heard the TARDIS rumbling over her head. She paused a moment. She had heard that rumble before. The Doctor once told her it was the TARDIS laughing. Her eyes narrowed.  
  
“Wait a minute…” she said.  
  
She put her hands on her hips and looked up at the ceiling.  
  
“It’s you, isn’t it? You’re deliberately putting these randy robots in my path for a giggle, aren’t you?”  
  
Her mouth dropped open when the TARDIS rumbled loudly.  
  
“I swear, you are as bad as he is,” she said, shaking her head as the TARDIS continued to rumble. “Okay, you’ve had your fun, not stop with the oversexed androids, will ya?”  
  
She felt the TARDIS nudge the back of her mind affectionately and took that as a hopeful sign that it would finally stop.  
  
“Thank you,” she said.  
  
She moved down the hall towards the stairs at the other end of the corridor. As she passed by a closed door, she stopped when she suddenly heard someone signing loudly and off-key in a falsetto voice. She stood there and listened.  
  
YOU’RE HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERE! THERE’S NOOOOOOOOOOOOOTHING I FEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAR AND I KNOOOOOOOOOOOOOW THAT MY HEART WIL GO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!  
  
She opened the door and saw the Doctor sitting naked in a bathtub playing with a toy boat while he sang…  
  
WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE’LL STAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY FOREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVER THIS WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY…  
  
She put her hands over her ears to drown out the banshee howl. A few seconds later, the Doctor stopped singing. Sighing with relief, she took her hands away from her ears. The Doctor grabbed a rubber ducky, held both it and the boat up in front of him and rammed the boat into the side of the duck.  
  
“Oh no, Titanic’s hit an iceberg!” he yelled. “Oh, the humanity!”  
  
He dropped the duck back into the water and held the boat in both hands while he yelled at it.  
  
“OH NO, ROSE, WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO?” he screamed at it. “WE’LL NEVER ESCAPE THE FLOATING PLEASURE SHIP OF DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!”  
  
He tipped the boat down towards the bath water.  
  
“OH NO, WE’RE SINKING! WE’RE HEADING TOWARDS A WATERY DEATH! OH MY ROSE, HOW WILL WE EVER ESCAPE?”  
  
He lowered the boat towards the water.  
  
“OUR ONLY CHANCE IS TO SWIM, MY ROSE. BUT THEN, WE MUST FIND A WAY ONTO A LIFEBOAT BEFORE WE FREEZE INTO ICE LOLLIES! OH, CRUEL FATE, THOU DOST MOCK US! WE, WHO ARE YOUNG NOW MUST PERISH IN NEPTUNE’S FRIGID WATERS AND PERHAPS LAND A SPOT ON DAVY JONES’S SHIP AND HAVE TO WORK FOR HIM FOR A HUNDRED YEARS AND BE TURNED INTO HALF PEOPLE/HALF SQUID SHARK FISH THINGS! OH, ALAS AND ALACK AT OUR PLIGHT. I…”  
  
The Doctor finally noticed Donna for the first time.  
  
“May I help you?” he said.  
  
“Don’t mind me; I’m just listening to you being an idiot.”  
  
The Doctor dropped the boat into the water.  
  
“Um…I’m not sure if you’re legally blind, but…I’m having a bath in here,” he said. “I mean, I know I’m not from Earth, but I’m pretty sure that it’s considered bad form for someone to just stand there in the doorway and watch someone take a bath.”  
  
“Well, actually, I’m just standing here in case you freeze into an ice lolly and I have to revive you and Rose before you’re forced to become fish shark shrimp things on Davy Jones’s ship,” she said, sarcastically.  
  
The Doctor reddened at that.  
  
“Yes, well…nothing wrong with a little bath time fun,” he said, indignantly. “I enjoy a bit of playacting now and then. Keeps the imagination fresh. So, if you don’t mind, my bathwater’s getting cold and I’d like to finish the bath before I really do turn into an ice lolly. So, bye bye now.”  
  
Donna flipped him off before slamming the door.  
  
“HEY, I SAW THAT!” she heard him scream through the door.  
  
“GOOD! MEANS YOU HAVEN’T TURNED INTO AN ICE LOLLY YET!”  
  
She turned and ran towards the stairs before she could hear his reply.  
  
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX  
  
She breathed a sigh of relief when she reached the front door.  
  
“Good, I can finally get away from this loony bin,” she said, opening the door and stepping outside.  
  
She froze when she heard, creak, creak, creak and saw Mint Julep Doctor looking at her in shock.  
  
“You survived the house without going nuts?” he said.  
  
“Oh, I went nuts alright, it just hasn’t shown yet,” she replied.  
  
The Doctor rocked and took a sip of his Mint Julep.  
  
“I went nuts, you know. This house drove me barking mad.”  
  
“Yeah, after going through it, I completely understand why. Well, enjoy your insanity and your insane house and your insane Rose. I’ll be off now.”  
  
“Don’t want any Mint Julep?”  
  
Donna sighed.  
  
“No, I don’t want any bleedin’ Mint Julep. I’m fine. Goodbye, now.”  
  
“Goodbye? Where are you going?”  
  
Donna pointed towards the hill.  
  
“I’m going back the way I came, so I can continue this scavenger hunt.”  
  
“Who said you could leave?”  
  
“I said, got a problem with that, alien doofus?”  
  
“You can’t leave, I won’t let you. You’re mine now, you know.”  
  
Donna narrowed her eyes.  
  
“Listen here, sunshine, you stay right where you are and sip your drink because if you come anywhere near me, I’m gonna rip your circuits out of your body and make you eat them.”  
  
The Doctor sighed and sat his drink down.  
  
“Why must they always fight?” he said, reaching into his pocket.  
  
Donna’s mouth dropped open when he pulled out a machete.  
  
“Now, march right back in the house, young lady. I won’t have you being the first to escape this den of insanity. I…”  
  
He was cut short when Donna wrenched the knife out of his hand and held it to his throat.  
  
“You were saying, sweetie?” she said with mock sweetness.  
  
“Um, I was saying…goodbye and have a pleasant scavenger hunt.”  
  
“Good answer.”  
  
She dropped the knife in his lap and strolled off the porch.  
  
“HEY!”  
  
Donna sighed and turned around.  
  
“Yeah?”  
  
“Friendly word of advice. Don’t go up into the attic.”  
  
Donna frowned.  
  
“The TARDIS has an attic?”  
  
“Yes, whatever you do, stay away from it. There’s evil things in there.”  
  
Donna rolled her eyes.  
  
“Yeah, yeah, and it’s cursed. Beeeeeeeeeeeeewaaaaaaaaaaaaare, yeah I got all that. Bye now!”  
  
“No, really, I’m serious. The attic is forbidden. Evil lurks up there.”  
  
“Yeah, I’m sure there’s a ton of evil dust bunnies in the attic waiting to devour people. BYE!”  
  
“Okay, but don’t say I didn’t warn ya!”  
  
Donna shook her head, turned and walked back towards the front door.  
  


1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 56. Chapter 67. Chapter 78. Chapter 89. Chapter 910. Chapter 1011. Chapter 1112. Chapter 1213. Chapter 1314. Chapter 1415. Chapter 1516. Chapter 1617. Chapter 1718. Chapter 1819. Chapter 1920. Chapter 2021. Chapter 2122. Chapter 2223. Chapter 2324. Chapter 2425. Chapter 2526. Chapter 2627. Chapter 2728. Chapter 2829. Chapter 2930. Chapter 3031. Chapter 3132. Chapter 3233. Chapter 3334. Chapter 3435. Chapter 3536. Chapter 3637. Chapter 37  
  
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	14. Teaspoon :: The Scavenger Hunt. by cheri

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[Tenth Doctor](http://www.whofic.com/categories.php?catid=15)  
---  
**The Scavenger Hunt.** by [cheri](http://www.whofic.com/viewuser.php?uid=1862) [[Reviews](http://www.whofic.com/reviews.php?sid=22661&chapid=50390) \- [81](http://www.whofic.com/reviews.php?sid=22661&chapid=50390)] [Chapter](http://www.whofic.com/viewstory.php?action=printable&textsize=0&sid=22661&chapter=14) **or** [Story](http://www.whofic.com/viewstory.php?action=printable&textsize=0&sid=22661&chapter=all)   
  
  
1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 56. Chapter 67. Chapter 78. Chapter 89. Chapter 910. Chapter 1011. Chapter 1112. Chapter 1213. Chapter 1314. Chapter 1415. Chapter 1516. Chapter 1617. Chapter 1718. Chapter 1819. Chapter 1920. Chapter 2021. Chapter 2122. Chapter 2223. Chapter 2324. Chapter 2425. Chapter 2526. Chapter 2627. Chapter 2728. Chapter 2829. Chapter 2930. Chapter 3031. Chapter 3132. Chapter 3233. Chapter 3334. Chapter 3435. Chapter 3536. Chapter 3637. Chapter 37

  
  
Chapter Fourteen  
  
Rose smiled at the Doctor while the two of them headed down a corridor. The excited look he had on his face was just so cute. She figured that now since he was just as clueless as she was about the location of the items that it would be more fun for him. She had no idea now where they were now. She had never been this far back before, but as long as the Doctor was with her, she didn’t care where they went.  
  
“Ah, here we go,” the Doctor said, stopping her. “Let’s try this door, shall we?”  
  
Rose nodded. He put his hand on the doorknob and looked at her with wide eyes.  
  
“Ready for anything?” he asked.  
  
“Ready when you are.”  
  
He grinned and threw open the door. He put his hand on her back when Rose stepped forward and looked inside. Her eyes boggled when she saw a meadow.  
  
“What?” she said, walking into the room.  
  
She looked up at the clouds in the sky.  
  
“Are…are we still inside the TARDIS?” she said, looking back at the Doctor.  
  
“Yup, we are.”  
  
“But, it looks so real,” Rose said as he closed the door. “I mean, it looks like we’re outside.”  
  
“Yes, my TARDIS has the ability to simulate the outdoors. Means I don’t have to look at roundel covered walls all the time.”  
  
Rose fell to her knees and put her hand on the grass.  
  
“It feels like grass, proper grass.”  
  
She paused a moment and felt the wind hitting her face.  
  
“And wind. You have wind in here.”  
  
“Yup.”  
  
Rose looked up at him.  
  
“Oh my God, Doctor. I never realized just how wonderful the TARDIS really is. This ship is beyond belief!”  
  
The Doctor grinned.  
  
“Now you see why I’m terrified of losing her,” he said. “I keep telling you guys this is the most magnificent ship in the universe and now you have proof of that.”  
  
Rose felt tears come to her eyes. The Doctor frowned and knelt down beside her.  
  
“Hey, what’s with the waterworks all of a sudden?” he said.  
  
“I’m just thinking how much I missed her those two years I was trapped. Oh God, I would have missed seeing stuff like this if I hadn’t found a way back.”  
  
The Doctor put his arm around her and laid his nose against her wet cheek, silently sending out his own thanks to the universe. He kissed the tear stain and gently pulled her to her feet.  
  
“Come on,” he said, pointing to a hill. “Let’s go see what’s over there, shall we?”  
  
Rose frowned.  
  
“You don’t know?” she asked.  
  
“No, actually the TARDIS has many outdoor rooms and it’s hard to keep track of what’s where. So, let’s go see what wonders this particular room holds.”  
  
They walked towards the hill. The Doctor kept his eye on Rose, delighting in the fact that she was so awestruck. Her expression was another one of the reasons why he loved traveling with people so much.  
  
They reached the top of the hill and Rose let out a gasp when she saw what was below. There was a clearing and beyond that a huge forest. But, standing in the clearing silently munching grass were ten unicorns and five of their babies.  
  
“Oh, yes, this is my mythological beasties room,” the Doctor said. “I haven’t been in here in awhile.”  
  
Rose stared at the unicorns.  
  
“Oh my God, are those real?” she said, to the Doctor.  
  
“Um, no, actually they’re robots. The TARDIS made hundreds of robots and androids for the rooms, so I’ll have people and things to interact with. It’s no fun just going into room after empty room, you know, especially in those rare moments I’m traveling by myself.”  
  
Rose’s heart ached at the thought of him being all alone in the vast ship and how loving the TARDIS was to provide some sort of life, so he could have some interaction. She stared, enraptured, at the unicorns and their babies.  
  
“Can…can we touch them?” she asked the Doctor.  
  
He smiled.  
  
“Sure can.”  
  
His hearts did a somersault at the joy on her face. Squeezing her hand tight, he led her down the hill towards the herd. She reached out with her free hand and smiled when the nearest unicorn began walking towards her.  
  
“Oh my God, this is so cool!” she said when it came up and nuzzled her hand.  
  
The Doctor silently watched the interaction between the two of them, thinking to himself how beautiful they looked together.  
  
“You know, the legend says that a beautiful maiden who is pure of heart has the power to lure the unicorns to her. Supposedly, hunters would use young maidens in that way. The unicorn would lay with its head on the maiden’s lap and the hunters would kill it.”  
  
Rose shook her head.  
  
“Who’d ever want to kill a beautiful creature like this?” she said softly as she stroked its head.  
  
She looked at the Doctor.  
  
“Are unicorns real?” she asked.  
  
He smiled.  
  
“Yup. So are fairies and dragons and creatures like that. Most of the time they live underground or in remote areas where humans can’t get to them. But, every once in awhile they’re seen and that’s where the stories come from.”  
  
He leaned in to her ear.  
  
“And speaking of fairies, come this way towards the woods.”  
  
Reluctantly, Rose pulled herself away from the unicorn and let the Doctor lead her into the forest. Once inside, she watched while the Doctor scanned the ground. Finally they came into a small clearing and he pointed to a ring of mushrooms.  
  
“Aha! A fairy ring,” he said. “Okay, now sit down on the ground here beside it and watch what happens.”  
  
He sat down beside her and yelled up at the TARDIS to dim the light. Immediately, day turned to night and the Doctor put his arm around her.  
  
“Now, if we’re lucky, if we’re very, very lucky. We’ll get some visitors in a moment,” he whispered to her.  
  
Rose held her breath in anticipation and sure enough, soon she began to see brilliant white lights flitting among the trees in front of her.  
  
“Oh my God,” Rose whispered while the Doctor laughed softly.  
  
The lights kept darting in and out of the trees and then finally, they began to fly out towards the fairy ring. Rose’s eyes were as wide as the moon and she held the Doctor’s hands while the fairies began to fly around the mushrooms.  
  
The Doctor leaned in to her ear.  
  
“For you, my love, it’s all for you,” he whispered.  
  
The tears began to fall again while the Doctor held her close to him. She held out her hand when one of the fairies came near and cried with joy when it landed in her hand. She brought the hand slowly towards her and noticed the tiny features of a face in the middle of the glowing light.  
  
“Oh God, I thought nothing could top the unicorns. But this…”  
  
She fell silent when she couldn’t find the words to express what she was feeling. The Doctor stared intently at her face taking in every moment of joy and storing it away in his memories for safekeeping.  
  
The fairy stayed on her hand for a few more minutes and then it and the others flew away back into the woods.  
  
“Did you like that?” the Doctor said when it became day again.  
  
“I loved it,” she replied.  
  
“Good, because I have another surprise for you. Come on.”  
  
He grabbed the clipboard, helped her to her feet and led her further into the woods. Rose kept looking around while they walked. She smiled at the colorful butterflies that fluttered around them, the Brownies who were sitting on a fallen log watching them warily, the two Gnomes riding on the back of a fox. Everything in the woods was magical to her and she felt like she could stay in it forever.  
  
After about a half hour, they came upon a huge cave. The Doctor got in front of Rose.  
  
“I summon the mighty Longwei into my presence!” he yelled.  
  
For a moment, nothing happened. Then, Rose heard a roar coming from inside the cave. She started to run, but the Doctor took her hand.  
  
“No, it’s alright. He won’t hurt you, I promise.”  
  
Rose nodded and walked to the Doctor’s side. Another minute went by and then a huge red Chinese dragon stuck its head outside of the cave. The Doctor smiled.  
  
“Rose, this is Longwei, the mighty dragon. In fact, that’s what Longwei means, dragon greatness. He’s my personal lucky dragon.”  
  
He led her over and Rose smiled when she laid her hands on his scaly head.  
  
“He’s beautiful.”  
  
The Doctor gave her an impish grin.  
  
“Fancy an aerial ride on Longwei’s back?”  
  
“Seriously?”  
  
The Doctor nodded.  
  
“Yes, oh my God, I’d love to ride him.”  
  
Then come this way into the cave.”  
  
They walked in.  
  
“Now, have you seen The Never-ending Story?” the Doctor asked.  
  
“Yes.”  
  
“Okay, it’s just like when Atreyu rode Falcor. Get on right behind his neck and I’ll get on behind you.”  
  
He helped Rose on. Once she was on, he got on behind her and scooted up until he was at her back.  
  
“Hold on to his horns,” he instructed.  
  
Rose grabbed the end of the curving horns on either side of her.  
  
“Fly, Longwei!” the Doctor yelled.  
  
Rose gasped when the Dragon began to walk out of the cave.  
  
“It’s okay, I have you. I won’t let you fall,” the Doctor said, grasping her around the middle.  
  
Longwei walked halfway out of the cave. Then, looking up to the sky, he suddenly flew into the air. The Doctor wrapped his arms tight around Rose while she held on to the horns for dear life. They went up above the trees high into the sky and leveled off. Once that happened, Rose relaxed and felt secure enough to look down at the ground. Longwei flew over the forest, its golden mane billowing out over Rose’s legs.  
  
“Oh my God, this is exactly like Never-ending Story,” she said, as the Doctor laughed in her ear.  
  
They flew over another clearing and Rose gasped when she saw Centaurs galloping below.  
  
“Cool! Just like Harry Potter!” she yelled.  
  
She looked around and frowned when she noticed something in the distance was flying towards them. Something big.  
  
“Doctor? What’s that?” she said, pointing to it.  
  
The Doctor looked where she was pointing.  
  
“Oh, crap!” she heard him say.  
  
“Doctor, what’s wrong?”  
  
“Longwei! Harpy at nine o’clock!” he yelled.  
  
Rose’s eyes widened.  
  
“Harpy? That’s a harpy?” she screamed.  
  
“Yes and unfortunately, you don’t wanna mess with them! Hang on!”  
  
Rose screamed and the Doctor tightened his grip on her when Longwei dived towards the trees. She glanced around and noticed the harpy was giving chase. It resembled an enormous vulture with huge breasts hanging down under its body. It let out a high-pitched screech as it flapped its enormous wings.  
  
“Will that thing hurt us?” Rose said to the Doctor.  
  
“I hope not. Some of the animals in here are programmed to battle each other. Normally, I’m on the ground when that happens. I forgot that thing was in here.”  
  
“You mean, there’s a chance we really could die?” Rose screamed. “A mechanical harpy could kill us for real?”  
  
“Not if I can help it,” the Doctor said. “Longwei, turn around, sharp turn.”  
  
Rose gasped as the dragon did what the Doctor ordered. She felt herself sliding off, but the Doctor righted her and scooted up until she was pinned up against the back of Longwei’s head.  
  
They flew past the forest with the harpy in hot pursuit.  
  
“Lower, Longwei! Lower yourself towards the ground!”  
  
The dragon obeyed.  
  
“Okay, Rose, when it gets close to the ground, you and I are gonna slide off. Hopefully the harpy will just keep on chasing Longwei and won’t bother with us.”  
  
“And if it doesn’t?”  
  
The Doctor narrowed his eyes.  
  
“Then, I’ll make that big breasted buzzard sorry it was ever born!”  
  
Longwei soared down and flew inches from the ground.  
  
“Here we go, count of three…one…two…three!”  
  
Rose gasped as the Doctor pulled her with him while he slid off. Both of them landed hard on the ground and the Doctor pulled Rose away just in time to avoid Longwei’s clawed feet. He covered her with his body and tensed as the harpy flew towards them. To his great relief, the harpy ignored them and followed Longwei back up into the sky. The Doctor rolled off of Rose and groaned.  
  
“Oh, my ribs. That’s the last time I fly with you on dragon air,” he groaned.  
  
Rose crawled to him.  
  
“Doctor, are you okay?”  
  
“Yeah, as soon as the internal bleeding stops, I’ll be just peachy,” he replied.  
  
Rose glanced up and watched as Longwei turned in midair and began to fight the harpy. She looked down at the Doctor who had a pained smile on his face.  
  
“Well, we didn’t find any items on the list, but I did manage to get a concussion and several contusions and of course, the internal bleeding, so it wasn’t a total loss coming in here,” he joked.  
  
“We lost the clipboard though, it fell off in mid-air.” Rose said.  
  
The Doctor shook his head.  
  
“That’s easily fixed. TARDIS, the clipboard, please,” he yelled up.  
  
The clipboard appeared next to his body.  
  
“See, my ship keeps track of everything, which is good because I don’t fancy hobbling all over the forest looking for it.”  
  
He slowly sat up and took it.  
  
“Okay,” he said to Rose. “Shall we move on?”  
  
Rose nodded. The Doctor got to his feet, took her hand and led her back to the door.  
  


1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 56. Chapter 67. Chapter 78. Chapter 89. Chapter 910. Chapter 1011. Chapter 1112. Chapter 1213. Chapter 1314. Chapter 1415. Chapter 1516. Chapter 1617. Chapter 1718. Chapter 1819. Chapter 1920. Chapter 2021. Chapter 2122. Chapter 2223. Chapter 2324. Chapter 2425. Chapter 2526. Chapter 2627. Chapter 2728. Chapter 2829. Chapter 2930. Chapter 3031. Chapter 3132. Chapter 3233. Chapter 3334. Chapter 3435. Chapter 3536. Chapter 3637. Chapter 37  
  
Doctor Who and its accoutrements are the property of the BBC, and we obviously don't have any right to them. Any and all crossover characters belong to their respective creators. Alas no one makes any money from this site, and it's all done out of love for a cheap-looking sci-fi show. All fics are property of their individual authors. Archival at this site should not be taken to constitute automatic archive rights elsewhere, and authors should be contacted individually to arrange further archiving. Despite occasional claims otherwise, The Blessed St Lalla Ward is not officially recognised by the Catholic Church. Yet.   
  
Script for this archive provided by [eFiction](http://efiction.sourceforge.net/). Contact our archivists at [help@whofic.com](mailto:help@whofic.com). Please read our [Terms of Service](http://www.whofic.com/tos.php) and [Submission Guidelines](http://www.whofic.com/guidelines.php). 


	15. Teaspoon :: The Scavenger Hunt. by cheri

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**The Scavenger Hunt.** by [cheri](http://www.whofic.com/viewuser.php?uid=1862) [[Reviews](http://www.whofic.com/reviews.php?sid=22661&chapid=50490) \- [81](http://www.whofic.com/reviews.php?sid=22661&chapid=50490)] [Chapter](http://www.whofic.com/viewstory.php?action=printable&textsize=0&sid=22661&chapter=15) **or** [Story](http://www.whofic.com/viewstory.php?action=printable&textsize=0&sid=22661&chapter=all)   
  
  
1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 56. Chapter 67. Chapter 78. Chapter 89. Chapter 910. Chapter 1011. Chapter 1112. Chapter 1213. Chapter 1314. Chapter 1415. Chapter 1516. Chapter 1617. Chapter 1718. Chapter 1819. Chapter 1920. Chapter 2021. Chapter 2122. Chapter 2223. Chapter 2324. Chapter 2425. Chapter 2526. Chapter 2627. Chapter 2728. Chapter 2829. Chapter 2930. Chapter 3031. Chapter 3132. Chapter 3233. Chapter 3334. Chapter 3435. Chapter 3536. Chapter 3637. Chapter 37

  
  
Chapter Fifteen  
  
The Doctor slowly opened the door and stuck his head inside.  
  
“Oh! Yes, I’m glad we found this room again,” he said.  
  
“What? What is it?” Rose said.  
  
He opened the door and took her hand. Rose stepped inside and was floored when she saw an enormous lake in front of her. She stared at the crystal blue water.  
  
“Oh my God, it’s gorgeous,” she said.  
  
“Come with me,” the Doctor said, closing the door.  
  
He led her to a wooden dock several feet away and stepped onto it.  
  
“Fancy a submarine ride?” he asked Rose.  
  
She blinked.  
  
“What? Really?”  
  
“Of course. Watch.”  
  
He pushed a little red button on the end of the dock and the water began to bubble in front of them. Then with a splash, a clear Plexiglas mini-sub bobbed up to the surface. The Doctor pushed a button on the top of the domed lid and it opened up.  
  
“After you,” he said to Rose.  
  
He helped Rose down inside the sub and once she was in, jumped down beside her. He laid the clipboard down, pushed a button on the floor and the dome lowered over them.  
  
“Now, if you notice, the whole sub is made of clear Plexiglas, so we’ll have an unobstructed view everywhere we look. Just sit on that little bump and I’ll start the ride.  
  
He pushed another button and the sub lowered back into the water. The Doctor sat down beside Rose and put his arm around her as the water enveloped the vehicle. Once they were completely submerged, the sub moved away from the dock and headed for deep waters. Rose looked at all the fish swimming around them.  
  
“Are they real?” she asked the Doctor.  
  
“Some are, some rarer species are robots. That way I can have some of the rarest specimens in the universe without removing them from their ecosystems. But, things like goldfish, clown fish, fish that are in great abundance. Those are real.”  
  
Those butterflies I saw in the other room? Were those real too?”  
  
“Some were, some weren’t. Same thing. Those that aren’t endangered species are real and the others are cleverly designed facsimiles.”  
  
She gasped when a tiger shark swam overhead.  
  
“Wow! This is amazing,” Rose said. “Um…but will anything attack the sub, I mean like the harpy attacked us?”  
  
“No, I don’t think so. The really dangerous fish are androids and they’re programmed to just swim. We’re okay. Just relax and enjoy.”  
  
He let go of Rose when she turned around to look at some fish. As they went along, the Doctor pointed out a few fish that he thought she would like to see, both from Earth and other planets. Rose was completely amazed by all of it.  
  
“Can you scuba dive in here?” she asked.  
  
The Doctor thought.  
  
“Um, not where the sub is programmed to go, but yeah, I think in other areas of the lake you could. Why? You want to?”  
  
“More than anything.”  
  
He smiled.  
  
“Well, we’ll have to come back and do that when we’re not busy hunting,” he said.  
  
They went by a coral bed and Rose’s eyes bulged when she noticed the Doctor scuba diving near it. She looked at her Doctor who was chuckling.  
  
“Oh, I forgot to tell you, I have several androids of myself and you and Donna and Martha and Jack in the rooms.”  
  
“Why?”  
  
“Just for a laugh.”  
  
“What are our androids doing in the rooms?”  
  
“Oh…this and that. Just various things.”  
  
He gave her a look of innocence when Rose studied his face.  
  
“Why am I suddenly worried that you have copies of me and you running around the TARDIS rooms doing things we shouldn’t be doing?”  
  
The Doctor shrugged and kept the innocent look on his face. The sub stopped and Rose looked around.  
  
“What happened? Why’d we stop?” she asked.  
  
“Watch!” the Doctor said, pointing to his android.  
  
Rose looked at the Doctor android who was now looking at something behind the coral. Suddenly, an enormous squid swam up over it and Rose’s eyes nearly popped from their sockets when she saw herself flailing in the tentacles. She looked at her Doctor.  
  
“Oh no, you’ve been taken by a giant squid,” he said to her. “I guess I’ll have to rescue you.”  
  
She looked back at the androids and saw the Doctor bot take off after the squid. The sub started again and moved with them, following the action. Rose watched while the squid shot ink at the Doctor’s double and thought how surreal it was seeing him and a version of herself fighting the danger. It was almost like an out of body experience. She looked over when the squid entered an underwater cave and a stone door slid over the opening to it. They watched while the android Doctor pulled out his screwdriver and aimed it at the door. Rose noticed with growing horror that they were heading right for the blocked entrance.  
  
“Doctor!” she said, grabbing his arm.  
  
“Don’t worry; I’ll get the door open in time.”  
  
Just then, the door slid back.  
  
“See, I told you I could open it,” he said as Rose rolled her eyes.  
  
They entered the cave and the sub was plunged into darkness. They sat there in the dark while the sub moved along.  
  
“Are we gonna have any light on this part of the tour?” Rose finally asked.  
  
“Wait a tic, it’s coming.”  
  
They passed through an opening into a large cavern lit with weird glowing jewels.  
  
“See, told ya,” the Doctor said.  
  
They passed through another opening and the sub stopped when they saw the huge squid lying on an outcropping of rock with the Rose android struggling in his tentacles. Above them, the Doctor android was trying to fight the squid with a jagged piece of rock.  
  
“I wonder if I’ll be able to save you in time before your air runs out?” the Doctor whispered to Rose.  
  
She giggled.  
  
“I don’t know. I hope you do,” she whispered back.  
  
They watched while the android tried to avoid the free tentacle and stab the beast with the rock. Rose leaned her head against the Doctor, thankful that for once she could observe dangerous things without being a part of them. The Doctor put his arm around her and rubbed her arm while they watched the life or death struggle in front of them.  
  
“Did you think of this?” Rose asked.  
  
“Yup.”  
  
“Very impressive. Disney oughta hire you for their theme parks. This makes the underwater tour even more exciting.”  
  
“Yes, I always try to add a little spice to everything I do.”  
  
Rose cheered when the Doctor android finally stabbed the squid on its body. Black blood poured out while the Rose android wriggled free and took his hand. Rose clapped when the two of them swam off and the creature expired.  
  
“I’m glad you like it,” the Doctor said, when the sub moved again.  
  
“I do, that was great and the best part was, I wasn’t involved.”  
  
He laughed.  
  
“Yeah, I feel the same way.”  
  
The sub went through the cave, out the other end and circled back around for the dock. Rose leaned against the Doctor and enjoyed the view, listening while the Doctor continued his tour. After about fifteen minutes, the sub reached the dock, stopped and began to surface. Rose let out a groan.  
  
“Ah, it’s over way too quickly, you gotta put in more stuff,” she said to the Doctor.  
  
“Like what?”  
  
“I don’t know. Just more stuff. Add more on to the squid battle. Have some alien end up controlling the squid and kidnapping us and then we have to fight him too. Just stuff like that.”  
  
“Wow, that’s a good idea. Okay, I’ll give you the job of assistant planner and you can help me come up with ideas for different rooms and attractions.”  
  
“Okay,” Rose said.  
  
The sub rose up above the water and the top opened up. The Doctor helped Rose up to the dock, gave her the clipboard and pulled himself up. As soon as they were out, the door closed and the sub went back underwater.  
  
“Well, that was relaxing even if we didn’t find anything on the list,” the Doctor said. “Shall we see what the next room holds?”  
  
“After you.”  
  
The Doctor took a hold of her hand and with a laugh; they ran back towards the door.  
  


1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 56. Chapter 67. Chapter 78. Chapter 89. Chapter 910. Chapter 1011. Chapter 1112. Chapter 1213. Chapter 1314. Chapter 1415. Chapter 1516. Chapter 1617. Chapter 1718. Chapter 1819. Chapter 1920. Chapter 2021. Chapter 2122. Chapter 2223. Chapter 2324. Chapter 2425. Chapter 2526. Chapter 2627. Chapter 2728. Chapter 2829. Chapter 2930. Chapter 3031. Chapter 3132. Chapter 3233. Chapter 3334. Chapter 3435. Chapter 3536. Chapter 3637. Chapter 37  
  
Doctor Who and its accoutrements are the property of the BBC, and we obviously don't have any right to them. Any and all crossover characters belong to their respective creators. Alas no one makes any money from this site, and it's all done out of love for a cheap-looking sci-fi show. All fics are property of their individual authors. Archival at this site should not be taken to constitute automatic archive rights elsewhere, and authors should be contacted individually to arrange further archiving. Despite occasional claims otherwise, The Blessed St Lalla Ward is not officially recognised by the Catholic Church. Yet.   
  
Script for this archive provided by [eFiction](http://efiction.sourceforge.net/). Contact our archivists at [help@whofic.com](mailto:help@whofic.com). Please read our [Terms of Service](http://www.whofic.com/tos.php) and [Submission Guidelines](http://www.whofic.com/guidelines.php). 


	16. Teaspoon :: The Scavenger Hunt. by cheri

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**The Scavenger Hunt.** by [cheri](http://www.whofic.com/viewuser.php?uid=1862) [[Reviews](http://www.whofic.com/reviews.php?sid=22661&chapid=55692) \- [81](http://www.whofic.com/reviews.php?sid=22661&chapid=55692)] [Chapter](http://www.whofic.com/viewstory.php?action=printable&textsize=0&sid=22661&chapter=16) **or** [Story](http://www.whofic.com/viewstory.php?action=printable&textsize=0&sid=22661&chapter=all)   
  
  
1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 56. Chapter 67. Chapter 78. Chapter 89. Chapter 910. Chapter 1011. Chapter 1112. Chapter 1213. Chapter 1314. Chapter 1415. Chapter 1516. Chapter 1617. Chapter 1718. Chapter 1819. Chapter 1920. Chapter 2021. Chapter 2122. Chapter 2223. Chapter 2324. Chapter 2425. Chapter 2526. Chapter 2627. Chapter 2728. Chapter 2829. Chapter 2930. Chapter 3031. Chapter 3132. Chapter 3233. Chapter 3334. Chapter 3435. Chapter 3536. Chapter 3637. Chapter 37

  
  
Chapter Sixteen  
  
Martha sighed when she turned and entered another corridor.  
  
“Blimey, how far back does this ship actually go?” she muttered to herself. “Is it gonna take us years to finish this scavenger hunt?”  
  
She paused by a door and opened it. She frowned when she noticed several fur coats directly behind it.  
  
“Okay, what’s this then? An actual closet?” she muttered.  
  
She put her hands through the coats and felt a cool breeze. Intrigued, she pushed past them and gasped when snow hit her in the face.  
  
“What the hell?” she said.  
  
She stopped and stared at her surroundings. She was in the middle of a snowy forest. Light snow fell on her face and hair as she looked around in awe. Her eyes fell on a black iron lamppost in the middle of a clearing. She looked at it and then looked at the coats.  
  
“Oh, you have got to be kidding me,” she muttered. “This can’t be what I think it is.”  
  
As if on cue, a half man, half goat suddenly trotted out of the woods towards the lamppost. He was naked except for a bright red scarf and he had several parcels in his hands. Martha groaned when the goat man stopped and stared at her in stunned silence.  
  
“Can it be?” she heard him mutter.  
  
He skipped over to her.  
  
“Excuse me,” the goat man said. “But…are you a daughter of Eve?”  
  
“I can’t believe you have Narnia in your TARDIS, Doctor,” Martha muttered to herself.  
  
The goat man frowned.  
  
“I’m sorry? What was that you were saying?” he said.  
  
“Nothing, I was…thinking aloud. Yes, I’m a daughter of Eve.”  
  
The goat man’s mouth dropped open.  
  
“I don’t believe it. The prophecy is finally coming to pass.”  
  
“Yes and I have a feeling that when I get through this simulation, I’ll see the Doctor wearing a lion costume,” Martha muttered.  
  
The goat man frowned.  
  
“I’m sorry? What was that you were saying?”  
  
“Nothing, nothing, look I’m sorry, but this is a mistake. I came in the wrong door and now I’m going to go back out again.”  
  
“But you can’t,” the goat man said hurriedly. “You must come and have tea with me in my home.”  
  
“No thanks, Mister Tumnus, I’ll pass.”  
  
Tumnus was taken aback.  
  
“How do you know my name?” he said in awe.  
  
“I had all the Narnia books when I was small and I read every single one of them repeatedly, not to mention I saw all the movies, cartoons and the miniseries.”  
  
The goat man gave her a confused look.  
  
“What strange words you speak,” he said.  
  
“Yeah, well, that’s because I come from a completely different time and I’m going to go back to that time now, so goodbye and good luck with the big war against the dark forces and the witch and all that.”  
  
She turned to go back through the coats.  
  
“Wait, are you going to get the others?” Tumnus asked. “The ones that the prophecy spoke of?”  
  
“No, because unfortunately for you, there’s two other daughters of Eve in here and one son of…something. So, I’m afraid you and Narnia are out of luck, bye.”  
  
“Wait!” he said as Martha dove through the coats.  
  
She slammed the door behind her and sighed as she leaned against it.  
  
“What’s next? Star Wars?” she muttered.  
  
She went to the next door and opened it slowly. She stuck her head in and noticed the room looked like a Victorian children’s nursery.  
  
“Oh goody, I found the Peter Pan room. Yeah, I can definitely see the Doctor as Peter since half the time he acts like a little kid.”  
  
She stepped inside the room and closed the door.  
  
“Okay, Doctor Pan, show yourself,” she yelled. “I s’pose Rose is Tinkerbell, yeah? Or is it Jack again in a green tutu?”  
  
“There you are!”  
  
Martha gasped when she heard a voice. She spun around and saw a woman standing in the room with her. She was dressed in a blue dress, a white apron and had her long, brown hair pulled back in a bun. She also looked a lot like Julie Andrews. Martha’s mouth dropped open when she recognized who it was.  
  
“Okay, I’ve seen enough,” Martha said, inching towards the door.  
  
“This nursery is a mess, we must clean it up,” the woman said sternly. “Spit spot, time to clean up the nursery!”  
  
“Yeah, well, it isn’t my mess, Mary Poppins. Maybe you should go find Bert and…”  
  
“In every job that must be done there is an element of fun,” the woman intoned. “You find the fun and SNAP, the job’s a game!”  
  
“Yeah, spoonful of sugar, I get it. Bye now!”  
  
Before Mary could say any more, she hurried out and slammed the door behind her.  
  
“Right, maybe I should go down a different corridor. Apparently this is the hall of British book characters,” she said.  
  
She hesitated a moment and then opened the door next to it. She looked in and quickly slammed it when she saw the sea of black spots on white fur and heard deafening barking echoing through the room.  
  
“Nope, definitely don’t wanna step through piles of Dalmatian dog crap,” she muttered as she walked down the corridor.  
  
She turned the corner and went to the first door she saw.  
  
“Okay, this better not be Harry Potter,” she said.  
  
She opened it and peeked inside. She frowned when she noticed the room was empty except for a Doctor bot who was lounging up against the back wall with his hands in his pockets. She stepped inside and closed the door.  
  
“Greetings,” the Doctor bot said, nodding.  
  
“Yeah…um…hi…what is this room then?” Martha said to him.  
  
“This is the do nothing room,” he said.  
  
“Okay and you just stand here and do nothing, right?”  
  
“Yup.”  
  
“Why does the Doctor have a do nothing room?”  
  
She held up her hand when the bot started to open his mouth.  
  
“Let me guess, it’s for those times when he feels like doing nothing,” she said.  
  
“Yup.”  
  
Martha nodded.  
  
“Figures. So, are you standing in for him then?”  
  
“I’m hiding.”  
  
Martha frowned.  
  
“Hiding from what?”  
  
“This crazy nanny around the corner from here. She wants me to tidy up the nursery and every time I try to do it, she’s right there at my back singing loudly in my ear about eating sugar, so I ducked in here.”  
  
“I don’t blame you. I would hide from her too.”  
  
“She’s certifiable! Every time I get the nursery cleaned up, she messes it up so I have to do it again. And the woman sings all day and all night and all these birds keep flapping round her head while she does it so I have to clean up bird shite as well. I swear, if I hear her singing about supercali-something-something one more time, I will check myself into the loony bin and stay there.”  
  
Martha nodded.  
  
“Well, I’d love to stay in here and chat with you about the crazy nanny, but I’m on a scavenger hunt. But, good luck to you and I hope you find something better than cleaning up nurseries and bird crap.”  
  
“Thanks, hopefully, I will. Um…if you see the singing psycho, could you kindly point her in a different direction so she won’t find me and subject me to more high-pitched torture?”  
  
“Sure.”  
  
He smiled.  
  
“Thanks, much appreciated.”  
  
Martha smiled at the bot before she opened the door and stepped outside into the corridor.  


1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 56. Chapter 67. Chapter 78. Chapter 89. Chapter 910. Chapter 1011. Chapter 1112. Chapter 1213. Chapter 1314. Chapter 1415. Chapter 1516. Chapter 1617. Chapter 1718. Chapter 1819. Chapter 1920. Chapter 2021. Chapter 2122. Chapter 2223. Chapter 2324. Chapter 2425. Chapter 2526. Chapter 2627. Chapter 2728. Chapter 2829. Chapter 2930. Chapter 3031. Chapter 3132. Chapter 3233. Chapter 3334. Chapter 3435. Chapter 3536. Chapter 3637. Chapter 37  
  
Doctor Who and its accoutrements are the property of the BBC, and we obviously don't have any right to them. Any and all crossover characters belong to their respective creators. Alas no one makes any money from this site, and it's all done out of love for a cheap-looking sci-fi show. All fics are property of their individual authors. Archival at this site should not be taken to constitute automatic archive rights elsewhere, and authors should be contacted individually to arrange further archiving. Despite occasional claims otherwise, The Blessed St Lalla Ward is not officially recognised by the Catholic Church. Yet.   
  
Script for this archive provided by [eFiction](http://efiction.sourceforge.net/). Contact our archivists at [help@whofic.com](mailto:help@whofic.com). Please read our [Terms of Service](http://www.whofic.com/tos.php) and [Submission Guidelines](http://www.whofic.com/guidelines.php). 


	17. Teaspoon :: The Scavenger Hunt. by cheri

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**The Scavenger Hunt.** by [cheri](http://www.whofic.com/viewuser.php?uid=1862) [[Reviews](http://www.whofic.com/reviews.php?sid=22661&chapid=60377) \- [81](http://www.whofic.com/reviews.php?sid=22661&chapid=60377)] [Chapter](http://www.whofic.com/viewstory.php?action=printable&textsize=0&sid=22661&chapter=17) **or** [Story](http://www.whofic.com/viewstory.php?action=printable&textsize=0&sid=22661&chapter=all)   
  
  
1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 56. Chapter 67. Chapter 78. Chapter 89. Chapter 910. Chapter 1011. Chapter 1112. Chapter 1213. Chapter 1314. Chapter 1415. Chapter 1516. Chapter 1617. Chapter 1718. Chapter 1819. Chapter 1920. Chapter 2021. Chapter 2122. Chapter 2223. Chapter 2324. Chapter 2425. Chapter 2526. Chapter 2627. Chapter 2728. Chapter 2829. Chapter 2930. Chapter 3031. Chapter 3132. Chapter 3233. Chapter 3334. Chapter 3435. Chapter 3536. Chapter 3637. Chapter 37

  
  
Chapter Seventeen  
  
“I think we’ll go down this corridor next,” the Doctor said, beckoning to Rose.  
  
They walked into the hallway. There were numerous doors on either side of it. The Doctor scratched his chin thoughtfully.  
  
“Hmm, perhaps we should split up in this hallway. I’ll take this side and you take the other,” he said, pointing to his right.  
  
Rose nodded and she walked to the first door while the Doctor headed to the one directly across from her. She opened it and peeked inside. She saw a small room with three more doors on the other side, all with gold plaques affixed to them. She glanced back and noticed the Doctor had already gone in the other room so she went in and closed the door behind her. She went to each of the doors in turn and read the plaques.  
  
RUMPLESTILTSKIN.  
  
THE FROG PRINCESS.  
  
SNOW WHITE AND THE SEVEN DWARVES.  
  
“What the hell is this?” Rose muttered.  
  
She walked to the Rumplestiltskin door first and opened it. The dingy little room had a mound of straw in one corner and a large spinning wheel and a little wooden stool in the middle of it. On the other side of the room by the straw was another wooden door. Rose entered and shut the door behind her.  
  
“What’s this supposed to be, Doctor? Some kind of fairy tale museum exhibit?” she muttered to herself as she looked around.  
  
Her head jerked around when the other door opened and her mother came into the room dressed as a peasant woman.  
  
“Mum?” Rose said, “what are you doin’ here?”  
  
“She’s in here, your highness,” Jackie said, ignoring her.  
  
Rose’s eyes boggled when Jack entered the room dressed as a medieval king.  
  
“What the hell is goin’ on?” Rose muttered.  
  
She watched while Jack walked over and examined her closely. She noticed his skin looked all rubbery and she suddenly realized that these were more of the robots the Doctor had spoken of.  
  
“So, this is the girl that can spin straw into girl, eh?” he said, peering at her.  
  
“Yes, that’s right. She can spin straw into gold, I swear it,” the Jackie bot said.  
  
“Really?” the Jack bot asked her.  
  
Rose frowned.  
  
“Um, yeah, I can…I guess.”  
  
“Really? Well, prove it then!” Jack said haughtily. “Spin all this straw into gold and make sure you get every last bit of it or I’ll put you to death.”  
  
“Excuse me?” Rose said.  
  
“You heard me, Blondie, make with the straw into gold bit or off comes thy head.”  
  
He made a slashing motion across his throat and turned to Jackie.  
  
“And you, you better not be lying about this or you’ll join her on the chopping block, you social climbing parasite!”  
  
Rose’s mouth dropped open.  
  
“Social climbing what?” she said angrily.  
  
The bots ignored her while they walked to the door.  
  
“Remember, make with the gold or I will be forced to chop off your head and rip you limb from limb and scatter your body parts to the four corners of my kingdom and all that jazz.”  
  
They stepped through and he slammed the door behind him.  
  
“Screw that, I’m not stayin’ here and spinning straw into gold,” Rose said.  
  
She turned to go out the way she came but the door was gone.  
  
“Oi!” she screamed as she ran to it.  
  
She pounded on the wall while she called the Doctor’s name.  
  
“DOCTOR! DOCTOR, LET ME OUT! HELP!” she screamed as she pounded frantically.  
  
“Hello there.”  
  
Rose stopped pounding when she heard a familiar voice behind her. She breathed a sigh of relief.  
  
“Oh Doctor, thank God it’s…”  
  
She turned and stopped short. On the stool was a little shrunken man with huge doe eyes that was wearing a tiny version of the Doctor’s suit and who looked suspiciously like Dobby from Harry Potter. Rose frowned.  
  
“Um, hi, I guess…” she said.  
  
The elf bowed.  
  
“I am Doctorstiltskin, fair maiden and I have come to help you.”  
  
Rose stared at the little creature.  
  
“Uh-huh, well you can help me by bringin’ the bleedin’ door back so I can leave here.”  
  
“You wish me to spin all this straw into gold?”  
  
“No, I want you to make the door appear so I can get out.”  
  
“Very well, I shall spin the straw into gold so your life may be spared but first you must give me something as payment.”  
  
Rose sighed.  
  
“I don’t want to do this, alright? I…”  
  
A gold necklace suddenly appeared and hovered in mid-air in front of her nose. She grabbed it and immediately Doctorstiltskin leaped off the stool.  
  
“I will take that pretty necklace in exchange for spinning the straw into gold.”  
  
“Here then,” Rose said, shrugging as she handed it to him, “it’s not mine anyway.”  
  
Doctorstiltskin took the necklace and deposited it in his tiny pocket while he leapt back up on the stool and sat down. He waved his arms and spun the wheel while the straw magically flew into the wheel and came back out as gold coins. Rose folded her arms over her chest and leaned up against the wall watching while he made a small pile of money.  
  
After five minutes, the work was done and Doctorstiltskin leapt back up.  
  
“There you are, fair maiden, the work is done.”  
  
“Good, now bring the door back and…”  
  
She let out a frustrated sigh when Doctorstiltskin vanished in a ball of light. She turned back to the wall and resumed her beating and calling for the Doctor hoping he would hear and get her out.  
  
“Excellent work!”  
  
Rose turned back around and saw the Jack bot staring at the pile of gold.  
  
“Great, I can take my partner Prince Ianto out for a nice hockey game. But you, you will stay here because I need to buy Prince Ianto a nice holiday in Spain since I forgot his birthday the other day. You will spin me the money necessary so we can go on this little trip.”  
  
“No! For the last time, I want out and…”  
  
An even bigger pile of straw appeared in the corner.  
  
“Oh, give me a break,” Rose muttered.  
  
“Remember, come the morn this bigger pile of straw must be spun. Because if Ianto doesn’t get to go to Spain, you will be in a lot of pain…and lose your brain…so don’t go insane…okay, I’m leaving now, bye.”  
  
Rose threw up her hands when he went out the door. She ran to it and tried it and let out a string of curses when she found it locked.  
  
“Hello again.”  
  
She turned and saw Doctorstiltskin on the stool.  
  
“Let…me…out!” she snarled at him.  
  
“I will spin this straw into gold again, but first you must give me something.”  
  
A ring appeared in front of Rose’s nose. Sighing, she grabbed it and slammed it down into his open palm.  
  
“There, spin the soddin’ straw then!” she said.  
  
She shook her head and walked back to the other wall. While Doctorstiltskin spun the straw, she stood there and bellowed the Doctor’s name at the top of her lungs.  
  
“All finished.”  
  
She turned her head and noticed there was an even bigger pile of gold by the spinning wheel.  
  
“Yeah, lovely, thanks,” Rose muttered.  
  
Doctorstiltskin bowed and disappeared in the same ball of light. Rose sighed and folded her arms across her chest waiting for King Jack to appear.  
  
Sure enough, the door opened up and he entered and stared at the pile of gold.  
  
“Oh, you are good,” he said, pointing at her. “This is more than enough for a sunny holiday in Spain. But it’s still not enough!”  
  
“Well, of course it isn’t,” Rose muttered.  
  
“I need to build Prince Ianto a small summer castle because he’s a very fussy man and my castle is too drafty for him. So now you must spin enough for me to hire the workers and get it done.”  
  
Half the room was now filled with straw.  
  
“All this or your little head goes rolling cross the floor.”  
  
“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” Rose muttered.  
  
He turned and strode out of the room, slamming the door behind him. Rose put her hands on her hips and waited for the gnome to return. Sure enough, thirty seconds later…  
  
“So, once more you need me to spin straw into gold!”  
  
“I guess so, yeah,” Rose said, rolling her eyes.  
  
“Payment please.”  
  
Rose waited for something to appear in front of her nose but nothing happened.  
  
“Payment…” Doctorstiltskin said.  
  
“I don’t have anything but I s’pose when I have my first born I’ll give ya that,” she said, annoyed.  
  
“Your first born? I was just gonna ask you to buy me a new watch since mine is broken but okay, first born it is.”  
  
Rose sighed while she watched Doctorstiltskin spin the straw into an enormous pile of gold. When he was finished, he bowed and disappeared. The door opened almost immediately and King Jack came in.  
  
“Wow! You are good! That settles it, I can’t let a money spinning babe like you get away! I will marry you straight away!”  
  
“Gee, won’t Prince Ianto get angry?” Rose said.  
  
“Nah, he and I have an open relationship,” he said, shrugging. “So, how ‘bout it, Blondie? Will you marry me?”  
  
“If it gets me out of the room, I’ll do anything,” Rose said.  
  
“Splendid!”  
  
There was a flash of light and the dingy room was replaced by an elegant bedroom. Rose looked around in shock, stunned at the sudden change in scenery. She heard a faint crying and noticed a bassinet in the corner.  
  
“Oh look, I got a kid,” she said, dryly, “that can only mean one thing.”  
  
“Hello again,” said a voice behind her.  
  
“Yup.”  
  
She turned and saw Doctorstiltskin sitting on her bed peering at her with his huge watery anime-like eyes.  
  
“I believe that’s mine,” he said, pointing to the bassinet.  
  
Rose sighed, figuring if she played along she would get out and get back to the real Doctor faster.  
  
“No, you can’t have him. I’ll give you anything but please don’t take my child,” she said in a flat monotone voice.  
  
“Aha!” Doctorstiltskin said, leaping to his feet, “but the child was promised to me!”  
  
“Oh, what must I do to prevent you taking my child?” Rose muttered under her breath.  
  
“There is only one thing that can save your child from my clutches! You must…GUESS MY REAL NAME!”  
  
“Rumplestiltskin.”  
  
Doctorstiltskin stared at her.  
  
“No, whatever possessed you to think up an idiotic name like that?” he said.  
  
Rose sighed.  
  
“John Smith.”  
  
“Nope.”  
  
“The Oncoming Storm.”  
  
Doctorstiltskin giggled.  
  
“No,” he said gleefully.  
  
“Dobby.”  
  
“Nope, you’ll never guess it, not in a zillion, trillion years! I shall give you one day to guess though. You must guess my real name by tomorrow morning or I shall take your child and you’ll never see it again.”  
  
“Yeah, that’d be really heartbreaking, all right,” Rose muttered.  
  
The elf vanished in a ball of light. Rose rolled her eyes and muttered.  
  
“Come on, hurry up and take the kid so I can get outta here.”  
  
Just then, the door at the far end creaked open a bit.  
  
“Oh! Thank God, a way out!” she said running to it.  
  
She opened the door and paused when she noticed Doctorstiltskin was dancing around the room singing at the top of his lungs. She folded her arms across her chest, leaned against the doorway and listened while the little elf danced and sang and gloated.  
  
“I JUST PULLED THE WOOL OVER ROSE’S EYES  
  
AND NOW I’M ABOUT TO GET MY PRIZE.  
  
OH MY, MY WHAT AN AWFUL SHAME  
  
CAUSE ROSE TYLER WILL NEVER, EVER GUESS MY NAME!  
  
BUT BECAUSE I FEEL THE NEED TO SCREAM AND SHOUT.  
  
HERE’S MY NAME AND I’M GONNA SPELL IT OUT!  
  
F…L…U…F…F…Y…B…O…O…T…Y, OH MY!”  
  
Rose raised her eyebrow. She turned, walked out and closed the door behind her. She walked back over to the far wall and waited.  
  
Sure enough, there was a flash and the little elf sat smugly on the bed.  
  
“Okay, just try and guess my name, Rose Tyler!” he gloated.  
  
“Fluffy Booty.”  
  
There was an enormous pause and then a huge CLANG when the robot’s lower jaw fell down and hit the stone floor. Rose rolled her eyes when he sat there staring at her in shock with his jaw on the floor.  
  
“Yeah, I guessed your name, now open the door and let me out,” Rose said.  
  
The robot gathered up his jaw and put it back in its proper place.  
  
“But, but you can’t have guessed my name! No one knows my true name! There’s…there’s only one time I would tell anyone my name, there’s only one time I could!”  
  
Rose had enough. She walked over and seized the puny shriveled Doctor bot by its tiny lapels.  
  
“Let…me…OUT!” she yelled.  
  
“Fine, you want out, be my guest,” Doctorstiltskin said, waving his hand.  
  
Rose looked around and let out a yell of relief when the door reappeared. She dropped the bot back on the bed and ran to it, anxious to get the hell out of the room and get back to the real Doctor.  


1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 56. Chapter 67. Chapter 78. Chapter 89. Chapter 910. Chapter 1011. Chapter 1112. Chapter 1213. Chapter 1314. Chapter 1415. Chapter 1516. Chapter 1617. Chapter 1718. Chapter 1819. Chapter 1920. Chapter 2021. Chapter 2122. Chapter 2223. Chapter 2324. Chapter 2425. Chapter 2526. Chapter 2627. Chapter 2728. Chapter 2829. Chapter 2930. Chapter 3031. Chapter 3132. Chapter 3233. Chapter 3334. Chapter 3435. Chapter 3536. Chapter 3637. Chapter 37  
  
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	18. Teaspoon :: The Scavenger Hunt. by cheri

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**The Scavenger Hunt.** by [cheri](http://www.whofic.com/viewuser.php?uid=1862) [[Reviews](http://www.whofic.com/reviews.php?sid=22661&chapid=60451) \- [81](http://www.whofic.com/reviews.php?sid=22661&chapid=60451)] [Chapter](http://www.whofic.com/viewstory.php?action=printable&textsize=0&sid=22661&chapter=18) **or** [Story](http://www.whofic.com/viewstory.php?action=printable&textsize=0&sid=22661&chapter=all)   
  
  
1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 56. Chapter 67. Chapter 78. Chapter 89. Chapter 910. Chapter 1011. Chapter 1112. Chapter 1213. Chapter 1314. Chapter 1415. Chapter 1516. Chapter 1617. Chapter 1718. Chapter 1819. Chapter 1920. Chapter 2021. Chapter 2122. Chapter 2223. Chapter 2324. Chapter 2425. Chapter 2526. Chapter 2627. Chapter 2728. Chapter 2829. Chapter 2930. Chapter 3031. Chapter 3132. Chapter 3233. Chapter 3334. Chapter 3435. Chapter 3536. Chapter 3637. Chapter 37

  
  
Chapter Eighteen  
  
“Finally, I can get out of here and get back to the…”  
  
Rose paused and let out a curse when she noticed the main door was gone now. She yelled and pounded on the wall screaming for the Doctor to come and get her. When she paused to take a breath she heard a creak and turned to see the Frog Princess door was now ajar.  
  
“Oh, no, I’m not going into another fairy tale simulation. The Rumpelstiltskin one was more than enough for me.” She turned and pounded on the wall again. “TARDIS, let me out, damn it!” she yelled.  
  
She paused for another breath and gritted her teeth when she heard the door behind her creak open some more. “So, now what? I have to go through all of these in order to get the front door back and get back to the Doctor?” she yelled up at the ceiling.  
  
There was no answer and Rose threw her hands up in the air. “Fine, fine, I’ll do it. But the Doctor better hope that he had no idea this would happen or I’ll be eatin’ his next regeneration for breakfast.”  
  
Turning, she stomped towards the door and opened it wider. She looked inside and saw a wooded area. A few feet away there was a clearing and in the center of it was a pond with stones ringing the perimeter of it. Next to it was a little golden ball. Rose stepped through and closed the door. She walked over to the ball, sank down beside it and folded her arms over her chest.  
  
“Okay, make with the frog so I can kiss it and get outta here,” she yelled.   
  
She jerked her head around when a Jack bot came out of the woods and walked over to the edge of the pond.  
  
“Once upon a time,” he said as he put his hands behind his back, “there was a beautiful princess who was just the hottest looking number this side of the void. The princess was much beloved by everyone and who wouldn’t fall in love with her? I mean, the woman’s a hottie with her long blonde hair and fair milk white creamy skin and soft bouncy boobs.”  
  
Rose’s mouth dropped open.  
  
“One of the princess’s favorite activities was sitting by the pond while she played with her beloved golden ball.”  
  
Jack paused and gave her a pointed look. Rose sighed, grabbed the ball and grimaced when she realized it weighed at least 50 pounds.  
  
“Yes, the ball was solid gold,” Jack continued, “and it was worth more money than the poor starving peasants of the kingdom would ever see in their lifetime but the princess wasn’t concerned about the suffering of her people because all she cared about was her precious golden ball.”  
  
“I can barely lift the soddin’ thing, let alone play with it,” Rose said to him.  
  
“One day when she was playing with it, the ball accidentally dropped into the lake.”  
  
“Thank God,” Rose said, lobbing it into the water.  
  
“Oh, no, the princess said, how will I get my golden ball back now?” Jack said.  
  
“Frankly, I don’t want the two ton backbreaker back,” Rose muttered.  
  
“Suddenly she saw the golden ball rising back to the surface as if by magic and then it was tossed back on shore.”  
  
Rose scooted back and let out a curse when the ball was thrown out and nearly smashed her left foot on the way down.  
  
“WATCH IT, DAMN IT!”she screamed at the Jack bot.  
  
“The princess wondered how the ball was returned to her,” Jack said, ignoring her. “Suddenly, there was a splash and a teeny tiny frog hopped out of the water onto a lily pad.”  
  
Rose’s eyebrow rose when the frog leapt out and landed on the lily pad. It looked like a frog except it was wearing a tiny version of the Doctor’s suit. The Doctor’s glasses were balanced on the end of his face.  
  
“Gee, I wonder who he’ll turn into when I kiss him,” Rose muttered.  
  
“Greetings, princess,” the froggy Doctor said, “I am a humble frog who has delivered your treasured golden ball back to you and…”  
  
The frog trailed off when Rose picked him up and brought her to her face.  
  
“Um, what are you doing?”  
  
“Kissing you.”  
  
“Kissing me?”  
  
“Yes, I wanna kiss you and get this over with so I can go on to the next thing and finally get outta here.”  
  
She started to kiss him when he put a little froggy hand over her lips.  
  
“Not yet,” he hissed.  
  
“What’d ya mean, not yet?”  
  
“Just play along, okay?”  
  
Rose sighed and rolled her eyes. “Fine, get on with it,” she said.  
  
“Thank you.” He cleared his little froggy throat. “Fair princess, I have retrieved your precious golden ball and in return I ask that you grant me a few favors since I nearly broke my back getting the ball out of the water. Seriously though, solid gold ball? What was the thinking behind that? How can you even lift the thing, let alone play with it? You’re lucky I didn’t rupture a disc in my back and take you to court. I mean, come on, you must be daft to play with…”  
  
“Just get on with it!” Rose snarled.  
  
The frog blinked. “Very well, I shall,” he said, sniffing. “Anyway, I wish to ask you a favor.”  
  
“What?”  
  
“I wish to eat with you at your father’s palace.”  
  
“Done.”  
  
The frog stared at her. “That’s it? You’re not gonna protest about an amphibian sharing your food?”  
  
“No.”  
  
“Oh, well, how incredibly magnanimous of you, your Majesty. Now if you don’t mind me saying, how about you extend some of that mercy towards your subjects since a lot of them are languishing in your dungeons and being tortured and executed for minor infractions such as hunting the king’s prized deer? I mean, come on, you really expect to punish people who are starving and are only trying to feed themselves and their families? It’s downright cruel to kill people who are only trying to survive and…wait, why are you putting me back on the lily pad?”  
  
“Because I’m not about to sit here and listen to you go on and on about my being cruel to the peasants. I don’t have anything to do with that. This is just an idiotic simulation that I accidentally became a part of and I get enough of the real Doctor’s rants without a frog version adding to it. Now goodbye and I’ll see you at the castle.” She got up and walked away.  
  
“I’ll report you to the frog version of Amnesty International! Count on it!” he called out as she walked through the trees.  
  
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX  
  
The moment she walked away, the scenery changed and she found herself standing inside a large medieval banquet hall.  
  
“Later that night…”  
  
Rose jumped and spun around when she heard Jack’s voice and saw him standing behind her with his hands still behind his back.  
  
“The princess sat down to eat with her family,” he continued.  
  
Sighing, Rose walked over to the enormous wooden table and sat down in an empty seat. Jack followed her and stood behind her.  
  
“The princess wondered about the strange little frog’s words and whether or not he would make good on his promise to eat with her,” he continued.  
  
“Oh I have a feeling he will alright,” Rose muttered.  
  
A large door opened and the Doctor entered dressed in regal robes followed by Donna who was nagging him.  
  
“I told you the castle is too bleedin’ small!” she said to him while they walked. “I need some space. Why don’t you build on so I can actually breathe in here?”  
  
“Because my dearest, we don’t have the funds,” the Doctor bot said to her. “I told you I’ve been wringing every single penny out of the populace and it’s still not enough to do renovations.”  
  
“Well, the least you can do is install central heatin’ so I’m not freezing my ass off in here!”  
  
“Yes, dearest, I’ll get on that straight away,” the Doctor muttered under his breath while he sat down on his throne.  
  
He smiled at Rose.  
  
“Good evening, my daughter. I trust you had another fun filled day playing with your precious solid gold ball?”  
  
“Yeah and thank God it didn’t give me a hernia,” she muttered.  
  
The Doctor clapped his hands and servants came in bearing platters of food. They sat them down in front of the family, bowed and left. The Doctor grabbed a piece of mutton and ate it with gusto while Rose watched them. She glanced at Donna who had a disgusted look on her face.  
  
“Mutton again? Can’t we have roast duck every once in awhile?” she bitched. “And can we have some potatoes that aren’t so hard you could throw them through the stone walls? I about broke my teeth biting into one last night and that would be bad for you if that happened because then you’d have to pay for my dental work along with the renovations.”  
  
The Doctor rolled his eyes and concentrated on his mutton.  
  
Just then, the door opened and a servant came inside.  
  
“Sire, we have a guest who wishes to eat with you,” the servant said.  
  
The Doctor paused with his teeth in the mutton’s flesh.  
  
“Really, who?” he said, taking the mutton away from his mouth.  
  
“A Mister John Smith Frog, Sire.”  
  
The Doctor frowned.  
  
“Don’t know him,” he said. “But anything’s better than listening to my wife berate and belittle me so bring him in and set a place for him.”  
  
“Yes, Sire,” the servant said, bowing.  
  
The Doctor went back to eating while Rose drummed her fingers on the table and waited for the frog to appear. A moment later, the door opened and there was a trumpet fanfare when the servant stepped into the room.  
  
“Announcing Mister John Smith Frog, Esquire,” the servant said loudly.  
  
The Doctor and Donna paused and watched the door waiting for this important person to enter while Rose let out a bored sigh and continued to drum her fingers on the table. When the frog hopped in she glanced over at the Doctor and saw the confused look on his face.  
  
“Winsleydale!” he yelled.  
  
The servant appeared in the doorway.  
  
“Yes, Sire?”  
  
“Where’s the guest?”  
  
“He’s here, Sire.”  
  
“Where? All I see is a frog in a suit.”  
  
“That’s him, Sire.”  
  
The Doctor stared at the frog.  
  
“A…frog…” he said, slowly. “You let a frog come into the dining room. Are you completely off your trolley? I know I’m the most important person in all of creation and all life must bow down and pay their respects to me but I draw the line at entertaining Kermit here.”  
  
“Your Majesty. I am here at the request of your daughter. I rescued her precious golden ball and she owes me a favor.”  
  
The Doctor turned his head and stared at her with his bulging eyes.  
  
“You’re now inviting frogs to dine with us, my daughter? Perhaps it’s you who are off your trolley. Do you need to be sectioned or something?”  
  
“No…dad…I don’t need to be sectioned. I’m only doing a favor since this frog retrieved my 400 stone ball for me earlier today,” she said sarcastically.  
  
“Well, I won’t allow it. Nope, not gonna do it! I refuse to let pond dwellers share my mutton and…”  
  
“But your Highness,” Winsleydale said, “according to royal decree 445-A629 anybody who saves the princess’s golden ball from the pond can eat with your magnificence.”  
  
“Really? When did I make that decree?”  
  
“I believe it was after an all night bender with some of your mates from university. You were quite drunk and told everyone that you needed a new decree and you had it drawn up and signed before you passed out in a pool of your own vomit, Sire.”  
  
“Really? Hmmm, I really must remember in future not to consume a barrelful of Mad Dog 20/20 before I issue royal edicts. Very well, I cannot go back on my word. The frog will be allowed to eat with us.”  
  
“Oh, this is going too far!” Donna said. “Now we got slimy pond scum eatin’ with us! This place is a mad house! I’m nearly ready to go back to the kingdom of Chiswick!”  
  
“Please do and do us all a favor,” the Doctor muttered under his breath.  
  
“WHAT WAS THAT?” Donna snarled.  
  
“I said, please don’t, dearest. I would miss you terribly,” the Doctor said without missing a beat.  
  
“Oh, well, in that case I’ll stay here then.”  
  
The Doctor rolled his eyes.  
  
Winsleydale sat the frog a place beside Rose and he hopped up onto the table beside her.  
  
“Thank you, your Majesty. The food looks delicious.”  
  
“Glad someone thinks so,” Donna muttered.  
  
The frog was served some mutton, potatoes and carrots and he began to eat while the rest of the family tried to ignore the fact that there was now a little suit and spectacle wearing frog eating with them. Rose watched while the frog tried to eat one of the rock hard potatoes without any teeth. He quickly gave up and turned back to the mutton. He peeled off strips of it with his hands and threw it in his mouth. While he did, he noticed Rose was nearing his face and he paused to look at her.  
  
“What are you doing now?” he asked.  
  
“Kissing ya.”  
  
The frog was taken aback.  
  
“You got a thing for frogs or something?” he asked her.  
  
Rose puckered up her lips.  
  
“Oh, that’s it, I’m not gonna watch my daughter snog a frog. I’m outta here!” Donna said, getting up.  
  
“Yippee,” the Doctor said in a barely audible voice.  
  
Rose was almost to the frog’s lips when he hopped away. She cursed and sighed when she went back to drumming her fingers on the table. She looked around at Jack who was still standing behind her with his hands behind his back.  
  
“You gonna say somethin’?” she asked him.  
  
“There’s nothing to say at the moment. It’s all been dialogue. No need for narration,” he replied. “However I will put my two pence in and say that kissing a frog is extremely yucky and gross and I might add that bestiality is outlawed in many, many places all over the known universe. Although I’m not sure about it being outlawed here but still, it’s quite disturbing to think of you with your tongue down a frog’s throat.”  
  
“Yeah, thanks for that, Jack,” Rose said.  
  
She turned her head around and looked at the Doctor who had gone back to devouring the mutton. She was getting antsy so she decided to speed things up.  
  
“Listen, I have an idea. Why don’t we let the frog sleep in my bed tonight?” she said.  
  
The Doctor paused in mid chew and stared at her with the bulging eyes again.  
  
“You sure you don’t need to be sectioned?” he asked after swallowing.  
  
“Sometimes I wonder travelin’ with the Doctor but in this case, no. I just think…it would be a nice little reward for him retrieving my golden ball.”  
  
“I thought this was his reward?”  
  
“Yeah, but the ball was heavy and he probably nearly broke his little froggy back retrieving it and he needs a rest and all, so why not let him use my bed?”  
  
“And you think that sounds perfectly sane coming from your lips?” the Doctor asked.  
  
“No, but then again a lot of these fairy tales had extremely daft plot lines that made no sense,” Rose said.  
  
She sighed when she saw the confused look on the Doctor’s face.   
“Just…go with me on this. Sleeping with me is a good idea,” Rose said.  
  
The Doctor nodded slowly. “Yes, dearest, you take the frog to bed. I’ll be ringing Bedlam while you’re doing it,” he said. “I think a nice trepanning will be just the thing to release the raving lunatic demons from inside your skull and restore your humors to their proper balance.”  
  
Rose sighed and snatched the frog up from the table.  
  
“Hey! I was still eating!” he protested. “That mutton was pretty good, lady! I’ve only eaten bugs and spiders up until now, give me a break!”  
  
She ignored him and walked away while Jack followed her.  
  
“And so the insane frog-shagging princess took the frog back to her bedroom for a night of carnal delights!” he said.  
  
Rose shot him a look and Jack shrugged.  
  
As they walked the scenery changed around them and they were now in her bedroom. She grabbed a pillow, dumped the frog on it and flopped down beside him. The frog looked around him and peered up at Jack through his tiny spectacles.  
  
“You’re going to watch, are ya?” he asked.  
  
“I’m the narrator so I have to stay as disgusting as that sounds,” he said.  
  
The frog looked at Rose, who was lying next to him.  
  
“So…I take it you don’t get out much if you’ve resorted to dating frogs,” he said to her.  
  
“Just kiss me so we can get this over with,” Rose said.  
  
“Can I ask you something? When did this weird fetish of yours start? Is it because you hang out at that pond all the time without any humans around and the wildlife started to look good to ya?”  
  
“Just…kiss me.”  
  
She glared at Jack when he brought out a brown barf bag from behind his back, opened it and got it ready for use.  
  
She closed her eyes, leaned forward and kissed the frog while Jack turned and made retching sounds into the bag.  
  
“Wow, so that’s what kissing a human is like. Bit slimy but not bad, I…”  
  
“Suddenly, a bright glowing light surrounded him. Rose watched while the light became bigger and spread out into a human form. Then it dissipated and the Doctor lay there with a stunned look on his face. Rose frowned. For some odd reason the brown suit had been replaced with a blue suit and plum t-shirt. He looked at her and looked down at himself as he sat up in bed.  
  
“Wow, this is…different,” he said to himself. “I never thought I’d become a human…RIBBIT!”  
  
Rose watched while he threw his hand over his mouth and beat on his chest with his fist.   
  
“Excuse me, I didn’t mean to…RIBBIT!”  
  
He croaked again and he looked at Rose in shock. “What have you done to me? I’m all wrong now.”  
  
He thought for a moment and then his eyes widened with suddenly realization. “Oh, my God, I’m part Time Lord, part frog. What have you done to me? I’m a froggy freak!”  
  
“I didn’t mean to…”  
  
“Didn’t mean to? Look at me; I’m a freakish half breed! I…RIBBIT.”  
  
Rose coughed nervously when she saw the murderous look in his eyes.  
  
“The princess suddenly realized she made a severe error in judgment when she changed the frog into a weird man frog that didn’t belong anywhere except maybe in a parallel universe. The man frog decided to throttle the princess for what she did to him,” Jack said.  
  
The Doctor looked at him. “Throttle her? What a brilliant idea! Thanks, mate!”  
  
“Anytime, freakish froggy Time Lord!” Jack said.  
  
Rose gasped when the DoctorFrog leapt out of bed and began to hop after her.  
  
“COME BACK HERE AND, RIBBIT, LET ME GET MY REVENGE FOR, RIBBIT, WHAT YOU DID TO ME, RIBBIT!”  
  
Rose hauled ass to the door with the DoctorFrog in hot pursuit. She flung it open and breathed a sigh of relief when she noticed the main room was just outside. She slammed the door and leaned against it, trying to calm her rapidly beating heart while the DoctorFrog pounded on the door and shouted curses at her. Eventually, he stopped and Rose turned a fearful eye towards the last door. With a sigh, she walked towards it and opened it up.  
  


1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 56. Chapter 67. Chapter 78. Chapter 89. Chapter 910. Chapter 1011. Chapter 1112. Chapter 1213. Chapter 1314. Chapter 1415. Chapter 1516. Chapter 1617. Chapter 1718. Chapter 1819. Chapter 1920. Chapter 2021. Chapter 2122. Chapter 2223. Chapter 2324. Chapter 2425. Chapter 2526. Chapter 2627. Chapter 2728. Chapter 2829. Chapter 2930. Chapter 3031. Chapter 3132. Chapter 3233. Chapter 3334. Chapter 3435. Chapter 3536. Chapter 3637. Chapter 37  
  
Doctor Who and its accoutrements are the property of the BBC, and we obviously don't have any right to them. Any and all crossover characters belong to their respective creators. Alas no one makes any money from this site, and it's all done out of love for a cheap-looking sci-fi show. All fics are property of their individual authors. Archival at this site should not be taken to constitute automatic archive rights elsewhere, and authors should be contacted individually to arrange further archiving. Despite occasional claims otherwise, The Blessed St Lalla Ward is not officially recognised by the Catholic Church. Yet.   
  
Script for this archive provided by [eFiction](http://efiction.sourceforge.net/). Contact our archivists at [help@whofic.com](mailto:help@whofic.com). Please read our [Terms of Service](http://www.whofic.com/tos.php) and [Submission Guidelines](http://www.whofic.com/guidelines.php). 


	19. Teaspoon :: The Scavenger Hunt. by cheri

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**The Scavenger Hunt.** by [cheri](http://www.whofic.com/viewuser.php?uid=1862) [[Reviews](http://www.whofic.com/reviews.php?sid=22661&chapid=76971) \- [81](http://www.whofic.com/reviews.php?sid=22661&chapid=76971)] [Chapter](http://www.whofic.com/viewstory.php?action=printable&textsize=0&sid=22661&chapter=19) **or** [Story](http://www.whofic.com/viewstory.php?action=printable&textsize=0&sid=22661&chapter=all)   
  
  
1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 56. Chapter 67. Chapter 78. Chapter 89. Chapter 910. Chapter 1011. Chapter 1112. Chapter 1213. Chapter 1314. Chapter 1415. Chapter 1516. Chapter 1617. Chapter 1718. Chapter 1819. Chapter 1920. Chapter 2021. Chapter 2122. Chapter 2223. Chapter 2324. Chapter 2425. Chapter 2526. Chapter 2627. Chapter 2728. Chapter 2829. Chapter 2930. Chapter 3031. Chapter 3132. Chapter 3233. Chapter 3334. Chapter 3435. Chapter 3536. Chapter 3637. Chapter 37

  
  
Chapter Nineteen  
  
Very slowly, Rose opened the door and peeked inside. She saw an empty stone courtyard in front of her with a waist high stone wall on the other side of it. Very slowly, she stepped inside and looked around. She noticed a castle beside the courtyard. One of the stereotypical stone castles with the moat, turrets and drawbridge.  
  
“Might as well get this over with,” Rose muttered as she closed the door. “Right, Snow White, so the evil queen should be around here some…”  
  
“MIRROR, MIRROR ON THE WALL!” she heard someone shrieking up above her.  
  
“Who’s the fairest of them all,” Rose repeated along with the voice as she headed off to the right where a small stone well sat. the wall was made of circular stone with a wooden roof on wooden beams over the well.  
  
“NO, I CAN’T BE SECOND BEST!”  
  
Rose rolled her eyes as she walked over to the well and looked inside it.  
  
“Water, water in the well, save me from this horrible hell,” Rose chanted as she stared at her reflection.  
  
As she looked in, she sighed when she saw a Doctor bot lean over and stare into the well with her. Rose said nothing to him, just continued to stare while she waited for the huntsman to come up to her or for something else to happen.  
  
“Beg pardon,” the Doctor bot finally said after five minutes of silence.  
  
Rose looked at him.  
  
“Yeah?” she said.  
  
The Doctor bot leaned back up. He was wearing a gold doublet and tights with golden trim and a gargantuan golden codpiece with ribbons and lace on it and a small sign that said Best in Show positioned directly in the middle of it. Rose rolled her eyes at that.  
  
“Good day, M’lady, I am Prince Orange Squash Biffybottoms the Twenty Third,” he said with a bow. “And you are?”  
  
“Thoroughly bored and fed up.”  
  
“I’m sorry?”  
  
“I’m…Snow…Rose White,” Rose said.  
  
“I see, are you the mistress of this castle?”  
  
“No, my stepmother is,” Rose said.  
  
“I see. Listen, I’m sorry to trouble you but I was riding along on my horse, Snoggy, when I happened to see you bent over by this stone structure and I thought to myself, she must be vomiting in the well, I must help her. I double parked my steed, came over here and you weren’t vomiting. So…what were you doing?”  
  
“I was using the wishing well to wish I could get the hell outta here.”  
  
“Oh! I see, it’s one of those pagan, burn at the stake, ass backwards type of superstitious rituals you peasants engage in that I just love to watch and laugh at. I see. Well, I expect you’ll want to bleed yourself dry and set your bodily humors in order so I’ll be on my way back to the land of reason and good judgment while you drain a few pints from your person and pretend it’s doing you some good. Toodles.”  
  
“Yeah, bye,” Rose muttered as he turned and sauntered away.  
  
She sighed as she turned around and gasped when she saw Jack bot directly behind her. He was wearing a green doublet and trousers and a green Robin Hood hat with red feather. Across his shoulders was a long brown cape and around his waist was a dagger in a sheaf and several big pouches that were tied to it.  
  
“Good day, Lady White, I am Franco, the royal huntsman.”  
  
Rose noticed he was stuffing something down the back of his trousers. Something that looked an awful lot like a small golden casket. She eyed him.  
  
“Gee, Franco, what’s that you’re putting down your pants?” she said.  
  
“It’s my hand,” Franco said, showing it to her. “I like to scratch my ass and search for brown gold.”  
  
Rose made a face and shook her head.  
  
“Doctor, were you half insane when you programmed these robots of yours?” she muttered.  
  
“I’m sorry?” Franco said.  
  
“Nothing, what do you want?” Rose said quickly.  
  
“Your stepmother suggested a constitutional and as I have nothing to do today, I am to escort you into the woods so you can get some fresh air.”  
  
“I’m outside,” Rose said to him.  
  
“Yes, but the woods has fresher air,” Franco said. “It’s a scientific fact.”  
  
“Yeah, whatever, let’s go,” Rose said, walking away.  
  
As she headed towards the woods, she looked over her shoulder and happened to see her mother standing in the window of one of the turrets glaring down at her.  
  
“Shoulda known, oh, Doctor, you are gonna get it when I get outta here,” Rose muttered to herself.  
  
She stomped towards the forest, angry beyond belief and wanting nothing more than to get back to the actual Doctor so she could demand an explanation from him. She was so angry that it took her awhile to hear a slight “scritch, scritch, scritch” coming from behind her. She looked around and raised her eyebrow when she noticed the Jack bot was walking behind her while he sharpened his dagger on a large whetstone. He noticed her looking at him and coughed nervously.  
  
“Um, this is something I do to relieve stress. Kinda like those worry beads some people play with. Don’t mind me.”  
  
“Yeah, right,” Rose said, turning her head back around.  
  
Ignoring the scritch, scritch, scritch behind her, they moved on into the forest down a well defined, well lighted dirt path. Rose noticed a sign up ahead on her left side and when she got to it noticed that it said…  
  
SCENIC ROUTE.  
  
A big black arrow above it led off the path deep into the deep, dense forest. Jack grabbed her arm.  
  
“Let’s take the scenic route,” he said to her.  
  
Rose rolled her eyes, turned and walked off the path while Jack resumed his scritch, scritch, scritch. To her amazement, Jack began to sing while they walked along.  
  
“OOOOOOOOH, I’m a big studly man, yes I am. I hunt me deer and bear. I love to hunt and hunt and hunt and kill without even a caaaare! Boom chica boom chica boom boom ba doom.”  
  
Rose glanced over her shoulder and gave him an odd look. Jack shrugged.  
  
“Just trying to keep the mood light,” he said to her as he continued to sharpen his knife.  
  
Rose couldn’t help but ask the obvious question as she stared at the long dagger going across the grey whetstone.  
  
“You gonna use that while you’re in here?”  
  
For a moment, she saw a deer caught in the headlights look on Jack’s face and then he adopted a nonchalant air.  
  
“Oh, I might go…hunting,” he said. “After all, I’m sure you wanna go do girl things and I can’t leave an innocent waif like you in the woods all alone. Might meet Satan and get tempted into become a witch and then you might end up going naked and casting evil spells. Which means we’d have to burn you at the stake and that means more work for me. So how’s about I hunt while you…sit and…be a girl?”  
  
“Yeah, I’ll do that…Franco,” Rose said dryly. “And I promise I won’t meet Satan and become a witch.”  
  
“Good lass!” Jack said. “Don’t make waves, that’s my advice for girls. Just marry a man and be a housewench and get beaten from sunup to sundown and bear heaps of children, half of which will probably die before they’re five and the other half will die from the plague or overwork, but all the same, open up that vagina and let those kids pop out of it.”  
  
Rose shook her head and muttered to herself, questioning the Doctor’s level of sanity while she listened to the scritch, scritch, scritch.  
  
Suddenly she gasped when Jack seized her arm.  
  
“Do you know where we are?” he said dramatically.  
  
“Um, the Twilight Zone?” Rose said just as dramatically.  
  
“Heh, you’re funny. No, we’re in the deepest part of the forest and that means wild animals are roaming about, ready to eat the unwary.”  
  
“Oooo, lucky I got me huntsmen here to kill em,” Rose said sarcastically.  
  
“Yes, I’m a macho piece of manmeat.”  
  
Rose rolled her eyes. But she figured it was best to play along and at least enjoy herself until she got out of the scenario.  
  
“So…what sorts of animals are in this forest?” she asked politely.  
  
“Oh, ferocious ones. Lions and tigers and bears mostly.”  
  
Rose groaned quietly.  
  
“Oh my?” she said to Jack.  
  
“I’m sorry?”  
  
“Lions and tigers and bears, oh my?” she said as she started to skip.  
  
She skipped a few feet and then looked at Jack.  
  
“Come on, Franco. Lions and tigers and bears, oh my,” she said as she skipped a few more feet.  
  
Jack shrugged as she held out her hand. He put his dagger in his sheaf and put the whetstone in his pouch before taking her hand.  
  
“Now, say it with me,” Rose said as they began to walk very slowly. “Lions and tigers and bears, oh my.”  
  
Jack nodded and said it with her as they slowly began to go from walking to running to skipping.  
  
“Lions…and tigers…and bears, oh my,” they chanted. “Lions…and tigers…and bears, oh my. Lions and tigers and bears, oh my. Lions and tigers and bears, oh my!”  
  
By now they were skipping through the undergrowth chanting their mantra. Suddenly they heard a roar when they entered a clearing and Rose gasped when a Doctor bot dressed in a mangy, manky lion’s costume leaped off a rock in front of them. He began to laugh when he saw the shocked looks on their faces.  
  
“Oh blimey, you should see yourselves. I betcha wet yourself the moment I did that,” he said between fits of laughter. “Oooh, that made my whole day right there.”  
  
“Who are you then? The cowardly lion?” Rose asked him.  
  
“Me? Lord no, I’m not cowardly. I’m a strong, virile lion! Manly through and through. I’ve seen the movie though and recognized the chant and thought it’d be great fun to take the mickey out of ya both since I am a lion. Roar and all that.”  
  
“Yeah,” Rose muttered.  
  
Rose stared at the lion. The Doctor bot had a huge mane around his face that made him look ridiculous. Especially since the end of his tousle was sticking out from under it. In spite of herself, she began to giggle.  
  
“Oi, what’s your problem?” the Doctor bot said angrily.  
  
“I’m sorry but you look naff like that,” Rose said laughing.  
  
“I do not. I’m a regal lion, see?” he said, raising his chin.  
  
Rose laughed and went around back to play with his tail.  
  
“OI! QUIT PLAYING WITH ME TAIL!” the Doctor bot said, snatching it from her. “Right, you two, on your bike if you’re gonna mock me.”  
  
“Fine!” Rose said, shrugging. “Come along, Franco.”  
  
“I could take ya, you know, I just choose not to because I’m keeping an eye on the waif, lest she turn to the magical arts and damn her soul to hellfire,” Jack said as he went past her.  
  
“Yeah, right, Robin Hood, go keep an eye on Maid Marian before I turn ya into lion shite,” the Doctor bot muttered. “And don’t you dare mock me again or I’ll go get my cousin Aslan to come sort you out!”  
  
“Yeah, yeah,” Rose said as they headed into the forest.  
  
“Don’t yeah, yeah me, you peroxide wearin’ chav!” the Doctor bot yelled at her. “I’d eat you as well except the cheap hair dye would make me have indigestion and diarrhea!”  
  
Rose and Jack ignored him as they walked further into the woods. The Doctor bot sighed.  
  
“Well, that was the highlight of my day, I s’pose now it’s time to walk over to MGM and earn my paycheck,” he said, walking off into the woods.  
  


1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 56. Chapter 67. Chapter 78. Chapter 89. Chapter 910. Chapter 1011. Chapter 1112. Chapter 1213. Chapter 1314. Chapter 1415. Chapter 1516. Chapter 1617. Chapter 1718. Chapter 1819. Chapter 1920. Chapter 2021. Chapter 2122. Chapter 2223. Chapter 2324. Chapter 2425. Chapter 2526. Chapter 2627. Chapter 2728. Chapter 2829. Chapter 2930. Chapter 3031. Chapter 3132. Chapter 3233. Chapter 3334. Chapter 3435. Chapter 3536. Chapter 3637. Chapter 37  
  
Doctor Who and its accoutrements are the property of the BBC, and we obviously don't have any right to them. Any and all crossover characters belong to their respective creators. Alas no one makes any money from this site, and it's all done out of love for a cheap-looking sci-fi show. All fics are property of their individual authors. Archival at this site should not be taken to constitute automatic archive rights elsewhere, and authors should be contacted individually to arrange further archiving. Despite occasional claims otherwise, The Blessed St Lalla Ward is not officially recognised by the Catholic Church. Yet.   
  
Script for this archive provided by [eFiction](http://efiction.sourceforge.net/). Contact our archivists at [help@whofic.com](mailto:help@whofic.com). Please read our [Terms of Service](http://www.whofic.com/tos.php) and [Submission Guidelines](http://www.whofic.com/guidelines.php). 


	20. Teaspoon :: The Scavenger Hunt. by cheri

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**The Scavenger Hunt.** by [cheri](http://www.whofic.com/viewuser.php?uid=1862) [[Reviews](http://www.whofic.com/reviews.php?sid=22661&chapid=77016) \- [81](http://www.whofic.com/reviews.php?sid=22661&chapid=77016)] [Chapter](http://www.whofic.com/viewstory.php?action=printable&textsize=0&sid=22661&chapter=20) **or** [Story](http://www.whofic.com/viewstory.php?action=printable&textsize=0&sid=22661&chapter=all)   
  
  
1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 56. Chapter 67. Chapter 78. Chapter 89. Chapter 910. Chapter 1011. Chapter 1112. Chapter 1213. Chapter 1314. Chapter 1415. Chapter 1516. Chapter 1617. Chapter 1718. Chapter 1819. Chapter 1920. Chapter 2021. Chapter 2122. Chapter 2223. Chapter 2324. Chapter 2425. Chapter 2526. Chapter 2627. Chapter 2728. Chapter 2829. Chapter 2930. Chapter 3031. Chapter 3132. Chapter 3233. Chapter 3334. Chapter 3435. Chapter 3536. Chapter 3637. Chapter 37

  
  
Chapter Twenty  
  
“Come on, come on, let’s get this over with,” Rose muttered to herself as they walked deeper into the forest.  
  
By now, there was very little light from above the canopy of leaves and the space between the trees around them was pitch black with little cartoony evil Scooby Doo eyes watching them. Rose rolled her eyes at the cheesiness of it all. Jack, in the meantime, was still sharpening his dagger and the scritch, scritch, scritch was starting to get on Rose’s last nerve.  
  
Finally, she could take it no more, halted in her tracks and turned to face him.  
  
“Alright, I know what’s going on. You were sent by the Queen to kill me and bring my heart back in that gold casket that’s lodged in your pants as proof of my death so the Queen'll be the farest in the land.”  
  
Jack stared at her with wide eyes as he paused in mid-scritch.  
  
“No, actually you’re wrong,” he said, resuming his scritching.  
  
“Come off it, I’ve heard this fairy tale a million times. You’re here to kill me but you’re not going to because you take pity on me and go kill a boar instead.”  
  
“Gee, that’s…an interesting theory,” Jack said as he continued to sharpen his dagger. “What makes you think I’d defy my Queen to save your skin?”  
  
“Because I’m pretty sure the TARDIS wouldn’t let you harm me in the first place since this is some sort of barmy simulation the Doctor made for shits and giggles,” Rose said.  
  
*Scritch, scritch, scritch.*  
  
“You’re a very strange little girl,” Jack Bot said to her. “And very perceptive. You’re right. I could never kill a buxom blonde such as yourself. There’s a shortage of perfect breasts in this world, t’would be a pity to damage yours.”  
  
“Um…isn’t that from the Princess Bride film?”  
  
Jack got a deer in the headlights look.  
  
“Uh…no…I’ve never heard of that film before,” he said hesitantly.  
  
Rose snorted. She stepped aside when Jack Bot excused himself and went off to his left through the impenetrable darkness. Suddenly, Rose heard a pig squealing mixed with the Jack Bot’s animalistic, pagan yell of bloodlust. The squealing died down and Jack Bot appeared with a beating heart in his hand and blood all over the area around his mouth. Rose stared at the blood and then noticed there was a sizable chunk missing from the side of the heart.  
  
“Um, did you just eat the boar’s heart?” she asked, pointing to it.  
  
“Yes, I did it to absorb the wild boar’s strength and virility so I can become a great huntsman. Actually you missed it; I tore the beast apart with my bare hands and teeth in a sort of beserker frenzy. Want me to see if I can find another boar so you can…”  
  
“No, no, I’ll give the whole berserker boar killing a miss, thanks,” Rose said.  
  
“Suit yourself,” Jack said, shrugging. “Now, as for you…”  
  
“I stay here in the woods while you take the boar’s heart back to the Queen.”  
  
“Actually, I was gonna suggest a convent or becoming a prostitute but hey, you wanna stay in the woods, knock yourself out. I’ll just take my leave of you. Just…stay away from Satan, you hear?”  
  
“Yeah, yeah, I won’t become some devil worshiping heathen.”  
  
“Good lass, now I must take my leave of you. Have fun in the woods.”  
  
Rose watched as he walked away singing Zip-a-dee-do-da while he put the heart into the golden casket. Rose sighed and looked around. She glared at the spooky Scooby Doo eyes that were watching her.  
  
“Clear off!” she yelled.  
  
The eyes all disappeared and Rose turned to her right and continued deeper into the woods. She walked for a couple of minutes, trying to find the Dwarfs’ house when she suddenly heard someone loudly clearing their throat. She turned around and saw a Doctor Bot stretched out on a very long and thick limb about fifteen feet off the ground. He looked the same except his face and hands were pink with purple tiger stripes on them.  
  
“Good day, young girl, where are you headed to?”  
  
“The Dwarfs’ house.”  
  
“Aaaaaaaaah, the seven dwarfs’ house?”  
  
“Yeah, do you know where it is?”  
  
“Mmmmm, maybe.”  
  
“Okay, what’s that s’pose to mean?”  
  
“It means…maybe.”  
  
“Right,” Rose said, sighing. “I got no time to play games with ya. Goodbye!”  
  
She turned and was shocked to see the Doctor Bot was now stretched out on another limb in front of her.  
  
“I never said I wouldn’t help you,” he said.  
  
“Okay, where it is then?”  
  
“I never said I would help either.”  
  
Rose sighed and threw up her hands.  
  
“Bye!” she said, walking away.  
  
“Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaait!” the Doctor Bot screamed.  
  
Rose sighed angrily and turned around.  
  
“You must control your temper,” he said.  
  
“Yeah, thanks Freud, bye!” Rose said, waving.  
  
To her amazement, the Doctor Bot slowly disappeared from his feet up his legs to his body, his arms, hands and finally only his head was left. He gave her a wide toothy grin as his head disappeared, leaving only the smile behind hanging in mid-air.  
  
“Aha, now I get the pink and purple stripes,” Rose said. “Bye, Cheshire Doctor!”  
  
“Bye Bye, Rooooooooooooooosie!” the mouth said before it faded away.  
  
“Okay, so we’ve had Snow White, Wizard of Oz and Alice in Wonderland, what other things are mixed into this scenario then?” Rose muttered.  
  
She started to walk off when she suddenly heard the sound of a blade being sharpened on a whetstone in the woods off to her right.  
  
“Oh look, Conan the Barbarian’s back,” she muttered to herself.  
  
But to her surprise, Jack didn’t come out of the woods, instead it was a young man in his late twenties with an angular face, short brown hair and hazel eyes who was dressed in a Victorian outfit, cape and top hat. He was carrying a long Lister knife and a whetstone similar to Jack’s.  
  
“Good day,” the man said in a low, sinister voice.  
  
“Hello, who are you then?”  
  
The man reached into his trouser pocket and gave her a business card. Rose studied it. It said…  
  
JACK THE RIPPER.  
MANIAC, WHORE KILLER, SOLICITOR.  
  
“Solicitor?” Rose said.  
  
“I moonlight as one, being a certifiable loony and whore killer are nice but it doesn’t pay the bills,” Jack said, shrugging. “So, how about you? Are you a dirty whore what needs killin’?”  
  
“No.”  
  
“Oh good, then I’ll walk with you,” he said cheerfully.  
  
They took two steps.  
  
“You sure you aren’t a dirty whore what needs killin’?” Jack repeated.  
  
“No.”  
  
“Okay then, let’s be on our way.”  
  
Rose and Jack walked through the dark and scary woods. Rose looking around for a way out while Jack rambled on cheerfully about dirty whores and how they need to be gutted like fish. Then suddenly, the darkness parted like a curtain in front of them and the sunlight shown through the tree trunks as they reached the edge of a clearing. Through it, Rose saw a quaint thatched cottage and figured it was where the dwarves must be living. She stepped out into the sunlit clearing and looked back at Jack.  
  
“You comin’?” Rose said to him.  
  
“No, no, I never go beyond this point. Too much sun for my liking. Besides, no dirty whores here and I need to be where they are so I can gut them like fishes and wear their skin like a sort of waistcoat. Not to mention making the skin into a mask so I can pretend to be a dirty whore meself and masturbate while I…”  
  
“I don’t wanna hear anymore, thanks,” Rose said quickly.  
  
“Well, be careful, those dwarves are a weird group of people. Always singing and dancing and cavortin’ with animals, not a whore killer among them.”  
  
“Well, good on them,” Rose muttered to herself.  
  
“Bye Rose, take care and good luck, even if you are a woman who’s probably a dirty whore in disguise and…”  
  
“BYE!” Rose said, loudly as she ran towards the house.  
  
Jack watched her run up to the door, shook his head and resumed sharpening his knife while he turned and walked back into the darkened forest.  
  


1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 56. Chapter 67. Chapter 78. Chapter 89. Chapter 910. Chapter 1011. Chapter 1112. Chapter 1213. Chapter 1314. Chapter 1415. Chapter 1516. Chapter 1617. Chapter 1718. Chapter 1819. Chapter 1920. Chapter 2021. Chapter 2122. Chapter 2223. Chapter 2324. Chapter 2425. Chapter 2526. Chapter 2627. Chapter 2728. Chapter 2829. Chapter 2930. Chapter 3031. Chapter 3132. Chapter 3233. Chapter 3334. Chapter 3435. Chapter 3536. Chapter 3637. Chapter 37  
  
Doctor Who and its accoutrements are the property of the BBC, and we obviously don't have any right to them. Any and all crossover characters belong to their respective creators. Alas no one makes any money from this site, and it's all done out of love for a cheap-looking sci-fi show. All fics are property of their individual authors. Archival at this site should not be taken to constitute automatic archive rights elsewhere, and authors should be contacted individually to arrange further archiving. Despite occasional claims otherwise, The Blessed St Lalla Ward is not officially recognised by the Catholic Church. Yet.   
  
Script for this archive provided by [eFiction](http://efiction.sourceforge.net/). Contact our archivists at [help@whofic.com](mailto:help@whofic.com). Please read our [Terms of Service](http://www.whofic.com/tos.php) and [Submission Guidelines](http://www.whofic.com/guidelines.php). 


	21. Teaspoon :: The Scavenger Hunt. by cheri

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**The Scavenger Hunt.** by [cheri](http://www.whofic.com/viewuser.php?uid=1862) [[Reviews](http://www.whofic.com/reviews.php?sid=22661&chapid=77045) \- [81](http://www.whofic.com/reviews.php?sid=22661&chapid=77045)] [Chapter](http://www.whofic.com/viewstory.php?action=printable&textsize=0&sid=22661&chapter=21) **or** [Story](http://www.whofic.com/viewstory.php?action=printable&textsize=0&sid=22661&chapter=all)   
  
  
1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 56. Chapter 67. Chapter 78. Chapter 89. Chapter 910. Chapter 1011. Chapter 1112. Chapter 1213. Chapter 1314. Chapter 1415. Chapter 1516. Chapter 1617. Chapter 1718. Chapter 1819. Chapter 1920. Chapter 2021. Chapter 2122. Chapter 2223. Chapter 2324. Chapter 2425. Chapter 2526. Chapter 2627. Chapter 2728. Chapter 2829. Chapter 2930. Chapter 3031. Chapter 3132. Chapter 3233. Chapter 3334. Chapter 3435. Chapter 3536. Chapter 3637. Chapter 37

  
  
Chapter Twenty One  
  
“Hello?” Rose said as she opened the wood door of the Dwarfs’ cottage and peered inside.  
  
She made a face when she smelt the odor. It smelled like animal feces and she quickly realized why when she saw several small piles of it, fresh and dry and in varying sizes and shapes, all over the wooden floor.  
  
“Oh, you have got to be kiddin’ me. I’m not about to stay here and clean this mess up,” Rose muttered to herself. “They made the mess, they can mop it up. I’m a modern woman, not some waif that lives in the middle ages.”  
  
She came inside and gingerly stepped around the piles of poo while she looked around. She noticed the house was empty.  
  
“Probably still at the diamond mines if I remember the Disney film correctly,” Rose muttered to himself.  
  
She noticed several magazines lying on the wooden table in the dining room area. She walked over and made a face when she saw several naked women on the front of them.  
  
“Playdwarves,” she muttered, picking up one.  
  
She thumbed through it till she got to the centerfold. A naked buxom dwarf woman with long blond hair, blue eyes and humongous tits lay on a bearskin rug. She was holding onto a pickaxe and had a come hither look in her eyes. Rose noticed something crusty and yellow near the bottom of the picture. Something that looked suspiciously like... Rose’s eyes bulged when she guessed what it was and threw the magazine back on the table before running to wash her hands in the sink. Once she did that, she ventured upstairs and saw a long bedroom with seven wooden beds arranged neatly along the right side of the wall. Each bed had a name carved out on the headboard at the head of the bed. Apart from that, there was nothing in the room except for an open window at the back of it. Rose walked over to the beds and read the names on them.  
  
“Doc, Grumpy…Weepy?” she murmured to herself. “Brainy, Silly, Bouncy and Randy? What the hell?”  
  
She jerked her head towards the window when she heard singing outside.  
  
“Hi-ho, hi-ho, it’s home from work we go!” the voices sang in unison followed by whistling. “Hi-ho, hi-ho hi-ho hi-ho, hi-ho it’s home from work we go. Boy, are we spent, this is copyright infringement, hi-ho, hi-ho!”  
  
Rose went over to the window, kneeled down to get a better look and watched as seven tiny versions of the Doctor came out of the woods with pickaxes slung over their right shoulders. Unlike Doctorstiltskin, all of them looked like miniature versions of the Time Lord. Each one was dressed in a small shirt, pants and stocking cap that were in assorted colors. All of them looked the same except the one in the very back who was wearing the Doctor’s glasses. She watched as they stopped short and she cursed under her breath when she remembered she had left the door hanging open.  
  
“Hey!” one of them said, “the door’s open! I thought we made sure it was shut before we left.”  
  
“What if someone’s in there? What if someone’s broken in while we were at the mines?” the one with the glasses said.  
  
One of them began crying.  
  
“I don’t wanna go in then. I’m scared to go in!”  
  
“Oh, put a sock in it, Weepy!” the one in front of Weepy said.  
  
“Now, Grumpy, be nice to Weepy,” Glasses said to him.  
  
“Well, he’s always turnin’ on the waterworks like this!” Grumpy said. “He gets on me last nerve!”  
  
“I can’t help it if I feel like cryin’ all the time!” Weepy said before letting out a wail.  
  
“Maybe one of us should go inside and see if someone’s in there?” Glasses said.  
  
“Well, for the love of God don’t send Weepy in there, whoever it is’ll be tipped off before he gets through the door.”  
  
“I hate you!” Weepy wailed. “You’re not a very nice person!”  
  
“Yeah, well in case you haven’t noticed , I’m Grumpy, you sniveling little git!”  
  
Weepy wailed loudly and ran into the house.  
  
“Now you’ve gone and done it,” Glasses said to him.  
  
“Oh, forget him! We don’t need him!” Grumpy said. “If someone’s in there, we can manage on our own. Now everyone in a huddle!”  
  
Rose watched as they got into a huddle and then noticed they each had their names on the back of their shirts like sports jerseys. She heard Weepy wailing and realized he was coming up the stairs. She quickly ran and ducked down behind the far bed as Weepy came into the bedroom, crying uncontrollably as he flung himself down on his bed. Rose raised her head just enough to see over the bed.  
  
“It’s not fair,” she heard Weepy saying as he kept his head down on his bed. “Nobody likes me. I’m all alone. Why can’t I ever find a friend! Everytime I find someone, I end up losing them! Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!”  
  
Rose’s heart went out to him as he sobbed uncontrollably and buried his face in the folds of his duvet, muffling his weeping. Rose heard the others downstairs and then ducked down when she heard the thud of their feet coming up the stairs. On her hands and knees, she listened and prayed they wouldn’t find her, although she knew in order for the story to advance she’d have to get up sooner or later and reveal herself. Deciding to do it so she could get out of the simulation, she stood up and nearly gave the Doctor dwarves a heart attack.  
  
“It’s a girl!” Glasses said, pointing at her.  
  
“Too right, it’s a girl!” one of them said while he leered at her. “Cor blimey, look at the size of those tits on her!”  
  
“Oi!” Rose said, glaring at him. “Keep your eyes off my breasts, yeah?”  
  
She ducked down when the dwarf started looking at her crotch instead. Glasses held up his hand and walked forward.  
  
“Pay no attention to Randy, he’s, well….randy,” he said, coming up beside her. “Hello, Ms. Giant Woman, I’m Doc.”  
  
“I’m…Rose White.”  
  
“You can be Margaret Thatcher for all I care, just drop your trousers so I can have a go at ya!” Randy said.  
  
“Leave her alone, she’s nice!” Weepy said, sniffing as he slid off his bed and headed towards her.  
  
“Yeah! She’s nice, nice, nice!” another one said as he ran towards her. “Hello, I’m bouncy! Bouncy, bouncy, bouncy! Nice to meet you!”  
  
“Um, yeah, same here,” Rose said, watching as Bouncy jogged in place while he shook her hand.  
  
Another one came up to her and extended his hand.  
  
“I’m Silly,” he said.  
  
He took out a tiny yo-yo and began to play with it.  
  
“Wheee!” he said as he did around the world with it.  
  
“I’m Brainy,” another one said, coming up to shake her hand. “And you are obviously an Earth humanoid female who has seemed to have suffered some kind of hormone imbalance which has resulted in a growth spurt and now you are a freakish female Golliath. Golliath, a Philistine from the Earth Bible who was slain by David, a shepard.”  
  
“That’ll do, Brainy,” Doc said sternly. “Nobody likes a showoff.”  
  
“I wasn’t showing off, mate. I was teaching her. She’s obviously a naïve, sheltered freakish hormone laden woman and women in this time period were denied education because…”  
  
He grunted when Randy pushed him aside.  
  
“Name’s Randy, love. Cor, you’re well fit. Let me boink you until I leave for work in the mornin’! Come on, what’d ya say? You let me have a go at ya?”  
  
“No!” Rose said angrily.  
  
Weepy pushed past him and stared at her with his large doe eyes that glistened with unshed tears.  
  
“Will you be my friend?” he said, sniffing. “I’m lonely.”  
  
Rose smiled at him.  
  
“Yes, I’ll be your friend.”  
  
All the other dwarves sighed when Weepy burst into happy tears, embraced her and cried on her shoulder.  
  
“Could someone please find a way to surgically close this git’s tear ducts?” Grumpy said, rolling his eyes.  
  
“That would be dangerous, Grumpy,” Brainy said. “The tear ducts are one way that the eyes get moisture and…”  
  
“I DON’T CARE!” Grumpy thundered as he stomped away.  
  
Rose held Weepy close while he hugged her and wept. She eyed Randy when he started going around her.  
  
“Where do you think you’re going?” Rose said.  
  
“Just getting a look at the junk in the trunk, love. Cor, you got quite a bit of a rump there. I think I will have a go at ya. Never did a giant before.”  
  
“Get away from me, ya pervert!” Rose said angrily.  
  
She felt something being placed on her head and turned to see Silly giggling as he stood by her left side. She reached up and pulled off a pair of tiny fuzzy bunny ears.  
  
“You look silly with those on,” Silly said.  
  
“Yeah, thanks, but you keep em,” Rose said, handing it back.  
  
She gasped when Bouncy ran up to her and got in her face.  
  
“YOU GONNA LIVE WITH US, HUH, HUH, HUH? YOU WANNA LIVE WITH US, SAY YES, SAY YES, SAY YES!” he rambled.  
  
“Yes, I’ll live with ya!” Rose said as Bouncy bounced in place and breathed heavily in her face. “Get out of my face, will ya?”  
  
“Leave my new friend aloooooooooone!” Weepy wailed as he shoved Bouncy away.  
  
“Will someone shut him up!” Grumpy said as he lay in his bed. “I’m trying to go to sleep!”  
  
“LEAVE ME ALOOOOOOOOONE!” Weepy wailed back. “I’m not bothering yoooooooooooooo-who-who-who-whoooooooooooooooooooooooo!”  
  
“Oh God,” Rose said, shaking her head as Grumpy and Weepy got in an argument, Randy got a look at her ass, Brainy was trying to lecture everyone on his theory of why Rose was a giant and Bouncy and Silly did a silly dance while Doc shook his head disapprovingly at all of them. “What the hell have I gotten myself into?”  
  


1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 56. Chapter 67. Chapter 78. Chapter 89. Chapter 910. Chapter 1011. Chapter 1112. Chapter 1213. Chapter 1314. Chapter 1415. Chapter 1516. Chapter 1617. Chapter 1718. Chapter 1819. Chapter 1920. Chapter 2021. Chapter 2122. Chapter 2223. Chapter 2324. Chapter 2425. Chapter 2526. Chapter 2627. Chapter 2728. Chapter 2829. Chapter 2930. Chapter 3031. Chapter 3132. Chapter 3233. Chapter 3334. Chapter 3435. Chapter 3536. Chapter 3637. Chapter 37  
  
Doctor Who and its accoutrements are the property of the BBC, and we obviously don't have any right to them. Any and all crossover characters belong to their respective creators. Alas no one makes any money from this site, and it's all done out of love for a cheap-looking sci-fi show. All fics are property of their individual authors. Archival at this site should not be taken to constitute automatic archive rights elsewhere, and authors should be contacted individually to arrange further archiving. Despite occasional claims otherwise, The Blessed St Lalla Ward is not officially recognised by the Catholic Church. Yet.   
  
Script for this archive provided by [eFiction](http://efiction.sourceforge.net/). Contact our archivists at [help@whofic.com](mailto:help@whofic.com). Please read our [Terms of Service](http://www.whofic.com/tos.php) and [Submission Guidelines](http://www.whofic.com/guidelines.php). 


	22. Teaspoon :: The Scavenger Hunt. by cheri

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**The Scavenger Hunt.** by [cheri](http://www.whofic.com/viewuser.php?uid=1862) [[Reviews](http://www.whofic.com/reviews.php?sid=22661&chapid=77123) \- [81](http://www.whofic.com/reviews.php?sid=22661&chapid=77123)] [Chapter](http://www.whofic.com/viewstory.php?action=printable&textsize=0&sid=22661&chapter=22) **or** [Story](http://www.whofic.com/viewstory.php?action=printable&textsize=0&sid=22661&chapter=all)   
  
  
1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 56. Chapter 67. Chapter 78. Chapter 89. Chapter 910. Chapter 1011. Chapter 1112. Chapter 1213. Chapter 1314. Chapter 1415. Chapter 1516. Chapter 1617. Chapter 1718. Chapter 1819. Chapter 1920. Chapter 2021. Chapter 2122. Chapter 2223. Chapter 2324. Chapter 2425. Chapter 2526. Chapter 2627. Chapter 2728. Chapter 2829. Chapter 2930. Chapter 3031. Chapter 3132. Chapter 3233. Chapter 3334. Chapter 3435. Chapter 3536. Chapter 3637. Chapter 37

  
  
Chapter Twenty Two  
  
“Right,” Rose said, looking down at the seven little versions of the Doctor. “I think right now we should play a game called clean up the filthy house. Then afterwards, we eat.”  
  
“Got a better idea,” Grumpy said. “You clean and we’ll eat.”  
  
“No, because I’m not the one who allowed animals to shite all over the floor. This is your house, you clean it up.”  
  
“But you just said you’d live with us,” Brainy said. “Which means you are just as responsible for the upkeep as we are. Share and share alike, you know.”  
  
“Come on, blokes!” Bouncy said with boundless enthusiasm. “Don’t make a fuss. Let’s do it and make a game outta it!”  
  
“Yeah,” Silly said, “we could attach mops to our feet and pretend to ice skate!”  
  
“Or, we could just go starkers and clean it that way!” Randy said, leering at Rose.  
  
Rose quickly ran to the other side of the room when Randy tried to lay his tiny hand on her butt.  
  
“Look, I’m staying with you lot for awhile so let’s just cooperate and clean the house, yeah?” she said to them.  
  
“Why are you staying with us? Don’t you have a home of your own?” Grumpy said.  
  
“Well,” she said as everyone gathered around her. “My…wicked…”  
  
She grumbled under her breath at the Doctor for five seconds before she went on with her story.  
  
“Stepmother is trying to kill me.”  
  
“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Weepy wailed as he flung himself around her legs. “NOT MY NEW BEST FRIEND!”  
  
“Oh, put a sock in it, Emo Boy!” Grumpy said, rolling his eyes. “So in other words, your stepmother wants to kill you and if she finds us harboring you, she’ll kill us, is that how it works?”  
  
“Well…I s’pose…”  
  
“So we’re basically risking our necks for you because if that evil bitch finds us, we’ll all dead meat!” Grumpy said. “So why should we risk our lives to hide you here?”  
  
“Because…It’s part of the story?” Rose said sheepishly.  
  
She rolled her eyes when she heard loud cricket chirping while the seven dwarves just stared at her.  
  
“Look, I’ll clean and cook for ya if you’ll let me stay here, deal?”  
  
The dwarves gathered into a huddle and chatted softly before they walked back to her.  
  
“Okay, you can stay but if the Queen comes around here…”  
  
“I’ll eat an apple and drop dead,” Rose said.  
  
Again, the crickets chirp while they stared at her silently.  
  
“Never mind, just go and wash up and I’ll fix dinner,” she said.  
  
“Oh boy, a bath, a bath, a bath!” Bouncy said, jumping up and down.  
  
“I’m gonna go get my rubber duck!” Silly announced while he ran towards the stairs.  
  
Rose looked down when Weepy tugged on her trouser leg.  
  
“You won’t make me wash up, will you? I’m scared of getting wet,” he said.  
  
Rose was shocked when his eyes widened until they were big, moist and doe eyed.  
  
“Puh-leeze?” he said.  
  
Fearful he’d start bawling again, Rose nodded and was relieved when a huge smile broke out on Weepy’s face and he hugged her.  
  
“Wait a minute; if he doesn’t have to do it then I don’t have to do it either!”  
  
Rose sighed and glared at Grumpy who glared right back.  
  
“Well?” he challenged. “What makes the Bawlbaby so special that he doesn’t have to wash up? None of us have ever washed up and we aren’t going to, you hear me?”  
  
“Whatever!” Rose said, throwing up her hands before walking away. “Do whatever you like, I’m going downstairs and going insane.”  
  
“WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! YOU MADE MY NEW FRIEND UPSET!”  
  
“Oh, belt up, Weepy!”  
  
Rose let out a frustrated yell as she flung herself into a tiny wooden chair at the table. She shoved the stacks of magazines away from her and put her head in her hands, shaking her head.  
  
“I’m gonna kill the actual Doctor, I swear to God I am,” she muttered to herself.  
  
“Don’t be upset, Rose.”  
  
Rose looked up and saw Doc standing beside her.  
  
“They can’t help their behaviors, you know. There’s a good reason why they’re named after personality traits. You see, all of them are one part of the current Doctor’s personality and each one acts according to the personality he was named for so don’t blame Grumpy for being angry and belligerent or Weepy for crying, that’s just the way they are.”  
  
“What about you? You’re not named after a personality,” Rose said.  
  
“Quite so. I’m the amalgam of all the other personalities. I am all six personalities combined, hence the name, Doc.”  
  
“Oh, okay,” Rose said.  
  
“Yes, I am the culmination, the sum parts, if you will, of all my brothers.”  
  
“Mm-hmm.”  
  
“And might I add you got really big hooters there.”  
  
Rose raised her eyebrow while Doc shrugged.  
  
“I said, I am an amalgam of everyone else and I can’t help it if you’re hotter than the fires of Hell itself. I would love to ride you, my little pony.”  
  
“Excuse me.”  
  
Doc laughed and patted her leg.  
  
“Don’t mind me; I’m just being a silly little boy. I mean you no harm.”  
  
“Oh okay…I guess…”  
  
“You guess? I just apologized and that’s all you can think to say to me?” Doc said angrily.  
  
“Geez, okay, I’m sorry, I accept your apology.”  
  
“No, it is I who am sorry,” Doc said, getting misty eyed. “That was rude and inconsiderate of me. Forgive me.”  
  
“Okay, you’re forgiven.”  
  
“Yippee!” he said, jumping up. “Now, come on, Rose. Turn that frown upside down and get up and get going, food to fix and work to do, go, go, go, go!”  
  
“Okay, okay, I’m goin’,” Rose said, quickly getting up.  
  
She took a couple of steps forward and turned to see Doc was eyeing her butt.  
  
“You know, for a freakish giant, you got one smokin’ hot arse.”  
  
Rose rolled her eyes. Once again, she muttered to herself about killing the Doctor when she finally got back to him as she walked over to the sink, grabbed a sponge and started to clean the animal crap on and around it.  
  


1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 56. Chapter 67. Chapter 78. Chapter 89. Chapter 910. Chapter 1011. Chapter 1112. Chapter 1213. Chapter 1314. Chapter 1415. Chapter 1516. Chapter 1617. Chapter 1718. Chapter 1819. Chapter 1920. Chapter 2021. Chapter 2122. Chapter 2223. Chapter 2324. Chapter 2425. Chapter 2526. Chapter 2627. Chapter 2728. Chapter 2829. Chapter 2930. Chapter 3031. Chapter 3132. Chapter 3233. Chapter 3334. Chapter 3435. Chapter 3536. Chapter 3637. Chapter 37  
  
Doctor Who and its accoutrements are the property of the BBC, and we obviously don't have any right to them. Any and all crossover characters belong to their respective creators. Alas no one makes any money from this site, and it's all done out of love for a cheap-looking sci-fi show. All fics are property of their individual authors. Archival at this site should not be taken to constitute automatic archive rights elsewhere, and authors should be contacted individually to arrange further archiving. Despite occasional claims otherwise, The Blessed St Lalla Ward is not officially recognised by the Catholic Church. Yet.   
  
Script for this archive provided by [eFiction](http://efiction.sourceforge.net/). Contact our archivists at [help@whofic.com](mailto:help@whofic.com). Please read our [Terms of Service](http://www.whofic.com/tos.php) and [Submission Guidelines](http://www.whofic.com/guidelines.php). 


	23. Teaspoon :: The Scavenger Hunt. by cheri

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**The Scavenger Hunt.** by [cheri](http://www.whofic.com/viewuser.php?uid=1862) [[Reviews](http://www.whofic.com/reviews.php?sid=22661&chapid=77153) \- [81](http://www.whofic.com/reviews.php?sid=22661&chapid=77153)] [Chapter](http://www.whofic.com/viewstory.php?action=printable&textsize=0&sid=22661&chapter=23) **or** [Story](http://www.whofic.com/viewstory.php?action=printable&textsize=0&sid=22661&chapter=all)   
  
  
1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 56. Chapter 67. Chapter 78. Chapter 89. Chapter 910. Chapter 1011. Chapter 1112. Chapter 1213. Chapter 1314. Chapter 1415. Chapter 1516. Chapter 1617. Chapter 1718. Chapter 1819. Chapter 1920. Chapter 2021. Chapter 2122. Chapter 2223. Chapter 2324. Chapter 2425. Chapter 2526. Chapter 2627. Chapter 2728. Chapter 2829. Chapter 2930. Chapter 3031. Chapter 3132. Chapter 3233. Chapter 3334. Chapter 3435. Chapter 3536. Chapter 3637. Chapter 37

  
  
Chapter Twenty Three  
  
To Rose’s relief, time suddenly shifted and it was the next morning. She was glad the shift happened since it meant she wouldn’t have to cook for the dwarves or try to fend off Randy when they went to bed. The next thing she knew they were all standing around her in a semicircle, pickaxes over their right shoulders.  
  
“Now you be careful,” Doc said, wagging his finger at her. “The evil queen might come looking for you.”  
  
“In other words, you see some ugly shrew-faced tart with skin like parchment; don’t open the door for her!” Grumpy said.  
  
Rose glared at Grumpy, wanting nothing more than to kick him through the window. Before she could get a chance to do it though, everyone turned and formed a straight line, one behind the other with Doc at the front. He opened the front door while Weepy, who was in the back, turned and looked up at her.  
  
“You’ll still be my friend when I get back, won’t you?” he said, his eyes misting over.  
  
“Yes, I’ll still be your friend,” Rose said.  
  
Weepy burst into happy tears and hugged her legs while the others sighed and shook their heads.  
  
“Okay, let’s be off before I ram the point of this pickaxe into Weepy’s head,” Grumpy said.  
  
Rose managed to pry Weepy off her leg and he smiled at her and waved as he followed the others out the door.  
  
“Hi-ho, hi-ho, it’s off to work we go…”  
  
Rose slammed the door and sank against it.  
  
“Christ, I hope I can get out of this one with me sanity intact,” she muttered to herself.  
  
She wandered over to a chair by the kitchen table and sank down into it. She was about to go upstairs and take a nap while she waited for the Jackie bot to show up when suddenly the front door opened and three women wearing medieval peasant clothes and scarves on their heads came inside. Rose was in shock as the first woman, who resembled Bea Arthur from The Golden Girls, closed the door and turned to the woman with a blonde bouffant and a short dumpy fat lady with dark black hair and twenty double chins. Rose stared at them wondering where in the hell they came from and why she didn’t remember them being in the story.  
  
“Okay, girls,” the Bea Arthur lookalike said as they went around the house completely ignoring Rose while they closed all the windows and plugged up the cracks with handkerchiefs. “We must be very quiet and work quickly before Briar gets back from her walk. Mistress Fauna, you’re in charge of the cake and Mistress Merryweather, you make her dress and make it pink.”  
  
“No, I want it blue! It’s not fair, Mistress Flora, you always get to be in charge and tell me what to do,” Merryweather, the pudgy woman, said.  
  
She gasped when Mistress Flora seized her by her the bodice of her blue dress.  
  
“It’s because I have seniority, you fat fuck!” she growled. “Now if I hear one more thing about blue dresses, I’m gonna cast a spell and add forty stone to your already blimpy girth, you got that?”  
  
Merryweather nodded meekly and hurried away to find the fabric.  
  
“Bitch,” Mistress Fauna muttered under her breath.  
  
“What did you say?” Mistress Flora said, spinning around.  
  
“I said the witch, we have to work in secrecy so the witch, Maleficent, doesn’t suspect we’re here,” Mistress Fauna said quickly.  
  
“Yes, and that’s why we won’t use the wands for this. We’ll have to do all this like mortals would.”  
  
“Wait a tick, you’re the three fairies from the Sleeping Beauty film,” Rose said, getting up and walking over to them. “You’re in the wrong house in the wrong story.”  
  
The women gasped when they finally realized she was in the house.  
  
“Briar Rose! What are you doing home?” Mistress Flora said.  
  
“My name isn’t Briar Rose. It’s Rose White and somehow you wandered into the Snow White story instead of Sleeping Beauty and…”  
  
“You can’t be here!” Mistress Fauna said.  
  
“Yes, child, we need…you to go out and pick some berries for supper,” Mistress Flora said, shoving her towards the door.  
  
“Wait, you don’t understand, this isn’t Sleeping Beauty!” Rose protested as Mistress Merryweather opened the door for them.  
  
She cried out when Mistress Flora head butted her in the ass and she stumbled out the door and landed with a grunt on her stomach.  
  
“Now,” Mistress Flora said, tossing a wicker basket out the door, “go and pick some berries and don’t come back until the basket’s full.”  
  
She slammed the door and Rose started to get up when she opened it again.  
  
“And stay away from spinning wheels,” she said quickly before slamming it again.  
  
“That’s it! I’m outta here,” Rose said as she stomped off. “I’m finding a way to make the Doctor aware that I’m in here and then I’ll kill him for dreaming up this crazy place.”  
  
She walked into the forest, ignoring the fact that it had once again grown dark around her. She ignored the cartoon Scooby Doo eyes and the female’s scream in the distance followed by Jack the Ripper yelling, “Die, you dirty whore!” She went past the Cheshire Doctor who was once again stretched out lazily on a long tree limb.  
  
“Giving up, I see,” he called to her.  
  
Rose ignored him and walked on. She was so enraged that she didn’t hear someone whistling until the fourth time they did it. She stopped and looked over at Prince Orange Squash Biffybottoms the Twenty Third who was on the other side of the clearing she had wandered into. He was facing the other way as he rode Snoggy.  
  
“Hullo, I know you, you’re the peasant woman who likes to talk to well water,” he said to her.  
  
“Leave me alone,” Rose muttered as she walked away.  
  
She walked out of the clearing back into the forest. As she walked along, she suddenly heard hoofbeats directly behind her and felt hot horse breath on her back.  
  
“You know,” the prince said behind her. “It isn’t done for you to just walk off like that. I’m a prince, you know. I could have your head for that.”  
  
“Then have my head. I’m out of here,” Rose yelled as she kept on walking.  
  
She hoped that’d be the end of that but instead she continued to hear the hoof beats and feel Snoggy’s hot breath on her back. Sighing angrily, she whirled around to confront the prince and let out a grunt when Snoggy’s head connected with her chest and sent her ass to the ground.  
  
“Um…you shoulda said something before you turned around because now look at yourself,” the prince said as he sat atop his horse.  
  
“Yeah, well, I’m barely able to think right now as mad as I am. So if you don’t mind, clear off and leave me alone. I got a certain alien I need to kill before the day is through.”  
  
“I see.”  
  
Rose spun around and stomped away. She threw up her hands when almost immediately she heard the hoof beats and felt the hot breath on her back.  
  
“Where is this person you’re going to kill?” the prince said to her.  
  
“Far, far away,” Rose said.  
  
“I see. And why are you wanting to kill him?”  
  
Rose started to turn around to tell him to mind his own business. Then she remembered what happened the last time she did that.  
  
“I’M GOING TO TURN AROUND AND TALK TO YOU!” she said loudly.  
  
She heard the hoofbeats stop. She turned around and saw the prince grinning at her.  
  
“Now see, if you’d done that before, you wouldn’t have had your mishap,” the prince said. “Sometimes it pays not to get in a rush!”  
  
“Yes, thanks, I’ll remember that in future. Now will you please leave me alone? I wanna be by myself.”  
  
“Now look here, I’m a prince and I’ve already given you more leeway than I would have given any other peasant because I think you’re well fit and you have fabulous tits. But even that is not enough to keep you from the chopping block should my patience run out. I’m trying to talk to you and I’m being polite and I don’t appreciate your snippiness.”  
  
“If you’re trying to talk to me, why are you up there then?” Rose said, pointing to him.  
  
“Because I’m the prince and you’re a commoner. Why? You want me to get off my…high horse? Get it, high horse?”  
  
“Yeah, funny,” Rose muttered. “Just piss off.”  
  
She noticed the murderous look in his eyes and realized she had gone too far. Before he could do anything, she turned around and hauled ass through the woods. She listened as she ran and was relieved when she didn’t hear any hoof beats. She looked back and saw he wasn’t following her anymore and slowed down. She kept on walking for another twenty minutes until she saw sunlight peeking through the trees.  
  
“At last,” Rose said, breathing a sigh of relief. “Now I can finally get outta here and…”  
  
Her mouth dropped open when she stepped out of the forest and saw the dwarfs’ cottage directly in front of her.  
  
Several birds took flight and several forest creatures looked up from eating when they heard her scream out, “SHIT!” On his horse, Prince Orange Squash Biffybottoms the Twenty Third heard her and shook his head, muttering to himself about peasants and their manners as he rode through the forest.  
  


1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 56. Chapter 67. Chapter 78. Chapter 89. Chapter 910. Chapter 1011. Chapter 1112. Chapter 1213. Chapter 1314. Chapter 1415. Chapter 1516. Chapter 1617. Chapter 1718. Chapter 1819. Chapter 1920. Chapter 2021. Chapter 2122. Chapter 2223. Chapter 2324. Chapter 2425. Chapter 2526. Chapter 2627. Chapter 2728. Chapter 2829. Chapter 2930. Chapter 3031. Chapter 3132. Chapter 3233. Chapter 3334. Chapter 3435. Chapter 3536. Chapter 3637. Chapter 37  
  
Doctor Who and its accoutrements are the property of the BBC, and we obviously don't have any right to them. Any and all crossover characters belong to their respective creators. Alas no one makes any money from this site, and it's all done out of love for a cheap-looking sci-fi show. All fics are property of their individual authors. Archival at this site should not be taken to constitute automatic archive rights elsewhere, and authors should be contacted individually to arrange further archiving. Despite occasional claims otherwise, The Blessed St Lalla Ward is not officially recognised by the Catholic Church. Yet.   
  
Script for this archive provided by [eFiction](http://efiction.sourceforge.net/). Contact our archivists at [help@whofic.com](mailto:help@whofic.com). Please read our [Terms of Service](http://www.whofic.com/tos.php) and [Submission Guidelines](http://www.whofic.com/guidelines.php). 


	24. Teaspoon :: The Scavenger Hunt. by cheri

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**The Scavenger Hunt.** by [cheri](http://www.whofic.com/viewuser.php?uid=1862) [[Reviews](http://www.whofic.com/reviews.php?sid=22661&chapid=77162) \- [81](http://www.whofic.com/reviews.php?sid=22661&chapid=77162)] [Chapter](http://www.whofic.com/viewstory.php?action=printable&textsize=0&sid=22661&chapter=24) **or** [Story](http://www.whofic.com/viewstory.php?action=printable&textsize=0&sid=22661&chapter=all)   
  
  
1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 56. Chapter 67. Chapter 78. Chapter 89. Chapter 910. Chapter 1011. Chapter 1112. Chapter 1213. Chapter 1314. Chapter 1415. Chapter 1516. Chapter 1617. Chapter 1718. Chapter 1819. Chapter 1920. Chapter 2021. Chapter 2122. Chapter 2223. Chapter 2324. Chapter 2425. Chapter 2526. Chapter 2627. Chapter 2728. Chapter 2829. Chapter 2930. Chapter 3031. Chapter 3132. Chapter 3233. Chapter 3334. Chapter 3435. Chapter 3536. Chapter 3637. Chapter 37

  
  
Chapter Twenty Four  
  
(Meanwhile, outside the fairy tale simulation…)  
  
Martha smiled as she checked another item off her list. She had just found a red ball room where hundreds of red balls bounced up and down between a rubber floor and ceiling. She had no idea why the Doctor had a room like that but one of the balls was glowing and had the tag on it and after finding the item on her list, she no longer cared if he had a bouncing ball room or not. She headed to the next room and read the little gold plaque on the door.  
  
CINEMA ROOM.  
  
“Hmm, this might be interesting,” Martha said, opening the door.  
  
Directly inside the room was a long aisle that went down the middle of the cinema. There were plush red seats on either side of her but apart from her; no one was in the room. It felt weird being all alone, but curiosity got the better of her and she went halfway down, turned right, walked halfway down a row of seats and sat down. In front of the seats a beautiful red curtain with gold trim at the bottom hid the screen and the lights overhead were dim. But the silence only added to the creepiness and Martha was startled when she heard someone clearing their throat and saw a Caucasian man dressed in a red and gold usher’s outfit standing at the end of her row.  
  
“Would you like some popcorn and something to drink before the movie starts, Madam?” he said.  
  
“Yeah, buttered popcorn and a soda, a…Coke is alright.”  
  
The usher bowed and went back up the aisle while Martha relaxed. After a moment, she turned around and looked up at the window in the back of the wall, trying to see if anyone was in the projection room, but for the moment it was dark and she couldn’t see anyone in it. She turned back around, set her clipboard down in the seat beside her and relaxed.  
  
Two minutes later, the usher came back up the aisle with a large bucket of buttered popcorn and a large cup of Coke. Martha thanked him when he came to her and handed them to her and he bowed and walked away. Five minutes later, the curtains parted and the lights dimmed away as Martha settled back with her Coke and popcorn. She raised her eyebrow when the first thing to show up on the screen was the Doctor. He was standing at the front of the cinema and she could see the seats behind him while he talked to the camera.  
  
“Hello, I’m the Doctor and this…is my cinema!”  
  
Synthesizer music began to play as he stuck his hands in his pockets.  
  
“In here…magic begins,” he said melodramatically as Martha snorted out laughter at the cornball delivery. “I travel through time and space but in here…you can travel into the furthest reaches of my imagination!”  
  
“Um…not sure how I feel about that,” Martha said to herself.  
  
“But first…a few rules since I’m sure if you’re watching this, you’re one of my companions. Or the Master…except why would the Master be in here watching a film? Anyway, rules. No smoking. Anywhere. In my TARDIS. I don’t like it, filthy habit and I will kick you out if you do it, so be warned.”  
  
“I agree and fine by me,” Martha said, shrugging.  
  
“Rule two, you will refrain from making loud rude noises, running up and down the aisles, letting one rip or otherwise acting like a Zulu warrior and making a wreck of my theater. That also will get you booted out the front door.”  
  
“Fair enough,” Martha said, shrugging.  
  
“Rule three, no pears. I hate pears.”  
  
Martha rolled her eyes at that.  
  
“And that, I think, is that. So sit back, enjoy and get ready to be transported to a wonderful world of fantasy!”  
  
Martha watched while the Doctor was replaced with a cartoon TARDIS that spun around the screen before going through the middle and leaving TARDIS CINEMA LTD. In its wake. The image faded and she saw…  
  
THE FOLLOWING PREVIEW HAS BEEN APPROVED FOR GENERAL VIEWING.  
  
Martha ate her popcorn as the green title screen faded and she saw the Doctor standing there again.  
  
“The Doctor,” a dramatic voiceover said, “a man like no other man you’ve ever known in your whole entire pathetic life!”  
  
Martha paused in mid-chew and watched as the Doctor strolled into the front door of some bank somewhere.  
  
“Once,” the voiceover said, “he was a gentle peace loving alien but now…he’s…DOCTOR BADASS!”  
  
Martha’s eyes widen when the Doctor pulled an Uzi out the waistband of his trousers and fired several rounds into the ceiling above him.  
  
“ALRIGHT, THIS IS A HOLDUP, GIVE ME ALL THE MONEY OR YOU ALL DIE!” he shrieked at people off camera.  
  
“Doctor Badass, quite possibly the baddest alien mofo in the universe,” the voiceover said as the Doctor threatened a bank teller with the gun.  
  
“Oh please,” Martha said, rolling her eyes.  
  
She couldn’t help but laugh when the scene switched to the Doctor, wearing sunglasses while he drove a candy apple red Ferrari.  
  
“Doctor Badass, he lives life on the edge and he ain’t afraid to die cause he’s done it nine times already!”  
  
The Doctor looked at the camera.  
  
“I’m the biggest, baddest mofo in the universe,” he said smugly as Martha bent over laughing.  
  
“Doctor Badass, he has an insatiable appetite…for women!” the voiceover said dramatically.  
  
Martha paused in mid-chew when the scene shifted to a seedy hotel room. The Doctor kicked the door in and stood in the doorway, holding his gun.  
  
“At last I found you,” he said to someone off camera.  
  
Martha’s eyes bulged when the image cut to Rose sitting on the bed in her underwear and bra, trying to cover up with a cheap cotton blanket while she stared at him apprehensively.  
  
“The hell? When the two of them get around to filming this?” Martha said as she watched the Doctor striding into the room.  
  
She rolled her eyes when he went off camera and she suddenly heard moaning and the bed squeaking.  
  
“Oooooh, Doctor Badass,” Rose said off-camera, “you sure do know how to love your women!”  
  
“No, wait, it’s gotta be two of those robots. No way would Rose agree to do something like this and be filmed,” Martha said.  
  
The scene shifted back to the Doctor who was standing in front of his TARDIS with his shades on while he held his Uzi up and showed it off to camera.  
  
“Doctor Badass,” the voice over said, “he’ll rock your world! Coming soon to this cinema.”  
  
“Hey!” Martha yelled at the screen, “let me know when it’s playing so I can come back and watch it for a giggle!”  
  
The preview ended and the TARDIS flew across the screen again. This time when it went across it, TARDIS CINEMA LTD. PRESENTS… was written across the screen. Martha settled back in her seat and munched her popcorn while the movie started. She paused in mid-chew when she noticed down front by the right of a screen, an organ was coming up out of the floor and a Jack Bot began to play it. It took Martha a moment to figure out the reason why he was doing that was the film was silent. She shrugged and ate while the title card came up on screen.  
  
TARDIS CINEMA LTD. PRESENTS…THE PERILS OF ROSE TYLER.  
STARRING…THE DOCTOR AS HIMSELF AND ROSE TYLER AS ROSE TYLER, THE HELPLESS WAIF WHO THE DOCTOR LOVES.  
  
Martha rolled her eyes and munched on her popcorn as the screen faded briefly and another title card came up.  
  
1929\. THE START OF THE GREAT DEPRESSION.  
  
Jack played the organ as Martha watched the TARDIS silently appear on screen. She frowned thinking how odd it looked for the TARDIS to appear without the usual wheezing sound it made. She ate and watched as the door opened and he and Rose stepped outside. Martha burst out laughing when she saw the pancake makeup the two of them were wearing. Both of them had white faces that made the Doctor look even paler than usual and black eye shadow, eyeliner around their eyes and black lips.  
  
“Okay, you two look very weird and bizarre like that,” Martha said to the screen.  
  
A title card came up.  
  
AH, HERE WE ARE, ROSE TYLER. OKLAHOMA DURING THE GREAT DEPRESSION!  
  
It went back to the movie and Martha saw the Doctor was mouthing those words to Rose while she stood beside him and nodded.  
  
BUT ALL IS NOT AS IT SEEMS IN 1929 OKLAHOMA.  
  
Jack played a dramatic chord when Martha saw a man with a long mustache who was dressed all in black with a black hat and opera cape.  
  
AH, HAHAHA, NOW I WILL START MY WEATHER MACHINE AND FREEZE OKLAHOMA INTO A BIG ICE CUBE!  
  
The title screen cut back to the man who finished mouthing those words as he twirled the end of his mustache between his thumb and index finger.  
  
MEANWHILE, BACK AT THE TARDIS…  
  
The scene shifted and Martha froze with a piece of popcorn at her lips when she saw the Doctor had Rose up against the TARDIS while he snogged her brains out.  
  
SNOWSTORM!  
  
The title card shifted back to the Doctor and Rose who were now in the middle of a huge blizzard. The Doctor paused and looked around with a confused look on his face.  
  
THIS IS ODD.  
  
The scene shifted back to the Doctor at the end of saying that sentence. Jack played another dramatic chord as a huge wall of snow swept over the TARDIS like a tidal wave and buried it, the Doctor and Rose.  
  
WILL THEY ESCAPE? IT SEEMS HOPELESS FOR THEM NOW!  
  
Jack played more dramatic chords for a few seconds, then suddenly he played a jaunty tune as the lights went up and she realized they were already in intermission. On screen another title card said.  
  
TAKE A LAVATORY BREAK AND WE’LL BE BACK IN FIVE MORE MINUTES TO SHOW YOU WHAT HAPPENED TO OUR HEROES.  
  
“Oh, you have got to be kiddin’ me,” Martha said.  
  
She shrugged, decided to follow the title card’s advice and hurried off to the loo so she could see what happened next.  
  


1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 56. Chapter 67. Chapter 78. Chapter 89. Chapter 910. Chapter 1011. Chapter 1112. Chapter 1213. Chapter 1314. Chapter 1415. Chapter 1516. Chapter 1617. Chapter 1718. Chapter 1819. Chapter 1920. Chapter 2021. Chapter 2122. Chapter 2223. Chapter 2324. Chapter 2425. Chapter 2526. Chapter 2627. Chapter 2728. Chapter 2829. Chapter 2930. Chapter 3031. Chapter 3132. Chapter 3233. Chapter 3334. Chapter 3435. Chapter 3536. Chapter 3637. Chapter 37  
  
Doctor Who and its accoutrements are the property of the BBC, and we obviously don't have any right to them. Any and all crossover characters belong to their respective creators. Alas no one makes any money from this site, and it's all done out of love for a cheap-looking sci-fi show. All fics are property of their individual authors. Archival at this site should not be taken to constitute automatic archive rights elsewhere, and authors should be contacted individually to arrange further archiving. Despite occasional claims otherwise, The Blessed St Lalla Ward is not officially recognised by the Catholic Church. Yet.   
  
Script for this archive provided by [eFiction](http://efiction.sourceforge.net/). Contact our archivists at [help@whofic.com](mailto:help@whofic.com). Please read our [Terms of Service](http://www.whofic.com/tos.php) and [Submission Guidelines](http://www.whofic.com/guidelines.php). 


	25. Teaspoon :: The Scavenger Hunt. by cheri

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**The Scavenger Hunt.** by [cheri](http://www.whofic.com/viewuser.php?uid=1862) [[Reviews](http://www.whofic.com/reviews.php?sid=22661&chapid=77406) \- [81](http://www.whofic.com/reviews.php?sid=22661&chapid=77406)] [Chapter](http://www.whofic.com/viewstory.php?action=printable&textsize=0&sid=22661&chapter=25) **or** [Story](http://www.whofic.com/viewstory.php?action=printable&textsize=0&sid=22661&chapter=all)   
  
  
1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 56. Chapter 67. Chapter 78. Chapter 89. Chapter 910. Chapter 1011. Chapter 1112. Chapter 1213. Chapter 1314. Chapter 1415. Chapter 1516. Chapter 1617. Chapter 1718. Chapter 1819. Chapter 1920. Chapter 2021. Chapter 2122. Chapter 2223. Chapter 2324. Chapter 2425. Chapter 2526. Chapter 2627. Chapter 2728. Chapter 2829. Chapter 2930. Chapter 3031. Chapter 3132. Chapter 3233. Chapter 3334. Chapter 3435. Chapter 3536. Chapter 3637. Chapter 37

  
  
Chapter Twenty Five.  
  
(Meanwhile in another part of the TARDIS…)  
  
Donna shook her head and sighed.  
  
“Blimey, this place is huge. How the Doctor managed to live in here and now get hopelessly lost is beyond me,” she muttered to herself.  
  
She had been in several rooms without finding anything else on her list. She was getting angry and frustrated and was nearly ready to call it quits. She went to the next door and paused when she noticed a gold plaque was mounted to the front of it.  
  
FAIRY TALE ROOM.  
  
Donna’s interest peaked and she went inside. Inside she noticed three more doors. Each door had another gold plaque mounted on it. The door on the far left said THE PRINCESS AND THE PEA, the door in the middle said SLEEPING BEAUTY, and the door on the far right said, BEAUTY AND THE BEAST. As she was staring at them, the door marked the princess and the pea slowly creaked open. Donna walked over to it, opened the door wider and looked inside. Inside she saw a large interior that resembled an ancient castle like one out of a fairy tale. The walls were made of stone and the floor was gleaming white marble. Across the room was an oak door that was at least twenty feet tall. On either side of it stood two guards wearing chain mail, helmets and a red tunic that had a gold lion across the front of it. Donna stepped further into the room and gasped when the door slammed shut behind her.  
  
“Oi! Let me out!” she said, when she tried the door and it wouldn’t open.  
  
“Hello.”  
  
She turned and gasped when a man was in front of her, seemingly appearing out of nowhere. He was dressed in a purple kingly outfit that had gold trim and purple robes trimmed with white ermine. On his head was a small gold crown. He smiled at her.  
  
“I am the Master…of this castle,” he said in a sinister voice. “Are you the princess?”  
  
“Um…”  
  
Donna was at a loss for words. The Master took her hand and kissed the back of it gently.  
  
“Come, Your Royal Highness, dine with me and then afterwards, you will begin your test.”  
  
“Test, what test?” Donna said.  
  
“Why, the test to see if you are a true princess or not. Now come, a great feast is being held in your honor.”  
  
Donna shrugged. She allowed the Master to lead her towards the other end of the gigantic room while she clutched her clipboard firmly to her chest.  
  
Martha returned from the loo and sat back down in her seat. While she waited for intermission to end, she listened to the Jack bot playing a happy tune on his organ. While she listened, she suddenly got up out of her seat and walked down to the organ. The Jack bot smiled and stopped playing when he saw her.  
  
“Any requests?” he asked with a charming smile.  
  
“Um…”  
  
Martha was thrown by the question.  
  
“I’m not sure, just play something nice,” she said to him.  
  
She leaned on the side of the organ and smiled as Jack played and sang Wind Beneath My Wings. She applauded and he stood up and bowed when he finished.  
  
“Thank you, I know many more songs.”  
  
The lights dimmed.  
  
“But I can’t play them now. So take your seat.”  
  
Martha nodded and hurried back up to her seat while Jack cracked his knuckles and began to play a jaunty tune. Martha sat down and grabbed her popcorn just as the title card came up.  
  
WHEN WE LAST LEFT OUR HEROES, THEY WERE DOOMED TO DIE A SNOWY DEATH.  
  
Martha munched on her popcorn while she watched the Doctor digging his way out of the enormous snowdrift and pull Rose’s lifeless body out with him. The Doctor laid her on top of the snow bank and began shaking his head when he noticed she wasn’t moving.  
  
NO, THIS CAN’T BE HAPPENING. SHE CAN’T BE DEAD.  
  
The Doctor finished mouthing that when the title card cut back to the action. The Jack bot played a melancholy melody as the Doctor gently cupped Rose’s face in his hands.  
  
ROSE?  
  
The scene shifted to Rose’s white face. The faint image of a skull was superimposed over it. The Doctor did a melodramatic recoil.  
  
THE SPECTRE OF DEATH LOOMS OVER HIS BELOVED. THE ONE THING THE DOCTOR FEARS ABOVE ALL ELSE! The title card said as Jack played a dramatic chord.  
  
The scene came back and Rose’s face was once again in close up. To Martha’s shock, she saw what looked like a huge pear superimposed on Rose’s head.  
  
OH WAIT, HE FEARS PEARS TOO, the title card said.  
  
The Doctor once again recoiled in horror.  
  
THE SPECTER OF DEATH AND PEARS! OH, THE HORROR!  
  
Martha rolled his eyes when it cut back to him, shaking his head as he finished saying that. She watched while the Doctor mimed giving artificial resuscitation to Rose. Then when she wouldn’t respond, he clenched his fists and screamed a silent scream up to the air. Martha rolled her eyes again when he spent the next five minutes beating his chest, pulling his hair, shaking his fist at the sky, violently slapping Rose’s cheeks, violently slapping his own cheeks, weeping, wailing and acting like an all-around twit. While he was doing all this, he kept talking. Martha kept waiting for the title card to come back and tell her what he was saying but when it didn’t she started reading his lips. For the most part, he seemed to be swearing and saying rude things like twat and titties and at one point it seemed like he was yelling about how Rose’s breasts were bouncy and he liked to play with them and she could have sworn he said the quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog somewhere in between all of it. Finally after five minutes another title card came up and Martha shook her head when all it said was…  
  
LIVE, DAMN IT!  
  
Then suddenly, Rose came back to life and the Doctor let out an exaggerate gasp.  
  
SUDDENLY, HIS TRUE LOVE WAKES FROM HER SLUMBER OF DEATH.  
  
The Doctor gathered her in his arms and there was a close up on their faces while he kissed her face while she slowly woke up.  
  
“Boy, Doctor, I bet that makeup tasted yummy,” Martha muttered as he watched him giving her several sloppy kisses.  
  
Jack played a romantic melody as Rose smiled at the Doctor.  
  
OH, ROSE, YOU’VE COME BACK TO ME.  
  
Rose smiled and began to speak to him.  
  
I WOULD NEVER LEAVE YOU, DOCTOR!  
  
More romantic music and more kisses as Martha let out a bored sigh.  
  
“Yeah, I see enough of this in real life between the two of em without seeing it here, let’s move on,” she muttered.  
  
Finally, they stopped kissing and looked around.  
  
WHERE ARE WE, DOCTOR?  
  
The Doctor scratched his head and then held his finger up as his face lit up.  
  
WE’RE IN DEPRESSION ERA OKLAHOMA DURING A FREAK SNOWSTORM!  
  
“Wow, Sherlock, that’s amazing! I’m shocked you figured that out all by yourself!” Martha said sarcastically.  
  
The two of them stood up and took a step. Martha laughed when the two of them fell through the enormous snowdrift and the title card said…  
  
SHOOOOOOOM!  
  
“Yeah, shoom ‘bout sums it up,” Martha said.  
  
She laughed again when the Doctor crawled back up out of his hole, spit snow out of his mouth and shook his fist as he yelled at the sky. Martha was gonna read his lips again when the title card came up.  
  
THE DOCTOR IS SAYING WORDS THAT AREN’T FIT FOR POLITE SOCIETY.  
  
“Damn,” Martha muttered when the scene came back and the Doctor was now helping Rose out of her hole. They clutched at one another like they were a pair of life belts while Rose said…  
  
OH, DOCTOR, WHATEVER SHALL WE DO? THE SNOW IS TOO DEEP!  
  
The Doctor scratched his head and then held up his finger as his face lit up.  
  
I KNOW! I SHALL DO SOMETHING COMPLETELY OUT OF CHARACTER AND PRAY LIKE A CHRISTIAN!  
  
Martha laughed as the Doctor fell to his knees. He slowly began to sink down into the snow while he clasped his hands in prayed and looked at the sky. Then he pulled a rosary bead out of his coat and began to count the beads while he said Hail Marys.  
  
SUDDENLY, THE DOCTOR’S PRAYERS ARE ANSWERED!  
  
There was a close up on the snow and slowly two sets of snowshoes appeared. Then there was a close up on the Doctor’s face as he became overjoyed. Then the camera panned back and Martha laughed when the Doctor had now sunk down into the snow up to his neck as he yelled up at the sky.  
  
THANK YOU, GOD! BUT NOW CAN YOU GET ME OUT OF THE SNOWDRIFT?  
  
Martha rolled her eyes when the film reversed and the Doctor magically came back out of the hole. When it was done the film ran normally while the Doctor and Rose put the snowshoes on. Then both of them walked across the snow while Jack bot played a jaunty traveling tune.  
  
SUDDENLY, THROUGH THE SNOW, THEY SEE SOMETHING RISING UP AHEAD. SOMETHING MONSTROUS!  
  
The camera focused on their faces while both of them did exaggerated double takes and pointed ahead.  
  
AN ICE PALACE IN THE MIDDLE OF OKLAHOMA!  
  
The title card cut to an enormous glittering ice palace about a mile away in the raging snowstorm. The camera cut back to the Doctor and Rose who were still pointing at it with mouths agape.  
  
DOCTOR, WHAT COULD THIS MEAN?  
  
The scene cut back to Rose as she finished mouthing that.  
  
IT MEANS SHELTER FROM THE SNOW, COME ROSE, LET’S GO AND SEE IF ANYONE’S HOME!  
  
The Doctor finished mouthing that to Rose who nodded. Then holding hands, both of them tread over the top of the snow towards the ice palace.  
  


1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 56. Chapter 67. Chapter 78. Chapter 89. Chapter 910. Chapter 1011. Chapter 1112. Chapter 1213. Chapter 1314. Chapter 1415. Chapter 1516. Chapter 1617. Chapter 1718. Chapter 1819. Chapter 1920. Chapter 2021. Chapter 2122. Chapter 2223. Chapter 2324. Chapter 2425. Chapter 2526. Chapter 2627. Chapter 2728. Chapter 2829. Chapter 2930. Chapter 3031. Chapter 3132. Chapter 3233. Chapter 3334. Chapter 3435. Chapter 3536. Chapter 3637. Chapter 37  
  
Doctor Who and its accoutrements are the property of the BBC, and we obviously don't have any right to them. Any and all crossover characters belong to their respective creators. Alas no one makes any money from this site, and it's all done out of love for a cheap-looking sci-fi show. All fics are property of their individual authors. Archival at this site should not be taken to constitute automatic archive rights elsewhere, and authors should be contacted individually to arrange further archiving. Despite occasional claims otherwise, The Blessed St Lalla Ward is not officially recognised by the Catholic Church. Yet.   
  
Script for this archive provided by [eFiction](http://efiction.sourceforge.net/). Contact our archivists at [help@whofic.com](mailto:help@whofic.com). Please read our [Terms of Service](http://www.whofic.com/tos.php) and [Submission Guidelines](http://www.whofic.com/guidelines.php). 


	26. Teaspoon :: The Scavenger Hunt. by cheri

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**The Scavenger Hunt.** by [cheri](http://www.whofic.com/viewuser.php?uid=1862) [[Reviews](http://www.whofic.com/reviews.php?sid=22661&chapid=77453) \- [81](http://www.whofic.com/reviews.php?sid=22661&chapid=77453)] [Chapter](http://www.whofic.com/viewstory.php?action=printable&textsize=0&sid=22661&chapter=26) **or** [Story](http://www.whofic.com/viewstory.php?action=printable&textsize=0&sid=22661&chapter=all)   
  
  
1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 56. Chapter 67. Chapter 78. Chapter 89. Chapter 910. Chapter 1011. Chapter 1112. Chapter 1213. Chapter 1314. Chapter 1415. Chapter 1516. Chapter 1617. Chapter 1718. Chapter 1819. Chapter 1920. Chapter 2021. Chapter 2122. Chapter 2223. Chapter 2324. Chapter 2425. Chapter 2526. Chapter 2627. Chapter 2728. Chapter 2829. Chapter 2930. Chapter 3031. Chapter 3132. Chapter 3233. Chapter 3334. Chapter 3435. Chapter 3536. Chapter 3637. Chapter 37

  
  
Chapter Twenty Six  
  
The Doctor scratched his head as he stepped out of the fifteenth room in a row. For the past three hours he’d been searching for Rose but couldn’t find her anywhere. He’d mentally asked the TARDIS if she had gone back up to the console room and received a negative reply. He searched the common rooms they all shared, the living room, kitchen, lavatories, still no sign of her.  
  
“Where the hell did she go?” the Doctor muttered as he opened door number sixteen.  
  
“AND STAY OUT!!!”  
  
The three fairies grunted when Rose shoved them out the door of the dwarf’s cottage and slammed it shut as they fell face first to the ground. They got up, dusted themselves off and glared at the door.  
  
“Bitch!” Mistress Flora screamed as the three of them used their tiny wings to fly into the woods.  
  
Rose sank against the inside the door and shook her head. On the table there was now a sloppy mess of a half made seven layer birthday cake and in the corner on a chair was a half made blue/pink medieval gown. The broom was magically running around the floor sweeping up the shit. Rose had no idea how to turn it off and frankly she didn’t want to since it was cleaning up the house, so with a weary sigh, she went past it, up the stairs and flopped down on four of the beds on the other side of the room, waiting patiently for the Queen to come so she could escape at last.  
  
She lay there staring up at the ceiling when she suddenly heard the door opening downstairs. For a moment, she figured it was the fairies coming back for a rematch and was going to get up and go back downstairs but figured it didn’t matter what happened in the end so long as she got out of the simulation in one piece, so she stayed put.  
  
She heard someone muttering to themselves as they walked around downstairs.  
  
“I hope to God you three bitches are cleaning up your mess while you’re down there,” Rose muttered to herself as she stared at the ceiling.  
  
Then she heard them coming up the stairs. With a sigh, she sat up on the furthest bed but was shocked when she saw a little girl of about eight years old with a chubby face and long blonde hair that was curled into ringlets. She had a blue dress with a little blue apron tied on the front of it. Ignoring Rose, she walked over to Doc’s bed and sat down on it.  
  
“This bed is too hard,” she said in a high-pitched voice.  
  
Rose eyed her when she got up, walked to Grumpy’s bed and sat down on it.  
  
“This bed is too hard,” she repeated as she got up.  
  
She walked over to Weepy’s bed and sat down.  
  
“This bed is too hard.”  
  
“Alright, that’ll be quite enough of that!” Rose said, getting up. “Get out!”  
  
She seized the girl by her arm and ignored her violent protests as she marched her down the stairs, through the house and shoved her out the door.  
  
“BITCH!” she heard her say as Rose slammed it shut.  
  
“Yeah, yeah, whatever,” Rose muttered as she walked away.  
  
She took four steps and froze when she heard what sounded like someone gnawing on the doorframe. An exasperated sigh escaped her lips as she spun around, marched back to the door and flung it open. Instead of the eight year old girl, now there was an eight year old boy dressed in lederhosen who was trying to eat the doorframe.  
  
“What the hell are you doing?” Rose asked him.  
  
The boy looked at her with inquisitive brown eyes.  
  
“Ist dieses eine Süßigkeit Haus?” he said to her.  
  
“What?” Rose said. “I don’t speak German, kid.”  
  
The boy paused for a moment.  
  
“Is this candy house?” he asked her in slow, broken English.  
  
It suddenly occurred to Rose who the kid was and why he was trying to eat the doorframe.  
  
“No Hansel, this isn’t the witch’s gingerbread house. You’re in the wrong bleedin’ story.”  
  
“You aren’t ze witch?” Hansel asked.  
  
“No, although I’m sure the people I just chucked out of my house would beg to differ,” she muttered.  
  
Just then, a fat girl in Bavarian clothes wandered around the corner of the house holding several pieces of roof shingle in her hands.  
  
“You! Clear off, both of ya and quit eatin’ the damn house!” Rose yelled as she thrust her finger towards the woods.  
  
“But where is ze witch and her candy haus?” Hansel asked.  
  
“Don’t know, don’t care, go away and leave me alone.”  
  
“BITCH!” Hansel and Gretel screamed when she slammed the door in their faces.  
  
Rose let out a strangled scream and yelled about killing the Doctor as she ran back upstairs to the bedroom.  
  
Donna definitely had a bad feeling about this.  
  
She was sitting with the Master at the end of a long, long table that filled up most of a long, long room. Thanks to the haunted house she had gone through, she had a good idea what was happening and that this Master person was one of the robots, but for the life of her, she couldn’t figure out why the Doctor had this room in the first place.  
  
“So, you are the latest to come and try your luck at marrying my son,” the Master finally said to her.  
  
Donna shrugged.  
  
“S’pose so,” she said, once again wondering why the Doctor had a fairy tale room in the TARDIS  
  
“Then you must pass a test before being found worthy to marry my son,” the Master said. “You must prove you are a real princess by sleeping on several mattresses. The bottom mattress contains a single pea. If you can feel the pea, we will know you are, indeed, a real princess.”  
  
“Uh-huh,” Donna said, half distracted as she ate her roast beef which turned out to be surprisingly real and surprisingly good. “And who will I marry if I win?”  
  
The Master clapped his hands together and Donna was stunned when a Doctor bot came into the room, naked except for a candy apple red thong. He walked up to the Master and knelt at his side.  
  
“What does my Master command?” he asked him while Donna’s mouth nearly hit the floor.  
  
“Go and fetch my son. The newest princess wishes to see him.”  
  
“I obey, my Master.”  
  
As he turned to leave, Donna quickly averted her eyes when she noticed the thong’s string was up in his butt crack and his butt was hanging out the back. She noticed some writing on his butt cheeks, quickly looked and then turned her head away again when she saw Property of the Master tattooed on his ass in bold, black lettering. She kept her eyes averted until she heard the door slam and then with a sigh, went back to her roast beef.  
  
When she noticed the door opening five minutes later, she averted her eyes again towards the Master but saw him giving her a stern look and pointing back towards the door. Gathering up her courage and willing her food to stay down, she looked where he was pointing and her mouth nearly dropped to the floor when she saw Prince William Windsor standing there beside the mostly naked Doctor bot.  
  
“Hello, Donna,” Prince William said, smiling warmly.  
  
“Him?” Donna said to the Master. “Wait, I pass your test, I get to marry him?”  
  
“Of course,” the Master replied. “Why? Is he not acceptable?”  
  
“Oh no, he’s very much acceptable,” Donna replied.  
  
“Very good then. William, that’ll be all! Go play with Kate until I have need of you again.”  
  
“Yes, Father,” William said, bowing.  
  
He left the room and the Doctor bot started to follow him when the Master whistled.  
  
“Not you, Thomas, come!” he said, beckoning to the Doctor.  
  
“What do you want with him?” Donna asked as Thomas came towards the Master.  
  
“What don’t I want with him?” the Master purred as he stood up.  
  
Donna sat there in openmouthed shock as Thomas came up to him and the Master began to run his finger down his bare chest.  
  
“Have you been a good boy today, Thomas?” the Master said to him.  
  
“Yes, Master.”  
  
“Oooo, I like it when you use my name,” the Master said in a husky voice as he put his hands on Thomas’s butt cheeks.  
  
“Oi, I’m right here!” Donna said angrily as the two of them began to snog. “Hey, can I be shown to my room now? Hey! HEEEEEEEEEEY!”  
  
Martha munched on her popcorn while she watched the Doctor and Rose tromping through the snowstorm as they made their way to the ice castle. Once they were there, the Doctor knocked on the front door and mouthed something.  
  
LET US IN, WE’RE FREEZING OUT HERE!  
  
The door opened and Martha saw the villain peering out at them. The Doctor smiled warmly and extended his hand.  
  
HELLO, I’M THE DOCTOR AND THIS IS ROSE TYLER. WE’RE FREEZING OUR ARSES OFF, MAY WE COME IN AND WARM OURSELVES?  
  
The Villain looked right at Rose and Martha snorted when her clothes were replaced for a few seconds by a skimpy bikini and chains around her wrists, ankles and neck before the clothes came back. The Villain smiled sweetly.  
  
WHY, OF COURSE, FEEL FREE TO COME IN AND WARM YOURSELVES BY MY FIRE.  
  
“And of course, the Doctor goes right in,” Martha muttered as the Villain stepped aside and let them pass.  
  
BUT ALL IS NOT AS IT SEEMS, FOR OUR HEROES ARE IN MORTAL DANGER.  
  
“Ya think?” Martha said as she read the title card.  
  
The scene shifted to a large banquet hall where the Doctor, Rose and the Villain were eating and talking to one another. Martha leaned forward to see what they were talking about and she guessed the Doctor was talking about the size and bounciness of Rose’s rack and the Villain was agreeing with him that they were indeed large and bouncy while Rose just ate her bangers and mash and ignored them completely. Martha rolled her eyes at that and took a sip of her soda.  
  
SUDDENLY, THE VILLAIN STRIKES WHEN HIS GUESTS ARE AT THEIR MOST VULNERABLE!  
  
The title card cut away and now Rose was up against the ice wall in her chains and bikini while the Doctor was tied up from his neck to his ankles in a large heavy rope that had been coiled around and around his body while he had a huge gag in his mouth. He lay on the floor struggling to get free while the Villain threw back his head and laughed silently.  
  
FOOLISH ONES, YOU HAVE BECOME MY PRISONERS AND NOW YOU WILL BE EXECUTED WHILE THE PRETTY ONE WATCHES!  
  
The title card cut to a close up of Rose who was pretending to cry and shaking her head and pleading with the Villain. Then it cut to a close up of the Villian who held his finger up and then pointed down at the Doctor who was off camera.  
  
BECAUSE I AM SO EVIL, I WILL MAKE YOUR BELOVED BATTLE FOR HIS LIFE AND WE WILL WATCH AS HE IS TORN APART BY…  
  
Jack bot played a dramatic chord as stock footage was shown of a polar bear rising up on his hind legs and roaring.  
  
NO, PLEASE, I BEG YOU, LET HIM GO!  
  
It cut back to Rose just as she finished mouthing that and the Villain laughed again. He kicked the struggling Doctor in the side and laughed again.  
  
NOW, IT IS TIME FOR YOU TO MEET YOUR DEATH! SLAVES, TAKE HIM TO THE ARENA AND RELEASE THE POLAR BEAR!  
  


1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 56. Chapter 67. Chapter 78. Chapter 89. Chapter 910. Chapter 1011. Chapter 1112. Chapter 1213. Chapter 1314. Chapter 1415. Chapter 1516. Chapter 1617. Chapter 1718. Chapter 1819. Chapter 1920. Chapter 2021. Chapter 2122. Chapter 2223. Chapter 2324. Chapter 2425. Chapter 2526. Chapter 2627. Chapter 2728. Chapter 2829. Chapter 2930. Chapter 3031. Chapter 3132. Chapter 3233. Chapter 3334. Chapter 3435. Chapter 3536. Chapter 3637. Chapter 37  
  
Doctor Who and its accoutrements are the property of the BBC, and we obviously don't have any right to them. Any and all crossover characters belong to their respective creators. Alas no one makes any money from this site, and it's all done out of love for a cheap-looking sci-fi show. All fics are property of their individual authors. Archival at this site should not be taken to constitute automatic archive rights elsewhere, and authors should be contacted individually to arrange further archiving. Despite occasional claims otherwise, The Blessed St Lalla Ward is not officially recognised by the Catholic Church. Yet.   
  
Script for this archive provided by [eFiction](http://efiction.sourceforge.net/). Contact our archivists at [help@whofic.com](mailto:help@whofic.com). Please read our [Terms of Service](http://www.whofic.com/tos.php) and [Submission Guidelines](http://www.whofic.com/guidelines.php). 


	27. Teaspoon :: The Scavenger Hunt. by cheri

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**The Scavenger Hunt.** by [cheri](http://www.whofic.com/viewuser.php?uid=1862) [[Reviews](http://www.whofic.com/reviews.php?sid=22661&chapid=77504) \- [81](http://www.whofic.com/reviews.php?sid=22661&chapid=77504)] [Chapter](http://www.whofic.com/viewstory.php?action=printable&textsize=0&sid=22661&chapter=27) **or** [Story](http://www.whofic.com/viewstory.php?action=printable&textsize=0&sid=22661&chapter=all)   
  
  
1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 56. Chapter 67. Chapter 78. Chapter 89. Chapter 910. Chapter 1011. Chapter 1112. Chapter 1213. Chapter 1314. Chapter 1415. Chapter 1516. Chapter 1617. Chapter 1718. Chapter 1819. Chapter 1920. Chapter 2021. Chapter 2122. Chapter 2223. Chapter 2324. Chapter 2425. Chapter 2526. Chapter 2627. Chapter 2728. Chapter 2829. Chapter 2930. Chapter 3031. Chapter 3132. Chapter 3233. Chapter 3334. Chapter 3435. Chapter 3536. Chapter 3637. Chapter 37

  
  
Chapter Twenty Seven  
  
Martha looked over when the usher came up to her seat.  
  
“Would you like some more popcorn and soft drink, Miss?” he whispered to her.  
  
“Um…yes, thanks.”  
  
The usher took her empty containers and walked away as Martha turned her attention back to the movie. By this time, the Doctor was in the middle of an arena made of ice. The Villain sat on an ice throne behind an ice wall and Rose was still chained to the wall in her bikini.  
  
“Boy, I bet Rose is freezing now,” Martha remarked.  
  
The Villain laughed silently.  
  
NOW, PREPARE FOR YOUR DOOM!  
  
The Doctor struck a heroic pose and thrust his index finger to the sky.  
  
DO YOUR WORST, I’M NOT AFRAID! I SHALL TRIUMPH OVER YOU AND RESCUE THE WOMAN I LOVE!  
  
Rose yelled at him.  
  
DOCTOR, BE CAREFUL! YOU KNOW I’M PREGNANT WITH YOUR BABY!  
  
Martha was glad she didn’t have her soda at the moment since she knew she’d be spitting it out onto the floor. She laughed when the Doctor looked shocked.  
  
YOU ARE? The title card said.  
  
“Wow, Doctor, apparently you are unaware of what condoms do,” Martha muttered as she watched the film.  
  
The Doctor, apparently not wanting to discuss the pregnancy further, shrugged and whipped around to face his foe. His foe being stock footage of a polar bear eating a fish by a frozen lake. Then it cut back to the Doctor and someone from off camera threw a three foot tall polar bear plushie at him.  
  
“Oh, give me a break,” Martha muttered as the Doctor fell on his back and began to roll around with the plushie while he beat on it and pretended to fight with it.  
  
Then the fight cut away to stock footage of a polar bear eating fish, back to the Doctor and the plushie, back to stock footage of a polar bear and cub, back to the Doctor and plushie, back to a polar bear sitting on its butt in the snow, back to the Doctor and plushie. Martha let out a bored sigh while she watched the fake fight.  
  
Then the polar bear plushie vanished and the Doctor leapt to his feet. He gnashed his teeth and Martha rolled her eyes when a man dressed in a polar bear costume came over and the two of them circled each other before trading punches. Her eyes widened when the camera panned back and John Cleese was sitting at a desk in a dinner jacket while he held several sheets of paper in his hands. John began mouthing something while they fought.  
  
AND HERE WE HAVE THE HUGE BULL PANTOMIME POLAR BEAR IN A LIFE OR DEATH STRUGGLE WITH ZE DOCTOR.  
  
Martha groaned. Her head dropped to her hands and she shook her head while the fight continued. She looked through her fingers and noticed the man in the polar bear costume was now down on the ground. The Doctor had one foot on his chest while beating his own chest and letting out a silent Tarzan yell. Then he spun around and faced the Villain who leapt from his chair.  
  
NO, IT CANNOT BE, YOU CANNOT HAVE TRIUMPHED OVER ME!  
  
The Doctor again struck his heroic pose.  
  
YES, I DID BECAUSE I AM…  
  
The scene cut to a black title card. In the center of it, the Doctor’s head was in the middle of an oval frame. He was grinning a cheesy grin while the words TIME LORD were above the frame and VICTORIOUS was under it. Jack hit a button and the organ was momentarily replaced with a small trumpet fanfare before they went back to the action. By this time, the Villain was running out an icy doorway.  
  
YOU’LL NEVER DEFEAT ME!  
  
The title card cut back to the Villain who was finishing mouthing that as he ran through the doorway. The Doctor leapt up over the wall, ran to Rose and pulled the chains from the wall. Rose clasped her hands together.  
  
OH, DOCTOR, IS THERE NOTHING YOU CAN’T DO?  
  
The Doctor puffed out his chest and said…  
  
NOT ANYMORE.  
  
Martha watched while the Doctor ripped open the manacles and threw them away before they ran through the icy doorway.  
  
AND SO, OUR HEROES HAVE ESCAPED FROM THE ICE PALACE, BUT HOW TO END THE SNOW THAT THREATENS TO BURY ALL OF OKLAHOMA?  
  
The title card cut to the Doctor and Rose as they walked away from the ice castle on their snowshoes. Rose, who was now fully clothed was waving her arms around, batting at the snow and trying to get it out of her eyes as the storm grew worse.  
  
SUDDENLY, ROSE STEPS IN THE WRONG PLACE!  
  
Rose, who is busy waving her hands around and trying to see through the blinding snow, steps right off the edge of a cliff. The scene shifts to her falling away, her arms outstretched.  
  
ROSE! NO!  
  
The Doctor runs over and watches anguished as Rose falls away from him. Then the scene cut to Rose as she smacks into a long limb that is jutting out over the impossibly high drop off. Martha sighed and shook her head when the branch bent like rubber and much like a Roadrunner cartoon shot Rose back up towards the Doctor. The scene shifted to Rose as she now sped back up towards the top of the cliff, her arms outstretched while she screamed. Then it cut to the Doctor who gasped as Rose zoomed past him way up into the air. The Doctor stood there and his neck craned up as he watched her.  
  
IT SEEMS HOPELESS FOR ROSE NOW, HOW WILL SHE ESCAPE? SUDDENLY, THE DOCTOR DEDUCES A BRILLIANT AND COMPLICATED WAY TO SAVE HER LIFE.  
  
It cuts back to the Doctor. He holds his arms out over the drop off and Rose plops into them.  
  
“Yeah, that was complicated, alright,” Martha muttered as she watched a close up of a grateful Rose slathering her man’s face with kisses. Then after two minutes of sloppy, grateful kissing, the Doctor turns with Rose in his arms and stomps away through the snow.  
  
  
\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Much to Donna’s relief, the snogging between the Master and his Doctor bot finally ended and the Master escorted her through the banquet hall into a large bedroom. The room was completely empty except for a rickety little wooden bed that had thirteen mattresses piled one on top of the other and a wooden ladder that led up to the thirteenth mattress. The Master reached into his pocket and produced a small green pea. Donna watched as he walked over, pulled a small wooden wedge out from under the bed and used it to lift the first mattress up enough to place the pea inside it. Then taking the wedge out, he put it back under the bed and gestured to the ladder.  
  
“It’s ready for you, your Highness. Just go up the ladder and have a pleasant night’s rest,” he said to her.  
  
“Thanks,” Donna said as the Master strode past her, went out the door and shut it.  
  
Donna walked over to the ladder and tested it, putting her foot on the rungs to make sure they were sturdy and moving the ladder down a bit until she was satisfied it was where she wanted it. Then she slowly went up until she finally reached the top. She stood there, pulled back the covers and then crawled over the mattress and under them. She pulled the covers up and lay on her side but almost immediately she felt a severe lump directly under her and she couldn’t get comfortable. She tried lying on her back but once again, she felt the lump digging into her spine.  
  
“You’ve got to be kiddin’ me,” she said to herself. “There’s no way I’m feelin’ that teeny, tiny pea from all the way up here.”  
  
She turned on her other side but still felt the lump. She sat up and pounded on the mattress, trying to smooth out the lump before she tried lying on her back again. But once again, she felt the lump digging into her spine. After ten minutes, Donna gave up and crawled back to the ladder. She got on it and then noticed that there was a huge lump sticking up from the mattress, almost like a camel’s hump. Playing on a hunch, she put her fingers under the mattress and with a grunt; she managed to fling it off the top of the stack and gasped when she saw a decomposing corpse of a woman lying on the next mattress. The woman’s eyes were open and staring up at the sky and her mouth was hanging open in a scream.  
  
“Blast, you had to go and look, didn’t you?”  
  
Donna jerked her head around and saw the Master standing by the doorway.  
  
“What is this?” Donna said, pointing to the corpse.  
  
“That is my dirty, little secret. You see, I’m actually a princess serial killer. But alas, I’m also very lazy and whenever I kill a princess I don’t really feel like disposing of the body properly so I just throw another mattress on top of the body. I made up the whole story about the princess and the pea test in order to lure more princesses in here so I could kill them. You, my dear, were number thirteen and now that you know the truth, you will die like all the others!”  
  


1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 56. Chapter 67. Chapter 78. Chapter 89. Chapter 910. Chapter 1011. Chapter 1112. Chapter 1213. Chapter 1314. Chapter 1415. Chapter 1516. Chapter 1617. Chapter 1718. Chapter 1819. Chapter 1920. Chapter 2021. Chapter 2122. Chapter 2223. Chapter 2324. Chapter 2425. Chapter 2526. Chapter 2627. Chapter 2728. Chapter 2829. Chapter 2930. Chapter 3031. Chapter 3132. Chapter 3233. Chapter 3334. Chapter 3435. Chapter 3536. Chapter 3637. Chapter 37  
  
Doctor Who and its accoutrements are the property of the BBC, and we obviously don't have any right to them. Any and all crossover characters belong to their respective creators. Alas no one makes any money from this site, and it's all done out of love for a cheap-looking sci-fi show. All fics are property of their individual authors. Archival at this site should not be taken to constitute automatic archive rights elsewhere, and authors should be contacted individually to arrange further archiving. Despite occasional claims otherwise, The Blessed St Lalla Ward is not officially recognised by the Catholic Church. Yet.   
  
Script for this archive provided by [eFiction](http://efiction.sourceforge.net/). Contact our archivists at [help@whofic.com](mailto:help@whofic.com). Please read our [Terms of Service](http://www.whofic.com/tos.php) and [Submission Guidelines](http://www.whofic.com/guidelines.php). 


	28. Teaspoon :: The Scavenger Hunt. by cheri

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Doctor chooses his own companions based on merit and the ability not to give him a hard time when he’s flying around time and space. Do not attempt to ring, write, find or stalk the Doctor and/or any of his companions. The Doctor does not guarantee a good time every time you step out of his TARDIS and he does not guarantee you will not suffer injury or death. Do not sue the Doctor if you end up hurt or dead. The Doctor does not carry money of any kind on his person and anyway, the moment he does learn of your petty, frivolous lawsuit, he will be into the vortex and away from you before you can blink. Don’t blink, don’t even blink, blink and you’re dead…oh…wait, got off on a tangent there, sorry. Anyway, the Doctor will contact you if he feels you are worthy of being his disciple who will worship his magisterial greatness. Do not, I repeat, do not latch on to his leg and beg him to take you with him. It’s very undignified not to mention the Doctor won’t be able to walk and he’ll be forced to get you off his leg with a prybar. Then he will use the prybar on your head and that will hurt very, very much. Not for him, obviously, for you. The Doctor may be prone to fits of megalomania at times which will result in horrendous delusions of grandeur in which he is the master of time and space and can bend them to his will while you are a little person he deems worthy of getting up from his throne for and saving. Do not attempt to reason with the Doctor during these delusions, simply pick up the TARDIS phone, ring 999 and a robot will supply you with the Doctor’s special sleepy time, sleep it off pills that make him feel all happy and fuzzy and will make him forget he’s the king of the whole sodding universe once he “sleeps it off.” The Doctor is not an encyclopedia of everything that you can just consult whenever you bloody feel like it so do not ask him question after question or out comes the prybar again. If you respect the Doctor, humor him and be his constant friend, he will give you hours of free travel and fun and the occasional psychopath who will try to kill you. The Doctor is not owned by anyone, he owns himself and the whole of time and space because he is the last and he is the winner, damn it!

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**The Scavenger Hunt.** by [cheri](http://www.whofic.com/viewuser.php?uid=1862) [[Reviews](http://www.whofic.com/reviews.php?sid=22661&chapid=77779) \- [81](http://www.whofic.com/reviews.php?sid=22661&chapid=77779)] [Chapter](http://www.whofic.com/viewstory.php?action=printable&textsize=0&sid=22661&chapter=28) **or** [Story](http://www.whofic.com/viewstory.php?action=printable&textsize=0&sid=22661&chapter=all)   
  
  
1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 56. Chapter 67. Chapter 78. Chapter 89. Chapter 910. Chapter 1011. Chapter 1112. Chapter 1213. Chapter 1314. Chapter 1415. Chapter 1516. Chapter 1617. Chapter 1718. Chapter 1819. Chapter 1920. Chapter 2021. Chapter 2122. Chapter 2223. Chapter 2324. Chapter 2425. Chapter 2526. Chapter 2627. Chapter 2728. Chapter 2829. Chapter 2930. Chapter 3031. Chapter 3132. Chapter 3233. Chapter 3334. Chapter 3435. Chapter 3536. Chapter 3637. Chapter 37

  
  
Chapter Twenty Eight  
  
Donna faced him as she slowly tried to come down off the ladder.  
  
“Look, you better not touch me because I know someone who’ll be very put out if you do.”  
  
“Oh, I have no intention of touching you. I like to keep my hands clean.”  
  
He reached into his pocket and pulled out something that resembled a sonic screwdriver.  
  
“Wait, I know what that is. It’s a sonic screwdriver and it can’t hurt people.”  
  
“No, in point of fact, Your Highness, this is a tissue compressor,” he said.  
  
“What does it do?” Donna said warily.  
  
“It shrinks things…like this!”  
  
Donna leapt off the ladder seconds before the Master aimed and fired the compressor at her. She gritted her teeth and rammed into him, throwing him off balance. She gasped when another bolt of energy went past her head followed by the Master letting out a torrent of swear words. Donna picked up speed as she headed back to the front door. She gritted her teeth again when Thomas ran over, intending to block her way. She glanced back and saw the Master was running after her, readying his compressor to fire. Thinking fast, she sidestepped out of the way, just as the beam went past her and struck Thomas in the chest. To her horror, Thomas started shrinking into a tiny doll.  
  
“THOMAS, NOOOO! OH, YOU’LL PAY FOR THAT!” the Master snarled.  
  
“DOCTOR, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, HELP!” Donna screamed as she ran towards the door. “IF YOU DON’T GET YOUR ARSE IN HERE AND SAVE ME, SO HELP ME GOD WHEN I DIE, I’M GONNA MAKE YOUR LIFE HELL BY HAUNTING IT!”  
  
She kept looking back and ducking the beams of energy the Master fired her way. Finally, after what seemed like ages, she reached the front door. To her relief, she found it unlocked. Flinging it open, she ran through and slammed it hard before she staggered over to the wall across the way and slumped against it, breathing heavily.  
  
  
\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Martha munched on her popcorn while she watched the battle unfolding on the movie screen. By now the villain had caught up with the Doctor and Rose and he and the Doctor were battling for the fate of the world since the Villain had a snow gun that would freeze the entire world.  
  
OKLAHOMA WAS ONLY A TEST, DOCTOR! SOON THE ENTIRE WORLD WILL BE BURIED UNDER A MOUNTAIN OF SNOW!  
  
The title card cut back to a close up of the Doctor mouthing something.  
  
NOT IF I CAN HELP IT!  
  
The two combatants punched and kicked each other while Rose stood by, wringing her hands and pretty much being a useless lump. Martha wondered why that was and then remembered that back in the 1920’s silent movies like these were filled with women who didn’t do much of anything to save themselves so she figured the Doctor was following suit. However, knowing her friend and knowing she would do a lot more than just stand by striking melodramatic poses while the Doctor was fighting made it annoying to see this Rose doing just that. She sighed when the cheesy fight went on and on for about ten minutes with no breaks from any title cards. Suddenly, she received a jolt when the black and white picture suddenly became colorful and she saw the Doctor standing on a beach with a beautiful sunset behind him.  
  
“Hi,” he said aloud, “I’m the Doctor. Have you ever dreamed of getting away from it all? The nine to five job, the kids, the overall ennui of life?”  
  
“What the hell is this? Where’s the soddin’ movie?” Martha muttered.  
  
“Then why not sign up to be my companion and you can experience beautiful vistas like this one!” the Doctor said, gesturing to the sunset.  
  
“I’m already your companion. Get back to the film,” Martha growled.  
  
She sighed when the advert continued on and the scene switched to a guillotine surrounded on all sides by a bloodthirsty crowd. In front of the crowd was the Doctor who was casually standing there with his hands in his pockets and a lopsided smile on his face.  
  
“Perhaps you’ve always fancied a trip to the French Revolution!” the Doctor said.  
  
Behind him, a man was being dragged up the platform to the guillotine and put into it while the crowd bayed for his blood. The Doctor seemed not to notice a man was about to get killed and continued to smile as the blade went down and the man’s head fell into the basket. As the crowd cheered, the scene shifted to the Doctor standing in front of another platform. This time a man was strapped to a table and a hooded executioner was standing over him with a big long curved knife.  
  
“Or…” the Doctor said as the crowd behind him bayed for blood, “how about a good old fashioned drawn and quartering in England in 1252?”  
  
Martha squeezed her eyes shut and heard the sound of the man groaning and the crowd cheering. Then the cheering was suddenly cut short and she opened her eyes. They nearly bulged out of her head when she saw the Doctor sitting in the middle of a muddy pigsty, covered in mud while pigs grunted around him.  
  
“Or even a pigsty in Germany in 1785,” the Doctor said with his usual happy smiling face as pigs rooted in the mud around him.  
  
“No thanks, Doctor, I think I’ll give sitting in the German pigsty a miss,” Martha muttered.  
  
The scene shifted again and the Doctor was standing on the other side of the Thames overlooking London.  
  
“So why be here?” he said, pointing to London.  
  
The scene shifted to him standing in front of stock footage of an erupting volcano.  
  
“When you can be here!” he said, pointing to the volcano. “Come and join me and together we’ll see things you’ve only dreamed of!”  
  
“Yeah, like pigsties,” Martha said dryly.  
  
The scene shifted to a large close up of the Doctor’s smiling face while the cartoon TARDIS spun around it and TARDIS TOURS was under it. Bouncy music played while it spun around. Then the scene shifted to a black background with a disclaimer written on it in white letting.  
  
NOTE: The Doctor chooses his own companions based on merit and the ability not to give him a hard time when he’s flying around time and space. Do not attempt to ring, write, find or stalk the Doctor and/or any of his companions. The Doctor does not guarantee a good time every time you step out of his TARDIS and he does not guarantee you will not suffer injury or death. Do not sue the Doctor if you end up hurt or dead. The Doctor does not carry money of any kind on his person and anyway, the moment he does learn of your petty, frivolous lawsuit, he will be into the vortex and away from you before you can blink. Don’t blink, don’t even blink, blink and you’re dead…oh…wait, got off on a tangent there, sorry. Anyway, the Doctor will contact you if he feels you are worthy of being his disciple who will worship his magisterial greatness. Do not, I repeat, do not latch on to his leg and beg him to take you with him. It’s very undignified not to mention the Doctor won’t be able to walk and he’ll be forced to get you off his leg with a prybar. Then he will use the prybar on your head and that will hurt very, very much. Not for him, obviously, for you. The Doctor may be prone to fits of megalomania at times which will result in horrendous delusions of grandeur in which he is the master of time and space and can bend them to his will while you are a little person he deems worthy of getting up from his throne for and saving. Do not attempt to reason with the Doctor during these delusions, simply pick up the TARDIS phone, ring 999 and a robot will supply you with the Doctor’s special sleepy time, sleep it off pills that make him feel all happy and fuzzy and will make him forget he’s the king of the whole sodding universe once he “sleeps it off.” The Doctor is not an encyclopedia of everything that you can just consult whenever you bloody feel like it so do not ask him question after question or out comes the prybar again. If you respect the Doctor, humor him and be his constant friend, he will give you hours of free travel and fun and the occasional psychopath who will try to kill you. The Doctor is not owned by anyone, he owns himself and the whole of time and space because he is the last and he is the winner, damn it!  
  
“Okay, get back to the film!” Martha yelled at the screen.  
  
“Shhh, people are trying to watch the movie!” the Jack bot said to her.  
  
Martha flipped him off and ignored the dirty look he gave her. She breathed a sigh of relief when the disclaimer went away and the movie came back. Her mouth dropped open when she noticed that the Doctor was now standing triumphantly over the villain who was now the one wrapped up in rope.  
  
“Hey! Wait! How the hell did he defeat him?” Martha yelled at the scream when the Time Lord Victorious title card came up again. “Oh, that’s it, that’s enough for me; I’m not watching this daft thing any longer!”  
  
She got up, intending to go out of the theater but the moment she did the house lights came up.  
  
“Wait!” jack yelled to her. “It’s a double feature!”  
  
Martha paused and gave him a wary look.  
  
“Yeah? What’s the next one called then?” she said.  
  
“Doctor Badass,” Jack bot said.  
  
Martha raised her eyebrow.  
  
“Doctor Badass, as in the coming attractions thing I saw before the film?”  
  
“That’s the one.”  
  
Martha debated for a moment and then shrugged.  
  
“Yeah, I’m filled with enough morbid curiosity to watch it,” she said as she plopped back down in her seat.  
  


1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 56. Chapter 67. Chapter 78. Chapter 89. Chapter 910. Chapter 1011. Chapter 1112. Chapter 1213. Chapter 1314. Chapter 1415. Chapter 1516. Chapter 1617. Chapter 1718. Chapter 1819. Chapter 1920. Chapter 2021. Chapter 2122. Chapter 2223. Chapter 2324. Chapter 2425. Chapter 2526. Chapter 2627. Chapter 2728. Chapter 2829. Chapter 2930. Chapter 3031. Chapter 3132. Chapter 3233. Chapter 3334. Chapter 3435. Chapter 3536. Chapter 3637. Chapter 37  
  
Doctor Who and its accoutrements are the property of the BBC, and we obviously don't have any right to them. Any and all crossover characters belong to their respective creators. Alas no one makes any money from this site, and it's all done out of love for a cheap-looking sci-fi show. All fics are property of their individual authors. Archival at this site should not be taken to constitute automatic archive rights elsewhere, and authors should be contacted individually to arrange further archiving. Despite occasional claims otherwise, The Blessed St Lalla Ward is not officially recognised by the Catholic Church. Yet.   
  
Script for this archive provided by [eFiction](http://efiction.sourceforge.net/). Contact our archivists at [help@whofic.com](mailto:help@whofic.com). Please read our [Terms of Service](http://www.whofic.com/tos.php) and [Submission Guidelines](http://www.whofic.com/guidelines.php). 


	29. Teaspoon :: The Scavenger Hunt. by cheri

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**The Scavenger Hunt.** by [cheri](http://www.whofic.com/viewuser.php?uid=1862) [[Reviews](http://www.whofic.com/reviews.php?sid=22661&chapid=77840) \- [81](http://www.whofic.com/reviews.php?sid=22661&chapid=77840)] [Chapter](http://www.whofic.com/viewstory.php?action=printable&textsize=0&sid=22661&chapter=29) **or** [Story](http://www.whofic.com/viewstory.php?action=printable&textsize=0&sid=22661&chapter=all)   
  
  
1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 56. Chapter 67. Chapter 78. Chapter 89. Chapter 910. Chapter 1011. Chapter 1112. Chapter 1213. Chapter 1314. Chapter 1415. Chapter 1516. Chapter 1617. Chapter 1718. Chapter 1819. Chapter 1920. Chapter 2021. Chapter 2122. Chapter 2223. Chapter 2324. Chapter 2425. Chapter 2526. Chapter 2627. Chapter 2728. Chapter 2829. Chapter 2930. Chapter 3031. Chapter 3132. Chapter 3233. Chapter 3334. Chapter 3435. Chapter 3536. Chapter 3637. Chapter 37

  
  
Chapter Twenty Nine  
  
“Let me out!!!” Donna screamed as she pounded on the door leading out of the fairy tale room.  
  
For the past ten minutes after she realized the door was locked, she had been trying everything she could think of to get out again. She nearly screamed herself hoarse and pounded on the door until her fists hurt before slumping against the door in exhaustion. It was then that the door to the Sleeping Beauty room slowly came ajar.  
  
“Oh no you don’t. I’m not going in there, not after that maniac almost tried to kill me in the other room.”  
  
She winced and covered her ears when suddenly a loud horn blared out, nearly deafening her. It continued on and on as the Sleeping Beauty door opened wider. Facing possibly deafness, Donna sprinted for it and slammed the door shut, sighing with relief when the horn stopped. She turned, tried the door and let out a yell of frustration when she found it was locked.  
  
“What the hell is this place?” she yelled.  
  
She looked around and noticed she was in another large banquet hall of a castle. The walls and floor were made of stone blocks and there were twenty tables arranged neatly with long purple tablecloths on them that had gold trim and a royal crest on the side that was also in gold. She paused, collected her thoughts and tried to remember what went on in Sleeping Beauty.  
  
“Okay, am I at the part where she’s asleep or somewhere earlier than that?”  
  
Just then a door on the far side of the room opened and people dressed in medieval outfits began filing in and sitting at the tables. Donna stayed back by the door and watched them warily as they slowly marched inside. Last to come in was a Jack bot and Ianto bot, both dressed regally in matching purple outfits, cloaks and gold crowns. They sat down at the head of a table closest to the door and then skinny servants came in bearing the food on silver platters. She watched as other servants brought in plates, dishes, glasses and cutlery and sat them in front of each guest. No one ate though; all were watching Jack and Ianto who were sitting quietly and watching them in turn.  
  
Finally when the dishes and glasses and silverware had been arranged and the food placed in between the guests, the servants all filed out and the door was closed behind them. Jack rose from his chair and everyone stopped talking and gave him their full attention.  
  
“My people, today is a joyous day! I have given birth to a beautiful daughter!”  
  
“What?” Donna said.  
  
“My husband and I have been waiting for a child since we first found out I could conceive one and now we have an heir to my throne.”  
  
He smiled when everyone applauded, except for Donna who was stunned that Jack supposedly gave birth.  
  
“I have called this feast to celebrate the occasion and show off my Aurora to everyone. Also, the good fairies of the kingdom have told me they wish to bestow gifts on the child. I just hope it’s not a Porsche, eh, everyone?” he said as everyone laughed. “I’m just kidding. Let the feast commence!”  
  
Everyone dug into the food while Donna walked up towards Jack and Ianto who were currently feeding each other bits of mutton and gazing longingly into each other’s eyes. Jack paused when he noticed Donna was right behind Ianto and lowered the bit of mutton in his fingers.  
  
“Yes? Is there something you need?” he said as he and Ianto looked at her.  
  
“How do you get out of here?” Donna asked him.  
  
“I’m sorry?” Jack said, confused.  
  
“How…do…you…get…out…of…the…flippin’…fairy…tale…room!” Donna said, saying each word slowly and clearly.  
  
Jack and Ianto shared a confused look.  
  
“You go out a thing called a door to get outside,” Jack said as if he was talking to a moron.  
  
“Dear, perhaps this is one of the so-called Village Idiots we’ve heard about,” Ianto said to Jack.  
  
“Oh! Yes, my Boo-boo, I think you might be right. Hello there, Village Idiot, I’m glad you decided to come with the normal people and enjoy the feast. Have some mutton. That’s what this is,” Jack said, pointing to the platter of mutton in front of him.  
  
“I know what mutton is,” Donna muttered as she walked over to an empty seat.  
  
Jack and Ianto observed her as she put a bit of food on her plate. Jack leaned in to Ianto.  
  
“Fascinating. I always imagined the village idiot would be all dirty and drooly and wild eyed but she seems perfectly normal.”  
  
“Perhaps she’s just getting started in her chosen profession,” Ianto muttered to him.  
  
“Ah, yes, you could be right. Just goes to show you never know who the local jackass is nowadays. Anyway, where were we?” Jack said, picking up a bit of mutton.  
  
  
\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
The Doctor opened up door number nineteen and peeked inside. He noticed there was an elegant bedroom. The walls were covered with scarlet red wallpaper and there was a wooden four poster bed along the back wall that had scarlet curtains hiding the bed from view. Beside it was a small bedside table and on the left side was a chest of drawers and a big wooden trunk. On the other side of the wall was a wooden bookcase filled with books and two mounted wall lamps on either side of it.  
  
“Rose?” he called out.  
  
“Yes?”  
  
The Doctor’s attention was drawn to the bed when he heard Rose’s voice behind the curtains.  
  
“Ah! There you are, you slipperly little eel. I was wondering where you swanned off to,” the Doctor said, walking over to the bed.  
  
“Come to me,” he heard Rose purr.  
  
“Okey-dokey,” the Doctor said.  
  
He pulled back a scarlet curtain and blinked in surprise when he saw Rose lying on the bed in white silk lingerie. She was giving him a come hither look as she beckoned to him.  
  
“Um, what’s…going on?” the Doctor said, trying not to look directly at her heaving bosom.  
  
“This…is a seduction,” Rose moaned.  
  
“Mmm, well, I’m not in the mood right now. I thought we were on a scavenger hunt.”  
  
“We are. I have things hidden on my body. Hunt for them,” Rose said.  
  
“Yeah, that’s funny, Rose. Get up off the bed, get dressed and come on,” the Doctor said to her.  
  
“Mmmm, speaking of coming on, why don’t you do just that all over me?”  
  
The Doctor sighed angrily.  
  
“Fine, fine, you wanna play temptress, you can do it on your own time. I’d rather search for things. So goodbye, Rose, I’ll be outside looking through the other rooms whenever you get done with your roleplaying.”  
  
He lowered the curtain and started to walk back towards the door.  
  
“What’s wrong, Doctor? Scared?”  
  
The Doctor froze and looked back at the curtain.  
  
“Scared of what?” he said.  
  
“Of me,” he heard Rose say. “Of us. You know, we’ve only held hands and kissed, we’ve never gone beyond that. Why?”  
  
“Because I didn’t feel a need to,” the Doctor said.  
  
“But you’ve wanted to, right?” Rose purred. “All those times you’ve looked at me, you wanted me and now here I am, ready and willing, and you’re going to just walk out the door?”  
  
The Doctor frowned.  
  
“Rose, what’s gotten into you? Why are you acting this way?”  
  
“Oh, come off it, Doctor. Deep down inside you’re wanting this just as much as me,” Rose said.  
  
“No, I’m not,” the Doctor lied.  
  
“Come to me, Doctor. I can be yours forever if you just let me,” Rose moaned. “I can be your everything! I’ve longed for you, Doctor. Ease my longing.”  
  
The Doctor approached the bed warily. He and Rose were a couple but they had never gone beyond kissing and handholding and for Rose to act this way set off red flags in his mind. He pulled back the curtain and was shocked when he noticed Rose was now completely naked, her lingerie scattered across the bed as she cupped her breasts with her hands and gave him a seductive look.  
  
“Right, I think I’ll be going now,” the Doctor said as he quickly dropped the curtain and ran towards the door.  
  
He tried it and grunted when he couldn’t get it open. He tried his screwdriver on it and found to his horror it had been deadlock sealed.  
  
“Doctor!”  
  
He looked back at Rose who was coming towards him, only now instead of the seductive look. She had a look of malice on her face.  
  
“You will come to bed with me,” she growled at him, “or else…”  
  


1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 56. Chapter 67. Chapter 78. Chapter 89. Chapter 910. Chapter 1011. Chapter 1112. Chapter 1213. Chapter 1314. Chapter 1415. Chapter 1516. Chapter 1617. Chapter 1718. Chapter 1819. Chapter 1920. Chapter 2021. Chapter 2122. Chapter 2223. Chapter 2324. Chapter 2425. Chapter 2526. Chapter 2627. Chapter 2728. Chapter 2829. Chapter 2930. Chapter 3031. Chapter 3132. Chapter 3233. Chapter 3334. Chapter 3435. Chapter 3536. Chapter 3637. Chapter 37  
  
Doctor Who and its accoutrements are the property of the BBC, and we obviously don't have any right to them. Any and all crossover characters belong to their respective creators. Alas no one makes any money from this site, and it's all done out of love for a cheap-looking sci-fi show. All fics are property of their individual authors. Archival at this site should not be taken to constitute automatic archive rights elsewhere, and authors should be contacted individually to arrange further archiving. Despite occasional claims otherwise, The Blessed St Lalla Ward is not officially recognised by the Catholic Church. Yet.   
  
Script for this archive provided by [eFiction](http://efiction.sourceforge.net/). Contact our archivists at [help@whofic.com](mailto:help@whofic.com). Please read our [Terms of Service](http://www.whofic.com/tos.php) and [Submission Guidelines](http://www.whofic.com/guidelines.php). 


	30. Teaspoon :: The Scavenger Hunt. by cheri

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**The Scavenger Hunt.** by [cheri](http://www.whofic.com/viewuser.php?uid=1862) [[Reviews](http://www.whofic.com/reviews.php?sid=22661&chapid=78157) \- [81](http://www.whofic.com/reviews.php?sid=22661&chapid=78157)] [Chapter](http://www.whofic.com/viewstory.php?action=printable&textsize=0&sid=22661&chapter=30) **or** [Story](http://www.whofic.com/viewstory.php?action=printable&textsize=0&sid=22661&chapter=all)   
  
  
1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 56. Chapter 67. Chapter 78. Chapter 89. Chapter 910. Chapter 1011. Chapter 1112. Chapter 1213. Chapter 1314. Chapter 1415. Chapter 1516. Chapter 1617. Chapter 1718. Chapter 1819. Chapter 1920. Chapter 2021. Chapter 2122. Chapter 2223. Chapter 2324. Chapter 2425. Chapter 2526. Chapter 2627. Chapter 2728. Chapter 2829. Chapter 2930. Chapter 3031. Chapter 3132. Chapter 3233. Chapter 3334. Chapter 3435. Chapter 3536. Chapter 3637. Chapter 37

  
  
Chapter Thirty  
  
“Rose, what’s happened to you?” the Doctor said, slowly going backwards towards the door while he kept his eye on her. “What’s been done to you?”  
  
“Nothing’s been done to me, Doctor. I just realized that this whole relationship of ours is somewhat repressed and needs to be taken to a whole new level. You and I need a bit of spice to put the thrill in our relationship.”  
  
“No, what you need is a long, cold shower and a nap to sort you out,” the Doctor said, reaching the door.  
  
He jerked the doorknob and found the door was locked. He tried not to panic as Rose calmly walked towards him.  
  
“Rose, this isn’t funny, let me out now!” he said.  
  
He froze when Rose put her hands on his cheeks.  
  
“Why are you so afraid of me?” she asked sweetly.  
  
“I’m not afraid of you, but you’re not yourself and I need to get you into the med bay so I can find out why,” the Doctor replied.  
  
Rose threw back her head and laughed.  
  
“You can’t escape us, Doctor,” she said.  
  
The Doctor was perplexed.  
  
“Us? You mean you and Donna and Martha?” he said.  
  
“I mean us as in the Cybomatic race,” Rose said.  
  
The Doctor’s eyes widened.  
  
“The robotic species that uses people’s memories and replicates lifelike robots from them?”  
  
“Yes,” the Rose bot said. “We’ve been here for quite some time. You landed several months ago on Cruelkos and we were there. We snuck into your TARDIS when you weren’t looking and hid. There were only five of us at the beginning but four of us tapped into your memories and the memories of your companions and then using those, we bred and replicated ourselves to look like people from your memories and we’ve been lying in wait for you to find us and now you have unwittingly stumbled in here, Doctor, and you’ll be my slave forever!”  
  
“I don’t think so, Cybomat!” the Doctor said.  
  
“Oh, I do think so, Doctor. You see, there are literally hundreds of us now, scattered in rooms all throughout the TARDIS. We were pleased to see that in some of the rooms you already had robots that were set up in simulations for you and your companions enjoyment, we simply copied that, except we twisted you and your companion’s memories for our amusement and began acting out your most vulgar and depraved fantasies along with anything else that came to mind and amused us while we waited till you stumbled upon us and that’s what this is, Doctor. Your deepest, hidden desire about Rose come to life. Don’t you want me, Doctor?” she said sweetly. “Haven’t you always wanted me? Your beloved Rose, ready and eager and waiting for your embrace? I’m here, Doctor, if you just surrender to me and make me yours forever.”  
  
By now the Doctor was frantic with worry for his three companions.  
  
“Where’s the real Rose, what have you done with her and Donna and Martha?” he demanded.  
  
“I have no idea where they are. I’ve been in this room the whole time and lucky you, you stumbled into my waiting arms.”  
  
The Doctor tried to get away from her and gasped when she seized him by the throat.  
  
“You aren’t being a very obedient lover,” the Cybomat hissed at him. “I see, I shall have to convince you that I’m the real thing and that you are my willing slave.”  
  
The Doctor’s eyes bulged and his body shuddered when she sent an electric shock coursing through his body. She held him against the wall for several seconds and then let go. She smirked as he slumped to the floor unconscious.  
  
“Now,” the Cybomat said, stroking his cheek, “the real fun begins!”  
  
  
\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Rose was exasperated beyond belief. Everyone from the three bears to Little Red Riding Hood had barged into the house, claiming they lived there and each time she had to throw them back out the door and endure their screams of “BITCH!” It took all she had not to go find the Doctor and ring his neck for thinking up a warped simulation like this. She kept waiting and waiting and waiting for the so-called Evil Queen to show up or the dwarves to come back but after hours of waiting, she finally went back up to the tiny beds, flopped down over them and took a nap.  
  
She was startled when an hour later, she heard a pounding on the door.  
  
“This better be someone from the actual bleedin’ Snow White story,” she muttered as she went down the stairs.  
  
She opened the door and her eyes bulged when she saw her mother standing there wearing a heavy black robe. A cowl covered her long white hair, she was more wrinkled than a shar pei puppy and her eyes were bulging out of her head to the point Rose thought she looked like Marty Feldman. Fresh anger rose in her at this treatment of her mother and Rose once again vowed to ring the Doctor’s neck for it.  
  
“Hello, my dear,” the Jackie bot said in a voice that sounded like she’d smoked two hundred cigarettes in a day, “I’m an old and very unattracted haggy whore of a woman who nevertheless likes to peddle my wares cause it keeps me out of the poorhouse. Would you like to buy something?”  
  
Rose had to fight to keep her cool and nodded.  
  
“You would? Oh, thank you, my precious,” Jackie bot said, reaching into a large pouch that was attached to a knotted rope around her middle.  
  
Rose crossed her arms over her chest, expecting the apple. Instead she was shocked when Jackie bot pulled out a small Jack Harkness doll and showed it to her. There was a string in the back of it tired to a little pearl loop. She pulled the string and let it go.  
  
“I love blowjobs,” the doll said in Jack Harkness’s voice.  
  
“Would you like this? It’s only five shillings, my dear.”  
  
“No, thank you,” Rose said.  
  
“Oh, well, how ‘bout this?”  
  
Rose’s eyes bulged when she put the doll back and pulled out a huge pink dildo.  
  
“Barely used,” the Jackie bot said, waving it under her nose.  
  
“No, give me the bleedin’ apple and get out of here!” Rose said angrily.  
  
“Apple, how did you know I had an apple?” the Jackie bot said, astonished.  
  
“I guessed, now give it to me,” Rose said.  
  
“I will, but on one condition.”  
  
“Yeah? “ Rose said warily.  
  
“You eat it right here, right now in front of me, I want your opinion on how it tastes,” Jackie bot said, pulling a large bright red apple out and putting it in her hand. “Because I have a feeling, my dear, the taste is to die for!”  
  


1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 56. Chapter 67. Chapter 78. Chapter 89. Chapter 910. Chapter 1011. Chapter 1112. Chapter 1213. Chapter 1314. Chapter 1415. Chapter 1516. Chapter 1617. Chapter 1718. Chapter 1819. Chapter 1920. Chapter 2021. Chapter 2122. Chapter 2223. Chapter 2324. Chapter 2425. Chapter 2526. Chapter 2627. Chapter 2728. Chapter 2829. Chapter 2930. Chapter 3031. Chapter 3132. Chapter 3233. Chapter 3334. Chapter 3435. Chapter 3536. Chapter 3637. Chapter 37  
  
Doctor Who and its accoutrements are the property of the BBC, and we obviously don't have any right to them. Any and all crossover characters belong to their respective creators. Alas no one makes any money from this site, and it's all done out of love for a cheap-looking sci-fi show. All fics are property of their individual authors. Archival at this site should not be taken to constitute automatic archive rights elsewhere, and authors should be contacted individually to arrange further archiving. Despite occasional claims otherwise, The Blessed St Lalla Ward is not officially recognised by the Catholic Church. Yet.   
  
Script for this archive provided by [eFiction](http://efiction.sourceforge.net/). Contact our archivists at [help@whofic.com](mailto:help@whofic.com). Please read our [Terms of Service](http://www.whofic.com/tos.php) and [Submission Guidelines](http://www.whofic.com/guidelines.php). 


	31. Teaspoon :: The Scavenger Hunt. by cheri

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**The Scavenger Hunt.** by [cheri](http://www.whofic.com/viewuser.php?uid=1862) [[Reviews](http://www.whofic.com/reviews.php?sid=22661&chapid=78208) \- [81](http://www.whofic.com/reviews.php?sid=22661&chapid=78208)] [Chapter](http://www.whofic.com/viewstory.php?action=printable&textsize=0&sid=22661&chapter=31) **or** [Story](http://www.whofic.com/viewstory.php?action=printable&textsize=0&sid=22661&chapter=all)   
  
  
1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 56. Chapter 67. Chapter 78. Chapter 89. Chapter 910. Chapter 1011. Chapter 1112. Chapter 1213. Chapter 1314. Chapter 1415. Chapter 1516. Chapter 1617. Chapter 1718. Chapter 1819. Chapter 1920. Chapter 2021. Chapter 2122. Chapter 2223. Chapter 2324. Chapter 2425. Chapter 2526. Chapter 2627. Chapter 2728. Chapter 2829. Chapter 2930. Chapter 3031. Chapter 3132. Chapter 3233. Chapter 3334. Chapter 3435. Chapter 3536. Chapter 3637. Chapter 37

  
  
Chapter Thirty One  
  
The Doctor groaned and slowly opened his eyes. He noticed that he was lying on the bed inside the room, a rope was tied around his body securing his arms and his legs were tied together at the ankles. He tried to see outside the closed curtains but had no success. He felt the duvet rubbing up against his skin and noticed that he had no clothes on.  
  
“Where are you?” he yelled. “I demand you show yourself!”  
  
“Oh, I don’t think you’re in any position to demand anything, Doctor,” the Rose bot cooed from somewhere outside the curtains.  
  
“If you or your cronies have done anything to the real Rose or Martha or Donna…”  
  
“I’ve done nothing to them,” he heard her say. “As for my brothers and sisters, well, I can’t speak for them…”  
  
She fell silent and the Doctor tried to sense where the cybomat could be. His question was answered a minute later when the Rose bot suddenly jerked the right side curtain back and appeared to him completely naked, fully formed and anatomically correct. The Doctor was filled with conflicting emotions, disgust for this robot that had invaded his mind and turned his fantasies into warped nightmares but lust because after all, this was Rose’s body. He turned his head away, trying not to look at her bare body but she grabbed his face and jerked his head back towards her.  
  
“Don’t look away from me, Doctor,” she snarled at him. “You finally have Rose exactly as you want her and you will look at this body and long for it!”  
  
“You don’t know me that well, do you?” the Doctor sneered.  
  
She chuckled.  
  
“Oh, I know you perfectly well, my beloved,” she said, stroking his face. “I’ve been inside your memories, remember? Your innermost secret desires and this is what you want. You’ve always wanted it; you’ve just been too much of a pussy to tell Rose yourself.”  
  
She leaned in closer to his face.  
  
“I’ve been in all your minds, I was one of the very first onboard this ship,” she said sweetly. “I’ve scanned Rose’s mind and her innermost thoughts and she wants this as well. Too bad that two people who obviously want each other in a physical way can’t bring themselves to actually do it. But now, here I am, as eager to have sex as you and I’m ready to cater to your every desire, no matter how perverted and twisted they may be. So just pretend I’m the real deal and shag me.”  
  
“Sorry, you’ve mistaken me for some sort of wanton tart.”  
  
The Cybomat threw back her head and laughed at that.  
  
“Oh, Time Lord,” she said, shaking her head in amusement, “you think you’re so clever and in many ways, you are. But at the same token, you can be the stupidest being in the whole of creation at times. You don’t have a choice here, my darling; the ropes should have clued you in to that.”  
  
“Then kill me and stop banging on about my lack of libido,” the Doctor snarled at her.  
  
“Oh no no no no, I wouldn’t kill you. You’re far too important to us,” the Cybomat cooed as she pulled the duvet down to the end of the bed.  
  
She ran her finger from his Adam’s apple down to his navel, drinking in his body while the Doctor eyed her warily. He tried to turn his head again when she bent over towards it but he grunted when she jerked his head back to her face.  
  
“You will obey, Time Lord,” she said in a menacing voice.  
  
“Then tell me what you plan to do with me instead of playing these games of yours,” the Doctor growled.  
  
“You’re going to become my slave, Time Lord,” she purred in his ear.  
  
“Yeah, yeah, yeah, you’ve said that already. I’m asking how you plan to do it!”  
  
“Mmm, a forceful man who knows what he wants, I like that,” Rose said.  
  
The Doctor sighed angrily; frustrated at the game the Cybomat was playing with him.  
  
“Very well, my sullen slave, I will tell you exactly what shall happen to you,” the Rose bot said, leaning back up.  
  
She smirked when she touched his balls and the Doctor felt a shiver go through him that he failed to hide from the amused robot.  
  
“She is a part of you now, do you know that?” the Rose bot said casually. “The Bad Wolf entity entered both your bodies and some of the essence still lingers in both of you. You are connected to Rose Tyler, whether you like it or not.”  
  
She chuckled when she saw the Doctor contemplating that.  
  
“Oh yes, the energy of the Bad Wolf connects you both, we have seen it in your minds. That is why she returned to you, Doctor. She cannot stay away from you now just as you cannot be away from her. For the first time in your lives, Doctor, you are bound to another living soul and that is why in this life, you have fallen so deeply in love with her, far more deeply than you did in your previous life. You share a kinship with her, an energy bond with a simple human child. Think of it, the greatest Time Lord in existence has a soul mate in a backwards human girl. It is why we are fascinated with you, Doctor. You try to deny that you love Rose as deeply as you do but we know it is there because we have seen it in your mind. Oh, you love Donna and Martha and care for them deeply…but Rose is the one you cannot live without. Isn’t that right…Doctor?”  
  
The Doctor said nothing and the Rose bot smirked at that.  
  
“Coward,” she said gleefully. “The big, brave Time Lord can face an army of Daleks but can’t shag a human girl who he loves and loves him.”  
  
“That’s not your concern!” the Doctor snarled.  
  
“It is now. I’ve made it my concern,” the Rose bot said, running her finger down his cheek. “It just breaks my heart that you have the woman you love at your side and you can’t take your pitiful little relationship to the next level.”  
  
The Doctor said nothing as the Rose bot stared at him quietly. Then suddenly she let out a quiet chuckle.  
  
“I think I shall ask a few of my brothers and sisters to go get Rose Tyler and bring her here. I want her to witness what I’m about to do to you.”  
  
“Leave her alone!” the Doctor snarled at her.  
  
He gritted his teeth and fought against his restraints as the Rose bot closed her eyes and sent a telepathic message to her brothers and sisters.  
  
Whoever is near Rose Tyler, bring her to me, alive and unharmed. Follow my mental signal, she thought to the other cybomats.  
  
She opened her eyes and smiled sweetly at the Doctor.  
  
“Your beloved is on her way,” she said.  
  
“Leave me alone! Deal with me but not her!”  
  
The Rose bot laughed.  
  
“Too late, Time Lord, she’s coming. One of my sisters is bringing her now, apparently kicking and screaming. Seems she was in some sort of fairy tale simulation, Snow White, I believe? You better be glad I said something because she was seconds away from being forced to eat the poisoned apple. Then she would have died and I don’t think even your Prince Charming’s kiss could have saved her.  
  
“What about Martha and Donna, where are they? Ask!” the Doctor said frantically.  
  
“Mmmm, nah, I don’t care about them. They’re just extra appendages you keep round to shield yourself from being alone with Rose again. See, you realized when you were traveling with her that after the Bad Wolf, you found it hard to control yourself around her. Good job she was sucked into another universe before you ended up forcing yourself on her, hmm?”  
  
The Doctor glared at her silently as she laughed.  
  
“You should see what my brothers and sisters do for amusement. We act out all your weirdest, wildest fantasies and thanks to this scavenger hunt the others say you’ve been on, your companions have gotten to see more than their fair share of randy, rude behavior and I believe all three of them are nearly ready to knock your lights out because they think you’ve done this as some sick joke. I’m sure once Sweetie Pie comes in here, her first inclination will be to give you a knuckle sandwich so I best hold her back for you, eh?”  
  
She ran her hand down his chest as the Doctor listened in silent horror.  
  
“Oh! I almost forgot! We’re both naked and you’re tied up, what will your beloved think of that?” she said with a smirk. “Especially since she’ll know I’m a robot, seeing as how I’m a replicant of her. Just think, the woman you love thinking you’re into kinky sex with robot duplicates of her. I’m sure that image will go over like a lead balloon, huh?”  
  
She paused a moment and then let out a chuckle.  
  
“She is here. Your Rose is just beyond the door,” she said, pointing off to her left. “I should go let her in now, but first….”  
  
The Doctor struggled to get free as the Cybomat walked around the bed and pulled back all the curtains, revealing his nude body. The Doctor watched helplessly as the Cybomat strolled to the door and opened it.  
  
“Let me go!” he heard Rose yelling as she opened the door.  
  
Then there was silence and the Doctor guessed from the way the Cybormat was smirking that Rose was staring at her naked duplicate in shock. Then the Cybomat stepped aside and Rose was brought in, kicking and screaming by a hideous mutated version of Jackie Tyler that shocked the Doctor. Rose froze the moment she saw the naked Time Lord on the bed and then grunted when the Jackie bot shoved her violently to the floor before hurrying back out of the room. Rose got to her feet and stared at the Doctor’s naked body in disbelief as the Cybomat closed the door and leaned against it casually, watching everything in silent glee.  
  
“Doctor?” Rose said, coming towards him for a moment.  
  
Then she stopped and shook her head.  
  
“No, wait, this is another of those bleedin’ robot things,” she said angrily as the Doctor watched in silent anguish. “Look, I’ve had just about enough of this stupid simulation shit. I’m tired of being trapped in insane fairy tales that I can’t get out of and I’m sick of finding all these perverted Doctor robots. Now take me to the real Doctor this instant.”  
  
“Rose, it’s me, I’m the real Doctor.”  
  
Rage boiled in his brain when he saw Rose give him a skeptical look.  
  
“No, no, no, wait; you’re a robot because the Doctor would not be lying starkers on a bed with some perverted version of me in the room. This is another stupid simulation that I’m forced to go through before I’m let out into the real world.”  
  
“On the contrary, my dear template, he’s telling you the truth.”  
  
Rose spun around and glared at the Cybomat who was still leaning against the door.  
  
“What’d you call me?” Rose said, narrowing her eyes.  
  
The Cybomat smirked.  
  
“The template. That’s what you are, you know. At least for me. I looked into your mind while you were sleeping, looked at all your memories and created this body as a duplication of you. So you’re my template and as I said, that is the real Doctor.”  
  
Rose turned and the Doctor gave her a brave smile as she approached the bed. She sat down beside him and stared at the ropes. She reached out, intending to untie him.  
  
“I wouldn’t do that if I were you.”  
  
Rose jerked her head around and saw the Cybomat was now right behind her.  
  
“Let him go!” Rose demanded.  
  
The Cybomat laughed and the Doctor gasped when she suddenly seized her by the throat and pinned her to the bed while the Doctor struggled to get free. Rose gasped and gagged at the pressure on her throat while the robot stared at her with psychotic glee.  
  
“Let her go! Let her go now!” the Doctor bellowed, becoming more frantic with each passing second.  
  
“Did you enjoy the simulations my brothers and sisters enacted for you, Rose Tyler?” the Cybomat said as Rose grabbed her hand and tried to force it away from her throat. “We were responsible for them, not the Doctor. The brainless alien had no clue we were even on here, invading the sanctity of his time ship.”  
  
“What are you going to do to him?” Rose gasped out.  
  
The Rose bot raised her eyebrow and then chuckled.  
  
“I have you in a choke hold and could easily snap your neck and you’re asking about him?” she said gleefully. “You see, Time Lord, see how she loves you. She puts your miserable life above her own.”  
  
Rose stilled and grew quiet upon hearing that. She gasped when the Cybomat suddenly put her fingertips to her temples and Rose went still as the robot probed her mind.  
  
“NO, LEAVE HER ALONE!” the Doctor yelled.  
  
Then to his horror, Rose’s eyes snapped open and he swallowed hard when he saw her eyes were glowing, just like they did when the Bad Wolf was inside him. The Cybomat opened her eyes and smirked at the enraged look on the Doctor’s face.  
  
“See, the Bad Wolf is within her, but watch…Time Lord.”  
  
The Cybomat closed her eyes again and probed deeper. The Doctor watched, anguished, as Rose lay unmoving on the bed, her eyes glowing with the eerie golden light. His hearts raced inside his chest as he wondered if her brain was being fried by the entity but Rose seemed to be all right, just in a catatonic state.  
  
Then suddenly, he felt warmth spread throughout his body and his mind and suddenly he could hear Rose’s thoughts and feel her inside his mind, a sensation he hadn’t felt since the Master died on board the Valiant. Even though Rose appeared to be unmoving, her eyes staring blankly up at the wooden roof of the bed, the Doctor sensed her fear for him and her love. Hungry for her, he reached out and felt her mind, soothed by the sensation of the shared mind and the knowledge that his Rose loved him with all her heart. What they shared now was deeper than any physical love, it was a bonding of their souls and their essences and the Doctor suddenly realized what the Cybomat was on about when she said the Bad Wolf had connected them internally. He felt her fear inside her mind, her cries to him to help her and he closed his eyes, using this newly shared link to calm and soothe her, letting his silent love for her wash over her like a tidal wave and calm her fears for her and for him. Lost in the sensation of their shared love, he forgot about the Cybomat and loved her in a way that only two Time Lords can love, telepathically. Through the link, the link that only they shared, he lost his fear of being found out by Donna or Martha and let his soul speak for him, knowing that she would understand that he truly loved her, even without words. The pleasant sensation of her thoughts and feelings within his mind made him even hungrier for it and he bound himself to her, his beloved, and imprinted himself upon her soul, joining with her in a sort of spiritual marriage but much deeper and more meaningful than any Earth marriage could be.  
  
Rose responded in the same way, the Doctor amazed that she instinctively knew through the Bad Wolf link what to do to bind herself to him. The warmth of her love for him that radiated throughout his body and her whispered telepathic words of devotion nearly drove him over the edge. For a moment, he figured this was the Cybomat’s intention. Bring Rose in here and do this to prove her point about his desperate need for her but he realized he didn’t care. Inside his mind, Rose was safe from her evil and he harbored her and soothed her until she too no longer felt any fear.  
  
“Open your eyes, Time Lord, and see the truth,” the Cybomat said.  
  
For a moment, he didn’t obey but then he slowly opened his eyes and looked directly into a hand mirror the Cybomat was holding in front of his face. He stared in shock for a moment when he saw his glowing eyes that mirrored Rose’s own and then he gazed in silent fascination at the golden glowing orbs he now possessed. This was the link the Rose bot was talking about and it confirmed in his mind that Rose was truly his in every way.  
  
Then, to his horror, the Cybomat set the mirror down on the floor beside the bed, put his fingertips against Rose’s temples and severed the bond between him. The Doctor gasped as his eyes returned to their deep brown and he instantly lost all contact with Rose. His mind ached for the hollowness that he had felt almost continuously since Gallifrey was destroyed. The Cybomat stepped away as Rose snapped out of her catatonic state, as much in shock as he was at the loss of their link. She stared up at the roof of the bed for a moment in silence and then she began to cry softly, causing the Doctor’s eyes to mist up. He knew what was happening, the high Rose had felt from being psychically linked to him was gone and she was now doing what he did after the destruction of Gallifrey, falling into depression at the loss.  
  
“Rose,” the Doctor spoke softly.  
  
Rose turned her head and tears rolled down her cheeks as she whimpered and crawled to him. The Doctor offered no resistance as she clung to him, weeping softly as she tried to feel the same powerful and ecstatic sensations she had felt only moments before. The Doctor tenderly kissed her forehead, trying to soothe her as she held on tighter to him, not wanting to let go of the man she loved and who she now knew loved her far more than he ever let on. Over Rose’s head, the Doctor could see the Cybomat was watching her distress with psychotic glee and hate coursed through his mind. Then, for some reason, the Cybomat turned and left the room, leaving Rose free but he could hear the door locking behind her. Relieved that for the moment, Rose was safe from whatever her duplicate was planning, he turned her attention to her and watched with silent love as his soul mate came to her senses long enough to begin to untie him and free him from his bonds.  
  


1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 56. Chapter 67. Chapter 78. Chapter 89. Chapter 910. Chapter 1011. Chapter 1112. Chapter 1213. Chapter 1314. Chapter 1415. Chapter 1516. Chapter 1617. Chapter 1718. Chapter 1819. Chapter 1920. Chapter 2021. Chapter 2122. Chapter 2223. Chapter 2324. Chapter 2425. Chapter 2526. Chapter 2627. Chapter 2728. Chapter 2829. Chapter 2930. Chapter 3031. Chapter 3132. Chapter 3233. Chapter 3334. Chapter 3435. Chapter 3536. Chapter 3637. Chapter 37  
  
Doctor Who and its accoutrements are the property of the BBC, and we obviously don't have any right to them. Any and all crossover characters belong to their respective creators. Alas no one makes any money from this site, and it's all done out of love for a cheap-looking sci-fi show. All fics are property of their individual authors. Archival at this site should not be taken to constitute automatic archive rights elsewhere, and authors should be contacted individually to arrange further archiving. Despite occasional claims otherwise, The Blessed St Lalla Ward is not officially recognised by the Catholic Church. Yet.   
  
Script for this archive provided by [eFiction](http://efiction.sourceforge.net/). Contact our archivists at [help@whofic.com](mailto:help@whofic.com). Please read our [Terms of Service](http://www.whofic.com/tos.php) and [Submission Guidelines](http://www.whofic.com/guidelines.php). 


	32. Teaspoon :: The Scavenger Hunt. by cheri

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**The Scavenger Hunt.** by [cheri](http://www.whofic.com/viewuser.php?uid=1862) [[Reviews](http://www.whofic.com/reviews.php?sid=22661&chapid=78248) \- [81](http://www.whofic.com/reviews.php?sid=22661&chapid=78248)] [Chapter](http://www.whofic.com/viewstory.php?action=printable&textsize=0&sid=22661&chapter=32) **or** [Story](http://www.whofic.com/viewstory.php?action=printable&textsize=0&sid=22661&chapter=all)   
  
  
1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 56. Chapter 67. Chapter 78. Chapter 89. Chapter 910. Chapter 1011. Chapter 1112. Chapter 1213. Chapter 1314. Chapter 1415. Chapter 1516. Chapter 1617. Chapter 1718. Chapter 1819. Chapter 1920. Chapter 2021. Chapter 2122. Chapter 2223. Chapter 2324. Chapter 2425. Chapter 2526. Chapter 2627. Chapter 2728. Chapter 2829. Chapter 2930. Chapter 3031. Chapter 3132. Chapter 3233. Chapter 3334. Chapter 3435. Chapter 3536. Chapter 3637. Chapter 37

  
  
Chapter Thirty Two  
  
Rose sat on the bed watching while the Doctor paced around the room, searching for his clothes. After what just happened to her, she was still reeling from the loss of the Doctor’s mind and the realization of how deeply he truly loved her. After saving the Earth from Davros, Rose had forsaken the other universe and her mother and stepfather to come and travel with him and Donna and Martha. She knew he had been pleased that she had done that and they had resumed their relationship but she never knew the depth of his love until now and the loss of him inside her mind plunged her into depression. As the Doctor walked around the room butt naked, she turned her head away, trying to be polite and not look directly at his penis.  
  
The Doctor meanwhile was growing angry by the second when he realized that the Rose bot had stashed his clothes somewhere and since the door was deadlocked sealed, there was no way he could go outside to look for them. He looked all around and then his eyes settled on the curtains hanging down from the bed. He walked over to the one on Rose’s right and jerked it down. He wrapped it around his midsection and held it closed with his right hand.  
  
“Well, it’ll have to do until I can find my clothes,” the Doctor said, sitting down beside her. “Damn, when I get my hands on that female robot, I’m gonna rewire every circuit in her body and…”  
  
“Doctor?”  
  
He turned his head when Rose said his name softly.  
  
“Yes?” he said, scooting closer to her while he held the curtain around him.  
  
Rose’s eyes lowered and she stared at the floor while the Doctor stared at her sadly.  
  
“What happened between us,” Rose said as she kept her eyes on the floor, “feeling you in my head. Is that what you meant about feeling your people in your mind before they were killed?”  
  
The Doctor laid his left hand on her back.  
  
“Yes,” he said softly.  
  
“And what happened to me, when she cut off the connection between us. That was what happened to you when Gallifrey was destroyed?”  
  
“Yes, only 4,000 times greater than that,” the Doctor said.  
  
Rose shuddered at that. It was bad enough losing the Doctor’s mind but to have 4,000 minds cut out at the same time. She finally understood the Doctor’s pain and rage she’d seen when he was in his ninth life. She kept her eyes to the floor, lost in her thoughts, barely feeling the hand that was now rubbing her back.  
  
“Rose, please look at me,” the Doctor finally said.  
  
Rose lifted her eyes and saw the pain in the Doctor’s eyes. He scooted closer and then folded one end of the curtain over his lap and tucked it underneath him so he could have both hands free. Embarrassed, Rose tried to look down but the Doctor gently took her chin and lifted it so she would look at him.  
  
“Rose, talk to me, tell me what you’re feeling,” he said softly.  
  
“I…I don’t know. I’m still in shock,” Rose admitted. “I’ve never felt anything like that before. I’ve never felt so…loved like I did when you were in my mind.”  
  
“What she did was a violation of our privacy, but she did point out the obvious which is that ever since I took the vortex out of you, we’ve been linked and what you just experienced was, as you found out, what I used to experience on a regular basis before Gallifrey was destroyed. You experienced as a human what it’s like being a Time Lord and the loss of it has sent you reeling because you’ve never known anything like that before. That’s why you’re so depressed now.”  
  
“And that’s the way you were, after Gallifrey was destroyed?” Rose said, choking up as her eyes misted over.  
  
The Doctor swallowed hard and nodded. Rose’s face crumpled and she embraced him. The Doctor smiled sadly as his arms spread around her and he enfolded her in his embrace. Rose turned her head and laid her left cheek on her shoulder while the Doctor watched her quietly and held her protectively against his body.  
  
“I saw it,” Rose said in a hushed whisper, “I finally saw how…how much you love me.”  
  
The Doctor sighed through his nose as he lowered it to her head and closed his eyes.  
  
“How does that make you feel?” he murmured into her hair, genuinely curious about what she thought about that.  
  
“Happy,” Rose whispered.  
  
A smile spread over the Doctor’s face and he nuzzled her hair as Rose tightened her arms around him. Rose frowned when she heard him say something in an alien language as he held her tightly.  
  
“Doctor? What was that? It was beautiful,” Rose murmured.  
  
“Gallifreyan,” he replied.  
  
“What did you say just then?”  
  
The smile widened and he kissed the back of her head.  
  
“I said, mine, you are mine, my beloved, now and forever.”  
  
Rose’s heart nearly burst from joy and tears streaked down her face as the Doctor gently kissed her head. She figured if the Rose bot came back at that very moment and killed them, she would go to her grave happy.  
  
“Now are you convinced that I do love you, Rose Tyler?” the Doctor teased. “Apparently you’ve been trying to get me to say that since that day I said goodbye to you at Bad Wolf Bay.”  
  
“Yes, I know now,” Rose said. “I know it even without you saying those words. I felt it in your mind.”  
  
“As I felt it in yours, but you’d already said you loved me so it was no big shock-a-roo to me,” he said caressing her side.  
  
“I don’t understand then. Were the robots just a way for you to act out all these pent up feelings of lust for me?” Rose asked, finally turning her head to look at him.  
  
He sighed angrily.  
  
“Rose, please understand. That…other you is not something I came up with. She’s part of a species of cybernetic robots called Cybomatics. They infest planets and duplicate themselves to match the resident populations and they can go into people’s minds as they did with us and see their thoughts and their memories. Now I admit, I do have robots on board the TARDIS, that submarine ride with the other me attacking the giant squid, that was a robot the TARDIS came up with per my request. I also have robot shopkeepers who mind different shops I have on board. That…thing that brought you in here that looked like some warped version of Jackie was a Cybomat. The Cybomats snuck in here, went through our memories while we were sleeping and made perverse replications of us, our friends and family for a giggle. I don’t know what else you’ve seen but the squid, the me that battled the squid and the fantasy creatures like Lungwei the dragon, those were a part of the robots I normally have in here which is why I thought nothing of it. My robots don’t act out lewd, daft things like they do.”  
  
“Well, I’m glad you said something because I was about ready to kill ya,” Rose replied.  
  
“I can imagine after seeing the Cybomat of your mother. Granted I don’t like Jackie Tyler that much but I would never make something like that and cause you pain, even for a laugh.”  
  
He smiled and kissed her nose when she laid her hand on his cheek.  
  
“Now, the next problem we have…how do we get out of here if the door is deadlock sealed?” he mused.  
  
  
\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
In the interim between films, Martha had been visited by the usher robot and was given a refill on popcorn and soda pop. She relaxed and waited for the lights to lower so the film could begin. The Jack bot had left and gone out an exit at the front and hadn’t come back. Martha wondered if he would return since the next film supposedly had sound.  
  
While she was waiting, she heard a click, click, click and looked over to see an elderly woman coming down the aisle, walking with the aid of a Zimmer frame. She was tiny, not much more than four feet tall, chubby with a kind wrinkled face and snow white hair. Martha’s idea of the classic grandmother type. She had on a blue duster with flowers all over it and a white shawl covering that. On her feet were battered sea green house slippers. On the front of her Zimmer frame she had a wire basket that had a few items in them and also a large green bag that was tied to the front bar of the walker. The woman stopped beside her row and peered down it at her. She opened her mouth into a wide toothless grin before she turned her walker and began walking towards Martha.  
  
“Hello, Sweetie, I’m Esther, may I sit beside you?” she said sweetly.  
  
“Sure,” Martha said, transferring her food to the other side of her as Esther walked up.  
  
“Thank you, Sweetie, I hate sitting alone and you look like a nice girl,” she said, “What’s your name?”  
  
“Martha.”  
  
“Martha, nice to meet you,” she said.  
  
She reached into her basket and pulled out a glasses case. She opened it and took out heavy glasses with black frames that looked like they came from the 1960’s. She put them on and looked at Martha. Martha noticed the heavy lenses magnified her eyes until they were huge.  
  
“Can’t see without my second pair of eyes,” she quipped.  
  
She reached down into her large green bag and Martha was stunned when she pulled out a red booster seat that small children normally sat on to raise them up. She put it on the seat behind her, then reached back into the pouch, getting out a couple of small sacks of candy and a bottled water. Plopping onto the booster seat, she opened the sacks and offered them to Martha.  
  
“Licorice or jelly babies?” she said.  
  
“No thank you, I have my own food,” Martha said.  
  
Ester started to pop a jelly baby into her mouth and then chuckled.  
  
“I forgot my chompers,” she said sliding off the booster seat.  
  
She reached into her basket and pulled out another case. She opened it, took out her dentures, put them in, closed the case and sat back down.  
  
“There, much better,” Esther said as she picked up her sack of candy and began to eat it.  
  
While they were eating, the Jack bot came back into the room.  
  
“The film will start in a few minutes but first, some entertainment…”  
  
“Oh, I like this young man, he’s so handsome. A nice boy with a hot ass.”  
  
Martha was taken aback. Esther chuckled.  
  
“I may be old but I’m not dead, Sweetie,” she said with a wink.  
  
Suddenly, they heard a piano start to play and Old Time Rock and Roll blasted from a speaker overhead. To Martha’s great shock, Jack bot ripped off most of his clothes except for a long pink shirt and boxer shorts with smiley faces all over it. He jumped up on the organ bench and began to sing the song while other robots clad in the same attire came out of the exit behind him and began dancing and singing backup for him.  
  
“Wow, I’d give anything to see the real Jack do something like this,” Martha muttered to herself as Jack leaped down from the bench and began to prance around, imitating Tom Cruise’s moves while the backup dancers did likewise. Martha’s eyes bulged when Jack grabbed a blonde haired, blue eyed, muscular beefcake and began to grind with him while one man with black hair and grey eyes came up behind him, grabbed his ass and had simulated butt sex while they sang together.  
  
“Go!” Esther yelled at them. “Dance for me, you whores!”  
  
Martha gave her a shocked look but Esther only chuckled and gave her a wink before she focused her lustful gaze back on the dancers.  
  
“Shake that thang, you man whores!” Esther screamed at them.  
  
She noticed Martha’s shock again and giggled.  
  
“I’m sorry, I get carried away sometimes. You have any money on you so I can jam it into their underwear?”  
  
“Um…no,” Martha said.  
  
“Damn, I wanted to see if I could hire their services for a night.”  
  
Martha, repulsed by the thought of a robot orgy with an elderly robot lady, tried to ignore her and wait out Jack bot and the dancers who were very nearly on the verge of a robot orgy. Finally, after twenty minutes, the dancers stopped and Esther applauded enthusiastically as they took their bows and filed out. Once they were gone, the lights began to dim and Martha settled back in her seat as the coming attractions logo came up on the screen.  
  


1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 56. Chapter 67. Chapter 78. Chapter 89. Chapter 910. Chapter 1011. Chapter 1112. Chapter 1213. Chapter 1314. Chapter 1415. Chapter 1516. Chapter 1617. Chapter 1718. Chapter 1819. Chapter 1920. Chapter 2021. Chapter 2122. Chapter 2223. Chapter 2324. Chapter 2425. Chapter 2526. Chapter 2627. Chapter 2728. Chapter 2829. Chapter 2930. Chapter 3031. Chapter 3132. Chapter 3233. Chapter 3334. Chapter 3435. Chapter 3536. Chapter 3637. Chapter 37  
  
Doctor Who and its accoutrements are the property of the BBC, and we obviously don't have any right to them. Any and all crossover characters belong to their respective creators. Alas no one makes any money from this site, and it's all done out of love for a cheap-looking sci-fi show. All fics are property of their individual authors. Archival at this site should not be taken to constitute automatic archive rights elsewhere, and authors should be contacted individually to arrange further archiving. Despite occasional claims otherwise, The Blessed St Lalla Ward is not officially recognised by the Catholic Church. Yet.   
  
Script for this archive provided by [eFiction](http://efiction.sourceforge.net/). Contact our archivists at [help@whofic.com](mailto:help@whofic.com). Please read our [Terms of Service](http://www.whofic.com/tos.php) and [Submission Guidelines](http://www.whofic.com/guidelines.php). 


	33. Teaspoon :: The Scavenger Hunt. by cheri

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**The Scavenger Hunt.** by [cheri](http://www.whofic.com/viewuser.php?uid=1862) [[Reviews](http://www.whofic.com/reviews.php?sid=22661&chapid=91490) \- [81](http://www.whofic.com/reviews.php?sid=22661&chapid=91490)] [Chapter](http://www.whofic.com/viewstory.php?action=printable&textsize=0&sid=22661&chapter=33) **or** [Story](http://www.whofic.com/viewstory.php?action=printable&textsize=0&sid=22661&chapter=all)   
  
  
1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 56. Chapter 67. Chapter 78. Chapter 89. Chapter 910. Chapter 1011. Chapter 1112. Chapter 1213. Chapter 1314. Chapter 1415. Chapter 1516. Chapter 1617. Chapter 1718. Chapter 1819. Chapter 1920. Chapter 2021. Chapter 2122. Chapter 2223. Chapter 2324. Chapter 2425. Chapter 2526. Chapter 2627. Chapter 2728. Chapter 2829. Chapter 2930. Chapter 3031. Chapter 3132. Chapter 3233. Chapter 3334. Chapter 3435. Chapter 3536. Chapter 3637. Chapter 37

  
  
Chapter Thirty Three  
  
"The Doctor!" the first preview said as a large photo of his head filled up the movie screen. "The greatest man in the universe! Thrill to a full four hours of him and his exploits and then once it's done, ask yourself…IS THE DOCTOR, GOD?"  
  
Martha raised his eyebrow when the image changed to Michelangelo's Sistine Chapel painting of God touching Adam's finger. Except God's head was replaced by the Doctor. The preview ended and Martha shook her head.  
  
"Sounds like a boring film to me," she muttered.  
  
"Are you kidding? Four hours of that hot ass. Makes me wet just thinking about it."  
  
Martha gave Esther a long, hard stare when she smiled sweetly in return. She nearly jumped out of her seat when she heard the Doctor let out a loud, amplified scream. She jerked her head back to the screen and saw an image of the Doctor standing on the edge of a precipice just bellowing at the top of his lungs. For two minutes, Martha's ears were assaulted as the stereo sound amplified the aaaaaah the Doctor was screaming. Then suddenly he stopped and grinned a cheesy grin at the camera.  
  
"See what I just did? Talking loudly is forbidden in this cinema because it's very, very rude," he said. "So keep your gob shut or bad things will happen to you."  
  
"There's a difference between talking and screaming like a bloody banshee," Martha said to the screen.  
  
"And no mobiles are allowed," the screen Doctor said, holding one up. "Lord knows the last thing we want to hear is this…"  
  
He opened it up and Martha was shocked when he started loud pornographic breathing while his fingers danced over his crotch.  
  
"Yeah," screen Doctor said in a husky voice, "that's it, take your nightie off and touch your nipple. Do it, bitch!"  
  
He looked at the camera and folded up the mobile before throwing it off the precipice.  
  
"Yup, mobiles a no-no here and for God's sake, don't become so randy you have to rape the person next to you. We don't want to clean up the mess."  
  
"What the hell sort of cinema is this?" Martha said, shaking her head. "It's like the Doctor's amped up on meth or something."  
  
As if to confirm her theory, the Doctor rushed to the camera, opened his mouth up and Martha saw the inside of the Doctor's mouth while he breathed heavily and fogged up the lens.  
  
WE REGRET TO INFORM YOU THAT THE DOCTOR'S GONE OFF HIS ROCKER…AGAIN, a suddenly title card said when it flashed up on the screen. HE DOES THAT SOMETIMES SO YOU HAVE TO BE PATIENT WITH THE MAN.  
  
The title card disappeared and the Doctor had on a strait jacket while he ran around in a circle, clucking like a chicken. Martha let out a bored sigh and started to get up and leave when she suddenly saw the TARDIS logo and heard a fanfare playing. She sat back down and watched the Doctor while he drove down the street in his candy apple red Ferrari. Then something that sounded like the Theme to Shaft started to play while the Doctor drove and the words DOCTOR BADASS was superimposed over his face in big black lettering. Martha listened to the song while the Doctor drove his car.  
  
Doctor Badass, that's his name.  
Traveling time is this cool cat's game.  
He loves his women, he loves his booze.  
He wears converse trainers for his shoes.  
You may think Doctor Badass is a decent bloke.  
Someone with whom you can have a beer and a smoke.  
But don't let him fool ya, he's the man.  
He'll pop a cap in yo ass if he can.  
And kick yo dead ass back to Afghanistan.  
He's Doctor Badass, ya'll. Give him props!  
  
"Okay, that was stupid," Martha said as she watched the Doctor park his car beside a building.  
  
The Doctor got out, reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a pair of dark sunglasses. He reached into the car and pulled out an uzi. With a confident swagger, he went into the building which turned out to be the inside of a posh bank. Martha ate her popcorn and watched while the Doctor strutted until he was several feet away from a huge bank vault. He stood looking at it for a moment and Martha figured he was gonna rob the bank. Instead, he walked on, turned left after the teller counter and went into a tiny narrow corridor. The camera came in close and Martha noticed he was going into a men's restroom. Then the image shifted to the Doctor sitting on the bog, whistling while he took a shit with the uzi on his lap. Then the image shifted to the Doctor going back out and heading back towards the door. As he was walking towards the door, a small mousy security guard came up from behind and tapped him on the shoulder.  
  
"Yeah?" the Doctor said.  
  
"Do you have business here?" the security guard asked.  
  
"No, I did my business in your loo because I needed to. So fuck off, honkey. I'm Doctor Badass and I just took a dump in your toilet. There's no one that's badder than me."  
  
"What?" Martha said while the Doctor strolled out of the bank. "Yeah, you used a bank's loo without doing anything else, you're a real rebel alright, Doctor."  
  
The Doctor drove his Ferrari down the street while the instrumental version of his theme song played. Then he pulled up next to an alley, stopped the car and got out with the uzi. The Doctor walked over to the alley where Jack was slouched up against the wall.  
  
"You got the stuff?" the Doctor asked him.  
  
"Yeah, got the money?" Jack said in a gruff voice.  
  
"No, I never carry cash," the Doctor said.  
  
Martha paused in mid-chew when the two men just froze and stared at each other without saying anything else.  
  
"Okay…what happens next?" Martha said after a moment of silence.  
  
"You got the stuff?" the Doctor finally said.  
  
"Yeah, got the money?" Jack repeated.  
  
"No, I never carry cash."  
  
There followed another two minutes of silence.  
  
"This is the stupidest thing I've ever seen," Martha said.  
  
"Damn, what I wouldn't give to be in the middle of their naked man ho sandwich!"  
  
Martha rolled her eyes at Esther's remark, wishing the robot would go away or short out or do something.  
  
"You got the stuff?" the Doctor said again while Martha let out a long, ragged sigh.  
  
"Yeah, got the money?"  
  
"No, I never carry cash."  
  
To Martha's surprise, they went on with the scene instead of just staring at each other like a couple of idiots.  
  
"What do you propose we do then if you have no money?" Jack asked.  
  
The Doctor raised his uzi, shot a single bullet into his head, grabbed the small brown paper sack Jack had for him and calmly walked back to the car while Jack's body slumped against the wall of the alley. He screeched his tires and zoomed off seconds before the hole closed up, Jack woke up and cursed at the Doctor for shooting him for the zillionth time without paying for the merchandise.  
  
The image cut back to the Doctor driving his car. He suddenly slammed on the brakes, causing Martha to grit her teeth at the stereo sound enhanced screech of the tires. He stopped next to Donna who was standing up against a wall, clad in trashy hooker clothes. The Doctor got out, walked up to her, slapped the shit out of her face and got back in the car, zooming off while Donna rubbed her face.  
  
"It's been a productive day so far," a voiceover said while the Doctor drove. "Doctor Badass took a dump in a bank without doing anything else, got his stuff from his usual dealer and he just slapped his stinkin' ho up because she don't work hard enough. Surely he is the biggest badass alien mofo in the universe."  
  
"Yeah, leaving now, I've seen enough of Doctor Badass," Martha said, getting up.  
  
"Wait, Sweetie, the film's not over yet," Esther said, alarmed.  
  
"It is for me. You stare at your man hos and get off on them. I'll be on my way," Martha said, throwing her popcorn down into the seat and walking off.  
  
"Wait!" Esther said while Martha ignored her, walked out of the theater and went to find the rest of her friends before something else came along that threatened to drive her insane.  
  


1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 56. Chapter 67. Chapter 78. Chapter 89. Chapter 910. Chapter 1011. Chapter 1112. Chapter 1213. Chapter 1314. Chapter 1415. Chapter 1516. Chapter 1617. Chapter 1718. Chapter 1819. Chapter 1920. Chapter 2021. Chapter 2122. Chapter 2223. Chapter 2324. Chapter 2425. Chapter 2526. Chapter 2627. Chapter 2728. Chapter 2829. Chapter 2930. Chapter 3031. Chapter 3132. Chapter 3233. Chapter 3334. Chapter 3435. Chapter 3536. Chapter 3637. Chapter 37  
  
Doctor Who and its accoutrements are the property of the BBC, and we obviously don't have any right to them. Any and all crossover characters belong to their respective creators. Alas no one makes any money from this site, and it's all done out of love for a cheap-looking sci-fi show. All fics are property of their individual authors. Archival at this site should not be taken to constitute automatic archive rights elsewhere, and authors should be contacted individually to arrange further archiving. Despite occasional claims otherwise, The Blessed St Lalla Ward is not officially recognised by the Catholic Church. Yet.   
  
Script for this archive provided by [eFiction](http://efiction.sourceforge.net/). Contact our archivists at [help@whofic.com](mailto:help@whofic.com). Please read our [Terms of Service](http://www.whofic.com/tos.php) and [Submission Guidelines](http://www.whofic.com/guidelines.php). 


	34. Teaspoon :: The Scavenger Hunt. by cheri

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**The Scavenger Hunt.** by [cheri](http://www.whofic.com/viewuser.php?uid=1862) [[Reviews](http://www.whofic.com/reviews.php?sid=22661&chapid=91920) \- [81](http://www.whofic.com/reviews.php?sid=22661&chapid=91920)] [Chapter](http://www.whofic.com/viewstory.php?action=printable&textsize=0&sid=22661&chapter=34) **or** [Story](http://www.whofic.com/viewstory.php?action=printable&textsize=0&sid=22661&chapter=all)   
  
  
1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 56. Chapter 67. Chapter 78. Chapter 89. Chapter 910. Chapter 1011. Chapter 1112. Chapter 1213. Chapter 1314. Chapter 1415. Chapter 1516. Chapter 1617. Chapter 1718. Chapter 1819. Chapter 1920. Chapter 2021. Chapter 2122. Chapter 2223. Chapter 2324. Chapter 2425. Chapter 2526. Chapter 2627. Chapter 2728. Chapter 2829. Chapter 2930. Chapter 3031. Chapter 3132. Chapter 3233. Chapter 3334. Chapter 3435. Chapter 3536. Chapter 3637. Chapter 37

  
  
Chapter Thirty Four  
  
"Let me out!" Donna screamed as she pounded on the door that led into the Fairy Tale room. "Come on, Doctor, let me the hell out! This isn't funny!"  
  
She had managed to escape the Princess and the Pea room but now the door to Sleeping Beauty was standing wide open, beckoning her in which was the last thing she wanted. She had been pounding on the door for the last twenty minutes screaming for the Doctor or Rose or Donna or anyone to come and rescue her. But so far, no luck. She considered running into the Sleeping Beauty room to see if she could find something to pick the lock but she knew the moment she stepped inside, the door would close and she'd be trapped even further. So she kept on yelling and screaming hoping someone would hear her.  
  
Meanwhile, Martha was also looking for her friends. She was trying to navigate the TARDIS corridors but there were so many doors, she wasn't sure where to begin. Finally, she had the idea that maybe she could ask the ship to move herself around so she could find someone. That's when she sensed someone behind her at the same time she heard a click, click, click and she turned to see Esther following her with her walking frame. She sighed angrily.  
  
"Look, go away, I'm not watching any more of that naff film," Martha said to her.  
  
"I'm afraid we can't let you wander the halls like this, Sweetie," Esther said in a sickeningly sweet voice.  
  
"Oh yeah, and what are you gonna do about it?"  
  
Her eyes widened when Esther reached into her pouch, took out a revolver and pointed it at her. Martha gasped and she sprinted away when Esther left the walking frame behind and started shooting at her while she pursued her.  
  
Meanwhile, the Doctor and Rose were having the same problem as Donna. They tried everything they could think of to get out of the room but they weren't having any luck. The Doctor pounded his fist against the door while he let out a frustrated yell.  
  
"I swear once I get out of here, I'm gonna rip those robots limb by mechanical limb," he said.  
  
"What about the TARDIS, can't she help us?" Rose asked.  
  
"I tried asking her but I think the robots used my memories to block her from doing it. Believe me, she's been trying to contain these insane bots for several hours now and she's having no luck. I think we're on our own. We'll probably have to wait till your other self comes back in here and try to ambush her somehow. Though I'm sure she's expecting that. If only I could get one of my robots to assist us…"  
  
He trailed off and thought for a moment. He looked up at the ceiling.  
  
"Girl, can you try to summon one of our bots to come and get us out? I know you can't assist us directly but perhaps you can do that indirectly?"  
  
The TARDIS grunted out a reply and the Doctor took Rose's hand and they sat back down on the bed. The Doctor put the curtain back over his exposed parts while they waited to see if the TARDIS could help them.  
  
Meanwhile, the Rose bot was in the console room, staring at the console and running her hand along the rim.  
  
"At last, we have control of his ship," she said. "And once we've eliminated him and his beloved companions, we can use this ship to go to any point in time and space and spread out all over the universe. Then the Cybomats will rule…"  
  
She paused when she heard the TARDIS groaning and laughed.  
  
"Still trying to help them? You're powerless, accept it!" she said to the ceiling. "I've blocked you from helping your master and now all you can do is just watch as I torture him and his friends to death. Then once they are dead and gone, I and my brother and sisters will rewire you and make you our slave."  
  
But unbeknownst to the Rose bot, the TARDIS managed to make contact with all the bots that the Doctor had originally programmed for his TARDIS and she managed to give them instructions to fight the other bots and save the Doctor, Rose, Martha and Donna even if it meant sacrificing themselves. All over the TARDIS, the Doctor's robots stirred and began to leave their rooms in their search for the Doctor and his companions.  
  
Martha gasped for air as she opened a door and went inside a room. For one heart stopping moment, she was terrified it'd be another wacky robot thing but it was just a storage cupboard. She closed the door; trying to keep her breathing quiet while she listened for Esther. She had managed to get enough of a head start on her that she didn't see her run around the corner and go into the room but she figured that the robot would probably start searching all the rooms and find her eventually. She clicked on the light in the cupboard and found an old coat hanging up. She stuffed it against the crack under the door so no light could get out before she examined the contents of the room, hoping to find something to use against the robot.  
  
Donna was exhausted. She stopped pounding on the door, her throat now hoarse from screaming. She stepped back and looked at the door, her spirits shrinking when she realized she might have to go into the Sleeping Beauty room and go through it in order to get out. But then, to her surprise, she heard the front door unlocking. She stepped back further, preparing herself in case it was another insane robot but the door opened and she saw the smiling face of the gift shop proprietor.  
  
"I noticed you were stuck, Miss, and I came to free you," he said to her.  
  
"Oh, thank God, I'm glad you did. Do you know where the Doctor, Martha and Rose are?"  
  
"No, Miss, but if you follow me, I think we can find them together."  
  
"Sounds good to me," Donna said, walking out of the room. "I just wanna find the Doctor and get an explanation about all this."  
  
"There are rogue robots on the loose, Miss, the TARDIS told me about them."  
  
"Oh yeah?" Donna said.  
  
While they walked, the shop owner filled her in on what was happening.  
  
Meanwhile, Martha heard Esther opening and closing doors near her.  
  
"Where are you, you bitch?" Esther said as she closed a door. "You're not gonna get away from me. You humans are no match for the Cybomats and I swear you're gonna die like the pathetic weakling you are."  
  
"Cybomats?" Martha whispered to herself.  
  
She had managed to find a black bowling ball. It was the only thing she could think of to defend herself with. She figured if Esther opened the door, she might have enough time to rush out and possibly slam it down on her head and render her inoperative. It was a long shot but it was the only hope she had right now. She heard Esther open the door beside her and she tensed her muscles, preparing for her to open hers next. She gripped the ball tightly and raised it slightly over her head when she heard her closing the door and moving on. She saw the doorknob turning and she kicked the coat away so there would be no barrier between her and the bot. Then suddenly, she heard someone else outside with Esther and the doorknob stopped turning.  
  
"Who are you?" she heard Esther saying. "Get away from me, you son of a bitch!"  
  
"Doctor! You found me!" Martha said in a hushed voice.  
  
Then she heard the sound of metal hitting metal and gasped when something got slammed up against the door. Then something was slammed up against the door again, slightly cracking it. Then there was silence and Martha felt her heart running nearly out of her chest. Then she saw the doorknob turning again and she readied herself. When the door opened though, it wasn't Esther but the ice cream shop proprietor who was smiling at her.  
  
"Hello again," he said, bowing. "The TARDIS summoned me, thought you might need help."  
  
"Yes, I do," Martha said, putting the ball down.  
  
She saw past him and saw Esther was lying in a heap, her head slightly smashed in and smoking while sparks came out of it. Overjoyed, she threw her arms around the ice cream shop proprietor who chuckled and hugged her back.  
  
"Can you take me to the Doctor and Rose and Donna?" Martha asked.  
  
"I shall certainly try, Miss. Just follow me and we'll find them."  
  
"Thank God," Martha said as she turned off the cupboard light and shut the door.  
  
The Doctor and Rose looked up when they heard something at the door. The Doctor stood up and squeezed Rose's shoulder.  
  
"Let me handle this," he said to her.  
  
Then suddenly, they both heard something ramming the door. Rose jumped up and the two of them headed to the back of the room while the door was continually rammed. They stood in the corner, watching as the door cracked and bent and finally with one more hard ram, it fell into the room and both the Doctor and Rose were shocked to see Lungwei peering in at them.  
  
"Oh yes!" the Doctor said while Rose breathed a sigh of relief. "I knew you could do it, Old Girl. Thank you for summoning my robots to help us. And now that we have Lungwei here, I think it's time to go find that evil version of you and her friends and put them out of commission once and for all!"  
  


1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 56. Chapter 67. Chapter 78. Chapter 89. Chapter 910. Chapter 1011. Chapter 1112. Chapter 1213. Chapter 1314. Chapter 1415. Chapter 1516. Chapter 1617. Chapter 1718. Chapter 1819. Chapter 1920. Chapter 2021. Chapter 2122. Chapter 2223. Chapter 2324. Chapter 2425. Chapter 2526. Chapter 2627. Chapter 2728. Chapter 2829. Chapter 2930. Chapter 3031. Chapter 3132. Chapter 3233. Chapter 3334. Chapter 3435. Chapter 3536. Chapter 3637. Chapter 37  
  
Doctor Who and its accoutrements are the property of the BBC, and we obviously don't have any right to them. Any and all crossover characters belong to their respective creators. Alas no one makes any money from this site, and it's all done out of love for a cheap-looking sci-fi show. All fics are property of their individual authors. Archival at this site should not be taken to constitute automatic archive rights elsewhere, and authors should be contacted individually to arrange further archiving. Despite occasional claims otherwise, The Blessed St Lalla Ward is not officially recognised by the Catholic Church. Yet.   
  
Script for this archive provided by [eFiction](http://efiction.sourceforge.net/). Contact our archivists at [help@whofic.com](mailto:help@whofic.com). Please read our [Terms of Service](http://www.whofic.com/tos.php) and [Submission Guidelines](http://www.whofic.com/guidelines.php). 


	35. Teaspoon :: The Scavenger Hunt. by cheri

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[Tenth Doctor](http://www.whofic.com/categories.php?catid=15)  
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**The Scavenger Hunt.** by [cheri](http://www.whofic.com/viewuser.php?uid=1862) [[Reviews](http://www.whofic.com/reviews.php?sid=22661&chapid=100640) \- [81](http://www.whofic.com/reviews.php?sid=22661&chapid=100640)] [Chapter](http://www.whofic.com/viewstory.php?action=printable&textsize=0&sid=22661&chapter=35) **or** [Story](http://www.whofic.com/viewstory.php?action=printable&textsize=0&sid=22661&chapter=all)   
  
  
1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 56. Chapter 67. Chapter 78. Chapter 89. Chapter 910. Chapter 1011. Chapter 1112. Chapter 1213. Chapter 1314. Chapter 1415. Chapter 1516. Chapter 1617. Chapter 1718. Chapter 1819. Chapter 1920. Chapter 2021. Chapter 2122. Chapter 2223. Chapter 2324. Chapter 2425. Chapter 2526. Chapter 2627. Chapter 2728. Chapter 2829. Chapter 2930. Chapter 3031. Chapter 3132. Chapter 3233. Chapter 3334. Chapter 3435. Chapter 3536. Chapter 3637. Chapter 37

  
  
Chapter Thirty Five  
  
"So, these other robots have been overrunning the ship?" Donna said to the shop keeper robot when he finished telling her what was going on.  
  
They were running through the corridors trying to find Martha, Rose and the Doctor. So far they hadn't been to find them but they had seen several smashed Cybomats lying in pieces on the floor which gave Donna some hope that the evil robots were being defeated.  
  
"So this whole fairy tale simulation I was trapped in, it was fake?" Donna said to the shop keeper.  
  
"Yes, Miss. I suspect it was one of the ways these renegade robots were trying to kill you and the others."  
  
"Well, they better not have killed the others or I'll rip them apart with my bare hands," Donna snarled.  
  
She stopped short when the shopkeeper suddenly stopped. The robot held up his hand when Donna started to ask him what was wrong.  
  
"I sense someone is coming, Miss," he said.  
  
"Those robot things?" Donna said.  
  
"Not sure. Stay here, I'll check and see if it's safe to proceed."  
  
"What? What if one of them finds me and attacks while you're gone? I don't have anything to defend myself with."  
  
"I won't go far, Miss. Just yell if you need me and I'll return."  
  
"Yes, but how fast can you run…"  
  
Donna trailed off when the robot ignore her and ran up the corridor. She sighed, folded her arms across her chest and leaned up against the roundel covered wall.  
  
"Hmmm…wonder if the male robots have bollocks I can kick?" she mused while she watched the robot run into the next corridor. "S'pose I can try to wrench the thing's head off. I just hope I find the Doctor before those things find me. One thing's for sure, this is the last time we go on a blinkin' scavenger hunt in here."  
  
She waited a few more minutes and sighed when there was no sign of the shop keeper. Throwing up her hands she decided to go off on her own in search of her friends.  
  
"I might as well look since one of those Cybomat things can pick me off while I'm standing here," she muttered as she walked down the corridor.  
  
She was nearly to the end of the corridor when she suddenly saw a huge shadow on the floor. The shadow was coming from the other corridor so she froze and flattened herself against the wall. She muttered a soft curse about how she didn't have any weapons on her while she watched the shadow get bigger and bigger. Then to her astonishment, an enormous dragon's head appeared. She watched, slack-jawed, as the dragon turned and flew down her corridor. It ignored her as it passed by but Donna's jaw dropped even further when she saw the Doctor and Rose flying on its back. They were looking away from here and didn't notice she was there so Donna raised her fingers to her lips and blew a shrill whistle. The Doctor stiffened and ordered the dragon to stop before he and Rose looked over their shoulders.  
  
"I see your whistle is still in good working order," the Doctor said.  
  
"WHAT…IS…THAT!" Donna yelled as she jabbed her finger at the dragon.  
  
"This is Lungwei, my magic dragon friend. He came and saved us when Rose's robot duplicate locked us in a room. Need a lift?"  
  
"You're riding on a bleedin' DRAGON!" Donna said.  
  
"I know. Don't worry, he's harmless, isn't he, Rose?"  
  
"Yeah, get on," Rose said, beckoning to her.  
  
Donna shook her head.  
  
"I can't believe you've gotten to the point where riding a dragon is a perfectly normal thing for you," she said to Rose while she walked towards her.  
  
The Doctor ordered Lungwei to lower himself to the ground and Rose helped Donna get on behind her once he was on the ground. When she was ready, the Doctor ordered Lungwei to rise and they flew off. While they flew, Donna told them about her experiences. The Doctor snickered when she told them about the haunted house and being trapped with his double during the cooking show.  
  
"It's not funny, that…thing nearly killed me," Donna said angrily when he couldn't stop laughing.  
  
"I know and I'm sorry about the laughter but...you have to admit these Cybomats are extremely creative," he said.  
  
"Yeah, well, I've had my fill of robots for awhile," Donna said.  
  
The Doctor ordered Lungwei to slow down when they suddenly heard gunfire in the distance.  
  
"Ought oh, that doesn't sound good. Come on, Lungwei, let's investigate!" the Doctor said, patting him twice on the head.  
  
The dragon followed the sound of the gunshots, weaving his way in and out of the corridors. Suddenly, the Doctor heard Martha yelling at someone to run faster and he ordered his dragon to go faster. Everyone hung on while Lungwei sped up. After a minute, they turned one corridor and saw Martha at the other end running with the ice cream shop robot. Martha's eyes bulged out of her head.  
  
"You've gotta be joking. They're using dragons now?" she yelled out.  
  
"Martha, it's me, the real Doctor. Get out of the way!" the Doctor said when Esther rounded the corner and fired her gun at Martha.  
  
Martha and the ice cream shop robot slammed down onto the floor while the Doctor ordered Lungwei to destroy Esther. Esther gasped when Lungwei roared and zoomed towards her. She turned and ran back the way she came while Lungwei followed her.  
  
"I'll teach you lot to shoot at my friends!" the Doctor yelled as Lungwei chased Esther. "You have made me very, very cross and for that, you must pay!"  
  
Lungwei put on a burst of speed and opened his massive jaws. Esther screamed when the dragon finally caught up to her, closed its jaws on her middle and snapped her in two. He slowed down and spit out the top half of Esther while everyone looked at the remains. Esther had a shocked look on her frozen face while the wiring sticking out of her snapped and crackled.  
  
"Told ya," the Doctor said. "It's not wise to mess with me or my friends."  
  
Lungwei backed up until he got to a side corridor. He backed into it and used that to turn around and go back to Martha. By the time they reached her, Martha was standing and waiting for them with her robot friend.  
  
"Now I've seen everything," Martha said with a shake of her head. "I'm assuming this is one of yours then since you lot are still alive?"  
  
"Lungwei is a good dragon," the Doctor said, patting his head.  
  
Martha came up beside the Doctor and froze when she noticed he had nothing on his body except a bed curtain that was wrapped around his groin.  
  
"You're naked," Martha said.  
  
"Yeah, tell me about it," Donna said, rolling her eyes.  
  
"Yes, I was de-clothed by a Rose Cybomat and Rose and I were locked in a room until Lungwei freed us. Haven't had time to go back to the wardrobe room yet since I was searching for you lot. But now that I've found everything, I can go get a fresh set of clothes and then we'll finish off these Cybomats once and for all. So climb aboard."  
  
As Lungwei lowered, the Doctor thanked her robot protector and asked him to search for other Cybomats and destroy them. The robot nodded and with a salute he went back the way they came.  
  
"I'm hoping my robots have dispatched most of the Cybomats by now," the Doctor said to his companions once Martha was aboard and Lungwei was in the air. "However, I'm betting the Rose Cybomat is still around and mucking with my TARDIS."  
  
Just then, they heard the cloister bell boom out overhead and the Doctor groaned.  
  
"Yup, I have a feeling she's still alive and kicking," he said.  
  
"That's the sound the TARDIS made when the Master made her into the paradox machine," Martha said.  
  
"Yes, it means the TARDIS is in trouble and it's up to us to find and destroy the last remaining Cybomats before she dies. Lungwei, take me to the wardrobe room so I can throw something on and then it's off to battle!"  
  


1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 56. Chapter 67. Chapter 78. Chapter 89. Chapter 910. Chapter 1011. Chapter 1112. Chapter 1213. Chapter 1314. Chapter 1415. Chapter 1516. Chapter 1617. Chapter 1718. Chapter 1819. Chapter 1920. Chapter 2021. Chapter 2122. Chapter 2223. Chapter 2324. Chapter 2425. Chapter 2526. Chapter 2627. Chapter 2728. Chapter 2829. Chapter 2930. Chapter 3031. Chapter 3132. Chapter 3233. Chapter 3334. Chapter 3435. Chapter 3536. Chapter 3637. Chapter 37  
  
Doctor Who and its accoutrements are the property of the BBC, and we obviously don't have any right to them. Any and all crossover characters belong to their respective creators. Alas no one makes any money from this site, and it's all done out of love for a cheap-looking sci-fi show. All fics are property of their individual authors. Archival at this site should not be taken to constitute automatic archive rights elsewhere, and authors should be contacted individually to arrange further archiving. Despite occasional claims otherwise, The Blessed St Lalla Ward is not officially recognised by the Catholic Church. Yet.   
  
Script for this archive provided by [eFiction](http://efiction.sourceforge.net/). Contact our archivists at [help@whofic.com](mailto:help@whofic.com). Please read our [Terms of Service](http://www.whofic.com/tos.php) and [Submission Guidelines](http://www.whofic.com/guidelines.php). 


	36. Teaspoon :: The Scavenger Hunt. by cheri

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[Tenth Doctor](http://www.whofic.com/categories.php?catid=15)  
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**The Scavenger Hunt.** by [cheri](http://www.whofic.com/viewuser.php?uid=1862) [[Reviews](http://www.whofic.com/reviews.php?sid=22661&chapid=100666) \- [81](http://www.whofic.com/reviews.php?sid=22661&chapid=100666)] [Chapter](http://www.whofic.com/viewstory.php?action=printable&textsize=0&sid=22661&chapter=36) **or** [Story](http://www.whofic.com/viewstory.php?action=printable&textsize=0&sid=22661&chapter=all)   
  
  
1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 56. Chapter 67. Chapter 78. Chapter 89. Chapter 910. Chapter 1011. Chapter 1112. Chapter 1213. Chapter 1314. Chapter 1415. Chapter 1516. Chapter 1617. Chapter 1718. Chapter 1819. Chapter 1920. Chapter 2021. Chapter 2122. Chapter 2223. Chapter 2324. Chapter 2425. Chapter 2526. Chapter 2627. Chapter 2728. Chapter 2829. Chapter 2930. Chapter 3031. Chapter 3132. Chapter 3233. Chapter 3334. Chapter 3435. Chapter 3536. Chapter 3637. Chapter 37

  
  
Chapter Thirty Six  
  
The Rose Cybomat smirked when she heard the cloister bell.  
  
"Oh, I'm sorry, am I hurting you?" she said with sickening sweetness.  
  
She was standing at the console, the front of her body open and a metal cord plugged into the TARDIS. After subduing it, she decided to drain off the TARDIS's energy into her body so she could become more powerful than she ever dreamed. Now the TARDIS was dying as he power drained into the Cybomat.  
  
"I sense you're dying but don't worry, I'll let you live, although I'll drain off enough energy to weaken you and keep you under my control. Then with the rest of the energy, I'll use it to conquer all of time and space."  
  
"Thank you, now that I know what you're doing, I can stop you."  
  
Rose Cybomat jerked her head around when the Doctor strolled through the back door.  
  
"You're damaging my ship, you know," he said.  
  
He noticed Rose was staring at the blue bathrobe he was wearing and pointed to it.  
  
"Now see, I didn't have time to get properly dressed because of you, I had to run to the wardrobe room and put this on. Bit drafty but beats standing around in the altogether. Anyway, as I was saying, you're hurting my ship and I'd like you to stop it, otherwise we might get this relationship of our started off on the wrong foot."  
  
"You can't stop me!" Rose Cybomat said, pointing to the cord. "I have the energy of your ship inside me and I'm more powerful than you'll ever be, you pathetic soppy Time Lord!"  
  
"Soppy? You and your friends are the one running around my ship creating weird scenarios involving me and my companions. Having sex and pinching each other bums and boobies and staging weird cooking programs which actually sounded quite amusing. As I told Donna, and I mean the actual Donna, you lot do have imagination. However, I will not having you turn my TARDIS into some sort of perverted porn theater. And I certainly won't let you have my ship's power so unplug that cord before I do it for you."  
  
While the Doctor was talking to Rose Cybomat, the others were just inside the back door, standing in the corridor listening to the conversation. Lungwei was resting nearby. They had decided to try to lure the Rose Cybomat to the door so Lungwei could attack her. Donna was nearest the door while Martha stood behind her and Rose stood at the rear. All of them were so intent in listening to the Doctor that they didn't see someone coming up beside Rose. Rose felt a hand on her shoulder and gasped as she turned around.  
  
"Easy," the Ninth Doctor said, holding up his hands. "It's only me."  
  
Rose was speechless at seeing the former incarnation of the Doctor and she fought the emotions rising within her. Donna came up beside her friend.  
  
"Who are you?" Donna said.  
  
"I'm the Doctor, who are you?" Nine retorted.  
  
"I'm Donna, I'm the Doctor's companion."  
  
"No, you're not, I never let you into this TARDIS," Nine said.  
  
"Whatever, are you one of the TARDIS robots?" Donna said softly.  
  
"I'm the Doctor and yes, this is my TARDIS. What'd ya mean, robot?" he said.  
  
"Never mind," Donna said. "Can you sort out what's wrong with the TARDIS so she won't die?"  
  
"Dunno, I haven't taken a look at what's going on. I've been dispatching robots and I turned the corner and saw Rose standing here so I thought I'd come over here and make sure she was okay. Are you okay, Rose?"  
  
Rose swallowed hard, her eyes misty as she nodded.  
  
"Good, so what's going on and why is there a bloody great dragon behind me?"  
  
The three companions quickly and quietly explained the situation. Nine nodded and when they were finished, walked past them. He took a quick peek out the door and then he stood ramrod straight and closed his eyes. The companions watched in confusion while he stood there with eyes closed. Then a few moments later, he opened his eyes and took another peek out the door. He looked at the women.  
  
"I telepathically told the TARDIS to tell my other self to position this fake Rose so her back is towards the door. And he did it. And by the way, that's what I regenerate into? What the hell happened to my hair, did I get hit by lightening just before I died? Anyway, you lot stay here and mind the dragon so it doesn't leave building sized feces on my floors, I'll sort this out."  
  
Before they could say anything else, the Nine robot slipped out the door. Once he was gone, the women took up their positions at the door so they could watch. They watched while Nine crept towards the console while Ten kept Rose Cybomat's back turned and chatted with her so he could keep her distracted. Martha glanced at Rose and saw her wet cheeks.  
  
"Hey, you okay?" Martha whispered to her.  
  
"Yeah. Just got a bit emotional. He's the first version of the Doctor I traveled with and it took a long time to get used to our Doctor so I still miss him a bit. I'm fine."  
  
Martha nodded and patted her on the shoulder. They went back to watching the Nine Robot and noticed he was almost to the console.  
  
Rose Cybomat sighed. For the last five minutes, the Doctor had been trying to sweet talk her into surrendering to him and she was getting annoyed.  
  
"My patience is wearing thin, Doctor," she finally said, cutting him off in mid sentence.  
  
"I'm just saying that you and I could make a terrific team, love," the Doctor said. "Why kill me when you could be partners with the greatest Time Lord in the universe?"  
  
Rose Cybomat snorted at that and shook her head.  
  
"Your ego is unbelievable," she said to the Doctor.  
  
"And yours isn't? You're standing here siphoning all the power of the TARDIS into yourself. Do you know what happened when the real Rose tried to do that? It wasn't pretty," the Doctor said. "Besides, if I'm going to be your slave we might as well make this arrangement work, eh?"  
  
"Who said you were going to be my slave? You and your idiot companions are going to die."  
  
"Now, now, it doesn't have to come to that. I'm sure we can work something out. After all, you and your friends seem to like sex, right? I mean, you've been running around my TARDIS being perverted so…you and me? I have had many lovers throughout the centuries, everyone from Boudicca who was a bit tense and combative in bed to Cleopatra who had a fetish for snakes to Lizzy the 1st who smelled a bit but incense helped with that and…"  
  
He trailed off when he noticed the confused look on Cybomat Rose's face. He smirked at her.  
  
"Something wrong, love?" he said sweetly.  
  
"The power source, I feel it draining back into the TARDIS," she replied.  
  
"Oh really? Wonder why that's happening then," the Doctor said.  
  
Rose Cybomat stared at the innocent look on her face. Then her head slowly turned to the right and her eyes bulged when she saw the Nine robot standing on the other side of the console.  
  
"Hello," Nine said, giving her a cheerful wave. "While my other self was chatting with you, I noticed that the TARDIS's power seemed to be draining away so I busied myself and fixed it so you didn't have to be pulled away from your conversation."  
  
"You!" Rose Cybomat growled at him. "I should have ordered all the TARDIS robots dismantled the moment we got inside here."  
  
"Aw, now Rose, is that any way to talk to me?" Nine said. "After all we've been through, you can't even say a polite little hello? And you want to dismantle me? I'm hurt."  
  
Suddenly, Nine's face darkened and he moved slowly around the console.  
  
"And speaking of being hurt and dismantled," Nine growled at him. "I think it's time for you to land up on the scrap heap."  
  


1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 56. Chapter 67. Chapter 78. Chapter 89. Chapter 910. Chapter 1011. Chapter 1112. Chapter 1213. Chapter 1314. Chapter 1415. Chapter 1516. Chapter 1617. Chapter 1718. Chapter 1819. Chapter 1920. Chapter 2021. Chapter 2122. Chapter 2223. Chapter 2324. Chapter 2425. Chapter 2526. Chapter 2627. Chapter 2728. Chapter 2829. Chapter 2930. Chapter 3031. Chapter 3132. Chapter 3233. Chapter 3334. Chapter 3435. Chapter 3536. Chapter 3637. Chapter 37  
  
Doctor Who and its accoutrements are the property of the BBC, and we obviously don't have any right to them. Any and all crossover characters belong to their respective creators. Alas no one makes any money from this site, and it's all done out of love for a cheap-looking sci-fi show. All fics are property of their individual authors. Archival at this site should not be taken to constitute automatic archive rights elsewhere, and authors should be contacted individually to arrange further archiving. Despite occasional claims otherwise, The Blessed St Lalla Ward is not officially recognised by the Catholic Church. Yet.   
  
Script for this archive provided by [eFiction](http://efiction.sourceforge.net/). Contact our archivists at [help@whofic.com](mailto:help@whofic.com). Please read our [Terms of Service](http://www.whofic.com/tos.php) and [Submission Guidelines](http://www.whofic.com/guidelines.php). 


	37. Teaspoon :: The Scavenger Hunt. by cheri

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**The Scavenger Hunt.** by [cheri](http://www.whofic.com/viewuser.php?uid=1862) [[Reviews](http://www.whofic.com/reviews.php?sid=22661&chapid=100669) \- [81](http://www.whofic.com/reviews.php?sid=22661&chapid=100669)] [Chapter](http://www.whofic.com/viewstory.php?action=printable&textsize=0&sid=22661&chapter=37) **or** [Story](http://www.whofic.com/viewstory.php?action=printable&textsize=0&sid=22661&chapter=all)   
  
  
1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 56. Chapter 67. Chapter 78. Chapter 89. Chapter 910. Chapter 1011. Chapter 1112. Chapter 1213. Chapter 1314. Chapter 1415. Chapter 1516. Chapter 1617. Chapter 1718. Chapter 1819. Chapter 1920. Chapter 2021. Chapter 2122. Chapter 2223. Chapter 2324. Chapter 2425. Chapter 2526. Chapter 2627. Chapter 2728. Chapter 2829. Chapter 2930. Chapter 3031. Chapter 3132. Chapter 3233. Chapter 3334. Chapter 3435. Chapter 3536. Chapter 3637. Chapter 37

  
  
Chapter Thirty Seven  
  
Rose quickly pulled the cord out of the hole in the console. It slid back up inside her and she slammed the door while Nine walked up in front of her and tensed his muscles. The Doctor watched with fascination while the two robots stared each other down and then suddenly Nine threw a punch, knocking Rose Cybomat backwards. Rose Cybomat howled at him and the two robots began fighting furiously, throwing punches and grappling with each other. Nine decked Rose Cybomat and she slammed down onto the grate while Nine followed her down and tried to wrench her head off her body. Rose Cybomat managed to throw him off her but he recovered and pulled her back down to the grate as she was trying to get up. While they were fighting, Ten looked over at the back door, caught Rose's eye and beckoned to her. He held up three fingers, pointed to her and then beckoned. Rose, understanding, told Martha and Donna to follow her and all three of them slowly walked into the console room, their eyes on Nine and Rose Cybomat while they continued to punch and grapple with one another. Rose Cybomat spied them, kicked Nine off her body and tried to get at them. But Nine leapt up and grabbed her from behind.  
  
"Oh no, you don't!" Nine said, punching her face. "Get by her quickly."  
  
The three companions sprinted around her and ran towards Ten.  
  
"Help me, we need to stabilize the TARDIS and undo what that thing did to her. I need help doing the sequence and the four of us can do it faster," the Doctor said to them.  
  
He quickly arranged them around the TARDIS in key spots.  
  
"Okay, girl, direct us to undo what she did to you," Ten said aloud.  
  
The TARDIS telepathically directed him and the Doctor directed his companions, each of them working the controls while Nine tried to subdue Rose's counterpart. Donna gasped when during their fight, the Cybomat slammed Nine up against the console inches away from her.  
  
"Watch it, will ya?" Donna said to Nine.  
  
"Why are you yelling at me? I'm on the receiving end of this!" Nine yelled back before he shoved Rose Cybomat away from him and punched her face.  
  
The Doctor sighed and asked the TARDIS to send some help for his robot counterpart so they could finish the fight faster. The TARDIS grunted. There was a flash and a Jack robot suddenly appeared in the room. Nine looked at him.  
  
"Jack, help me!" he yelled.  
  
"Asskicking coming right up!" Jack yelled as he rushed over to the combatants.  
  
Rose Cybomat growled at Jack and flung herself away from Nine just before Jack could punch her. Nine and Jack looked at each other and ran towards her as she tried to run towards the back door.  
  
"What about the other Cybomats?" Martha said as they finished up the sequence. "Doesn't that mean the others might come to help the Rose robot?"  
  
"Maybe, but I have a feeling the other Cybomats are mostly likely dispatched or nearly so. I think Rosie there is the last to go and…"  
  
He giggled when Rose Cybomat let out a scream the moment she ran through the door followed by a roar.  
  
"Oh, sorry, forgot to mention there's a dragon back there, darling! Sorry about that!" Ten yelled while the three women snickered.  
  
He laughed with his companions when Rose Cybomat ran screaming into the room while Lungwei stuck his head through the doorway and roared at her. Then the TARDIS opened the door wide enough to let the dragon in and Nine and Jack watched gleefully while Lungwei zoomed to the robot and caught her in its powerful jaws. The Doctor finished pushing a button and breathed a sigh of relief when the cloister bell stopped and room fell silent.  
  
"There we go, good as new," the Doctor said, patting the console. "Thank you, my companions for your assistance."  
  
The three women nodded and followed him as he stuck his hands in his pockets and walked towards Lungwei.  
  
"And you, you seem to be in a bit of a bind," the Doctor said as he came up to the dragon's head.  
  
"You won't get away with this. You haven't heard the last of the Cybomats," she said as his companions and Nine and Jack came up behind him.  
  
"Probably not, but I've heard the last of you and your friends in here. Lungwei, do the honors, will you?"  
  
Rose Cybomat let out an enraged scream as Lungwei bit down on her. There was a crunching of metal and several sparks as the robot was severed in two. Lungwei opened his jaws and the two halves fell to the floor. The Doctor patted the dragon's head fondly.  
  
"Good to have a dragon around," he said.  
  
He asked the TARDIS if the other Cybomats were dead and smiled when he received an affirmative grunt.  
  
"Good. You can go back to your room then," he said to Lungwei.  
  
Lungwei roared and flew out of the room. The Doctor turned to Nine and Jack.  
  
"Thank you for your assistance. You can go back to your rooms as well," he said to them.  
  
"If you don't mind me asking," Nine said. "What life are you?"  
  
"I'm the Tenth Doctor, the one after you," the Doctor said.  
  
Nine made a disgusted face.  
  
"I become a naff little beanpole?" he said. "Ugh!"  
  
"Okay, that's quite enough of that," the Doctor said while his companions snickered.  
  
"What possessed you to pick that outfit?" Nine said, gesturing to his bathrobe.  
  
"This isn't what I normally wear and I'm getting out of it as soon as possible."  
  
"Can I watch that?"  
  
The three women laughed harder when Jack said that and the Doctor shot him an annoyed look.  
  
"Just…go, both of you, back to your places," he said to them.  
  
"Gladly," Nine said. "And once I'm there, I'm altering my memory so I'll remain blissfully unaware of what I'm going to turn into."  
  
"Oh, I don't know, he doesn't look that bad," Jack said.  
  
"Jack, you'd boink a lamppost if it chatted you up," Nine said. "Anyway, I'm off."  
  
He paused a moment and gave Rose a kiss on the cheek. The Doctor felt a flush of jealousy for a moment but he quickly suppressed it when Nine walked off. He looked at Jack who was still standing beside Martha.  
  
"And you…" the Doctor prompted, gesturing to the back door.  
  
"Why can't I stay? I'm a companion too," Jack said.  
  
"Go!" the Doctor said while the three women laughed.  
  
"But, I can help and quite frankly, you look quite stunning."  
  
"Go or I'll call Lungwei back and you'll end up like her," the Doctor said pointing to the Cybomat.  
  
"Alright, alright, sheesh, can't a boy gaze at a little eyecandy now and then. Ladies, I'm in room 453 if you ever want to come and see me…and that goes for you too, Doctor."  
  
"Yeah, yeah, go!" the Doctor said.  
  
Jack waved and walked off. The Doctor sighed and shook his head.  
  
"Sometimes, I think I programmed my robots a little too realistically," he said. "Now, TARDIS, take this thing to the laboratory for me so I can examine it later."  
  
There was a flash and the Cybomat vanished from view. The Doctor slapped his hands together.  
  
"So, back to the Scavenger Hunt then?" he asked.  
  
"NO!" the three women said while he chuckled.  
  
"Aw, come on, we gotta find out who won," the Doctor said.  
  
"You win, game over," Donna said.  
  
"Oh! I won! Horray for me!" the Doctor said while the three women shared a look. "Love winning. So…what do we do next then?"  
  
"Next," Donna said, stepping up to him. "You're gonna explain to me why there is a poster in the gift shop of that scream painting where I'm the screamer."  
  
The Doctor feigned innocence.  
  
"There is?" he said.  
  
"Yeah, buster, there is. What's the meaning of that?" Donna said.  
  
"Dunno, I have no control over what goes in the gift shop," the Doctor said.  
  
Donna gave him a dubious look while Rose and Martha stepped up beside him.  
  
"Thought you said you were the one who designed all the attractions," Rose said.  
  
"Attractions, Rose, not the gift shop," the Doctor said.  
  
"Oh, pull the other one," Donna said. "You get that poster out of there before I make you scream."  
  
"Fine," the Doctor said, shrugging. "Still had nothing to do with it though."  
  
"Oh and Martha, he also has a poster of you as a rat slathered with cheddar cheese," Donna said to her.  
  
"What? You made a poster of that?" Martha said to the Doctor.  
  
"I had nothing to do with it."  
  
"Really? What about me then?" Rose said to Donna.  
  
"He had several things with you in it but most of them were corny, soppy romance things."  
  
"Really? How interesting," the Doctor said.  
  
The Doctor listened while his three companions started trading stories about their experiences and the hell they'd been through during the scavenger hunt. The Doctor couldn't help but smile and eventually he began to giggle and his companions did the same when they heard how ridiculous some of the scenarios had been.  
  
"Doctor Badass, eh?" Rose said when they finished trading their stories.  
  
The Doctor shrugged and grinned.  
  
"Wasn't one of mine," he said to her. "Sounds amusing though and the silent film as well. Like I said, those Cybomats are very creative; I'll have to steal some of their ideas."  
  
The three women groaned at that.  
  
"Yeah, I'm going to have a long lie down now," Donna said. "I'm spent after experiencing all the creativity."  
  
"Same here. I'll see you later."  
  
The Doctor nodded. Donna and Martha walked off and the Doctor stared at Rose with wide eyes when she remained where she was.  
  
"Something wrong?" he said to her.  
  
"Yeah, I want Wubby before I go," she said, holding out her hand.  
  
"Whatever for?"  
  
"Cause I wanna play with him in my room."  
  
"You can't."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because I had the bleeder incinerated."  
  
"Right, Doctor," Rose said.  
  
"I did. The little git said too much and he had to pay the ultimate price in the flames of death. No one gets cocky in front of me and lives to tell about it."  
  
He smiled and kissed her cheek when she rolled her eyes. Rose patted his cheek before she walked out of the room. The Doctor stood there, hands behind back, watching while she left. He waited till she was gone before he reached into his pocket and pulled out Wubby.  
  
"Come on, Wubby, you can worship me in private," he said, holding it to his chest as he walked out of the room so he could change his clothes.  
  
THE END.  
  


1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 56. Chapter 67. Chapter 78. Chapter 89. Chapter 910. Chapter 1011. Chapter 1112. Chapter 1213. Chapter 1314. Chapter 1415. Chapter 1516. Chapter 1617. Chapter 1718. Chapter 1819. Chapter 1920. Chapter 2021. Chapter 2122. Chapter 2223. Chapter 2324. Chapter 2425. Chapter 2526. Chapter 2627. Chapter 2728. Chapter 2829. Chapter 2930. Chapter 3031. Chapter 3132. Chapter 3233. Chapter 3334. Chapter 3435. Chapter 3536. Chapter 3637. Chapter 37  
  
Doctor Who and its accoutrements are the property of the BBC, and we obviously don't have any right to them. Any and all crossover characters belong to their respective creators. Alas no one makes any money from this site, and it's all done out of love for a cheap-looking sci-fi show. All fics are property of their individual authors. Archival at this site should not be taken to constitute automatic archive rights elsewhere, and authors should be contacted individually to arrange further archiving. Despite occasional claims otherwise, The Blessed St Lalla Ward is not officially recognised by the Catholic Church. Yet.   
  
Script for this archive provided by [eFiction](http://efiction.sourceforge.net/). Contact our archivists at [help@whofic.com](mailto:help@whofic.com). Please read our [Terms of Service](http://www.whofic.com/tos.php) and [Submission Guidelines](http://www.whofic.com/guidelines.php). 


	38. Teaspoon :: The Scavenger Hunt. by cheri

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**The Scavenger Hunt.** by [cheri](http://www.whofic.com/viewuser.php?uid=1862) [[Reviews](http://www.whofic.com/reviews.php?sid=22661&chapid=49389) \- [81](http://www.whofic.com/reviews.php?sid=22661&chapid=49389)] [Chapter](http://www.whofic.com/viewstory.php?action=printable&textsize=0&sid=22661&chapter=1) **or** [Story](http://www.whofic.com/viewstory.php?action=printable&textsize=0&sid=22661&chapter=all)   
  
  
1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 56. Chapter 67. Chapter 78. Chapter 89. Chapter 910. Chapter 1011. Chapter 1112. Chapter 1213. Chapter 1314. Chapter 1415. Chapter 1516. Chapter 1617. Chapter 1718. Chapter 1819. Chapter 1920. Chapter 2021. Chapter 2122. Chapter 2223. Chapter 2324. Chapter 2425. Chapter 2526. Chapter 2627. Chapter 2728. Chapter 2829. Chapter 2930. Chapter 3031. Chapter 3132. Chapter 3233. Chapter 3334. Chapter 3435. Chapter 3536. Chapter 3637. Chapter 37

  
  
Chapter One  
  
Rose walked down the corridor carrying a small clipboard while she headed towards the console room. It had been a slow day and to pass the time the TARDIS had helped her and Donna and Martha organize a scavenger hunt. The TARDIS had patched in to the computer, made up three separate lists of items to find and printed them out. Each girl took a list and now all of them were trying to be the first to finish.  
  
The problem was some of the items were unfamiliar to Rose. Most of the things on the list she had never heard of before and had no clue where to find them. But then again, that was part of the fun and a great excuse to do some more exploring of the TARDIS.  
  
She entered the console room and smiled when she saw the Doctor. One of her items was the Doctor’s freckle and as usual, the Doctor was right where he always was. Smiling, she walked over to him.  
  
She paused when she got around the railing and saw what he was doing. He had his trench coat on and had his arm in his coat pocket clear up to his elbow. Assorted objects were lying next to him in a pile while he cursed softly to himself and rummaged around inside his coat. Not wanting to disturb him, Rose walked up, took a long look at his freckly face, grabbed her pen and with a flourish, checked off the item on her list.  
  
“Check,” she said to herself.  
  
She turned to go.  
  
“Check what?”  
  
She turned back. The Doctor had paused and was staring at her, confused.  
  
“Oh, I’m…uh…in the middle of a scavenger hunt,” she said, sheepishly.  
  
The Doctor was even more confused.  
  
“And what were you just checking off?” he asked.  
  
She grinned.  
  
“Your cute little freckle.”  
  
The Doctor raised his eyebrow.  
  
“That’s one of the things on your list? One of my freckles?”  
  
“Yup, the TARDIS made up these lists for me and Donna and Martha and she listed one of your freckles on mine.”  
  
The Doctor glanced up at the ceiling when the TARDIS rumbled out a laugh. Rose came closer.  
  
“What are you doing?” she asked.  
  
The Doctor sighed.  
  
“My psychic paper fell down deep into my pocket and I’m trying to find it,” he said angrily.  
  
Rose stared at the objects on the seat.  
  
“Um, do you mind if I look through these in case you have something here that’s on my list?” she asked hesitantly.  
  
The Doctor shrugged.  
  
“Go ahead.”  
  
Rose held the clipboard to her chest and began to sift through the Doctor’s belongings while he went back to finding his psychic paper. There was an assortment of stuff; everything from paper clips to kid’s toys. Rose picked up a rubber duck and stared at it.  
  
“Um…why is there a rubber duck in your pocket?” she asked.  
  
The Doctor glanced at it.  
  
“That’s my bath toy. I like to have it along when we stay overnight at inns. Reginald comforts me when I’m in a strange bathtub.”  
  
Rose stared at him and then slowly put the duck down. She went back to sifting. She paused when she noticed a huge purple puffball. She began to stroke it and gasped when the puffball popped out into a tiny purple hedgehog-like creature.  
  
“Hi!” it said in a high pitched voice. “I’m Wubby the Wondrous Wub! Would you play with me?”  
  
The Doctor groaned.  
  
“Ugh, you had to go and wake Wubby up, didn’t you?”  
  
“What is it?”  
  
“It’s an annoying little toy kinda like a Furby. You teach it to talk and it sings and dances and tells stories. I got it from some alien marketplace awhile back thinking it would be fun to have, but it’s just become an annoying nuisance. Unfortunately, I stuck Wubby in my pocket when he wouldn’t shut up and forgot all about him till now.”  
  
“What’s your name?” Wubby asked Rose.  
  
“Um…Rose,” she said hesitantly.  
  
“Nice to meet you, Rose. Say, would you like me to sing and dance for you?”  
  
Rose glanced at the Doctor and noticed he was concentrating on finding his psychic paper. She looked at Wubby.  
  
“Um…okay,” she said.  
  
“Great! Just watch me go!”  
  
Wubby reached into a huge pouch on his belly and brought out a tiny straw hat and a wooden cane. He put the hat on his head, held the cane in his paws and began to tap dance while he sang in a high pitched voice. Rose smiled. She had to admit, the thing was cute. It danced and sang for a couple of minutes and then with a flourish, took the hat off its head.  
  
“TA-DA!” it squeaked out.  
  
Rose clapped.  
  
“Oh God, don’t encourage the thing, please,” the Doctor said. “You do that and it’ll go all night long.”  
  
“Sorry,” Rose said. “I’ll stop now.”  
  
Wubby turned and stared at the Doctor for a moment and then turned back to Rose.  
  
“That is the great and glorious Doctor,” he told her. “He is the most magnificent creature in the universe.”  
  
Rose glanced at the Doctor who was giving the toy a look of death. To her amusement, Wubby turned and saluted the Doctor.  
  
“Oh, hail, the wonderfully magnanimous Oncoming Storm!”  
  
The Doctor turned beet red when Wubby fell to his furry knees and began to worship him.  
  
“What’s this?” Rose said with a grin.  
  
“Um…that is…a mistake. See, I told you that you teach Wubby to talk and well, I was kinda playing around with him and getting him to say stuff that now I really, really regret ever teaching him.”  
  
“Oh, Doctor,” Wubby said, prostrating. “I am scum next to you. You are the greatest thing since sliced bread. How can I ever compare to your all-encompassing awesomeness?”  
  
Rose bent over laughing as the Doctor put his head in his hands.  
  
“Shall I find a virgin to sacrifice to your greatness?” Wubby asked him.  
  
“No!” the Doctor said, grabbing him, squeezing him back into a ball and stuffing him in his pocket as Rose gripped the railing and roared with laughter. “And rest assured, you purple menace, once I get through looking for my psychic paper, you are going to be jettisoned into deep space.”  
  
“Aw, it’s not little Wubby’s fault, he’s only doing what someone who shall remain nameless taught him to do, you know,” she said.  
  
“Yes, well, Wubby has worn out his wondrous Wub welcome, rest assured of that.”  
  
“He went back to searching his pockets while Rose picked through the rest of the objects. There was a yo-yo, paper clips, chewing gum, pens and pencils, a calculator, an orange gem, the sonic screwdriver, a comb, some coins, a credit stick, a photo of him and Rose, a clear plastic ball filled with green goo, an IPod, a Game Boy, and several wadded up pieces of paper.  
  
“Nuts.”  
  
The Doctor looked at her.  
  
“What’s wrong?”  
  
“Nothing else here is on my list,” she said.  
  
“Oh, well, sorry. I guess the TARDIS didn’t want to make it too easy for you.”  
  
“I’ll say…what the heck is a Babzorian root anyway?”  
  
“It’s a medicinal herb that’s used to treat seizures. It’s in the huge white cabinet in the med bay.”  
  
“Oh, good, thanks.”  
  
The Doctor paused.  
  
“Let me see that,” he said, taking the clipboard from her hands.  
  
He studied it with interest.  
  
“My, my, you certainly have a range of objects here,” he said to himself. “And they’re all over the TARDIS; you are going to have quite a search.”  
  
“That’s what I was afraid of.”  
  
The Doctor thought for a moment.  
  
“Am I excluded from this scavenger hunt?”  
  
Rose frowned.  
  
“I…don’t think so.”  
  
The Doctor gave her a mischievous look.  
  
“Well then, how would you like me to accompany you on your great search? Give you a little advantage over the competition?”  
  
“Um…I don’t know, I mean, you probably know where everything is, so there really wouldn’t be any point in--“  
  
“That’s just it. I don’t remember where a lot of this stuff is,” the Doctor said. “Most of the items on this list are things I collected over my nine hundred years, put away and forgot about. I know what everything is, mind you. But, apart from three or four things, I can’t think where they are in the TARDIS. So, you see, I can assist you in letting you know what these items look like, but that’s as far as it goes. Personally, I’m bored up here and the whole idea of a scavenger hunt is intriguing. Never done it myself and who knows what we might find. So, after I find this Rassilon-forsaken psychic paper of mine, do you mind if I come with you?”  
  
“No, I’d love you to come,” Rose said, overjoyed.  
  
“Great! Just let me take one more dive into the old pocket here…”  
  
He hitched up his coat, plunged his arm into his pocket and went in almost up to his shoulder. Rose watched while he scrunched up his face and cursed to himself. Then, suddenly, he beamed.  
  
“AH-HA! Found it, at last! Sitting on a ledge right near the bottom!”  
  
He slowly brought his arm up until his wrist was showing. He paused a moment and smiled.  
  
“There, put it back safe and sound on the correct ledge,” he said. “And this time, I made sure it was secure so it doesn’t fall away again.”  
  
He took his hand out and looked at the pile of junk.  
  
“Okay, so now, I’ll get the rest of this stuff back in my pocket and then you and I can go off looking for all the items on your list and beat Donna and Martha at the scavenger hunt.”  
  


1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 56. Chapter 67. Chapter 78. Chapter 89. Chapter 910. Chapter 1011. Chapter 1112. Chapter 1213. Chapter 1314. Chapter 1415. Chapter 1516. Chapter 1617. Chapter 1718. Chapter 1819. Chapter 1920. Chapter 2021. Chapter 2122. Chapter 2223. Chapter 2324. Chapter 2425. Chapter 2526. Chapter 2627. Chapter 2728. Chapter 2829. Chapter 2930. Chapter 3031. Chapter 3132. Chapter 3233. Chapter 3334. Chapter 3435. Chapter 3536. Chapter 3637. Chapter 37  
  
Doctor Who and its accoutrements are the property of the BBC, and we obviously don't have any right to them. Any and all crossover characters belong to their respective creators. Alas no one makes any money from this site, and it's all done out of love for a cheap-looking sci-fi show. All fics are property of their individual authors. Archival at this site should not be taken to constitute automatic archive rights elsewhere, and authors should be contacted individually to arrange further archiving. Despite occasional claims otherwise, The Blessed St Lalla Ward is not officially recognised by the Catholic Church. Yet.   
  
Script for this archive provided by [eFiction](http://efiction.sourceforge.net/). Contact our archivists at [help@whofic.com](mailto:help@whofic.com). Please read our [Terms of Service](http://www.whofic.com/tos.php) and [Submission Guidelines](http://www.whofic.com/guidelines.php). 


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